Stefan POV
I wish it were as easy and do you want to grow old or not... it is so much more than that... I suppose I could simplify and just say yes I want to live a normal life but I cant. I will have to survive on blood whether or not I grow old and because vampires are not meant to grow old I don't know how growing old will even work for me...or for Damon.
I cannot do it unless Damon does. I cannot leave him to live forever by himself...no way. "Little Brother we can think about that later...the girls are still a few years younger than us so we have time to figure everything out." Damon told me.
"Are you guys ready to go home?" Elena asked after a few more minutes sitting at the bridge.
Bonnie looked at us scared, "My home is never going to be the same again." She whispered.
"I don't think anything is going to be the same again." Stefan responded as he put his arm around her shoulder.
"Come on now...the four of us are one big happy family now. Look forward to the future instead of wishing we were in the past." Damon said as he stood up.
"Its not as easy for me Damon." Bonnie told him.
Knowing that a fight was going to ensue if I did not change the subject I stood up and whispered, "Do you girls want to stay at the boarding house tonight?"
"One last night of big happy family before the girls go back to their lives as adorable high school students." Damon said rolling his eyes at me.
"Kinda." Bonnie whispered. "I am not ready to be alone."
"We can push our beds together and watch movies and snuggle like a slumber party." Damon squealed in a high pitched imitation of a teenage girls voice.
"Dont be a jerk Damon." Elena glared at him and I swear he shrunk his ego by 50%. She has an amazing control over him. I hadn't ever seen him act so...so...I don't even know how to describe it.
"Can we go then since we are all going together?" I asked. The girls got up and followed us back to the car.
Bonnie POV
We kind of did exactly what Damon said... we threw a bunch of blankets on the floor of the great room in front of the fire place and sat down and laughed and joked for hours. Damon and Stefan fell asleep first... the way we were all jumbled around each other it would have made for a great photograph. Elena was laying with her head propped against the edge of the couch. Stefan had his head rested on her shoulder and Damon had his head on her lap.
"Elena do you think they will have me do the spell to make them age?" I asked her as I listened to the wood crackle in the fireplace and the deep breathing of the two boys.
"I don't know...I mean...if they don't then we will get old and they wont so it kinda puts a damper on any possibility at a relationship with either of them." She answered as she ran her fingers through Damon's hair.
"Which one do you want to end up with?" I asked her.
"I honestly...I...I don't know anymore. I love them both so much but everything has changed so quickly and how I feel about them is changing along with everything else."
"I am scared." I whispered as I laid my head down into Stefan's lap.
"We all are." She whispered to me as she closed her eyes and rested her head against Stefan's with her arm around Damon's neck and shoulder. I could see how much she cared about the two of them just by looking and I could see how much they both loved her and how comfortable they both were with her. It almost seemed like we were normal teenagers when we were sleeping.
That was the only time we were "normal". When we were truly our most vulnerable was when we were the most connected was when we were sleeping.
Stefan POV
I woke up a little after four when Damon started squirming around. I heard him and was able to wake him up before he woke the girls. "Walk with me?" I asked him
He nodded and slowly got up and followed me out to the yard and into the forest where we walked to our old home. "Do you want to turn?" I asked him.
"Yes but not yet. Let them graduate high school and go to college and do the things we have never had the chance to do. Then we can change and live a normal lifestyle." He answered.
"Do you think we will get married to them?"
"Yes."
"Which one?" I asked.
"What do you think?"
"I think you and Elena will end up together."
"Are you okay with that?"
"She is the only person who you have ever trusted." I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
"That isn't what I asked Little Brother. I do not want another Katherine type scenario."
"It will never be that way Damon, not with her."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because Elena is a much better person than Katherine could have ever dreamed of being."
"So we have a plan?"
"We wait for the girls to go to college and then we get married and do all the normal human things and then once we are about the same ages we do the spell to grow old with them and live out the rest of our lives."
"You going to tell them?" Damon asked me as we started to walk back to the house.
"Not yet. Wait until they bring it up again, I want them to try to live like normal girls...they deserve that after all they have done for us."
"Elena deserves way better than either of us." Damon told me as he kicked a rock ahead of him down the road.
"Why do you always sell yourself short?" I asked him.
