Hy everyone! I feel so bad I haven't updated before. But on a brighter note, now I don't have to worry about school anymore!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own gossip girl. If I did, Jenny Humphrey would already be dead and burried with no chance of resurrection! Enough said.
Blair was now in her room.
That day turned out to be a mess…
What did she think? That in a blink she could go from a good Upper East Side poster girl to old Serena Van der Woodsen?
That wasn't her, that wasn't who she was… No matter how much she tried to play the drunk girl, the role didn't fit her.
But the truth was that she didn't try to change just for the fun of it… She didn't like who she had become: a manipulative bitch who took pride in hurting people, a girl who thought she was better than anyone…
Somehow now she understood, Miss Carr opened her eyes… She was punishing people for acting with her very own behaviour.
Plus she lost everything she considered important: Yale, her dad's pride for her, Chuck…
Chuck… She acted so stupid at the party… She ashamed herself in front of the elite of New York's society; and Chuck now thought she was a whore… He rejected her because she wasn't herself, she wasn't the Blair I want…
She admitted she was partially at fault, but Chuck hurt her: didn't she always accept him? Even why he was with countless whores? Why couldn't he do the same?
And why did she always forgive him? Even after the elevator incident and everything, she just couldn't hate him… Why? Because you love him, Blair, her mind told her.
Loving Chuck was so hard…
She made a promise… I will stand by you trough anything. And she planned to keep it.
But at some point he was beginning to push her with him in the hole, so she cut her "relationship" with him, even if it was the hardest thing she ever did.
I'm not abandoning Chuck, I'm just saving myself, she told Serena once.
Well, that day she was the one falling into the black hole, and she needed his help…
But he didn't help her, at all. Someone else did…
So, after trying to change into old Serena by sneaking around with almost strangers (Carter Baizen, really?), she realized she just was who she was, and she couldn't do anything about it.
But suddenly someone pushed her out of her thoughts.
"So, you're fine now… I think I should go…" Nate said.
Nate. He was the one who helped her finding her old self again… And now she needed someone so desperately…
She didn't love Nate… Well, she loved him, but just like a friend.
Maybe he wasn't Chuck, but things with Nate were always so easy (almost always)…
No drama.
She started to remember their relationship; them holding hands, them kissing…
Sure, there was no spark, no firework, but there was something.
She thought that if she could have her relationship with Nate back, then she could have her fairy tale life back. One without drama. A safe relationship.
So she stopped him.
"No, please, stay" Blair said touching his hand tenderly.
Nate was shocked by her request, but knew he couldn't leave her while she was hurting.
"Sure… You're really tired, why don't we go to bed?"
"Yeah, of course" she said, a bit confused…
Then she remembered… Nate had a girlfriend, even if they weren't at their best…
Well, that little detail can be easily fixed, she thought, tomorrow.
"Uhm, you can't sleep dressed like that… My dad has some t-shirts in his room. Pick one" she stated.
When Nate came back with a blue t-shirt, he started to undo the buttons…
"Sorry Blair, can you help me… This buttons are really hard to undo… They are driving me crazy!" he said.
"Sure, don't worry… Nothing sexual about it!" Blair giggled.
She was almost done (while giggling with Nate), when the door opened.
And there stood Chuck Bass.
Go Chuck, you can do this, you're not some kind of whiny little girl. Man up and go upstairs, Chuck thought.
He was now walking up the stairs, step by step, the slowest he could.
Truth was he never felt so scared; not because he could find something potentially hurtful in her room… Because he knew he had to make Blair feel safe.
And the first thing to do was to tell her he loved her… Easy to say, harder to do.
But he had no choice, unless he wanted to see his best friend and the girl he loved spending their perfect fairy tales lives together, 2.5 children and picket white fence.
Serena wasn't the only one who knew about the scrap book… And he knew the prince drawn in there had blonde hair and blue eyes.
Well, I guess some dark coloured pencils can change that.
He was now at the top of the stairs.
Breathe, Bass, breathe.
He took one deep, deep breath and opened the door.
And then he realised he was wrong when he thought he was ready, when he thought all he had to do was muster enough strength to tell her he loved her.
Because all he could see was red.
Because all he could see was Blair taking Nate's shirt off.
Because all he could hear was them giggling.
Because all he could taste was anger.
Because all he could feel were his knuckles hitting Nate's jaw.
All he could feel were his knuckles hurting and all he could see were Nate's schocked eyes.
"What the hell are you doing, Chuck?" Blair yelled.
And all he could hear was Blair yelling at him.
He felt like he was having an out of body experience.
"What am I doing? What are you doing right here almost having sex with my best friend?" he yelled back.
Then it was Nate's turn to yell: "Are you kidding me man? Do you think we were about to have sex?".
"Yes, you fucking son of a bitch! Don't you have a girlfriend? That Brooklyn slut?".
He was so mad he couldn't even think straight.
They were now standing face to face, and none of the two were backing away.
"Don't you dare call Vanessa a slut! You know what? I was just here helping Blair because no one else, including you, was here for her!".
"Oh, you're such a good friend Nathanial! Why am I not thanking you?".
"Because you're a weak bastard who can't even tell the girl he loves his true feelings!"
Blair gasped at that, and Chuck suddenly looked at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Was he weak?
Yeah, of course you are, Bass, his mind told him, Nathaniel is right. You couldn't even muster up the strength to keep her with you. You were just an ungrateful Basstard. It took you more than a year to put your feelings on the line, and here you think you can just have everything back in the blink of an eye.
Blair was the first one to pull herself together and put her mask back on.
"Nate, I think you should go… Chuck and I have some things to discuss" she said.
