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CHAPTER 6

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COMING TO TERMS

PART TWO OF OUR HERIONES MINI-ADVENTURE

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Perhaps it was a bad idea to have run away. Scratch that, it was a bad idea; an awful idea. Why I'd thought that it'd fix anything was beyond me. But I was not going back, no matter what. I wasn't going to let my uncle or Jerrold, or even Tata know that I couldn't survive independently.

I held my head high and continued to ride. Where I was I honestly can't tell you. I'd lost my way about three hours before then, right about the time where my feet became feeling-less. All I knew was that I was somewhere in the woods, and that there was a mountain in the distance. It must have been Mt. AphchuZ, a habitat of the Gnomes, for no other mountain seemed in reasonable geographic distance. If, of course, my geographic studies hadn't been in vain) that I was currently in the Yan Gane Fochel Forest.

Those thoughts were hardly assuring, since the forest was about 300 acres in diameter. Nevertheless, I prided myself with my uncanny sense of direction that I had inherited (or was haughty enough to assume I had inherited) from my father. So, to my understanding, I'd eventually reach somewhere or someone who would take me in. Then, who knows? Perhaps I'd become part of some traveling act where I'd awe people with the incredibly large size of my feet (it could happen). Or I could get some food and spend the night and return home. The latter seemed more plausible, so I assumed that was what would come to pass.

I'd tried to forget about the whole ordeal, but it lingered in the back of my mind. Why had Jerrold been so mad? What was the matter with him? It frustrated me extremely, and the more I thought on it, the more I felt like marching (or riding) to the palace and demanding he explain himself. And even though I knew he hadn't meant half the things he'd said, they still bothered me. Did I really blame my uncle for everything? And if so, did I have the right?

I found the answers to both questions yes. He'd single-handedly ruined my life. There was no way around it. How could any of that be considered my fault? He'd failed to call a real doctor to attend Mother, he'd confined me to my room for about a month for some trivial fight, and then, after all that, he'd stole the letters my best friend had written me when he was extremely ill. That was about as low as one could get, in my book at least. Our first fight might have been my fault, but he'd spurred me, and he'd punished me extremely severely.

I continued on, debating with myself as the temperature continued to decline further and further. It must have been about seven or eight o'clock by the time my hands were numb as well, and my wind-chapped face was as cold as the snow that covered the forest like a blanket. I rubbed my hands together, abandoning the reins, and jumped off Kummeck, hoping the jolt would reawaken the feeling in my feet. Kummeck, once I'd dismounted, refused to let me get back on him, so I grabbed his reins firmly and led him behind me, my patience and prideful assurance in myself both beginning to fade.

In what must have been a mere hour, my feet began to drag and the hem of both my cloak and dress were soaked in water. My stomach began to grumble and the only thing that kept me going was my fear of freezing to death. Everything I'd said to my uncle and Tata was false. I didn't want to die. Even without a best friend, even with an awful uncle, I still felt there was enough good in the world to tempt me. The thought of dying frightened me terribly, and as the degrees dropped rapidly, I felt myself beginning to cry. I mourned the loss of my short life. I mourned how I'd never gotten my first kiss, or lived to have a family or get married. I mourned leaving Tata without a person in the world, and I mourned dying without resolving things with Jerrold. I mourned never getting to read all the books the world had to offer me, or being able to teach others the joy of them all. Finally, I mourned never getting to give my uncle a black eye.

I cried and cried until I fell to my knees and began to sob uncontrollably. Or at least that's what I thought I was doing. I was so deep in hysterics that I couldn't quite distinguish whether I was laughing or crying. I had enough about myself to laugh at. I was completely and utterly pathetic. I knelt in the numbingly cold snow and cried and laughed uncontrollably, not even moving when I saw Kummeck gallop away nor when I felt the cold wetness of the snow seep through my layers of clothing and chilling my legs. I just sat in the snow for an undistinguished amount of time, a pathetic and pitiable wreck.

When I eventually tried to stand up, I found I didn't have enough energy or strength, which upset me further. Now I was dead, there was no hope of survival. It was all over. I sprawled out in the snow, shivering and chattering, crying and laughing, and awaiting the world to come.

That was when they came upon me. At first they were a blur of black through my tear filled eyes, but when they came closer, I made out the figures. It was a band of hunters, of the Gnomish race as far as I could tell. They stared at me, and I stopped my hysterics and sat up to stare at them. I sniffled for a minute, teeth chattering and all, before I said, "Help. Please?"

I knew Gnomish (I'd worked long and hard to learn a portion of all the languages) but at that moment, I was so confused and frantic, all I could manage was Kyrrian. I couldn't be sure whether they knew my language or not, but I think the tone of my voice explained how desperate I was.

