Spring comes and goes.

July is humid and hot, and full of plan-making for the end of August. Edward applied for housing and got us a two bedroom apartment in Clover Ridge, which is just off the Notre Dame campus. It's not one of the nicer complexes, but our apartment has its own washer and dryer, and the price is right. Plus, it'll be all ours. He can bike to classes and I can take the car to my campus.

Sometimes, no matter what I'm doing at the time, I have the worst urge to jump up and down and just squeal in excitement. Sometimes I just pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I can't wait for the end of August, when we get to move in to our own place and finally just be. No more compromising, no more hiding. And hopefully, no more feeling guilty.

Although I'm not sure about that last one. I'm trying to learn how to live with the guilt about lying to Dad, about lying to everyone. I suspect that it's only going to get to worse with time, but I try not to think about it too hard. As long as I never lie to myself, I should be okay. And right now, I just want to focus on the good.

Meanwhile, I'm with Alice and Rose at the pool. My time with them is special and I'm trying to soak up every moment. We don't discuss the fact that we'll be separated in another two months, but we make plans to reconnect for the Thanksgiving holiday.

"Maybe by then, you'll have found a boyfriend," Alice is saying. "I just don't understand what you're waiting for, or looking for. Jamie would have been perfect for you."

"Except he wasn't," I sigh. "And I really don't want to talk about my boyfriendless status for the hundredth time, you guys."

"Moving in with Edward is going to crimp your style," Rose says. She pushes the sunglasses on her nose down a smidge so I can see her eyes. "He's not going to approve of any boys, you know."

"Moving in with Edward is going to crimp his style," I joke, ignoring her comment.

"Yeah," Alice laughs. "You're going be picking up after him, doing his laundry and cooking. C. R. I. M. P? No. You d. O. P. E."

They laugh and look at me like I'm an idiot.

"Like you wouldn't do that for Jasper? Or you wouldn't do that for Emmett?"

"Hell no," Rose says.

"Maybe," Alice says at the same time.

Now I'm laughing at them.

"Let me ask you both something," I say a moment later. At my tone, they both tilt their heads down so they can see me clearly over the tops of their sunglasses.

"This sounds serious," Rose says.

Alice nods once. "True dat."

I take a breath of courage. "What if … what if you fell in love with someone you shouldn't?"

They're silent, and then, "Do you mean like Romeo and Juliet? Or … same-sex love?" Alice asks.

I shake my head. How to say this? "No, I mean like a taboo kind of love."

"A taboo kind of love?" they echo.

"Yeah. Remember that story Forbidden about the brother and sister?"

They're groaning and shaking their heads before I even finish speaking.

"That's gross, Bella," Alice says and shudders. "It's not just taboo. It's … disgusting."

Rose just frowns at me.

"Well, what if you … somehow … fell in love with … er, Emmett?"

She gasps. "Ew! I would never. That would never happen."

I shrug and try not to look like I'm hurt. Or like I'm a living taboo.

"What if it did, though?"

"I'd kill myself."

"What?"

She nods fiercely, then shakes her head. "No, okay, I wouldn't kill myself. But I'd move far, far away from him. I'd never see him again."

"Would you really?" I ask.

"Without question," she says.

But she doesn't know. How can she? If she really loved Emmett like I love Edward, she couldn't bear to be apart from him.

And I've never wanted to kill myself just because I love Edward. How ridiculous is that?

"Why are you asking us this?" Rose says lowly. She's still frowning at me.

"I read the story is all," I say.

"Ew," Alice says again.

"Why would you read a story like that?" Rose wants to know.

"I was curious."

"Did it satisfy your curiosity then?" Alice asks.

"No. It broke my heart. The brother committed suicide."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's one way to take care of it," she says, which isn't a surprise seeing as how her first thought had been of suicide.

Rose gapes at me. "You just ruined it for me."

"What?"

"Well, what if I wanted to read it, Bella? You just blew the ending for me."

"You don't want to read it," I tell her. "Trust me. It's depressing as hell, and the writer took the easy way out."

"Easy way out?"

"That's right. Instead of showing how the couple could have made it, she had one of the main characters off himself. It's a cop out."

Rose shakes her head. "What you call a cop out, was the only way to salvage such a relationship. Brothers and sisters can't fall in love. It's prohibited. And it's gross. I can't believe you don't think so since you have a brother."

I shrug. "I guess I'm just more open-minded about it. After all, hundreds of years ago, dynasties were forged on brother-and-sister relations."

Alice gives me a look. "That was hundreds of years ago. This is today. Totally different world, thank God."

I give up and nod, but everything feels heavy inside. Neither of them are willing to consider how such a thing could happen, and I'm not going to change their minds or their opinions.

I don't get angry, burst into tears, or run away crying; I relax back against my chair again, and think about how I deserve a damn Oscar.

"Seriously, though, I hope you do meet someone, Bella. You're too pretty, smart and fun to be alone," Rose says.

"I'm not lonely," I insist. "And I'll meet someone when the time is right and not a minute before."

Liar, liar.

"Fate determines that, not you," Alice says. "Besides … sometimes I get the oddest feeling that you're already in love. Why is that?"

