A/N: I'm so sorry for not posting in such a long time. I just finished school and graduated. In addition, I'm moving to NJ and our apartment fell through. Consequently, we're scrambling to find another one in three weeks. Oh, and I need a job as well. The whole graduating and finding a job thing is not working. But enough with my excuses. Here's the final installment of In My Arms. I hope you enjoyed the ride. I know I did! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Elliot woke from his slumber. He blinked a few times and glanced around the room to get his bearings. Unsure of why he was awake in the first place, he turned his head to face the other side of the bed. Through bleary eyes, he saw that it was empty. He patted the spot, noting the cooling temperature of the sheets where Olivia usually slept.
The lack of light coming through the window indicated it was still dark outside and the sun had yet to rise for the day. He winced as his knees popped and padded to the door. Slowly, he made his way down the hall. The night light created a soft glow, allowing him to make his trek without tripping or stubbing his toe.
He heard the sniffling, the blowing of the nose and quickened his pace just a little. He wasn't sure what he'd do once he reached the source of the silent sobbing. He just knew he had to get there, because at some point in the night, his wife had left the comfort of their bed to cry alone in the family room.
He passed the thermostat and glanced quickly. A cold front had passed the previous night, and they had yet to adjust the heat accordingly. He walked around the sofa and slowed his steps once again as he reached out to touch her shoulder.
Olivia jumped. Her neck popped as her body jerked to find the cause for her rapidly beating heart. She began wiping her eyes feverishly before stopping to catch the book that began to fall to the floor.
"I'm sorry." Elliot came around to sit beside her and gently took the object from her hands.
"Why aren't you in bed?" Olivia brought her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. She leaned into his embrace as she felt the throw being placed around her shoulders.
"I noticed you weren't there and I got worried. Honey, what are you doing out here? You should have gotten me if you were upset." He briskly ran his free hand up and down her arm to create warmth.
"I didn't want to wake you. I got up and couldn't get back to sleep and I guess I started to think about stuff." She glanced toward the book that rested on Elliot's lap. It was still open to the page she'd been looking at when the waterworks began. It had remained open to that one spot.
"I wish you would have woken me up. It seems like so long ago, doesn't it?" He nodded toward the picture adorning the page. The photo was a picture of Olivia wearing a pale yellow gown and in her arms was their son. The IV the nurse had inserted into his head stood out and all that could be seen was a little patch of dark hair and the wiring coming from the crown of Zane's head.
"Yeah. He was so small." A fresh round of tears made their way down he paleness of her face. She did not attempt to wipe them away.
"Remember how they kept moving the date? I thought you were going to wring their necks; every one of them." Elliot chuckled and turned the page, even though he knew there were no more.
"I almost did. I just wanted to take him home." She reached over Elliot and grabbed a tissue from the box. She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose before letting the wadded up ball fall to the floor next to the others.
"Do you think you can go back to sleep?" He closed the album and set it on the coffee table before spreading out next to her. He rested his weight on her and nuzzled his nose into her neck. Softly, he planted a kiss on her temple.
"I don't know. I'm up now. I've just had so much on my mind lately. I was waiting for the right time to tell you." Olivia took a few calming breaths and turned to face him on the couch. She saw his bewildered expression and frowned. In her head, the words had come out perfectly and were well-delivered.
"What is it you need to tell me?" He placed her hands in his and held firmly, giving her something to anchor herself.
"I…I've been really stressed lately with meeting Bill again and finally coming into terms with the fact that my mother hid my existence from everyone she worked with. I don't know why, and I don't have a choice but to accept that and move on. For us. So, I thought maybe that was it but it wasn't. Then another month went by and I th…" She abruptly stopped when Elliot's hand was placed firmly over her mouth.
"Liv, take a breath and just tell me what it is. You're getting yourself all worked up." He gave her a peck on the lips and saw her visibly relax as he stared into her eyes. He hoped to convey the utmost amount of love so that she could get through whatever she was trying to work out.
"I'm pregnant. I must have missed a pill or something. That's the only thing I can think of. I'm sorry." She sucked in a breath and held it, anxiously.
"Is that why you were so upset? Did you really think I'd be mad?" Elliot shook his head and tried not to appear angry.
"I…kind of. I don't know. I just know that it's a shock and we weren't really trying for another one. After Zane, I don't know if I can handle it. Not again. It killed me, Elliot." Her voice shook and began to squeak as she spoke.
"Oh, honey. There wasn't a thing you or I could have done to prevent what happened to him. They couldn't get all the fluid from his lungs when he was born and he got pneumonia, as a result. It happens. There isn't anything in our biological make up that says anything is going to happen to this baby." He tapped her stomach lightly with his fingertips.
"How can you be so sure?" Her bottom lip trembled and she turned her head away, only to have it be directed again toward her husband.
"Everything will be fine. You know, I had four healthy children with Kathy. They all turned out fine." Elliot pulled her onto his lap and leaned against the corner of the couch. He ran his fingers over the knuckles of her right hand.
"I just worry. I don't want to do anything wrong. That's why I waited to tell you. I wanted to make sure I had everything taken care of. Seeing my mom's ex helped a lot." She remembered when he got off the bus. The moment he saw her, his eyes flashed with that same smile she could still recall.
"He loved you. He kept saying how good of a kid you were. He always wondered what happened with you and your mother. It was good meeting the man that was able to make you happy as a child; even for a little while." He saw her nod and let out a breath he'd been holding ever since he'd heard hear crying.
"You know, I tried so hard to wrap my brain around everything. I struggled so much with the idea that I'd been a secret all that time. Then I realized one day that it didn't matter. I had this gentle soul that took me under his wing for a couple weeks and showed me what real love was. Those are the memories that I hold onto, and they get me through when I start to think about the ones that aren't as pleasant." She sighed and closed her eyes.