The tallest Gnome (who was extraordinarily tall for his race) handed his bow to another hunter and bent down to scoop me up. I looked up to his face for a moment before hugging myself and clenching my jaw to stop chattering. The Gnome didn't look at me, just held me and walked with no hurried pace or urgency. The band walked slowly and calmly as the snow fluttered down from the sky. I closed my eyes, the slow momentum of his steps lulling me to sleep. The snow, the movement, the calmness…

I didn't feel so cold anymore, or nearly as afraid. I just felt… nothing. Or almost nothing. I wasn't thinking about Jerrold or my mother, or my uncle even. No, the only thing on my mind was how beautiful the snow was as it dotted the beards and hair of the other Gnomish hunters. I felt like smiling almost. I liked that feeling, that of not worrying about people or their thoughts on me. Or perhaps even better, not worrying. I was careless. I leaned my head onto the Gnomes chest.

"It's pretty, huh?" I whispered softly, looking up into his face. His jaw was clenched, as if he was restraining himself from yelling at me. I wasn't worried though. I laughed deliriously.

"Stupid Kyrrian. You think I care for your sentimental views? Do you realize that this 'pretty' snow almost killed you? I doubt it. Humans in general are not the smartest creatures."

I stared at him. "That's kind of rude, don't you think? I know history, and… and I know languages, too! I could talk your language if you want. I know lots." I giggled then took a good look at his face, thoughtfully. "You don't look very Gnomish to me."

He glared pure venom at me. "Would you like to freeze to death in the snow, pitiful girl? It's none of your business who or what I am."

I sobered from my delirious state. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I just… I feel bad now." I threw back my head let out a laugh. "That was a lie. I don't feel. Not my feet, or my conscience, or anything! Am I going to die? Hah! I don't care!"

"You're obviously coming down with something," he muttered, "smmOlpt, gRatt zhAthulPa."

The Gnomish man nodded and jogged ahead. I waved at his backside.

My temples were beginning to pound. "That… that means that you-uuh want zzhaterrr-hulpp-y, hu-uh? Is she your-ruh doctor?" I giggled again at myself. My tongue had seemed so jumbled in my mouth that my words hadn't come out quite right.

The man (or Gnome, rather) looked at me, his eyes worried. "You're slurring; that's not good. zRatheLl, szOlpt!"

szlOpt, the Gnome who was getting "zhAthulPa" looked over his shoulder and 'ran', as he had been told.

"Ru-un," I called out happily, " 'zRra-atheLl'. There. See, I told you-uh! I'm ver-ry prof-ish-int. Pro-fish… Huh?"

My Gnome (as I had deemed him) set me down for a moment. I stumbled around, swatting the air for someone to hold onto me. One of the Gnomish hunters held me up as my Gnome took off the cape he was wearing. He took off my sopping wet cloak and handed it to one of his companions.

I grumbled in protest. "Nu-uh! My mo-other-rr got me that!"

"Shhh," my Gnome comforted, "This one is warmer."

"I'm no-ot c-cold, thou-ugh," I chattered, as he unfastened it from my neck.

"Shut up! You're shaking like crazy. Here… Don't make this difficult for me, girl! I don't want to waste my energy on you!"

"zrAtlpT, what's going on?" I looked up and saw a cloaked Gnomish woman. She was young, for she was still very narrow and was also the prettiest Gnome I'd ever seen. Not that I'd seen many Gnomes in my day, but she far surpassed the female ones that'd I'd seen visiting the palace. Her long, ebony hair was tied out of her face in a simple ponytail, but nevertheless, she seemed elegant, and her entire manner called for respect.

"Te-ell hi-im to l-leave-rr me al-llone!" I cried to her, desperately.

"zhAthulPa, she's obviously delirious. She's slurring and stumbling. What's wrong?"

zhAthulPa knelt beside me, her bright copper eyes shining brilliantly, even in the dark. She reached for my hand, and withdrew after a second.

"Pure ice," she murmured. "It's serious, zrAtlpT. We have to get her back." She turned to the other Gnomes and talked quickly to them in Gnomish. My temples were pounding too loudly for me to attempt to decipher their meaning.

"Mt AphchuZ is very near," she said softly to me. "Fear not, lady. Fear not."

I wanted to tell her that I wasn't afraid at all; that I wasn't anything, just like I'd told my Gnome. But the words seemed, yet again, jumbled in my mouth. This time, however, they wouldn't come out at all. I blinked a couple of times, there seemed to be hammers pounding away at my poor head. My vision was blurring, and the second the hunter let go of me, I felt myself swaying uncontrollably, before I landed with a crisp crunch in the snow. I laid there for a moment, curling up into a little ball.

"Lady, you mustn't! You'll…"

I didn't hear any more of her warning. Everything spun faster and faster, and I had clamped my hands of my head in complete and utter pain. I kicked my legs out, in what was the start of a tantrum. My head was killing me! That lack of feeling… that 'no pain' phase, had completely disappeared. Everything hurt and everything was as cold as ice. I began to cry again, this time without the confusion of whether I was laughing or crying. I was crying; sobbing actually. Jerrold hated me, my uncle hated me, and Mother was gone forever…

I let out a scream and continued to squirm about in agony. I kicked my legs and pounded my arms, sprawled in the freezing cold snow, yelling at the top of my voice. I could see the dark forms of the Gnomes, but whenever they reached for me, I batted their arms away in a fit of blind fury.

