Bonnie POV

As I walked toward Damon I asked for guidance from Grams. She may be dead but I can always feel my connection to her. He had tears sliding down his cheek when I reached him. I reached my hand up to wipe them off but he turned away from me. "Let me be here for you Damon." I requested.

I stood next to him, silent but together. He didn't run but he didn't let me in closer to him. I knew he was hoping that Elena would come over to him and hold him; she could fix him...but I knew I could help too...if he would allow me to.

Finally he groaned and slid down the tree until he was sitting with his knees bent up to his chest and his head in his hands. "You held me all night last night. Why?" I asked him as I crouched down in front of him.

"I don't know anymore...I don't know who I am, I don't know who I want to be...I am scared and I guess I just wanted to have someone close to me." He said without looking up.

"None of us know who we are. We just have to trust each other and believe in each other and somehow we will figure it all out."

"How can you be so calm when your Grandmother just died in order to save vampires?" He said as an attempt to push me away.

"She did because I asked her to. As much as an ass as you can be there is something in there that Elena has seen from the beginning that I am just now beginning to see."

"I think you all are just delusional." He mumbled.

I lifted his face up so he was looking at me, "Then why did you help with Gram's final wish?"

I could see the pain, the fear, the heart ache in his eyes. I think that that very moment sitting against the tree on the edge of the Potomac as the sun was rising in the sky that I first looked into his eyes.

"Damon why don't you let people look into your eyes?" I asked him.

"For the last 150 years the only time I did it was to compel people to get something I wanted. No one ever wanted to look until now..."

"Why are you scared to let me in?" I asked him.

"My mom was killed, my father hated me, Stefan was turned to a vampire, I had to kill or injure more people than I care to ever count...the end result is never a good one."

"I'm not going to give up on you Damon Salvatore."

"It will take time." He said as he looked into my eyes again.

"You ready to go to Gettysburg?"

"No." He said as he stood up and started walking back to the parking lot. As we walked past Stefan and Elena they stood up and followed, no doubt Stefan had been listening to everything I had said and was keeping Elena updated.

Gettysburg was going to be hard for him and I hoped that when things got hard he would let me, not only Elena in. I guess only time will tell.

Stefan POV

Damon drove silently down the highway to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. He parked at the Best Western on the Square and Damon and I brought all the stuff into the hotel...they were going to keep our bags until our room was ready, while the girls checked out a couple of the stores.

"Was any of this stuff here when you were here last?" I asked him as we exited the hotel and headed down the street.

"A couple of the houses and maybe some of the buildings...it all looked so different with bodies and tents everywhere." He answered...I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or truthful.

"What was it like for you to fight in the war?"

"Until we got here I didn't have to kill anyone." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. "It was nice to be away from dear old dad but I hated to leave you." He said slowing down and looking directly into my eyes.

"Why was it so important for you to protect me?"

"Mom made me promise I would."

"What was she like?" I asked. She died when I was just a baby and I never got the chance to know her. Our father refused to talk about her so I knew next to nothing of her life.

"Everyone loved her, she was the perfect most loving person...and then I let her in...and it all started to change..." He said no longer able to look me in the eye.

"That is when vampires first came to Mystic Falls?" I asked.

"It is the first I heard of it...she came, I had seen Mom visiting with her in the yard and so after you were born and she came over and asked to come in and see her I didn't think anything of it..."

"That is why he blamed you." I said for the first time understanding our fathers resentment of Damon. "But you were so young...how could you have known..."

"It doesn't matter." He told me as he sped up to go to where we said we would meet up with the girls.

"I want to know you...so to me it does matter. What was it like for you to have to..."

"To kill someone?" He asked.

"Yeah...I mean was it easy?"

"The first guy I killed I did it so I could survive...he was coming at me with his gun and I...well I shot him straight in the chest. He died instantly. I still see his face..."

"Is it different now than it was then?"

"Totally."

"How?"

"They didn't usually die right away then...and they were in pain..."

"And now?"

