Post 'Institutional Memory'

"There's a typo in the constitution."

"Well somebody should look into that."

"Toby's going to deal with it."

"Okay, what else?"

"How do you feel about Santa Monica?"

"Is that where you need to be?"

She nodded.

"Then I guess… growing anticipation."

"You really want to do this?"

"CJ…"

"You shouldn't be number two Danny. I just don't know how this is going to work."

He closed the gap between them, reaching out to rest his hands beneath her elbows. "You're not going to be the chief of staff anymore. You're not going to need to have everything sorted out. And after a few more weeks or months or years of being a little bit crazy and neurotic you're going to get used to that."

He held her arms and smiled at her slight scowl.

"So, two weeks and we're off to L.A.?"

"Two weeks of non-stop, breathless madness."

"But then…"

"California here I come."

"The blood will return to your extremities."

She sighed and finally smiled. "What about you?"

"I'm a fan of heat."

"You're definitely with me on this then?"

"I'm with you. Although, I'm just wondering if I'd be better to go early, leave you to it for these final two weeks of insanity."

"Get a head start on a tan."

"Find us a place to live."

"Find us a place to live?"

"Well, I… if you like."

"Is that what you want?"

He cocked his head to once side and smiled as if it were a stupid question. "Is that what you want?"

She took a moment to think and the picture that came to mind was the summer version of that blissful Saturday after Leo's funeral – a sunny porch, newspapers, coffee and footsies. She smiled at him and nodded.

"Okay."

"I feel I should warn you that living with me will probably put an end to this infatuation you've had going a while now."

"I know what I'm getting into. I know you're going to go through some wicked withdrawal and some days you'll be unbearable."

"I should hit you."

"You probably will, eventually, cause I'll be unbearable some days too."

"And assuming all this you still think we should live together?"

"I know it."

"You're so certain about everything."

"I know it bugs you."

"That's a good enough reason for most things?"

He shook his head.

"Well? What makes you so sure?"

He smiled as if he knew something she didn't.

"What?"

"I love you, and I have for too long to think this is just going to go away."

She smiled, a little sadly, and put her hand to her mouth. "I know."

He took her hand away and kissed her.

She held him close, breaking from his kiss just to feel the security of a tighter embrace. Her world was shifting, the tide changing rapidly, the undertow strong. She hoped this might be strong enough to survive it.

CJ knocked on his door. It was late, she felt bad, and no better for having to let her agent go in first to scour the place for hidden assassins. Danny didn't react. He was used to it, stepped out into the hall to say hello while the agent did his thing. He looked as if he'd just woken up. His hair was flatter on one side and he rubbed at his eyes.

"Hey," he reached out to touch her and she let him shepherd her in, eyes locked together. His told her not to apologise for being late. Hers apologised.

The agent thanked Danny and they went inside.

"Sorry it's so late." CJ took off her coat and put it away.

"Don't be." He started clearing his work off the couch so she could sit beside him.

She looked at the space, then at Danny. She sighed. "Let's just go to bed."

He smiled, cheeky and daring.

"That's not what I meant."

"You're tired. I know. Couldn't resist."

"I didn't mean not, I just meant…"

He stood up, clearly laughing at her but very restrainedly. "CJ."

"Don't mess with me. I'm tired."

"You know where the bed is."

She nodded once and turned away from him, headed to the bathroom.

He was lying on top of the covers, reading a book, when she came out of the bathroom. She sat down on the bed and took off her shoes, lying back so her head rested on his stomach.

"Hey beautiful," he put his book down.

"Hey,"

"You okay?"

"Mm-hm."

"You want me to put you to bed, look after you some?"

"Maybe."

He held her head and moved out from beneath her, lowering her head onto the bed and kissing her forehead. He crawled across the bed and reached beneath her to undo her skirt zipper. It wasn't working.

After a minute she giggled. "I'm going to have to get up aren't I?"

"I got it." He held her hips fast and rolled her towards him, kissing her neck while he unzipped her.