"G-GET AWA-AY FRROM ME-EEE," I screamed.

"I don't want to do this, Miss, but if you don't calm down-" zhAthulPA's attempt to scream over me failed.

"NO-OOO, STOP I-IT!"

I felt a hand firmly grasp my arm, and I struggled fervently, kicking blindly at the air. There was a sudden, sharp prick in my arm and I suddenly stopped struggling. I stared around meekly at the party; all my aggression had disappeared at the moment of that prick. My limbs felt loose and any control I had over them had drained out quickly. I tried to move to reach out for the help I had just denied, but I couldn't move anything. I peered around, and with a final sigh, closed my eyes. I couldn't open them again, either. They were much too heavy to lift, and I was much too tired to try. I just wrapped my Gnome's cloak around me and rolled into a lump in the snow.

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I rolled over, uncomfortably. My head was pounding again. Again? Was it even again? What if that whole mess was just some sort of bad dream? I prayed it was. I didn't have the strength to open my eyes, not did I have any intention of doing so. If I just laid there forever, I would never have to face the pain if it hadn't been a dream. I was so sick and tired of pain. Was anything good ever going to happen to me again? Maybe bad things came in threes. Mother's death, Uncle Edward's cruelty, and Jerrold's anger… Maybe good things were going to come, too. I decided to risk it and open my eyes.

It hadn't been a dream. My heart sank considerably. I was in a dark room with smooth, stone walls. I immediately made the assumption that I was under Mt. AphchuZ in one of the Gnomish colonies. That of course, would match the fragment of what I remembered of earlier happenings. I sighed and lingered in my blankets a little longer. Okay, I was planning on staying in that warm little haven for a lot longer. That was before zhAthulPa came into the room. I remembered her pretty face and how she was dignitary in every way. And I remember her trying to help me and that I batted her away. I hoped she wasn't mad at me.

"Lady? Are you awake?" She scurried to my side, and quickly put her hand to my forehead. She smiled.

"I'm awake. And I'm fine too. No need to worry about old Rosalie. She'll be up and at 'em in a few minutes… or hours," I sighed and regarded what I'd just said. "Why am I talking about myself as if I'm in third person?"

zhAthulPa laughed, her copper eyes glinting, but in a completely trustworthy way. It wasn't like the kind of glint people got in their eyes at the sight of gold or treasures. I supposed it was just a natural thing when your eyes looked like a metal.

"I'm glad you're alright… Rosalie, is it?"

I nodded, still harboring the hope that she'd let me linger in my cocoon of warmth for just a bit longer.

"Do you want food? Are you cold? Hot?" zhAthulPa asked, "Do you need some remedy for your head? For your stomach?"

I laughed (not deliriously, mind you) and patted her hand that was set out on the bed next to me.

"I'm fine thank you. You've already done quite enough as it is," I replied, "I mean the hunters could of left me out to die… and you! You didn't have to take care of me."

"How did you know that I took care of you?" she asked, her face looking almost amazed at my assumption.

"A wild guess."

zhAthulPa broke out into a smile. "Oh."

"What time is it? And is it even the same day? I doubt it," I murmured, half to myself. What if it had been a week? Tata would be worried to death, and she'd probably think I was dead. Why hadn't I appreciated Tata? She still loved me! Of course, I had chosen not to see that. I had wanted to be a martyr, a pitiable girl who had everything going wrong for her. In doing so I'd forgotten one of the most important people in my life.

"It's been four; almost five days. You've slept most of the time. Or you were unconscious. Your temperature was very low, so we brought you back here and changed you out of your wet clothes. We had to warm you up through body heat."

I looked at her, blushing a little, but quite understanding the severity of the situation. "I owe you my life."

zhAthulPa looked at me thoughtfully. "I never quite understood that. You shouldn't have to owe someone your life, just because they saved yours. Unless you sacrifice your life for them, you'll never pay them back. And then you'll have a guilty conscience. You shouldn't put yourself in debt to someone if there's no way to pay him or her back other than dying. I think that's a rather stupid saying, don't you think?"

I shrugged, hugging my knees to my chest. "I never thought of it that way. But you're right. I guess it is sort of stupid."

"Besides, I could have cost you your life. I thought that in sedating you, it would help to get you back here quicker. It did, but I found out that in rendering you unconscious is one of the worst things you can do when someone is severely below temperature! I'm very sorry. My grandfather was upset with me that I didn't know better. I'm supposed to succeed him as the leader of this clan until my little brother is old enough, and I'm supposed to learn all his duties. Doctoring is one of them. I suppose I'm very poor at it for nearly taking your life."

"You barely cost me my life," I retorted, shocked that she could possibly think to blame herself for the whole ordeal, "I was the one who wandered out into the freezing cold. I was being stupid. If I were to die, that would have been my fault, wouldn't it?"

zhAthulPa shrugged. "I suppose. Still…"

"No! I will brook no further self-doubt. You're a great doctor. You saved me. I'm your living proof. Now, about that food…"

She grinned. "I was hoping you'd ask! The women of the clan wanted to welcome our visitor with a feast. They've been making dinner all day, but they barely anticipated your awakening. Therefore, the dinner is a bit modest, but I'm sure you don't mind. I don't think they understood how hypothermic you were when you first came, but now that you're feeling a little better, I'm sure they'd like to re-welcome you. Besides, I think it'd be good to get some food into your system."