"Because I have been a monster and I am just so fucked up...she shouldn't have to deal with all the things I have seen or done."
"You know you aren't ever going to get rid of her so why not just live your life from here on out how she does deserve?"
"It isnt that easy all the time Stefan. I am haunted by it all... you don't even know half of it. You think you know what my life has been like but you don't." He grunted.
"So teach me...let me in like you have let her and talk to me."
Damon POV
"I cant just talk...its like I go to a different place when I talk to Elena...she...I dunno...she makes me feel safe and then stuff just starts spilling out... to just talk about it though I don't know if I can."
"How did mom really die?" He asked me.
"A vampire." I answered without looking at him.
"You think it is your fault?" Of course that is why... but why the hell does he have to ask.
"I invited her in. Mom just gave birth to you so there was blood all over...the vampire she...she kept visiting...I didn't know then what was going on but Mom knew...she made me promise to protect you...that is why she refused to move back into the main house...she thought the vampire would follow her but she knew that she couldn't go into the main house unless someone else invited her in."
"That is why our Father resented you so much..."
"He blamed me..."
"But it wasnt your fault." He tried to reason with me.
"I let her in Stefan. It was my fault." I said storming off back into the house where I knew he would not continue the conversation. Elena was sitting up on the floor and watched as I walked back into the house and I felt her eyes follow me up there stairs and into my room.
I was standing in the window when she entered into my room. She walked straight to my bed and crawled under the covers and waited for me to go over to her. That was why it was so different with her; she wasn't going to force me to talk but she was overly determined to be close whenever I needed someone.
I slowly walked over to the bed and crawled in and curled up against her and cried as she held me close. For a few minutes she didn't say anything but she finally asked, "Baby what were you and Stefan talking about?"
It took me a few minutes before I could compose myself enough to get the words out; "Our Mom." She wrapper her arms around me tighter and she cried with me. She understood how hard it was to lose a Mother, she understood how hard it was to talk about it.
I drew strength from her love and I started to drift off to sleep. She must have thought I was asleep because she slowly and very gently moved the hair from my forehead and kissed me softly and whispered, "We are going to be okay, Baby I promise you we will be okay."
Elena POV
I held him until he fell asleep, until his lips parted in relaxation, his breathing was slow, deep and regular... I crawled out of the bed and went down the hall to the library where I knew Stefan would be sitting.
"Talk to me." I gently demanded as I sat down on the edge of the desk in front of him.
He looked up to me with tear stained face, "I didn't mean to make him worse...I just want to know."
I moved to sit on his lap and I slowly wrapped my arm around his shoulders and wiped the tears from his eyes with my thumb. "You have to give him time Stefan. You are not ready to know everything and he is not ready to share it all."
"Elena he needs you." He whispered to me.
"So do you." I told him pulling him closer to me.
"He loves you Elena." He whispered. "He needs you." He stressed to me.
"I know." I told him as I kissed him on the cheek.
"I think Bonnie and I are suppose to be..."
"Is that what you want?" I asked him.
"I don't want to hurt you Elena."
"Stefan the four of us are a family. You being with Bonnie is not going to hurt me."
"You promise?"
"If you promise me one thing."
"What is that?"
"You never change who you are; you never forget that I will always love you; and you never hurt Bonnie."
"That is three things Elena and I swear to all of them." He said as he kissed me for the last time on the lips. "Damon is moving around in there..." He said turning his head.
I nodded and gave him a quick hug forcing him to look at me. With tears in his eyes I whispered, "You never forget that no matter what happens I will always love you." He gave me a sad smile and looked towards the door.
When I re-entered Damon's room he was still out to the world. Stefan just needed to be alone. It was going to take time to acclimate myself with our family. I had been Stefan's 'girlfriend' since September but since I went to Atlanta with Damon things had changed between us.
I climbed back onto the bed next to Damon and put my arm over him and started drawing on his back. I looked at each of the scars he had, barely visible to the eye and yet still there. I wished that I could take away the pain that Damon and Stefan, and now Bonnie had. I wish someone could take away the pain that I held; the pain that I tried to suppress so I could help my family.
As I was drawing circles on his back I finally allowed the tears to slide from my eyes. It didn't take long for Damon to wake up and look at me concerned; "Laney what's wrong?" He whispered, rolling over to face me.
