The day after my first orgasm, I stand in front of my sliding glass closet doors and stare at my naked body. I run my fingers across my chest, down my midriff, lower, and lightly touch myself there, but my temperature only raises because I'm embarrassed.

Even though it happened over seven hours ago, I am still amazed at the feeling my body gave me, that Edward rubbing against me made me feel. It was … amazing. I never knew I could feel such an amazing … feeling.

After a few moments, I realize that I'm finally happy with the size of my boobs, and the soft swell of my hips. Maybe I should be proud of my figure, like Rose is always telling me. I strike a duck pose and stick my tongue out at my reflection.

And then I wonder what Edward would think if he could see me right now. Would he laugh? Would he be turned on?

I tilt my head, cock my hip, push my chest out and move my shoulders back. My hair, which is still wet from my shower, is leaking down my back to my buttocks, so I do a shimmy. And see my boobs bounce. And then I'm laughing because I feel like a dork, but I decide that Edward would freak the eff out, in a good way, if he saw me now.

But I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for him to see me naked, and I'm not ready to see him naked. And I don't understand how Jessica could have wanted that. I mean, she's the same age I am. Wasn't she embarrassed? Wasn't she anything? She let Edward stick his dick in her. And he—

No, I can't think about that. It's creeping me out and making me mad all over again and—oh crap, I'm going to be late for the bus if I don't move it

Edward, who's sitting at the kitchen table eating Frosted Flakes, is visibly disappointed that I'm taking the bus again. "When are you going to drop this?"

"When you apologize to Jasper."

And he will, I know it. Once enough time has passed and he realizes Jasper really isn't out to hurt us, he'll get over it and he'll say he's sorry, and then Jasper won't have that sad frown anymore.

And I'm out the door and running the two streets over to the bus stop. Jasper is there already. He got his braces off a few days ago, and he's still running his tongue over his teeth and saying, "Ohhhhh, what a great feeling."

"Are you running with Jamie again yet?" he asks once we're seated in the back of the bus.

"No. I'm, uh, kind of going to draw back from him," I say and shrug.

"Because of E?"

"Absolutely not," I say. "He doesn't control me."

Jasper starts laughing.

"Shut up. He doesn't. I'm taking a step away from Jamie because I don't want to hurt him."

I can see Jasper's tongue moving across his teeth under his lips. It looks weird. "So you're just going to give up running?"

"No, I go running when I get home from school … um, the days I don't have practice, I mean."

"I can't believe you've stuck with it," he says and grins at his reflection in the window.

"Well, believe it. Stop looking at your teeth, you freak."

"I can't help it. You don't know what it feels like to have metal on your teeth and then suddenly, you don't."

"You're going to scare the girls away if you keep doing that."

He rolls his eyes at me.

Rose doesn't come to school that day or the next day, which is Friday. So me and Jasper take the bus over to her place after school because she's not answering her phone and we're worried.

It takes a long time for someone to answer the front door, and when we see Rose's mom, we're surprised. She's not usually home at this time of day because she's still at work. She has dark smudges under her eyes, which are obviously red from crying.

"Mrs. Halliburton? Are you okay?" I ask softly.

"Bella, Jasper, now's not a good time," she answers and sniffs.

"But what's wrong? I've been trying to get ahold of Rose and she's not answering her phone."

Behind me, Jasper grabs my hand and holds it tight because something is awfully wrong.

"She's in the hospital. I'm just on my way there."

"The hospital?" I echo. "But why? Is she okay?"

"She was attacked. You should talk to your dad, Bella. He'll tell you what happened."

Attacked? Rose was attacked? And Dad knew? But he hadn't said a thing about anything…

Jasper and I trade looks.

"Do you kids need a ride home? Oh, come in, come in. I'm sorry." And she backs up and motions us inside. Jasper and I step through the doorway as if in a daze. I watch Mrs. Halliburton shrug on her coat in the silence, which is crushing with the realization that Rose isn't home, and is seriously hurt.

. . .

I pounce on Dad as soon as he steps inside the front door.

"What's happened to Rose?"

"Bella," he sighs. "Let me get my coat off and put my gun away, okay? Then we'll talk."

I nod and stand there while he takes off his coat, then I follow him to his room and watch him stow his gun in the top drawer.

"You going to follow me to the bathroom, too?" he asks.

"I'll wait down here," I sigh. "Hurry up, please."

I'm all but tapping my toe when he finally reappears.

"Dinner about ready?" he asks.

"About," I say.

I'm mad at him for keeping this from me. I'm not able to punish him like he can do with me, so I made tuna casserole for dinner: his not-so-favorite. I was even stingy with the cheese, and the potato chip crust he loves? Non-existent.

"Alright, let's go sit."

So we sit and my knee is bouncing. Dad stares at it as he begins talking.

"I just learned of this late last night. You were already in bed and I wasn't about to wake you."

I nod. I understand. Please get on with it, Dad.

"Bella…" He dry-scrubs his face with his hands and I'm about to burst.

"Dad, please, just tell me. Is Rose going to be okay?"

"Rose … Rose was beaten and … raped, Bella."

I gasp from the depths of my soul.

"She's banged up pretty badly, too, so I don't know if it's a good idea for you to see her yet—"

"Eff that, Dad! I don't care what she looks like! I want to go see her now."

And I stand up and race to the kitchen to turn off the stove, because we're going right now.

"Bella." He's behind me. His hands come to rest on my shoulders. "Bella. She won't want you to see her like … as she is."

I'm shaking my head. "She won't care, Dad."

"I care," he says.

"I don't care," I say and spin to face him. "You didn't let us see Mom and it might have made a difference if we had. Now I want to go and see my friend. Please."