What?

"I'm … happy as I am. I don't need anything. Maybe what you sense is just my utter completeness."

"What utter crap," Rose says. "Everybody needs somebody to love, someone to love them."

"Lots of people love me!" I yell. They both raise their eyebrows at me.

"And I love lots of people," I continue in a more rational tone of voice. "You guys, I said I didn't want to talk about this."

Alice huffs. "You never want to talk about it."

"Well, you wouldn't either if you were in my position. It's no fun being given the third degree by my best friends about my boyfriendlessness."

Rose sits up in her chair. "Is that even a word?"

"Who cares? Shut up. Let's talk about where we're going for dinner tonight. My vote is for dinner and a movie."

God, please make them drop it.

"The food is crap at The Cinema," Rose says.

"So are the movie selections," Alice adds.

"I didn't mean go to The Cinema," I tell the nitwits. "I meant let's go see something worth talking about over dinner. Yes?"

And that's what we do.

The guys catch up with us at The Olive Garden, and the waitress lets us move from a booth to a big, round table in the center of the floor. We're a bit noisy and rowdy at first, but as the food sinks down to our bellies, the couples start giving each other goo-goo eyes. Edward and I try not to stare too longingly at them.

His foot nudges mine under the table, and I hook my ankle around his. And then we're holding pinkies. I lean over to whisper something in his ear, wishing we could kiss like Alice and Jasper are at the moment.

"So, which of you pairs of lovebirds want the bill?"

We all look up at the waitress in shock.

"We're not all lovebirds," Alice tells her. "But I'll take the bill."

Jasper's eyes are confused and wary as they meet mine across the table.

We're noisy again as we discuss who owes what.

"You two were looking cozy over there," Rose says as she leans over to me. "I bet the waitress thought you and Edward were dating."

She starts laughing and can't stop, and then everyone else wants to know why.

"The waitress," Rose spits out. "She thinks Edward and Bella are a couple."

Bedlam breaks apart in my heart as everyone but me, Edward and Jasper start laughing. Emmett's pounding the table so hard that a glass is knocked over.

"That's some funny shit," he says to Edward and wipes his eyes.

"They do look kind of good together," Jasper says solemnly.

Alice does a double-take. "What? Are you nuts, Jazz?"

"Obviously," Rose says, but then she's looking at me all funny.

"He's always been a little off," Emmett says. "Didn't you say your momma dropped you on your head more than once, Jasper?"

I deflate and sigh inwardly. Edward looks as sick on the outside as I feel on the inside.

They're never going to accept the idea of us.

. . .

A month later, Rose knocks on the bedroom doorjamb.

I'm bent over my bed, trying in vain to close the lid to the suitcase that holds all of my winter sweaters.

"Hey," I say and wipe the back of my hand across my forehead.

"Edward here?" she asks.

"No," I say slowly. Why would she ask such a thing? She knows the guys are off camping.

She shrugs. "Just wanted to make sure. You, uh, got a minute?"

"Yes. Make sure about what?"

"That he's not here," she says with a hard look. "I wanted to talk to you alone."

"He's with Em, Rose. You know that."

She folds her arms across her chest and walks around my room, looking at everything like she's seeing it for the first time.

"Honestly, I don't know what I know anymore, Bella."

I'm numb. "What do you mean?"

When she's by my bookshelf, she bends over and picks something up. A book. And when she holds it up and I see it, I feel the blood drain from my face.

It's the book Forbidden and her expression, when I look at her, is one of revulsion and anger.

"How long, Bella? Huh? How long has this been going on?"

I fall to the bed beside the suitcase that won't close. Like my mouth, as I gasp for air.

"It all feel in to place for me the night we had dinner at The Olive Garden. After that stupid question you asked us at the pool. All those years when I thought you and Edward were just fighting … you weren't, were you? Or, oh, wait," she laughs and it's an ugly sound. "You were fighting your love for each other. Weren't you?"

I don't know what to say. Not that it matters, because I can't talk at all at the moment. I can't seem to catch my breath because my throat is closing up on me. When I next become aware of my surroundings, I'm on the floor and Rose is crouched in front of me, breathing with me.

"That's it, slowly, slowly," she's saying.

She takes her hands off of me as soon as I regain my senses, then stands over me.

"That's one way to get out of answering my questions," she says dryly.

As the dark around my vision fades, I raise my eyes to hers. She still looks disgusted, but not as angry.

"I don't know how it happened," I say and my mouth and throat are dry.

She hands me the water bottle from my night stand and I take a long drink.

"It just … one day I woke up and realized that I loved him."

"It's not right, Bella."

"It feels right," I whisper.

"How the hell can it? It's incest! It's wrong. Society forbids it. How can you—why would you—I don't get it. Does your dad know?"

"No," I say. "And he can't know, Rose."

"No kidding," she snaps. "Jesus. What a mess. Does he—does Edward feel the same way about you?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Of course he does. He's as much a fool as you are. My god, Bella, think about what you're doing."

"I have! Don't you think I've thought about this until thinking hurts? But the outcome is always the same. I love him and he loves me, and we want to be together."