"I am not good with change." I answered, wiping the tears from my face quickly.
"All this time of you being here for me...I have been selfish...you have been in just as much pain as the rest of us." He told me picking me up in his arms and holding me.
"Not the Damon." I said wiping my eyes again and smiling. "My parents have been gone over a year."
"Mine have been gone for over a hundred."
"Will it ever get any easier?"
"I asked you that I think."
"Can we go to the bar and get fucked up?" I asked him smiling.
"Oh Laney how I do wish we could do that...but sadly no...we cannot. You and Bonnie have to go back to school tomorrow."
"Did you have to remind me?" I said rolling my eyes and sitting up.
"Bonnie is up downstairs...we should go down there." Damon whispered.
Bonnie POV
I woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace with a pile of blankets surrounding me, at first I didn't remember where I was but then I looked up and saw Stefan asleep on the sofa behind me with his arm dangling over the edge next to me. Not too long after I realized Stefan was asleep there I wondered where Damon and Elena had gone off to and what I had missed. How is it that I sleep through everything?
"What should we have for breakfast?" I heard Elena ask from the stairs.
"Some good whiskey and some pancakes." He answered.
I rolled my eyes and whispered, "pancakes do sound good."
"Oh you are up...I thought you were going to sleep the day away." Damon said as he quickly pulled Elena into a hug and just as quickly let go. "I will make breakfast so you gals can have your girl talk." He said smiling towards her.
She walked over and sat down next to me, "How long has Stefan been back down here?" She asked me.
"I didn't know he ever left...I thought he just moved up to the couch." I answered quietly so I didn't wake him.
"Him and Damon went on a walk early early this morning and it didn't go so well."
"They okay?"
"I guess...I mean...I think they decided some things but then Stefan pushed Damon into talking about their mother and..."
"Gotcha...Damon needed his Laney." I said playfully dropping my head down onto her shoulder.
"Yah...the only problem with that is that Stefan is now almost as lost as Damon."
"So they both need you but Stefan wants you to only help Damon?"
"It is just all so confusing to me Bonnie...I love them both so much and it is like they are deciding out futures because they have to instead of just letting things happen naturally."
"You are worried about coming between them like Katherine did."
"Kind of...I mean they have both told me that other than how I look I am nothing like her and I want to believe that but it is hard when..."
"Just go with the flow I guess and help them both as much as you can and our hearts will put us where we are suppose to be." I told her.
"Bonnie do you think Stefan will be okay?"
"When we were in DC we talked quite a bit and he has a lot of issues, like Damon, but he hides them from himself whereas Damon hides them from everyone else."
"And we are just as screwed up in the head as they are...such an awesome combination."
"I am going to go take a shower before Damon has our breakfast ready." I told Elena before getting up and going upstairs. I hoped things worked out because I do not want people to be miserable anymore.
Elena POV
Not too long after Bonnie went upstairs I looked up at Stefan who was still asleep but was moaning softly, calling for his mom and he had tears sliding down his cheek. I climbed up to the sofa and lifted his head so he was leaning into my chest. I held him as he cried softly, still half asleep, whispering, "I have you Baby, you are safe with me." over and over again.
I looked up after a few minutes to see Damon leaning against the door frame with tears sliding down his face. I hated seeing them so broken. I wondered if they were this broken when they were still human or if it took decades of suppressing their pain to build up and finally break. It didn't take long for Stefan to fall back asleep once I was holding him and once he did, Damon came over and sat down on the floor in front of us and wrapped his arm around and rested his head on my leg.
"Damon I know it is hard but I want you to talk about what happened with your Mother; Stefan needs to know what happened to you."
"I know."
"Bonnie is here for you too. I want you to talk to both of them about the things you told me about on our trip."
"Laney...I...I can't."
I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, "Damon it doesn't have to happen today but you need to let us all in."
I felt Stefan move and knew he was awake, "I cant tell my little brother that I tried to kill myself and that is why I turned into a vampire. I cant explain to him that I have been in every war since the Civil War so that I could survive off blood without actually killing people...I cant explain to him why I...how am I suppose to keep my promise to our Mother if I cannot protect him?"