Instead of throwing off my covers, I gathered them around me as a cape of sorts. "I think I'll take your advice, doctor."

"It'll take some time for them to cook up all they've got planned. You could meet everyone, though," zhAthulPa said, cheerfully, "The children are just dying to see a Kyrrian. The last human to come here was a year ago, and the younger children barely remember him. Besides, he was a man, as most of our visitors are. They've never seen a Kyrrian woman, or a human woman, ever!"

Before I could respond, she cut me off hurriedly. "That if, if you're up to it. I wouldn't want to make you do anything too strenuous especially in your condition."

"I'm fine, I guarantee you. My legs feel a little weak, but that's most likely from not being used," I assured her, "I feel alright, really! I wouldn't want to deprive the children of this once in a lifetime experience. I just hope I'm not going to disappoint them. I'm not exactly the most stable girl. But if I were, then I wouldn't be here right now, would I? So I guess I'll do just fine."

zhAthulPa gave me another thoughtful look. "You seem completely stable. I think you just went through something difficult. That's what I can sense."

"Are you physic?" I asked, awed by her. How did she know? Did she know about my mother and uncle? Did she know what Jerrold had said?

"No," zhAthulPa replied, slightly disappointing me, "I just can read people. You know. Not in detail. But I can sense their past," she replied, "It means I'll be able to see the outline of the future when I'm older. Just like Grandfather."

I looked at her surprised. Compared to her, I found myself rather pathetic. She was a doctor, she was kind to complete strangers, and she was going to be able to read the future. What was I going to do? Become a greedy Duchess? I found myself very envious. Perhaps I was going to inherit hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of KJ's, but I wasn't going to get a chance to help people like zhAthulPa. I could (for I certainly had the resources), but I didn't have any apparent talents. Unless you counted reading as a talent, of course.

"You ready?" zhAthulPa asked, softly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Sure," I replied, smiling slightly, "As ready as I'll ever be."

"There really is no pressure you know. Simply being you will impress everyone enough. Simply being here is enough to impress everyone. They'll be awed by your bravery. Not every girl in Frell has the guts to run away into the woods," she assured me.

"Stupidity, more like," I replied, before zhAthulPa gave me a sharp look. "No, I suppose you're right. The mysterious, brave girl from Kyrria will amaze them all. They'll wonder who I am. Whether or not they can trust me. What if I were a thief, here to steal their riches?"

zhAthulPa gave me an incredulous look, and seemed to be preparing to tell me how incredible foolish I was. That's when it hit her I was kidding. She burst out laughing.

"Yes, how will they know? Perhaps your past is even darker than that. Perhaps you're a murderer, here to kill our children in their sleep!" zhAthulPa smiled ear-to-ear.

I gave her a look of mock-terror. "Yes! That's definitely what I am. An assassin… Do you think they'll take the risk to associate with me?"

zhAthulPa winked at me. "I think they'll all risk it. You don't exactly look like you're too threatening."

"They never do," I replied in a dark voice, then cheerfully added, "Shall we?"

With another laugh, zhAthulPa gestured to the door. I followed her out of the dark chamber, into perhaps the most astounding room I'd ever seen. It was not lavish, but the simple splendor of the cavern amazed me. There were long, thick beams of wood that acted as rafters in the cave. In between them, hung ancient stalactites. I'd prefer this room to the extravagant decorations in the Kyrrian palace any day. I'd never seen stalactites before, only illustrations, and the true things surpassed any mere illustration. They appeared to be icicles made of stone, formed by millions of years of dripping mineral solutions.

The room had one long table that was made out of dark wood, most likely mahogany. Behind the table, was a large fireplace with a crackling fire and several large pots hanging inside it. The fireplace was simple a niche embedded into the wall of the mountain with knee high rock wall around it so the ashes and such didn't escape into the cave. Or at least I presumed. Pots were bubbling over it and the aroma of a stew carried through the air.

There were children playing with crude toys on a rug on the other side of the long table, sitting on a rug of animal skins. There were two older girls watching over the boys as they poked at each other with their wooden swords. The girls sat docilely, playing with their rag dolls, requiring little supervision. The women of the clan were standing in a semi-circle around the fireplace, gabbing in their fluent Gnomish. I supposed half the men were mining precious metals and expensive jewels from the caves farther below the great hall that I was in. The other half were probably refining the metals they found, turning them into the exquisite Gnomish jewelry.

The whole idea of having all the members of the clan living together in one great cavern was intriguing to me. Instead of living separate lives, like the families in Kyrrian society, the Gnomes lived and worked with one another. Instead of being complete strangers with you second and third cousins, they'd become as close to you as your brothers and sisters. I didn't even know my second and third cousins! Even just watching them briefly, I could tell that they had separate daily routines; the men from the women, and the women from the children. Still, every evening, as evident by the humongous table, they all gathered together to eat.