"Wh-"
"No Nathanial, stay, I'll go. I didn't want to interrupt whatever you where doing".
"WE were doing nothing! Right, Blair?" Nate asked.
"Uhm, yeah, sure… He was just helping me" she said, confused.
"Why are you so confused, Waldorf?" Chuck said. He could read Blair's mind like an open book. She held no secret to him.
"I'm not… confused! It's just, uhm, nothing… Forget about it!".
She wasn't going to deny she wanted something with Nate again just two minutes ago, but now, with Chuck in the room, she couldn't even form a 20-word sentence: her heart was beating 150 times a minute, her butterflies were in overdrive… it was crazy.
"Now Nathanial" said Chuck, with an almost angry tone "it looks like you have a bad affect on Miss Waldorf here, so I think you should go."
"What, are you kicking me out? You think you can just come here and have everything back? Blair's not a doll you can play with until you get bored!" Nate said in disbelieve.
Like he hasn't done that all his life, Chuck thought, angrily.
"No, that's exactly why I'm here, but I don't have anything to explain to you! I'm here to talk to Blair, not my asshole of a best friend. Now, go!" Chuck answered.
"Fine! But Blair, next time he's going to hurt you again, I'm not gonna be there for you!"
"When were you even there for me?" now it was Blair's turn to be angry "while you were fucking Serena, or while you were dating Brooklyn girl and sticking your tongue down Cabbage Patch's sister?".
How could she even think she wanted to try again with him just 5 minutes?
Just because he was confused with his own life it didn't mean he could fuck up hers. He never really did love her; all the time he said he did he secretly loved Serena.
He wasn't in her life for over a year after telling her he didn't want to have anything to do with her, and know he thought he could come back like nothing happened, like in the middle she was just a depressed girl who couldn't get over him, like he thought she was a silly little girl dreaming of her life with the reformed playboy….
Well, maybe I have the reformed playboy dream, she thought within herself.
"Maybe you're right, but don't think he's gonna be there for you" Nate said, pointing to Chuck. Then, he turned around and exited her room.
"Well, that was intense…"
They both stood looking at her bedroom's door for a few moments and then, at the same time, they turned so they were able to look in each other's eyes.
It was only them now.
"Chuck, I-I'm sorry, I didn't want to-"
"You're sorry for what?"
"Because of what happened with Nate. I didn't want you to fight… It's just that my life is such a mess at the moment, and Nate was here, and I had all these strange thoughts, and, God, -".
Now huge tears were running down her face.
She was bare foot, tiny and insecure, and Chuck just wanted to hug her tightly, he wanted to be there for her, he wanted to make her feel save. That was his goal.
He didn't care about himself at the moment. He didn't care about anything except HER.
He didn't care she even thought about with Nate again, because he knew she did that just because she having a really bad period.
He felt so bad, because he was sure she cried like that (or even harder) over him… and it was killing him.
God Bass, this is not about you. Just think about Blair. It's not like you were there for her, you can't blame her, you have been a jerk for this past months. You didn't even check up on her. Just hug her, you moron.
And so he did.
"Shh, don't worry baby, shh" he said softly.
She was now walking away from him.
"How can you even say that? I was throwing myself at Nate 10 minutes ago! How can you not be mad at me?".
She hated to seem insecure and everything, but she didn't care anymore.
Because he was making her feel safe.
Because it felt so good to be in his arms.
But know she did need THEM more than ever. She needed to feel completely safe before exposing herself.
"Because… Because I know this has been a terrible period for you. And I don't want to think about myself". He said.
It was so good to tell her, not being worried about her reaction, about what se might say.
He wasn't afraid anymore. He felt so exposed, but in a good way. He didn't want to hide anymore.
"Why are you even here? I thought you didn't want me anymore, I thought-"
And she didn't have to say anything anymore, because he was kissing her, magically.
His lips were soft, as usual, but strong too.
This was the moment their life was created for.
The moment when everything was okay, when the stars were aligned.
This was completeness.
Their kiss was soft at first.
Usually their kissed were hungry and needy, but this was so soft, so romantic.
She felt like Audrey Hepburn.
But then the kiss turned more heated, and even if it was really hard, Chuck moved back.
They had things to talk about (3 words, 8 letters).
And now they were locking their eyes together.
Soft eyes.
Lust filled eyes.
God, I missed this, they both thought at the same time.
"Chuck-"
But he put his thumb over her mouth, softly.
"Blair, I- I know I messed up so much in the past… But I don't want to hide anymore… I don't want to act another day like I don't love you".
There, he said it: he imagined it to be an heart-shattering moment, the moment of Apocalypse.
But it wasn't.
It was the first time he opened up in his whole life, and he felt so complete and at peace he thought he was flying. He felt dizzy.
God, I'm so whipped.
Her eyes widened and she softly smiled.
"I love you too".
He wasn't the pale little boy anymore.
He wasn't the playboy with no feelings.
No.
He was a boy loved by the most perfect girl in the world.
There weren't even enough words to explain how he felt at the moment.
And they were kissing again.
But it was something else, because their feelings were finally out in the open.
They weren't going to have sex.
They were going to make love.
And the thought made his butterflies fly more than ever, and set a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"So" he said "I heard make-up sex is the best".
"Way to ruin a moment, Bass".
But she was actually giggling.
He fought for her, like she did for him.
He made her feel safe.
He wasn't weak anymore.
Well, that wasn't the way I wanted it to turn out, but I guess that's because my brain always thinks one thing and my fingers tipe something interely different... Am I the only one?
However I'm satisfied. Enjoy and review!