I wiped the tears from the side of Stefan's face and I whispered, "You guys have been brothers for almost two centuries and yet you have lived two very separate lives. Well now our lives are connected and cannot be ripped apart anymore so even if you cannot go into details about your past you need to be open enough to do that."
Damon leaned his head back into the sofa so his face was along the side of my leg, I began to run my fingers through his hair as he whispered, "I am so scared of getting hurt again Laney...you know...I cant just start talking and have everything be fine."
"It will take a long time for any of us to be fine but we have to stick together and lean on each other in order to even get to fine....Can you do that?"
"I want to." He whispered. Stefan rolled onto his side and dropped his arm over the edge of the sofa and wrapped it around Damon's neck with his hand resting on my knee. Damon tensed at first having realized that Stefan had heard what he had been saying but then his dam broke and he leaned his head against Stefan's arm and allowed his pain to flow freely from his body.
His whole body shook as the tears flowed down his face and the pain he had been holding for over one hundred and fifty years began to leave his body. "I don't want you to protect me Damon...not like you have been anyway...you deserve to be happy." Stefan whispered to Damon so quietly I barely heard.
"I'm so sorry." Damon sobbed. "God I am so fucked up it is ridiculous." He said as he started to laugh.
Like the flick of a switch the two of them had gone from crying together to joking... boys... I did not understand boys. "What happened to you making pancakes?" Stefan asked and a split second later the two of them were in the kitchen and I was left wondering what the hell had just happened.
Damon POV
Bonnie came down just in time to sit down as I plopped a giant plate full of pancakes in front of her. "Syrup?" She asked reaching for a container I had placed on the table.
"Uh...that one's not for you." I said taking it out of her hand and sliding it over in front of Stefan.
He picked it up and smelled it; "Seriously?" Stefan asked me as he pushed it away.
"Don't worry it is from a deer." I said rolling my eyes at him.
"Gross Damon... " Bonnie groaned...Elena just said there and rolled her eyes at me.
"What?" I asked faining innocence.
"Syrup. Damon?" Elena asked.
I stuck my tongue out at her and handed her the maple syrup before sitting down and eating.
Halfway through our meal Stefan asked, "Are the two of you going to go home tonight or are you going to stay here?"
"I need to at least go home to say hi to Jenna and see how Jeremy is doing." Elena answered.
"I probably should go home too." Bonnie answered.
"I don't want to leave you guys though." Elena said as she looked back and forth between Stefan and I.
"I have survived on my own for over one hundred and fifty years." I said a little too harshly.
"Don't even do that Damon." She said immediately getting tears in her eyes.
"Laney I didn't mean it like that." I tried to explain as she bolted from the room. I heard her go up to my room and shut the door behind her.
"She went to your room." Stefan smirked.
"What did you want to do today Stefan?" Bonnie asked him, attempting to ignore me.
"Okay okay...I will go talk to her." I said, "I don't think you guys could be anymore immature." I said before sticking my tongue out and walking out of the room.
I walked slowly up the stairs to my bedroom where I found Elena sitting in the window seat. "I am worried about you and Stefan and Jeremy and I don't want to leave you guys but I have left Jer alone all week and..."
"Stop worrying about everyone else for five minutes and worry about yourself." I said sitting down behind her.
"Jeremy has lost so much...his parents...Vicki...me..."
"Elena they were your parents too." I said putting my arms around her and pulling her back into my chest.
"It is different. He is younger."
"Elena he is like a year younger than you."
"Fine...whatever...I am worried about him." She snapped at me.
"What if he ends up with Anna?" She asked me after a couple seconds.
"Is it so bad for him to end up dating a vampire? I mean you really cant have double standards." I said trying to joke.
"He loved Vicki..."
"Vicki is gone...there is no way anyone will find her...I took her clear out in the middle of the woods and buried her halfway down a cliff edge." I tried to assure her.
"It just feels like something is going to happen that will..."
"If someone does happen to find her...which I doubt...we will get through it together just like everything else."
"If they find her Damon it affects more than just Jeremy..."
"You are worried about Matt?"
"He has been my best friend since kindergarten."
"Elena everything will be fine!" I tried again to assure her...it did not work very well.
"But what if..."
"What if this what if that... nothing can ever be perfect and you are the one who told me we get through everything together so why is this any different?" I asked her.
"I guess you are right...something just doesn't feel right."