"I got his number and address. He said we can visit whenever we want." He felt her weight settle onto him fully and listened as her breathing began to even out.
"Mm...hmm…" She felt his arm wrap around her midsection and hover over the baby.
"You'll have to catch up on sleep later on, honey." Elliot let out a laugh as he heard the slap of the bare feet on the floor. He tapped her leg and repositioned her so that she was sitting between his legs.
"Mommy!" He rounded the corner, his voice hoarse from having not been used all night.
"Right here, sweetie. Mommy and daddy are here on the couch." She smiled as her pajama-clad son came into view.
"You're up early. You were ready for your presents, weren't you, buddy?" Elliot swatted his son playfully on his bottom and used the arm of the couch as leverage to rise up. He tossed the blanket onto the couch and waited while Olivia stretched, before joining their son at the tree.
"I forgot the batteries." She mumbled into Elliot's neck, not wanting him to hear.
"I've got some in the junk drawer. Bought some last week." Elliot grinned at his son and nodded, who was staring at them expectedly.
"Guess he's ready to tear into those, huh? Where's the camera?" She sat on the floor next to her son and began fussing with his unruly hair when he promptly scooted over to sit in front of her.
"Can I open a pwesent?" Zane began bouncing impatiently from his place on the floor, sparking a fit of laughter from Elliot.
"Yeah, can he open a pwesent, daddy?" Olivia chuckled as Elliot tightened the strap around his hand.
"Oh, I guess." Elliot gave an exaggerated eye roll.
"Feels like he was just opening up his birthday presents." Olivia reached up and removed the lens cap from the camera as Elliot crouched down to begin recording.
"I know. Kid's going to break us. Can't wait for the tax money to come." He pushed the red button and looked through the viewfinder as Zane excitedly began ripping off the paper covering.
"There goes all your hard work, dad." She gave the little boy her full attention as, one-by-one, he unwrapped them.
"They put it in this weird box. How the hell am I supposed to cover that hole?" The camera shook, and he turned the camera off to look at Olivia with confusion.
"Language, El." She smacked him on the arm again, playfully.
"I forgot. I'm just saying…" He raised the camera again to catch the revealing of the action figure their son had so desperately wanted.
"Just watch your son; and be quiet. You know, every time we watch this we're going to hear you cursing into the microphone." She spoke in hushed tones so the camera could pick up the little boy's squeals.
"You're forgetting about last week. Don't think I didn't hear you swearing like a sailor." Elliot lowered the camera as Zane reached under the tree for another present.
"Oh, hush. You would too if you stepped on a Hot Wheel." She peered around Zane to see what he was trying to get at.
"Oh, he's going for the big one. Make him open the others, first." Elliot smiled and turned the camera on once more as Olivia crawled over to the tree and grabbed the two little feet sticking out from under the bottom branches.
"I got you!" Olivia turned her son over and began tickling him.
"Mommy, no!" Zane giggled before pouncing on her. They each rolled on the floor until they were out of breath.
"Mommy's getting too old for that. Gotta rest a bit. Here, open this one." Olivia panted and tossed the small box to her son.
"Should be used to wrestling around, baby. You know, that's how this little guy was made." Elliot laid the camera down and nudged her with his elbow.
"Elliot! The camera is still on. You just…I cannot believe you did that!" Olivia felt her cheeks redden and groaned.
"It is not. I turned it off just…oh shit!" Elliot pressed the button and saw the green light go out, an indication the camera had shut off.
"Great, now we're never going to be able to show this tape!" Olivia crossed her arms, the moment ruined.
"Oh, come on. We'll just re-wrap the ones he's opened and start over." Elliot tried not to laugh but the smile broke through. Olivia wasn't impressed.
"I can't believe you." Olivia huffed and scooted closer to the tree.
"I'm sorry. Look, he's having a blast. Don't let it ruin our Christmas. Maybe we can take it to one of those production places. We'll have them put some music in there or something." Elliot gave his wife one of his infamous grins.
"You'd better. You and your dirty mind." Olivia couldn't help but smile and gave up being mad all together. She'd never been able to stay mad at him long.
"Love you." He handed Olivia the camera and shooed Zane to the side so that he could pull out last, remaining box.
"Love you, too. What'd you get, Zane?" Olivia spoke up and held her arm steady as her son proudly displayed all of the toys he'd gotten thus far.
Olivia's mind wandered as she thought about his birth. There wasn't a day that went by since then that she didn't say a prayer of thanks that they'd gotten the chance to see their son grow up. She smiled at the frame on the end table. The picture had been taken the night after their son was brought home from the hospital. Olivia had yet to finish the album and Elliot had specifically asked that he keep that one out to be framed. They had boxes full of pictures, but that one stood out the most in their minds. It reminded them of how far they'd come in those four years.
Elliot joined his wife once again and wrapped an arm around her. He watched in awe as the last present was revealed. A few years before, he'd sat there in the rocker with the same amazement at how things turned out. As the little bundle squirmed and fussed, he'd begged his son to hold out a little more so Olivia could get some much-needed sleep. All the while, he thought of the many things he needed to do; the things he needed to be. He'd never felt more determined to get it right this time around. He had a wife and son counting on him.
He felt a cool hand slip into his and was broken from his thoughts. His eyes traveled down her nightgown and settled onto her stomach. He had another little one that needed him as well. There on the living room floor, among the wrapping paper and bows were his life. He drew his son up into his arms and embraced his family. His eyes grew misty and he wiped away the moisture that had collected.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and his son a slobbery kiss, which earned him another giggling fit. He had to smile at his fortune. He couldn't wait for the baby to arrive.