Damon POV

Thankfully we were only in the museum of American History for three long hours before moving on to the Natural History museum...then to the air and space museum which I have to say is the only one really worth going to.

Elena and Bonnie had some sort of system where they were able to communicate both silently and without any physical cues. I spent the entire time in the museum trying to decipher how they did it. Somehow Elena knew what exhibits within the museums got to me and each time she would be within inches of me having changed places with Bonnie.

It scared me; could she really read me so well that she knew what would get to me before I even knew? No one had ever even tried to get to know the real me...not really at least. Stefan had tried to copy everything I did when we were boys but since...well...since Katherine he gave up in knowing me. Elena knew exactly each time...it is like her Spidey Sense is to know when my stress level goes up even slightly...she knew.

Perhaps it was as simple as Elena understanding the simple things I had told her about my life and putting that together with what we were seeing...perhaps not...I couldn't figure it out.

Stefan kept going off about how he remembered this or how he remembered that...but it was all superficial. There was as much emotion behind seeing the puppet Kermit the Frog as he showed when we walked through the military exhibits. He was, and probably always will be too innocent to understand.

I have in some way participated in eight American Wars. Only the Civil War was I still a human. The rest were ways of an escape...to reload, re-contemplate and to come up with my next plan of action. Wartime was an easy time for me to feed, blood so readily available for me to drink.

The downside to that was actually participating in a war. Much to popular belief I did not and still do not enjoy killing people, I do not enjoy harming people; I do it to stay alive, to get to her...and as backwards as that may seem it always just seemed like the right thing to do.

I felt Elena come up behind me again; she hooked her arm within mine and pulled me to the side as Stefan and Bonnie walked ahead a few steps. Elena pushed me to a bench and told me to sit. "One to ten how hard was today?" She asked me.

What the hell... always the public locations expecting me to break and somehow she is always able to get the answers out of me. It is almost like she is compelling me...which I know is impossible. "Six...well it depends on what you idiots are forcing me to look at." I said as I stared into her eyes.

"To re-live?" She asked; I nodded. "Here is okay though?" She asked referring to the space exhibit we were currently sitting in.

"Elena what does it matter?" I said looking away from her and up at the space shuttle.

"It matters Damon." She told me as she pressed her forehead into mine drawing my eyes back into hers.

"Tomorrow we do what I want?" I asked her.

"Within reason." She answered cautiously.

"There are three things I want to do. One of them though I don't want a crowd." I confided.

"Just me and you?" She asked without the need for an answer she continued, "We can do it in the morning when Bonnie and Stefan go to the Library of Congress...they can look for the witch stuff while we..."

"It isn't going to be easy for me Elena." I whispered.

Elena POV

"What is it you want to do Damon?" I asked him.

"Not here." He answered as he pressed his hands into his eyes and then dragged his fingers through his hair.

"Let's go catch up to the others." I said as I took his hand and pulled him up.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders; he held me instead of me holding him. Boys and their macho kicks....

"I'm hungry." Bonnie said when we caught up to them.

"Are we finally done with the museums for today then?" Damon asked as he took his arm off me and nudged me towards Stefan.

"Lets get dinner and then Damon and I can go and... and we can meet you girls back at the hotel." Stefan said with a kiss to my forehead.

"I heard people talking about this place called Five Guys...they said they had burgers to die for." I told Bonnie.

"Five Guys it is!" Damon said as he swung his arm around Bonnie's waist.

The rest of the evening was farely typical...for any outsiders it looked like we were just a group of young adults who were on vacation. Which it had actually started to feel like.

Once we were back in the hotel and changed into PJ's Stefan asked, "So Damon, What is on the schedule for tomorrow?"

"I want to watch the sun rise from Mt Vernon." He answered.

"Is Mt. Vernon open that early?" Bonnie asked.

"Silly Witch...things are open whenever we want them to be."

I rolled my eyes, "What else tomorrow?"

"After Mt Vernon I want to go to Gettysburg...I think we should actually stay there tomorrow night." He answered.

"We still need to go to the library to look for..."

"I said stay there tomorrow night...not for the rest of the time...it is just that...well...I need to do something while I am there...and...well..." He stumbled on his words and I could see his eyes dart back and forth between the three of us.

"Gettysburg has a lot of history... I am sure we can come up with plenty to do there for the night." I said with a look passed to Bonnie who in turn elbowed Stefan.

"Gettysburg for the night it is." Stefan said as he leaned into the couch.

"Part of the time in Gettysburg I..." Damon started with a scared look to me.

