Missing In Action

Less than a year later, Ginny learned what her mother had meant when she said that emotions can hurt you, even if you left sex out of it. The time after Harry, Ron and Hermione disapparated in the middle of Bill's wedding was excruciating for her and she was unable to tell anyone why she was so miserable. No-one knew that she had more than her usual feelings for this particular ex-boyfriend, some didn't even know that Harry had been her boyfriend, and what's more she couldn't let them know. So she tended to retreat to her dad's shed to fiddle around with his muggle stuff. He never bothered her with questions, but was always puppyishly happy to see someone share his interests, and often left her alone when she wanted to tinker in peace.

Ginny had been playing around with an old cassette player, trying to see if she could get it to work with magic somehow. It filled in the time, and she felt like she was accomplishing something every time it let out a strained squawk. One day she finally got it to move properly, and let out a loud whoop as the sound of the old muggle music filled the shed. Her excitement turned to pain when she listened to the words spilling out of the contraption.

Wish I knew what it is you're up to

Wish I knew some better way to reach you

Something tells me, baby, we're not over yet

Don't forget me, don't forget me, Jet.

It hit her square on that Harry was out there somewhere, and that she really had no idea what he was doing, and now that he had left her behind, she didn't have the right to know. The voice sang on, but Ginny was no longer paying attention. She was taking great gasps of air, with her arms wrapped around her waist and willing herself not to cry over him. But those lines played over and over in her head making it hard to calm down. Don't forget me, Harry, she thought. Please, just come back.

It was while she was still in that state, struggling to get her emotions under control, that her mother came out to the shed looking for her. Ginny took a hasty swipe at the tears on her cheeks, and turned back to the muggle typewriter she was sitting next to.

Her mother looked at her carefully for a few moments before saying in a gentle voice, 'I was going to call you in to eat, Ginny, but you look like you might need a bit of time to yourself.'

'I guess so, yeah.' Ginny still pretended a deep interest in the muggle typewriter, clunking the keys vigorously to hear them click.

Molly looked at her daughter with a shrewd eye.

'Do you want to talk, Ginny? It's just, you've been so down since Bill's wedding. It's not like you.'

Ginny twitched towards her mother for a few moments before she said, 'I don't know if I can, Mum. It's ... it's too hard to keep going if I stop and think about it.'

'I worry about the war all the time, too, you know. I worry about the three of them out there facing who knows what. My baby boy is out there and I have no idea how to contact him, another of my sons is in the thick of the Ministry and who knows what will happen to him. I know all about trying not to think about things.'

Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but her mother carried on speaking.

'But I also know that always going on, and never talking about it, will ruin you inside. I talk to your father all the time, but you don't talk, Ginny, and I worry that you will destroy yourself doing that. Just know that if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here.'

Molly turned back towards the door.

'Mum.' The voice was so tiny that Molly almost missed it, but it stopped her in her tracks. 'Wait.'

Molly came back and sat down next to her daughter, who was fiddling with some sort of Muggle thing. They sat in silence while Ginny stared fixedly at the contraption in her hands as if willing it to do something. Finally, after twisting a few buttons, she gave a wan smile and held the object out to her mother with trembling hands.

'The words in this set me off, Mum. It's just four lines of a silly old Muggle song, but I heard it and I just understood finally what I was losing.'

She pressed the 'play' button, and as the words warbled out again she let her hair drop forward to cover her face. She wasn't quite ready for her mother to see the depth of emotion the song conjured in her. Molly listened solemnly, but didn't really understand what her daughter was trying to tell her. It was clear that Ginny was in the grip of a strong emotion, but why these words would set her off, Molly had no idea. Ginny reached out and turned the player off, and they sat in silence for a few moments. Then the meaning of the last word before Ginny had stopped the song penetrated Molly's brain. Jet. Black.

'It's Harry.'

Ginny's pale face went even whiter as she gave a tiny nod. Molly looked at her, comprehension dawning.

'He's your boyfriend.'

'No, not anymore.' The words were barely a whisper. 'But I can't turn my feelings off and make them go away, so I'm sick with worry.'

Molly slid closer to her on the hard bench and pulled her in to a strong hug. 'It is hard, dear. But you're fifteen ...'

'Please don't tell me I'm fifteen so I'll get over it.' Ginny's temper flared, and she pulled back and stared at her mother with a fierce look on her face. 'I know I could, but don't you see, I don't want to, and ... and I don't think he does either.' She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. 'Anyway, you were the one who told me he was interested. I thought you'd understand.'

Molly didn't understand. Ginny had just got through telling her they weren't together anymore and yet here she was saying they didn't want to get over each other. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of it, though, she just kept holding onto Ginny. It had been a long time since she had been willing to open up to Molly, in fact she hadn't done since their last disastrous discussion about relationships, so it must be important.

'Mum?'

'Yes?'

'Will it get easier? The worry?'

'I don't know, Ginny. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it will all depend on what information we get. But, to be brutally honest, I don't think it will, no.'

'I didn't think so. I think about them constantly, and the fear never goes away no matter what I'm doing.'

'I know, dear. They are all either my children, or like children to me. I have nightmares all the time about what they are doing.'

The two sat in silence together as they thought about what was going on outside their small world, and the very personal interest they had in the events. Molly eventually heaved a big sigh, and said, 'Come on, love. I think we need to distract ourselves from all of this. And just remember that I understand and any time you need to cry or talk or anything, I am here for you.'

Ginny smiled at her mother, gave her a fierce hug and whispered, 'thank you. Um ... but, I don't want anyone else to know. Harry thinks that if the Death Eaters know we were involved they'll target me, and I don't want to risk it if I don't have to even if I think he's dense.'

Molly looked confused and Ginny was finally able to get a laugh out. 'Mum, the whole school knew we were together. It's not like he can really keep it secret, but I guess we can pretend it was nothing really, that it's all over and it meant n – nothing.'

Molly hugged her again, realising that her baby was growing up and was soon not going to need her mother at all. But right here, right now, her daughter was in pain and Molly could give her comfort the way she could when she was a small child. 'I promise, love. I promise I won't tell anyone.' Ginny didn't need an unbreakable vow to know Molly would keep her word.

The memory of that day stayed with Ginny, and whenever she felt overwhelmed by fear or wanted to break down and give in she remembered that she wasn't in this alone. That her mother knew was enough by itself to give her strength. She didn't have to keep her feelings to herself. She trusted her mother to tell no-one else, not even her father, but she was able to have the occasional discussion about it when the fear became unbearable. While she was at school, she knew her mother carried out the same vigil she did and it gave her a measure of peace during that interminable year.

A/N: The song referred to in this chapter is Jet by Times Two.