"trEljj serR Rrossolie," zhAthulPa called out, stirring everyone from his or her activities. ("This is Rosalie" when translated.)

The children, as could be expected of them, rushed over eagerly. The women however stayed in place, keeping a mindful eye on the bubbling dinner cooking over the fire. However, they still managed to give me a welcoming smile.

"Welcome. I am zaeelChr," an older woman said, smiling at me, "It is lovely to finally get to meet our visitor."

As she did it, the wrinkles folded into deeper wrinkles. Heck, her wrinkles' wrinkles folded themselves into deeper creases in her face! She had zhAthulPa eyes, or rather, zhAthulPa had her eyes. They were copper-colored, less vibrant from age I assume, but they still twinkled in the dim lighting of the cave. Also like zhAthulPa, her demeanor called for respect. This Gnome's age made her even more of a dignified woman.

"She is my grandmother," zhAthulPa confirmed, smiling merrily.

I smiled, unsure of how to greet her grandmother. Did Gnome's shake hands? Or would a simple 'fwthchor evtoogh brzzay eearth ymmadboech evtoogh brzzaY' be fine? The last thing I wanted was to make a fool of myself. Being near of age to zhAthulPa made it easy to talk to her and easier to be myself. But talking to this woman; this stately Gnome, I felt as tongue-tied as I did around the King or Queen (or Court Linguist and Cook's Helper, as she insisted all her personal acquaintances call her).

I finally decided upon a casual, "Pleased to meet you." I curtsied, and surprisingly, I managed to do it with the utmost grace. "Thank you for being so hospitable to me."

She smiled. "Are you this polite always? Why, we have a lady of breeding before us!"

I shook my head quickly. "No, ma'am, I'm afraid not. I'm probably the most laid-back courtier you'll ever meet! Jerrold's right up there with me… but he's the prince. Does that count as a courtier?" I smiled brightly, before it hit me that I shouldn't have led on to the Gnomes that I was friends with the prince. I, of course, wanted more than anything to be his friend again. He, on the other hand, probably regarded me as lowly as the dirt under his feet.

"A noble are you? A relaxed noble? I'm pleased to meet you. I can speak on behalf of the Gnomes in our clan that you are more than welcome here… I'm sorry, but I didn't happen to catch your name…"

"Rosalie," I said. "Rosalie of Frell."

"Well, Rosalie, the men will arrive for dinner soon. The children are about to die with anticipation… please don't mind if they are a bit rude. They've never seen a Kyrrian woman before. They might have a lot of questions… zhAthulPa, can you translate?"

"No need, mmrEemann, Rosalie speaks Gnomish. At least that's what zrAtlpT tells me. Or is that only when you're delirious?" zhAthulPa asked, smiling.

I was going to puff my chest with pride after she'd said she didn't need to translate for me, but the latter part made me feel rather embarrassed. I blushed and replied, "I know how to speak it. At least a good deal of it. I get a little confused about the participles sometimes."

zhAthulPa's grandmother didn't seem to hear me. She was intently focused on her granddaughter. "zrAtlpT will be joining us tonight. I hope you don't mind."

"mmrEemann… Of course I don't mind. Just please don't say anything. I don't need the pressure," she muttered in return.

"qwRootch nrechw, mmrhthOoran," zhAthulPa's grandmother told her, before rejoining the women gathered by the fireplace.

I sent zhAthulPa a curious look, but very soon after the children were pulling on my skirt, their metallic colored eyes shining.

"zreEtvh eRvemm frEEaechll?" A Gnomish girl asked, her silver eyes shining luminously as she wondered where I was from.

"Frell, nellain" I answered. ('Frell, child')

She nodded comprehensively. And stepped back, letting the other little children ask their questions. None of the questions were at all intrusive, as one would expect children to ask. They were all simple, like 'What is your name?' or 'How old are you?'. I answered their questions patiently, but the name zaeelChr kept ringing in my kind. zrAtlpT… that name sounded vaguely familiar. Could it be my Gnome they spoke of? I knew how hopelessly nosy I was being, so I focused my full attention on the eager children.

The children finished their questions and I was sort of disappointed that I hadn't found any way to amuse them. The children seemed elated enough, undoubtedly, but I hadn't found my performance on to be so excited over. Perhaps zhAthulPa had been right. Simply being here had impressed the children very much.

It was about the exact moment when after the children left me that at least a dozen male Gnomes filed out of the mines. Many of them took seats at the large table, other greeted their wives, and a few came to greet me.

zaeelChr, zhAthulPa's grandmother, told me, "There is one more coming. My husband who casts our jewelry; you have heard of our magnificent fineries, no doubt; is not yet here. Once he has arrived, we will begin to eat. A stew and bread are all we have prepared. I hope that will satisfy your hunger, Rosalie of Frell."

"Certainly, ma'am," I said appreciatively.