"You'd try to seduce me if I walked in her asleep wouldn't you?"

"I'd hate to ruin my reputation." He pulled down her tights. "I have, after all, been trying to seduce you for pretty near a decade now."

"Once not enough?"

"Once will never be enough." He unbuttoned her blouse.

She shut her eyes.

He tenderly lifted her lethargic, floppy body to remove her shirt, and then lay her down, leaning over her, marvelling at his good fortune.

"You have a good day?" She asked sleepily.

"Yeah." He pulled back the covers and draped them over her. "Go to sleep." He kissed her lips and climbed off the bed to turn out the light.

Some time in the night she woke, uncertain why she was awake, but she was. She vaguely remembered being put to bed. She smiled remembering the tenderness, the safety of his touch.

She rolled toward him and looked at his sleeping profile. He snored lightly, mumbled something indecipherable, and then was silent. She smiled, reached out her hand to his lips, stopping at the last moment so as not to actually touch and wake him.

"I love you," she whispered into the darkness, trying out the words, realising just how much she meant them. She covered her mouth, took a deep breath and rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling until she went back to sleep.

CJ put her feet up on her desk, then put them down again, feeling that perhaps it wasn't her desk. Not really. It was Leo's desk really, and soon it would be someone else's desk.

She sighed and sat up straight, stretching out her back.

"Kung pao chicken or mu shu pork?" Danny held up two bags, walking into her office as if it really were hers. He'd never just wander in on Leo.

She sighed, smiled and stood. "My hero."

He shrugged. "How's it going?"

"I keep getting stuck." She leaned over her desk to kiss him.

"Time for a break."

"No such luxury. You mind eating here?"

"That's what I meant." He plonked himself down on the chair opposite her desk and unloaded the food.

She took what he handed her and started eating.

"So guess what I did today?"

"Hours slaving over a hot wok, eyes watering from chopping onions?"

He laughed and lifted a spring roll in salute. "I booked us tickets."

"For both of us?"

"I'm flying out on Thursday. Yours can be changed if you need it to be, but I got you a mid-morning flight, day after the inauguration."

She opened her eyes in surprise, so soon. "Wow."

"Too soon?"

"I don't know. What are you going to be doing all week?"

"I'm seeing half a dozen apartments on Thursday and another four the next morning. If there's nothing interesting at that point then I figure I need to revisit my short listing strategies."

"This is insane." She took another mouthful of food, shaking her head.

"And yet so logical."

"I mean we certainly don't take the easy ways."

"Just because a thing isn't easy doesn't mean it isn't worth doing. Loving you has rarely been easy."

"Loving you hasn't been a walk in the park either." She reached across the desk for the sweet and sour sauce.

"Is that right?" His smile was restrained but he was glowing.

She looked up, realising what she'd let slip. Slowly she smiled, admitting she meant it, and seeing his anxiety, she nodded.

"Right." He grinned.

They ate in silence for a minute before his spirits rose to playfulness again.

"So, has this been a long suffering kind of thing or a more recent development."

She shook her head, a laugh on her lips, at his shameless digging.

"Humour me." He cocked his head to one side.

She'd sometime given up her defences against his vulnerable side. "I was happier, or perhaps just more anxious, not sure of the word… I was more something to see you at dinner that night than if I'd just been seeing any other, you know, friend."

"Our Christmas eve eve business dinner, seven years ago?"

"No, last month." she laughed, the idea ridiculous till she saw his eyebrows lift in unspoken question. Was it possible it had been that long for him? She daren't ask. "But the second time you left was hard – harder than the first time. I was relieved – not because I didn't feel anything. I did – and you were right all along. It was easier to get on and do what I had to do without the distraction and complication of… falling in love. So maybe it started back then. It's hard to say." She played with her food, drawing patterns with her fork in the dregs of rice and vegetables.

"Thanks."

"What for?"

"Humouring me." He put down his food and walked around the desk, leaning over to kiss her.

"I know I haven't really said so," she said.

He held the back of her neck, gentle but secure.

"I do love you."