"I try to do it quick..." He told me, "I don't enjoy it you know. To me killing a human is no different than killing a rabbit...I don't like doing either."

"Then why do you do it?"

"What choice do I have Stefan?"

"Do you wish you were never turned?"

"Stefan I turned because I tried to kill myself after losing her..." He reminded me.

I hated him like this; at least he was talking to me though. It was hard to see him try and shut everyone out when all we wanted to do was help him. I saw the girls up ahead sitting on a rickety old bench looking through a bunch of brochures they had picked up.

"I kinda wanted to go on one of those bus tours...maybe two of them because one is during the day and the other one is a special haunted one at night." Bonnie said excited. Elena looked at Damon and I could tell she was worried at what his response would be.

"I will not have a tour guide who was not there." Damon said quietly crossing his arms.

"Should we split up again?" I asked Damon.

"Maybe this afternoon we can go do our own thing...but lets do something together this morning. Can we wander around town check out the shops and stuff, get lunch and then split up?" Elena asked us...though she was more specifically asking Damon who took a few seconds to make eye contact.

Once he nodded Bonnie said, "This afternoon maybe you and I can go to the University and check out old records and the library and then maybe we can go on the tour tonight and meet up for a late dinner?"

It was decided. I hoped that this would be the last time we would have to split up...I mean...I was glad that Elena was able to help Damon but I missed spending time with her. At the library though I kept wishing that Bonnie would be able to find a spell or something that could make Damon and I human again... to live a normal life...to live a life that would have a natural end.

Elena POV

I felt uptight all morning; Stefan was clinging to me, Bonnie kept trying to buddy up to Damon, Damon kept wandering off by himself. Something just did not feel right and I think it was the dread associated with going to the battle field this afternoon with Damon.

Of all of the things he had allowed me in for this was going to be the hardest for him. I knew that Stefan wanted me to spend time with him, and I wanted to spend time with him as well, but this was what Damon needed and I know Stefan understood.

Bonnie didn't know how to fit in and kept looking to me for advice...I didn't know what to tell her though. Stefan and her seemed to get along fine and they both seemed to be having an enjoyable time on this trip but at the same time it seemed like they were both upset that Damon was letting me in and not them... bah. Too much was cycling through my head to keep it all straight.

We had lunch at a small pub like place right next to the hotel before Damon and I went to the car and bid our farewells to Stefan and Bonnie. It took about thirty minutes from the town square to where the actual site was that the battle of Gettysburg happened.

Damon parked off to the side of the road at the top of Little Round Top and got out of the car. He didn't seem to realize that I was with him and he walked in a zombie state of mind off the trail and up the hill a little ways to where there were two rocks stacked on top of each other. He placed his hand on the side of it and felt his way around to the back side of it.

He sunk to the floor of the woods with his back to the rock and tears began to stream down his face. All the pain was etched into his face and I started to cry along with him. I slid down the rock next to him and he leaned into me. It could have been minutes, or hours that we sat there like that leaning into one another for support while expelling our grief.

We were crying for different reasons but no one reason was better than the other. He looked down at me and whispered, "Right here is where my life changed forever." I too his hand in mine and he pulled me onto his lap and held me; his face pushed into my neck, I felt his breath as he sobbed.

"Today it is changing again." I whispered into his ear whilst I pulled the hair on the back of his neck.

When he pulled his face away I saw the veins in his eyes pop and he tried to hide it from me, somehow I knew I was not in danger and I held my face as close to his as I could; "Stop hiding who you are." I told him in a tone barely over a whisper.

"I am a monster Elena." He said as he attempted to turn his head away from me.

"Not to me."

"I am a Killer."

"To me you are just Damon."

"How can you see past this." He said in reference to his face. Even as he spoke though the veins faded and his appearance returned to normal.

"Because I can see in here." I said as I firmly poked his chest where his heart was.

He placed his hand over mine and held it to his heart. "Thank you." He whispered.

"Tell me what happened here. You said you would not tour the battle field with a guide who wasn't actually here...well I wont either." I told him as I wiped a remaining tear from his face.