"Very well, very well," she said smiling subtly, "Now where is my grandson? Causing trouble no doubt…"

I watched zaeelChr walk off in search of zhAthulPa's brother, a young Gnome with the copper eyes that ran in his family and a little beard. (Maybe it was just me, but I found it very funny that even Gnomish toddlers had beards. Something about a baby with a beard struck me as hilarious.) I stood, greeting the men of the clan politely. There was absolutely no hostility, but there was no extraordinary hospitality. I told myself that I hadn't expected such a reaction, but I guess I had been spoiled by zhAthulPa's warmth towards me. She didn't seem anywhere in sight, and I was quickly realizing how rude it would be to ask her about her conversation with her grandmother. Perhaps, in her own time she would tell me. Why did I have to be so awful? I hated Jerrold for always telling me all his secrets, even when I hadn't asked to hear them. Now I had to know everyone's secrets and scandals. Stupid Jerrold…

"Grandfather!" zhAthulPa's brother exclaimed in Gnomish, scurrying away from the restraining arms of his grandmother over to the Gnomish man.

"Yes, little one. Ahh! I see our visitor has roused from her slumber," he said, winking at me before turning to his wife, "Well, zaeelChr, I have finished my latest piece that you have so long been nagging me to finish. I suppose it would be best to show it after dinner, yes?" He looked at me for a second before murmuring something to his wife, who looked at me for a moment with bright eyes. If I'd thought zhAthulPa or her grandmother were respectable figures, this Gnome was the definition of stately. He looked as ancient as the mountain, yet his eyes seemed as bright and youthful as the small Gnomish boy that was pulling on his hand eagerly.

"rzreeAtt? zhaNglled, we haven't heard one in such a long time! How excited everyone will be!" zaeelChr smiled and rushed off to the other ladies in a hurry. I looked at zhAthulPa's grandfather curiously. Was what he said to his wife about me? And why in the world couldn't I mind my own business?

Soon after, all of us took a seat at the grand table, me at the right hand side of zhaNglled, the leader of the clan. I'd never been an honored guest before, so I was excited to get all that attention. Still, while that pleased me, two things were bothering me. What was the problem with zrAtlpT coming to the dinner (though he had yet to show up) and what had zhAthulPa's grandfather told his wife? What bothered me more was that those things bothered me. Why couldn't I be a good guest? Did I just have to ruin everything?

In the middle of my second bowl of the Gnome's delicious stew, zrAtlpT finally made his long awaited appearance. There was a buzzing between the children and quite a few, including zhAthulPa's brother, rushed over to hug him. As far as I could see, he was quite popular with the children. The adults gave him polite nods and a few polite greetings in between spoonfuls of soup. zhAthulPa was flushing crimson, which made me even more curious. zrAtlpT took a seat to the left of zhaNglled, talking conversationally to the head of the clan.

I studied zrAtlpT for a moment. Though I'd said it in delirium, I continued to notice how he didn't look very Gnomish. Sure, he had the right skin color and eyes, but he lacked the short stature and very defined features. He looked almost human. I received a glare from him and quickly put my eyes back to my plate.

After dinner was over, zhaNglled stood up. Instantly all the eyes went to him respectively, and the women who had been collecting the dirty plates ceased their chore and took a seat.

"I am quite sure everyone has met our visitor, if not they have seen her," he said, "Now child, come here and let me see your hand. I promise I do not bite."

The eyes of the clan turned to me. I approached him, extremely bewildered, but offered him my hand. He accepted it into his calloused palm. That was when the magic began. His copper eyes began to cloud over, as if there were a storm were blowing in from nowhere. Everyone watched us, almost as mystified as I was. Was he sensing my future? I had heard of such things, and how rare it was to meet a Gnome who could sense one's future. Then again, zhAthulPa had told me someday she, like her grandfather could read futures. Yes, I was certain he was reading mine.

Suddenly, he let go of my hand, his eyes reverting back to the shiny copper they previously were. He was silent for a moment, and I felt my heart sink. It obviously was not good.

Bravely, I ventured to ask him, "What did you see, sir?"

He smiled at me. "You have seen much child, and you are soon to see more. There are three men in your life, are there not? Be careful where you place your trust and always watch your back, for one of them will try to take advantage of you. One you have never trusted, for the many years you have known him, and you never shall. Though hardships are yet to come, you will manage to persevere. You must always keep faith in yourself. You are a fighter; I can tell. Do not be discouraged, neellain."

I looked at for a moment, dumbfounded. Now I had to worry over whom I could trust and whom I couldn't. My uncle was obviously out of the question. But what about Waldor and Jerrold? zhaNglled had told me to be careful where I placed my trust and to watch out for myself. I knew myself well enough, and I knew that I would always trust Jerrold. Was Jerrold the one who was to take advantage of me? I couldn't imagine it, but I worried of what the future held.

I took a seat, no longer concerned with what was between zhAthulPa and zrAtlpT. Now I had my own problems to deal with. How would I ever be able to sleep again with these awful thoughts lingering in my mind? The Gnomes were all staring at me awed at me. I no longer cared to impress anyone. I just wanted to get home to Tata's safe arms and relate all my awful tales to her. She didn't have all the answers; no, she didn't have very many at all, but she listened almost as well as Alleopes. She could comfort me.

zhAthulPa looked at me, her eyes painful. "Are you alright?"