"Grams went to school at George Washington University... I am sure Stefan and I can find something to do there Damon." She said as she placed her arm around Damon. I could see him tense up at her touch and know that she felt it but she did not move. She had decided to push Damon until he let her in as well...and personally I thought it was awesome.

Bonnie POV

After holding hands and linking arms off and on all day I tried to push my luck. I saw the look he gave Elena when he spoke about Gettysburg...I slowly put my arm around his shoulders and scooted closer to him. His body immediately tensed up and did not relax.

"Should we go to bed since we are getting up in just a couple hours to go watch the sunrise?" I asked.

"I'm not going to bed." Damon answered as he stood up and walked slowly out to the deck where he leaned onto his elbows.

"Damon and I still need to make a quick visit to the hospital." Stefan said quietly, he was embarrassed he even had to go.

"Can you guys just...um...couldn't you just drink some of ours?" I asked looking between Stefan and Elena.

"No. Absolutely freaking not." Stefan said with a glare.

"Do you guys want to go do that and then come back here? Bonnie and I can have some girl talk while you guys are gone." Elena said as she stood up.

I watched her walk out and put her arm around Damon. He instantly relaxed at her touch. "Go with Stefan to the hospital and then we can go somewhere to talk before we go to bed." I heard her tell him. He nodded and walked back into our room.

"Come on Brother." He said as he walked past Stefan and I on the couch. Stefan looked at Elena and shrugged his shoulders.

"Bring him back here." Elena told Stefan as he walked out the door.

Once the door was closed I turned to Elena. "What the heck is going on?"

"Damon was in Civil War." She told me.

"Gettysburg?" I asked still not quite understanding why Damon was acting weird again.

"He wants to go somewhere there just me and him."

"Why did he agree to come on this trip if he knew it was going to be so hard for him?" I asked her.

"I don't think he knew it would be this hard." She told me.

"Do you think he will ever let me in?" I asked.

"The first time I tried to hug him he ran across the room. I would say this is progress." She told me with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Do you and Stefan need alone time?" I asked...they were boyfriend and girlfriend and had not been alone together for more than like two minutes this entire trip.

"We aren't exactly normal boyfriend and girlfriend Bonnie...He asked me to help Damon..." She said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"You need to deal too you know. You cant always take care of everyone." I tried to explain to her.

"I just hate seeing people I love in so much pain." She told me.

"I love you Elena." I said as I snuggled into her. We spent the next couple hours staring blankly into the TV.

Stefan POV

"Hospital or Red Cross building?" I asked Damon once we were outside of the hotel.

"Which is closer?" He asked.

"Red Cross."

"Go there then...I just feel done..." He said exhausted.

"Damon how have you gone so long without sleeping all these years?"

"Stefan do you really want to get into this now?" He asked me as he climbed through the window of the building. He opened the freezer and grabbed a handful of blood bags and tossed some more to me.

"Bottoms up." I said as we drank the bags of blood.

"Do you care that I am spending so much time with Elena?" He asked me when we were outside the hotel.

"Damon she is like the only person you have ever trusted and I truly hope that by trusting her enough to start to deal with whatever the hell you are dealing with you will eventually let me back in. You are my big brother and I don't know what the fuck you have been through in the last 150 years and that is just wrong."

"Do you really want to know everything Brother?"

"I want my brother back."

"Will you give me time?"

"You have had 150 years Damon..."

"And until this week you never asked."

"I'm sorry Damon... for everything...I'm sorry."

Just give me time okay?" He practically begged as he pushed the door to the hotel open.

I followed him up to our room where we found the girls leaning into each other on the couch. "Well well... I hope I didn't miss any of the fun stuff." Damon said sarcastically with a plop onto the couch across from the girls.

"It is almost nine." Bonnie said quietly as she looked at the clock on the wall.

"What time is the sunrise?" Elena asked.

"We need to leave here by 430 to get there in time." Damon answered.

"I am going to go shower then crash I think." I said as I stood up and went over to dig through my bag. I knew Damon needed to escape.

"Bonnie you okay to stay here with Stefan?" Elena asked her as she sat up.

"Yeah I am fine Elena... Stefan and I can hold down the fort tonight." She smiled at Elena.

"You guys will be back before it is time to leave?" I asked Damon.

"Don't give us a time frame Stefan. I will have my phone if you need us." Elena told me as she gave me a quick hug before she turned around and followed Damon out the door.

Damon POV

"I don't know if I am ready for this yet." I told her as we walked side by side across the National Mall.