"Do you really want to know?" He asked me.

"I don't just want to know what battle was held on what day...I want to know what it looked like, what it smelled like, what it felt like...all of it." I told him. He hopped up and led me back to the car.

As we drove he explained in great detail what the area looked like when he left it. Over seven thousand dead men; tent cities and homes turned into hospitals to care for the thirty thousand who had been wounded. "I left before the third day but from what I heard it was much like the first two. Stepping over body after body and even using bodies as shields...it was a mess."

"What made you leave to go back home?"

"You are the first person to ask me that." He told me as we drove through the battlefield. "I stepped over the body of a wounded boy...he was from Mystic Falls. He was friends with Stefan when they were young. He was only seventeen...I held him as he took his last breath and then I just left. I knew the war would be over anyway...the Union was winning so I just went home."

"You walked all the way home?"

"Train part way but ya...I walked..."

"How long did it take?"

"I was in a fog...I do not think that I slept and the hours and day and night just blurred together until I was home again."

"You haven't slept since then?"

"I have slept, Elena just not for extended periods of time...two hours here two hours there..."

"Tonight will you try to sleep?" I asked him as we drove past yet another memorial.

"You need to spend the night with Stefan." He told me.

"Are you going to let Bonnie help you sleep tonight?" I asked him as I crossed my arms and turned to face him.

"God Elena I have a hard enough time talking to you about this shit." He said slowing down and pulling off to the side of the road by a viewing platform overlooking one of main battlefields.

"Well I am not going to leave you alone until you are okay enough that you can actually sleep through the night."

"It is just weird to you know lay in bed with you and Stefan and Bonnie...even for a vampire that is kinda awkward."

"Well we all want to help you."

"I need my space at the same time too." He said after getting out of the car and climbing the steps to the top of the platform.

He sat down and dangled his legs over the edge of the platform. The view was amazing but it was tarnished by the image of thousands of dead young men that I knew was all the Damon was seeing when he looked over the fields.

"Do you want to stay out here tonight?" I asked him after a few minutes of silence.

"You would do that?" He said cocking his head towards me.

"Why is that so shocking to you?" I asked as I scooted so I was right next to him. "When you look out there do you see it how it looks then or how it looks now?"

"Both...like one picture is on top of the other...I wish I could only see what is out there right now...then maybe I wouldn't be so scared."

"Did your mom ever tell you to only look forward and never look back?"

"Yes?" He said as he stared questioningly at me.

"The past is important, it is what made us who we are today; but what really matters is how we take what we are today to become who we want to be tomorrow."

"It is just hard to forget everything Elena. This is all new to me...I haven't had someone care...I mean actually care since she died... now I have you and..."

"And Stefan and Bonnie?" I asked.

"It just takes getting used to."

We sat together there on the viewing platform for hours. As the sun set over the hills the sky blazed a fiery orange. As it got darker and darker Damon inched closer and closer to me until he had wrapped himself partially around me with his head rested on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and felt him relax and let go of all the pain that was represented by his past.

When the only light in the sky was coming from the stars I turned to look into his eyes. "Will you always be here to take care of me?" He whispered.

"For the rest of my life." I promised.

"Were you serious about staying out here with me tonight?" He asked me. I shrugged my shoulders curious what he was getting at.

"If I am going to try and sleep here I do not want an audience."

"I will stay wherever you do." I said as I relaxed into his chest. I felt so comfortable with Damon, he was relaxed, loose and trusting with me, very much unlike who he is around others...always so guarded.

"You feel protective of me." he said, "Why?"

"I know what it is like to need to be protected." I answered.

"When we were in Atlanta you cried when you thought that ass was going to kill me...you stopped him from killing me." I didn't say anything and waited for him to continue. After a few minutes he looked at me with a doofy face and said, "it feels like you are a cross between my mother and my girlfriend."

I laughed, "so what does that make me?"