I shrugged uncertainly. "I don't know. I'm just so sick of these things happening to me…"

"I know," she said. "Don't worry. Everyone will be going to their rooms after we clean up from dinner. You can be alone if you wish." She paused for a moment. "Or we could talk. Not if you don't want to, though."

I smiled. "I'd like that."

-

"So, that's everything?" zhAthulPa asked finally, after I'd told her my tale. "That sure is a lot to happen to you in such a short time. Jerrold certainly was angry, it seems. Is he one quick to anger? And if so, is he one to hold lengthy grudges?"

"That's the funny thing," I told her, hugging a pillow to my chest, "He's neither."

zhAthulPa shrugged, playing with her feet as we sat cross-legged on my bed. It was now into the early hours of the morning, for I hadn't spared her one detail of the last months of my life.

"This will certainly get better," she replied, "Jerrold will come along. I can tell."

I looked at the pillow lost in my thoughts. Would it? Would things get better? How would I ever know whether or not I could trust Jerrold again?

"You're worried, aren't you?" zhAthulPa asked. Her copper eyes were shimmering in the soft candlelight.

"My future seems dismal. Your grandfather said I'd rise above it, but that I had to have faith in myself. I don't think I can do that when I have no power over anything anymore," I admitted.

"No one has power over all the aspects of his or her life. You have to have faith in yourself; that things will turn out alright if you try enough," zhAthulPa said softly, "I told zrAtlpT the same thing years ago. I suppose I should tell you about the whole thing."

I smiled. "Could you tell? That I was curious, I mean? I'm sorry, it's just my nature."

"Well, zrAtlpT and I have been best friends forever," she began softly, "He lived with out clan for half of his life. He's half human, half Gnome, and his clan didn't accept him. That's a whole other story. Anyways, because of his background and the fact of who his parents were, he was shunned. So, from the time I was just a leeTkst neellain, we've been friends. He is very kind… just not to humans. His mother died in childbirth and his human father abandoned him. My parents took him in, and he was raised as a part of our clan.

"zrAtlpT's own clan faced some hard times. I think they were just getting what they deserved. There was not a son born for 7 years in their clan. And as you know, the men are the basis of the Gnomish industry. Since zrAtlpT's clan was very traditional, not even those other than the sons or grandsons of the clan leader can rule there. zrAtlpT's grandfather was growing old, and he needed a successor. So, they accepted him back in when he was 13, and I was 12. That same year, my parents died. They were killed actually, by a band of ogres. My brother was only one year old. My parents were almost his parents too, so it hit us both hard. He helped me to cheer up and… I don't know. It was last year that everyone agreed for us to marry. They even had a wedding for us a month ago. I sort of… I did purposely miss the wedding. I love zrAtlpT, I really do but…"

She trailed off for a moment, and shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I want to see a few things before I'm stuck here, cooking and cleaning for the rest of my life."

I looked down and smiled. "Yeah. I want to see the world, too. When I was younger; when Jerrold and I were younger, and before we knew any better, he promised to make me his queen. I don't think either of us really knew what that entailed, but we were so little it wasn't that big of deal. I told him that I wanted to go everywhere, and he told me that he'd show me the world so long as I'd be happy. Maybe if you told zrAtlpT why you didn't want to get married he'd understand," I said, before laughing at myself, "Then again, I don't know how much you can trust sixteen-year-old Rosalie, let alone my four-year-old self."

zhAthulPa gave me a firm look. "You've got to stop doing that, or I'll make you! If anything is to go well for you again, you've got to be confident in yourself. And frankly, I think that's the best advice I've heard. I tried to tell my grandmother about it, but she told me that I was being silly, and that marriage was the best for both our clans. 'You have to stop being selfish,' she said. And I know I am being selfish. But I've never been into any of the Kyrrian cities, or even past the outskirts of this forest. There's too much to see to spend your entire life in one place. The problem is, zrAtlpT wouldn't understand. He hates all humans," she ended, a tint of bitterness in her voice.

"Doesn't he have the right to? His father abandoned him. If his father had kept him, he might have had some family to live with. Instead, he was shunned and sent to live with strangers."

zhAthulPa shook her head vigorously. "Don't you see? You're being just as close-minded as he is! It was a single human who did that to him; not the entire race. He has about as much right to blame your entire race as… Rosalie, will you be angry with me if I were to tell you something? An opinion?"

I shook my head, a little bewildered, and zhAthulPa continued on.

"I think that perhaps," she said hesitantly, "you went a bit overboard on blaming your uncle. He's not a good man, and I'm not even suggesting that he is. Maybe like zrAtlpT, you were blinded by sadness and pain, and you found it easier to place the blame somewhere it didn't belong. Maybe it was your mother's time; maybe it wasn't, but I don't think it was your uncle who killed her. And for zrAtlpT, his father certainly was awful to have abandoned him, but he's blaming far too many people. I'm sorry if that was rude. But maybe, it will make things better between you and your uncle if you stopped blaming him for that."