"That's impossible."

"Not impossible."

"Oh, that's right. You're getting an apartment together and your dad is going along with it because he thinks— God! How can you do this? How can either of you do this? It's inhuman. You've got to stop before …"

She brings her hands up to her head.

"Have you … have you been with him? Have you fucked him?"

I shrink away from her vitriol. "Not that it's any of your business, but no. We haven't."

She laughs a little. "I don't know whether I believe you or not. You're so good at keeping secrets and telling lies."

"I don't need you to believe me," I say and wipe at my face. "But it doesn't matter what I say anyway, does it, Rose? Whatever I say is going to be a defense to you."

Long moments of heavy silence pass. "I just can't believe you."

"We're not hurting anyone."

"You're going to hurt your dad. And you're only fooling yourself if you think he won't find out."

She's like an avenging angel dressed all in black with her long, silvery-blond hair, and her angry eyes. She's never looked like less than my friend right now, and I want to hide.

"Are you going to tell?" I ask her.

When she doesn't answer, I push myself up off the floor so I can look at her face-to-face. I'm still weak, and I stagger a bit, but I'm not ashamed that I love Edward. He's worth loving.

"Are you?" I repeat.

"It's not my place to tell," she says finally, but she doesn't look pleased about that. "I wouldn't even know where to begin. It makes me sick just thinking about it. But you and I? We're through."

"What about Emmett? Are you going to tell him?"

Is Edward going to lose Emmett, too?

She growls and spins away from me. "I don't know. I haven't said anything yet. But … one day, I will, Bella. Emmett deserves to know."

I swallow. Of course. "Will you give me a heads-up first? So I can warn Edward?"

"Why should I?"

"We haven't changed, Rose," I say. "I'm still the same girl you knew before I asked you guys that question at the pool that day."

"No," she shakes her head. "I never knew that girl. I thought I did, but clearly I didn't."

"Rose," I sob. "Please don't hate me. Don't hate us. We can't helploving each other. We didn't choose this."

She holds her hand up to silence me. "But you are. You are choosing this. You've made your decision. Now I get to make mine."

"Please don't tell anyone," I whisper. "I'll … leave you alone. But if you tell anyone, it will destroy me and Edward."

"You should tell your dad," she says. "And you should do it now before you get in any deeper."

"No," I say. "No, not yet."

"You're a selfish idiot."

"Please, if you ever cared for me at all, don't tell anyone. At least not yet. Please, Rose."

She looks down her nose at me. "I don't owe you anything, Bella."

And then she turns and leaves.

I've got no one to talk to about the world crashing down.

So I sink down beside my bed and cry.

When Dad finds me still there hours later, he asks me what's wrong.

"Nothing. I just don't feel very good," I rasp.

He moves the suitcase off the bed, and then helps me under the covers.

"What kind of not feeling good?"

"Stomach. Head."

Heart.

"I'll heat you up a bowl of soup. That should make you feel a little better."

He brings me back a bowl of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup and my stomach gurgles once I catch a whiff. Maybe I'll be okay after all.

"I'm going over to Sue's. You want me to bring you anything back?"

I shake my head. All I want is for him to put his arms around me and rock me to bed like he used to do with I was little, and the only thing I had to worry about was if the sun was up or not so I could play outside.

"What did Rosalie want?"

To break my heart. "Nothing," I say. "Just to tell me goodbye and good luck at school. She's, uh, got plans the weekend I'm leaving."

"Oh. Well that's too bad, but you'll see her often. After all, she's not moving."

She might as well live on the moon now. "I know."

"Well, I'll see you later, kiddo. Hope you feel better."

"Bye, Daddy," I whisper.

. . .

Edward knows something is wrong the moment he sees me, but Dad wants to hear the camping highlights almost as soon as he walks in the door.

"Later," I mouth to him.

And when we're in my bed, I tell him about Rose's visit.

"How did she find out?"

He's not going to like this part.

"It's my fault," I say and scoot away from him, but he pulls me back and holds me tight.

"It's okay, just tell me," he says as I start to cry.

So I tell him brokenly about how Rose connected the dots because of a book I read, because I asked a question, and because the waitress at The Olive Garden thought we were together-together that night.

We're silent afterwards, just holding each other tight. I wish so much that things could be different.

"Is she going to tell anyone?" he asks.

"Not yet," I sniff. "But eventually, she's going to tell Emmett."

He curses.

"We're going to lose them," I say. "I've already lost Rose."

He cups my face in one of his hands and makes me look at him.

"As long as we don't lose each other, Bella, we'll be okay."

I nod and hold him as tightly as he does me.

"I never was, but am always to be," I whisper. "No one ever sees me, and never will, yet I am the confidence of everyone who hopes to see me. What am I?"

"Something beautiful," he says with a sigh and kisses me. "We can do this. Not everyone is going to be understanding of who we are to each other. We can't change that. Be we can control how we cope with it."

"Right now I just want to cry," I say.

"I'm here, baby," he says. "I've got you."

And he does. He keeps me close all night.

. . .

Bella's riddle answer for Edward: tomorrow