"Where are we heading?" She asked me as we got in a cab.

"Arlington." I told the cab driver.

Elena looked at me questioningly but didn't say anything. She leaned back into the seat, closed her eyes and gently placed her hand on top of mine. I got the strength from her, the compassion she expressed with me was unconditional. She didn't care that we were going to a cemetery in the middle of the night...hell she had helped Stefan dig up our father. All she seemed to care about was whether or not I was okay...or at least going to be okay.

Once we arrived at the cemetery I walked through the gates, Elena followed me about two steps behind. I walked up the path to the Arlington house and sat down on the front steps. I was surprised that there was no security around the cemetery but figured that all the security was around the Unknown Tomb.

"The last time I was right before I went back home."

"Was it a cemetery then?" She asked me.

"No...I mean...it was in the process of becoming a cemetery so I guess it kinda was but not at all like it is now."

"Why did you want to come here?"

"It is peaceful. I came here to think." I tried to explain.

"How many people did you kill in the war?"

"Twenty-seven."

"And you were only nineteen?"

"Yes." I answered. Instead of asking me another question she scooted closer to me and wiggled her way so that my arm was around her shoulders. "I didn't know how I could go back home a killer. The war was not over...I left Gettysburg at the end of the second day. I couldn't do it anymore...not when I could see their faces...it was too close. It took too long for them to die unless you hit them just right so all you could hear were the screams in agony." I whispered.

"What did you expect to find when you got home?" She asked me.

"I don't know...I knew our father would be disappointed in me...he always was. I just hoped it wasn't too late...I needed to protect Stefan...he could never see the things I saw...his birthday... they were going to make him go..."

"But he never had to go Damon. He never saw the things you did."

"When I sleep I can still see them, hear their screams...everyone I ever killed...everyone I ever saw dying." I said as a tear rolled down my cheek and dropped onto the top of her head. I know she felt it but she didn't move, she didn't look up. "I don't know how to get past everything...to be normal."

"What is normal?" She asked looking me straight in the eye. I just shrugged my shoulders. "You can look at anyone walking along the street and say oh I bet they have a normal life...well they are probably looking right back at us saying the same thing."

"Do you ever think about your parents?" I asked her.

"Everyday." She answered as tears filled her eyes.

"Dammit Elena I didn't mean to make you upset." I said as I picked her up and held her in my lap.

"Damon I love my parents, I miss them everyday but my life has to go on. It sure as hell isn't easy and when it first happened I tried to shut everyone out but Bonnie and Caroline kept coming around and eventually it got easier."

"So you think when I let you in it will get easier for me?"

"Well you haven't slept in 150 years and last night you slept the entire night only waking up once."

"Waking up is a nice way of putting it."

"Seriously?"

"I wake up screaming, scared to death and miserable."

"Why did you want to do this without a crowd?" She asked me.

"Oh...that is on the way back. I told you I wasn't ready..."

"Will you ever really be ready?" She asked me as she rested her head on my shoulder.

I didn't know how to answer her. Would I ever be ready to take her to the place where I killed myself? It was hard enough for me to come back to the same area...I think for me to be able to move forward I need to face it. "Where I need to go...the last time I was there I was...but then I woke up and I was..." I couldn't even get the words out.

"You want to go to the place where you killed yourself." She whispered as she stood up and took both of my hands in hers. "I am right here with you every step of the way."

I stood up and together we walked out of the cemetery. We got back into the cab and I directed the cab driver to Great Falls. He parked off the side of the road and I instructed him to stay there until we came back. It was nearing midnight by then and it was extremely dark. Even though I hadn't been there in so long I still was able to walk blindly to the spot in which I jumped.

It was a park now, such a happy place for so many. Elena walked with me holding my hand the entire way to where I sat down on the rocks. "I tied a weight to my legs and jumped. I do not know how long I was underwater or what but when I woke up I was under water and still tied up...I thought that I was just going in and out of consciousness but nothing changed...I just wasn't dying."

I looked over at her and the light of the moon had reflected off the water and lit up her face. "It would have been so much better if I would have just died." I admitted.

"No...no it wouldn't." She told me quietly.

"After I climbed out I did everything I could to destroy myself...nothing worked and eventually I went back home only to have found Stefan sulking as usual...We got in a fight and I...I didn't realize how much stronger I was and I..."

"But he had her blood in him still too so when you...it..."

"Yeah. There is nothing I regret more."

"You need to let him back in."