I was seriously contemplating being hurt or angry by her words, but I realized it was the truth. And it hurt badly. She was right. I knew she was right. It wasn't fair, though. I had to blame someone or something. I didn't want it to be Mother's fault, not did I want it to be fate. She shouldn't have died. It wasn't her time; I knew it! That's what I wanted to believe, at least. I said nothing for a while, trying to come to terms with the truth, not just what I wanted to hear.

"Have you told him yet?" I said finally.

"No," she admitted. "I've tried, many times, but I'm afraid of what it'll do to him. What if he were to cry? I've never seen him, and I never want to. I just don't want him to hate me. Not that I want you to hate me, but with you… I guess I feel like I can be honest with you and you won't mind. You're easy to talk to. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Jerrold had. I didn't say that thought. I remained quiet, before saying, "It stings. The truth hurts really, really badly. But it's better to face it sooner than later. I know it wasn't Uncle Edward's fault. She wanted to go. She even told me. And I just didn't want to see it because I didn't want to think that I wasn't enough. I mean… why wasn't I? Didn't she love me? Why wasn't I enough to remind her of him? I could have tried harder. I could have done and said anything that he'd said. It would be hard, but I could try. I could be funny, like he was. I look like him. You didn't know that, did you? I look just like him. And everyone says so. When she looked in my eyes, didn't she see him? Didn't she see him in me? Couldn't she hang in there for me? Couldn't the part of him in me keep her?"

I didn't burst out in sobs this time. They were quiet tears that just rolled gently down my face. They weren't the tiring type of tears that shook your frame and exhausted you until you fell asleep with puffy red eyes and a sore heart. They were refreshing, renewing.. I felt better as they tumbled down serenely.

zhAthulPa sat there silently before moving towards the door. "I'm sorry. But you're right. I hope zrAtlpT hasn't left yet. I guess I'll tell him tonight. You're right," she repeated to herself before closing the door softly behind her. I sat there for only a few minutes crying before I set my head down on the pillow and fell asleep.

-

"Really, Rosalie," zhAthulPa told me for the fifth time that next morning, "You can't leave. Why, I haven't even shown you all there is to see here! I know I told you that I want to see the world, but Mt. AphchuZ does have lots to offer!"

"I have to get home. My nursemaid, Tata, will be very worried and I love her very much. Besides, I want to try and figure out the prophecy that your grandfather gave me. I'm going to have faith that things will work out, too. There, are you happy now? Please don't be sad. I'll write whenever I can. I'm sure I can find a merchant headed here for your goods."

zhathulPa frowned. "Fine. I'll find as many coats for you to wear as possible," she said with a twinkle in her eyes, "I want to thank you. zrAtlpT didn't exactly take it well, but I think he'll thank me in the long run. I know he will."

I grinned. "Let me guess, you 'can tell'?"

She shrugged. "You could say that. Ooh! I have something for you. I had to coax my grandfather, but he finally agreed."

zhAthulPa scurried off into the cave, leaving me alone to bask in the marvels of the cavern for just a bit longer. Maybe I didn't have control over my future. I didn't know exactly who was going to try to take advantage of me. I did know, however that I would manage. I don't know how, but I knew that someone was looking out for me. Someday, even if it wasn't soon, things would be sunny again.

"Leaving so soon, I see," zhaNglled said softly, his granddaughter trailing behind him.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I need to get home and fac-"

"No need for explanations. Just take care of yourself and keep warm. And," he said, revealing a golden necklace, "Please take this. It's my latest work. Please accept this gift on behalf of zHathulPa, myself, and all the Gnomes here. You are very welcome to come again."

He held the necklace out to me, and I stared at it dumbly. It was a thin chain, consisting of two gold, one silver strings of metal braided together. At the bottom in an elegant holder, was a bright amethyst gem nestled between two ivory pearls. I shook my head quickly. There was no way I could accept it. It would sell for so much… I couldn't very much deprive them of such an expensive item.

"It's a friendship gift," zhAthulPa assured me, "Please take it!"

I nodded, not able to find the words.

"Thank you," I finally managed.

zhAthulPa smiled. "You have to write, like you promised. And please do visit! When it gets warmer of course. It's a sunny morning today, so I'm going to allow you to leave. But if you're still close by and it begins to cloud up, you must come back."

"Thank you," I repeated, putting the necklace on. "Thank you for everything. For taking care of me, for the necklace, for finding my pesky horse. For being my friend, most of all."

She smiled at me, her eyes sad. I fare-welled all the Gnomes, apologized to the children for the briefness of my visit, and assured everyone of my eventual return. After the women had wrapped me tightly in piles of cloaks and blankets, I managed to hobble outside. There, I saw zrAtlpT standing, holding Kummeck's reins.

"zhAthulPa likes you," he said, "She trusts you. I guess… I guess I trust you too then. Please come again. She'll miss you."

"I will," I assured him, hiding my smile. I mounted Kummeck and waved at him. Surprisingly enough, he waved back. zhAthulPa had been right. He had come to terms. So had I. And I felt better about it too. I'm sure zrAtlpT felt the same way.