"The only person in this world I trust with my life." He answered. "The only person I trust with my heart." he whispered into my ear. I turned so that I could lean into him and snaked my arm into his jacket and around his back; partially to hug him and partially because since the sun had set it had dropped about twenty degrees.

"You are cold." He said standing up and pulling me up with him. "I am surprised Stefan hasn't called yet."

A split second later my phone rang in my pocket...Damon smiled at me and I answered as we climbed down the steps to head back into town to meet them for dinner.

Damon POV

After a wonderful dinner of a near raw steak with my special sauce...that totally grossed out the girls we walked back to the hotel. "Three rooms are available on the top floor. They are all adjoining...that is all we have open." The person behind the counter told us. I took the keys and went up to the rooms.

"You and Stefan share a room, I get my own room and Damon gets his own room?" Bonnie asked.

I looked towards Elena hoping that she would say something but she did not. I was surprised then when Stefan said, "I think Elena will probably be going back and forth between me and Damon tonight." He wrapped his arm protectively around her and she smiled up at me.

"Well since that is all settled..." I said rolling my eyes as I walked through the door of the first room. I did not think they would all follow me in.

"Uh don't you guys have your own rooms?" I asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"We need to figure out the plan for tomorrow Damon." Bonnie said as she took a seat next to me on the bed.

'We go back to DC tomorrow for one more night in the city before going home." Elena answered.

"What time are we meeting for breakfast in the morning?" Stefan asked.

"Eight." I answered. "We can meet in your room since it will be in the middle." I finished.

Stefan and Elena grabbed their backpacks and went into the next room leaving Bonnie behind. "I wish she would have been in the tomb Damon." She whispered to me with a heavy sigh.

"I am sorry Sheila died." I mumbled back.

"Damon do you want to become become mortal again?" She asked me.

"Yes." I said feeling ashamed and relieved at the same time.

"Tomorrow night before we go back...we can do the spell if that is what you want."

"Only if Stefan agrees." I said feeling nervous for the first time in over a century.

"He already said he wanted to but only if you did too."

"Would we be human again?"

"No...I haven't been able to find a spell to reverse... but we found one today that will allow your bodies to age as humans so you will die the same as us."

"Will it work even with us bonded together?"

"I think that will make it work better." She told me. "Do you think that the two of us will...well...you know..."

"Is that what you want?"

"I think so." She whispered to me.

"Well you are definitely hot enough." I said smiling as I leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight Damon." She said as she walked out of my room. I changed my clothes, took a quick shower and sat down on the bed and began flipping through the channels on the TV while I waited for Elena to come into my room for the night.

Bonnie POV

It was hard to leave Damon in his room alone to go into my room alone. I knew Elena would be in there soon leaving Stefan alone in his room listening through the wall. I felt very alone even though I was with my best friend and two others that I was destined to be connected to for the rest of my life.

I didn't have Grams. My parents were clueless...they just thought she was a kooky old woman and never had a clue. I felt like I was in my own world dealing with the loss of Grams. Sure the others knew and strongly felt loss, but it was different for all of them. They all had someone, if they let them to be there for them; to know what it felt like... Elena had Jeremy. Damon and Stefan had each other... I have no one really.

I laid down in bed and stared up at the ceiling contemplating everything that had happened in the last year. My and Elena's lives have changed so much in such a short time and somehow we are closer friends and as close to family as we have now.

I was not ready for this little vacation to end and attempt to go back to our own lives. I don't even know what my life is anymore. I felt tears start to slide down my cheek as I heard the door to Damon's room open and close. I heard quiet murmurs through the wall and knew that they were together in there and it made me feel so alone.

I rolled over onto my stomach and began to cry into my pillow...maybe it was twenty minutes, maybe it was two hours but I heard a gentle knock on my door and Stefan came in slowly and sat down on the edge of my bed. "You aren't as alone as you feel right now Bonnie." He whispered to me as he leaned against the bed post.

"You felt me in the other room?" I asked him.

"I heard you crying." He answered. "Do you want to talk?" He asked me gently.

"How are you not balled up in a corner somewhere crying?" I asked him as I sat up with tears falling freely down my face.