He bows his head, but before he does I see that his eyes are sad, so sad. "It's not up to me," he says. "It's up to Rose and her parents."

Tears choke my throat at the idea that they won't let me see her.

Dad gets Mr. Halliburton on the line, who then puts Mrs. Halliburton on the line. Then, he hands the phone to me.

"Mrs. Halliburton? I want to come and see Rose," I say thinly. "Please."

"Oh, Bella, not today, honey. Rose has had a long day and is sleeping now. She's on morphine, so she's just sleeping anyway."

"No," I say. "I want to come and see her. Please, I need to come and see her."

She pauses, and then, "Tomorrow after one o'clock. And Bella? Please keep in mind that she … she doesn't look like herself. At all," she whispers.

"I don't care," I whisper back.

I don't care at all.

But the next day as I'm walking with Dad down the hospital's corridor, I care so much that my whole body is shaking.

Dad, who has his arm around my shoulders, notices. "It's gonna be okay, Bell. She's gonna be okay, too. Just … it's going to take time."

I nod because I can't talk.

"She's not going to look so good," he warns as we come to room 301. And his hands are firm on my shoulders and he's giving me a look I haven't ever seen before from him, something between fear and firmness and sympathy.

"I know," I tell him with a warble in my voice. "But I've seen bad things happen to people I love before."

And his eyes close. "Oh, my girl, my poor girl." He hugs me tightly. "I just want to protect you."

I sniff back the tears. "But you can't."

He lets me go, but keeps one of his hands on my back as I move toward the door. We stop when I take a moment to swallow and take a breath. I know this is going to hurt.

But until I see her, I didn't know how much it would hurt.

I'm crushing the teddy bear in my hands, and then crushing it against my chest and wishing it was Rose. She's mercifully unconscious, with a tube running into her nose and a tube attached to her her arm. There's even a heart monitor.

But it's her face I can't tear my eyes away from. She's red and purple from forehead to chin, with a bandage over one eye and a bandage around her head that covers almost the entire left side of her face.

"Where's her hair?" I sob.

Mrs. Halliburton comes to stand on the other side of Rose.

"They had to cut it, but it will grow back in just fine," she croons and strokes the skin of Rose's exposed arm.

Dad's hands are firm again on my shoulders and I've never been so grateful to have him around than right now. I reach up and grab one of his hands and hold it, just hold it.

"Who could do this?" I whisper.

"Hopefully Rose can tell us," Dad says. "When she wakes up and feels better, hopefully she can tell us."

I set the teddy bear on the stand beside Rose's head and step closer to the bed. I'm afraid to touch her, so I grab on to the guard rail and stare at her face until I can't see it anymore.

"You're going to be okay," I whisper to her brokenly, but no one but me understands what I've said because it comes out as gibberish.

Finally, Dad has to drag me away.

. . .

The whole school is rocked by Rose's attack. It's all I hear about as I walk from my locker to first period, from Social Studies to Art, to the restroom and to lunch, until I just want to scream at everyone to shut up.

Rose loves being the center of attention, but not this kind of attention. She's already broken, and everyone's talking about her like she wouldn't care about what they were saying, and I know very well it would just break her all over again.

In English class, when Bree Holiday whispers to Lauren James about how Rose's face might be forever disfigured, I lose it. I lose it badly.

"Shut the hell up you vicious, fuckwitted ugly cow! She could lose an eyeball and still outshine your sad looking skull!" And I shove her books off her desk and go to bang on her, but Jamie wraps his arms around me and hauls me away screaming.

They give me a pass that time, due to Rose being my friend and losing Mom not so long ago. Obviously, they think I'm cracking up.

Everyone is quiet around me after that, but I feel the loudness of their stares.

I feel like I am cracking up.

. . .

I'm on my sixth circuit around the neighborhood when Edward catches up with me. He's wearing sweats and a white t-shirt, and has goose bumps on his arms.

"You didn't stretch first, did you?" I pant.

"Yes, I did, it's just cold," he says.

"I'm not even close to done," I tell him.

"I can keep up," he says.

And he does … for three circuits, until he starts falling back.

"C'mon, Bella. Enough's enough. I hear you wheezing."

But I press on because I have to press on.

He takes me down on my tenth time around and I crash to the grass with an oomph. I'm gasping and my legs and lungs are burning, but it's not enough.

He grips my arm hard. "She'll be alright, you know, whether you puke here on Valley Meadows Road or in the park or in the toilet."

I cough and gasp.

"If she had her choice, she'd tell you to go for the toilet. More privacy," he says and pulls me to my feet.

Now I'm gasping and crying and trying to hide it, but he knows and drags me into his embrace.

"She'd hate you crying for her like this," he says into my neck and I don't know how he can stand it because I know I stink.

"I know," I wail. "Don't tell her."

Finally, I'm down to hiccups and slow breaths.

"Let's go eat some chili dogs and watch some Angel," he says and steers me towards home.

I give him a double-take. "Since when—when do you?"

"Those are Rose's favorites, right?"

"Well. Yes. But—"

He draws me close and kisses my forehead. "So let's do something fun with her in mind. Much better than killing ourselves by running to death and feeling sorry for her, don't you think?"

I grumble, but he's right. And after a shower, some chili dogs and a couple of Angel episodes, I feel better than I have in a week.

But when Rose comes home a couple of days later, she can't or won't remember who attacked her, and she's nothing like she used to be. In fact, she hardly says a word to anyone anymore. For weeks, she keeps everyone—even me and Alice—at arm's length. And when she finally relents, it's with Emmett of all people.

Emmett is also nothing like he used to be. The clown act has been replaced by a quiet, serious guy who looks and acts like he's Rose's bodyguard. Which, when it comes right down to it, is what he is now.

And things are changing all over again.

. . .

A time jump is coming up next chapter.