"That is what he said earlier." I said as I shook my head. "I just don't know how...after so long...how can we possibly..."

Elena POV

"Are you going to sleep at all tonight Damon?" I asked him as I leaned into his shoulder once again. The waterfall was so strong, so powerful...it made even Damon look weak next to it.

"You haven't slept since we came on this trip." He lectured.

"I slept a little." I said as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"After coming here I don't think I could fall asleep." he mumbled.

"Does it feel different to come back here?"

"I can see that even the most evil thoughts when viewed in different company with different light..."

"It is kinda peaceful here." I told him.

"I sat right here on this rock the night that Katherine was supposedly locked away in the tomb. I was barely an adult and yet I had lost my mother, fought in a war fallen in love and lost my love and had my brother and my father turn against me...I didn't have anyone back then that I could talk to..."

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and pulled it out, 'Midnight. Going to bed. Take care of him. Love you.' I sent a text back, 'Sweet dreams. I will. Hugs.' "They going to bed?" He asked me. I nodded. "You need to sleep too."

"I will just have to get up again in three hours to go to Mt Vernon to see the sunrise anyway...what is the point?"

"The point," He said enunciating each syllable, "I am going to need you tomorrow and if I exhaust you before hand..."

"I get it." I told him with a roll of my eyes. "You want to go back to the hotel then?" I asked.

"Is it bad that I want you to stay with me and not let go?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't mean like I want to make out with you and do the whole boyfriend thing it is like totally different with you...it is more like you are my..." he said in super speed.

"No I know its not like that...what I am wondering is what is the difference when you with me or not with me."

"I just feel safe when I am with you and for as long as I can remember I have not felt safe...I have not felt loved."

"I want you to trust Stefan and Bonnie too." I told him.

"Do you think that we will be a happy little family one day?"

"That is what Bonnie thinks."

"I asked what you think."

"I think that only time will tell and that it depends on how well we are able to come together."

"You mean whether or not I can let them in." He said as he stood up.

"Do you think you can?" I asked him. He didn't answer but picked me up in his arms and carried me back to the cab. The warmth and closeness to him was relaxing to me, it was the first time he felt relaxed with me. He was still stressed, obviously, and he wasn't completely changed from how he was before this trip but he felt relaxed. I was asleep within minutes of getting into the cab.

Stefan POV

He carried her in and laid her down next to me in the bed. Bonnie had fallen asleep on the couch. I wrapped my arms protectively around Elena and watched as he went over and sat next to Bonnie. She lifted her head up and set it down on his lap.

He twirled her hair around his finger and stared out the window. I faded in and out of sleep until Elena woke up at four thirty. "We need to get packed up and head out." She said as she kissed me and walked into the bathroom. She saw Damon holding Bonnie because she smiled as she walked passed them.

I got up out of bed and Damon slowly stood up and followed me out onto the balcony. The Capitol was amazing at night all lit up. "Where did you go tonight?" I asked him after a few minutes in silence.

"Great Falls...where I killed, myself." He said without looking at me.

"That's why you didn't want me or Bonnie there." I said finally starting to understand.

"I want to share it all with you but it is impossible to just magically be able to let everyone in."

"It's okay you know."

"Going to Gettysburg...that is where I killed people the first time..."

"Are you going to let us in or are you going to put up your asshole wall?" Bonnie asked as she put her arm around Damon's waist.

"Are you guys ready to go to Mt Vernon?" He asked having ignored Bonnie.

"Sunrise here we come!" Elena said coming out to the deck.

We got to Mt Vernon right at five. We walked right through the gate and went around to the back deck of the house so we were facing the Potomac.

As the sun rose we laughed and joked and once again played "Have you ever". For as much as Damon had done he sure hadn't done very many of the teenager/young adult type of activities.

"Have you ever gone skinny dipping?" Bonnie asked...Damon was the only one to not raise his hand.

"Have you ever stayed up all night watching movies?" Elena asked...Damon was the only one again.

"Have you ever snuck out of the house?" Bonnie asked.

"Seriously you guys did I grow up on another planet from you?" Damon asked as he stood up and walked down and leaned against a tree facing the water.

I watched as Elena and Bonnie had their silent conversation. After only a couple seconds Bonnie stood up and slowly walked down the bank towards Damon.

"You sure that is what he needs?" I asked Elena.

"I don't think even he knows what he needs but the only way to get him to let you guys in is to push him...Bonnie wanted to try so..."

"So if he blocks her out you are going to?"

"Give him a chance Stefan. I think he will surprise even himself."

What do you think?