"I need to be strong for Elena...and for Damon...If I break now then Elena will worry about me and then..." He said practically choking on his words.

"You know that if Damon doesn't open up now he never will and so instead of acting how you feel you put up the wall he is trying to take down?"

"Something like that." He said smiling softly at me. "You want to watch tv or something?"

He flipped on the channel and Bewitched was on TVLand. "So can you do stuff like she does?"

"I don't have to twitch my nose or anything stupid like that." I told him as I flipped back the blanket and pulled the pillows down to the foot of the bed and laid down backwards.

"How much was Sheila able to teach you before..."

"She gave me all her journals...all of Emily's journals..."

"Would you allow me to look at them?"

"I suppose...you have been great to help me search all the old records and stuff here to learn more."

"Do you think that you and Damon are meant to end up together?"

"I think so...I mean...you feel like an older brother and Elena is practically my sister but with Damon it is different." I tried to explain.

"Is it just because you think we are suppose to couple up or do you actually feel something for him?"

"When I look into his eyes I just want to touch him and hug him and...I dunno how to explain it."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Briefly."

"What did he tell you?"

"He kissed my forehead and said to give him time." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"I am scared that he will never fully let anyone in because none of us really understand what he has been through all these years."

"Lay down with me and relax. You make me nervous with you sitting on the edge of the bed." I said pulling on his arm.

He laid down on his stomach next to me and I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. "Stefan how much of his childhood do you remember?"

"Well he is quite a bit older than I am and our father was always trying to separate us but would never tell me why and he eventually gave up when I was around 10 but then a couple years later he had to leave for the Civil War and then when he came back..."

"Did you ever ask?"

"You are talking about Damon right?" He asked me rolling his eyes before laying his head down on the pillow to watch TV. I started to doze off to the TV and felt so comfortable knowing that Stefan was in here with me, neither of us ready to be alone for the night but neither of us wanted to admit to that.

Elena POV

I didn't even knock I just walked in and crawled into the bed next to where Damon was sitting. "I shouldn't be scared to go to sleep." He whispered to me.

"I am going to be here next to you all night." I promised.

"How is that suppose to keep me from remembering?"

"It isn't. It is so you know you are safe here and now with me." I told him as I crawled under the blankets of the bed. "Come on Baby lay down next to me."

"Okay Momma Wayna" He said in baby talk rolling his eyes at me.

"What makes you the most scared right now?"

"Seeing the fear in my Mother's eyes when she told me to protect Stefan."

"What can I do to make you feel safer?" I asked him as he climbed under the blankets and laid down next to me.

"Let me not go to sleep."

"For real?"

"I don't know Laney." He said pressing his fists into his eyes.

"Close your eyes and relax." I said rolling to face him and tracing the lines on his face gently with my fingers.

"Take a deep breath." I whispered as I ran my hands through his hair.

"I'm scared." He said sleepily.

"I am right here Baby." I said taking both of his hands in mine and laying my head down on my pillow with our foreheads touching.

"Never leave me Laney. Promise you will never leave me." He said opening his eyes and staring into mine.

"Relax Baby, I'm not going anywhere." I said as I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

He wiggled his body around mine so I was holding him. I ran my fingers up and down his back until his breathing evened out and he was asleep. I turned my head and kissed his forehead before closing my own eyes and drifting off to sleep.

I woke up with the sun shining in the window and smiled as I looked down at Damon's sleeping form. He slept through the night! "Good morning Baby." I whispered, once again running my fingers through his hair.

"Laney still sleepy." He grumbled in his sleep and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Damon you just slept through the night." I whispered tussling his hair.

He opened his eyes and his entire face broke out into a huge smile. "I did didn't I?" He asked obviously pleased.

"You ready to get up for breakfast with Bonnie and Stefan?" I asked. "We have about an hour until we are suppose to meet them.

"Elena I don't know how to thank you for what you have done." He said practically throwing himself on me.

"Yup lets do it!" He said hopping up and running over to Stefan's room.

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