--June 2014--
Quinn was almost a junior at NYU and enjoying total freedom. She was free of her parents' reign and she could do what she wanted. She was an English major because she still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She went out and drank with her friends. She got flirty with dark eyed, dark haired short girls at frat parties but never acted on it because she always ended up in the bathroom crying. It was impossible, she thought. It was completely impossible and irrational that she still even had a sliver of emotion for Rachel Berry. But she did.
Quinn never really gave fate too much deep thought. She read about it in romance novels and saw it in movies and listened to hopeless romantics talk about it in Starbucks but she didn't think about it all that often. The one fate-related idea she did avidly subscribe to was that life wasn't going to hand her anything that would make her truly happy again. The one thing that did make her feel that way had been brutally and cruelly ripped from her and when she kept getting kicked while she was down in high school she just stopped expecting things to turn out the way she wanted. She didn't hate the world or anything…she just wasn't Earth's most optimistic person. She believed that fate just didn't want her to be happy.
Then one day fate sucker punched her in the kidneys. Hard.
Her closest friend and roommate, Kate (with whom she shared a bedroom in the two-bedroom apartment with three other girls), scored tickets to some off-Broadway musical that Quinn had never heard of but it sounded entertaining so she decided to go. It was a night out, there was a wait staff at the theater and she could pass for 21 even though she was still only 20 and get drunk in case the show was horrible. She dropped into her seat at the table with a glass of champagne in hand and waited for the curtain to open. Before she saw anything she heard it. She heard the voice. The unforgettable voice that she'd first heard almost ten years ago. The curtain opened and the spotlight hit her. Rachel Berry was standing on the small stage belting out the opening number. Quinn tipped the champagne glass against her mouth until it was bone dry.
"Wow," Kate leaned over and whispered to her while the audience was going nuts. "She is really, really good."
"You should hear her sing Streisand," Quinn blurted out.
Kate raised an eyebrow and turned her attention back to the stage.
A waiter kept bringing Quinn glasses of champagne. By the end of the first act Quinn was using every single ounce of strength she had not to start sobbing uncontrollably. By the end of the second act she really was sobbing uncontrollably and didn't even know how the play ended because she had to be dragged out by her friends.
"Quinn, what the hell is going on?" Kate hissed when they got to the lobby.
"That's her," Quinn gasped. "Rachel Berry. The Rachel Berry." She knew her friends would have no idea who she was talking about. She never told anyone about Rachel or the knots in her stomach or the feeling that her heart was going to burst through her chest. "She's supposed to be in Los Angeles. She was going to UCLA after high school. Why is she here? Oh God why is she here?" Quinn felt the world start spinning and one of her other friends grabbed a chair just in time for Quinn's knees to give out.
"Quinn, what are you talking about?" her friend Maria, who had grabbed the chair, asked.
"The girl," Quinn sobbed. "The girl with the dark brown eyes that can melt your soul and the dark hair that feels like it was made by some kind of silk from the gods…the one with the voice that can make me weak at the knees…"
"Quinn…" Kate arched her eyebrow again. "You know the lead girl?"
"I'm in love with the lead girl," Quinn blubbered.
"We need to get you back home," Kate said. "Come on."
"No! No, no, no!" Quinn whined. She stood up and stumbled back towards the theater door. "I need to see her."
"Quinn, you're drunk. Do you really want to see her while you're like this? The show is going to be here for another month, we'll come back some other time."
When Quinn opened her mouth to protest she had to run to find the nearest trashcan. The combination of the countless glasses of champagne plus the giant knot in her stomach took its toll.
Quinn woke up with a throbbing headache and a very, very vivid recollection of watching Rachel sing on a small stage in a dark room. There was no way it was a dream. She'd had dreams of watching Rachel on stage and this was too real, too vivid. And she had a hangover which meant the champagne was real as was the place she drank it in.
"Hey Sleeping Beauty," Kate said from the doorway. "How are you feeling?"
"Like someone dropped a cinder block on my head."
Quinn scooted over when Kate sat down on her bed. Quinn sat up a little and held onto her forehead.
"Quinn…you kind of scared me last night," Kate said. "I mean, I knew you had a tendency to lean towards the ladies and I'm all good with that but last night…Quinn…what the hell happened?"
Quinn started at the beginning. Moving to Lima. Sitting next to Rachel. Becoming friends with Rachel. Falling in love with Rachel. Rachel kissing her. Rachel's two dads. Rachel's broken wrist. Quinn's deal she made with her father. High school. Slushies. Pregnancy. Adoption.
Kate only sat with her jaw open. "You…Quinn, people don't fall in love when they're ten years old, it just doesn't happen."
"I did," Quinn whispered. "I fell in love with Rachel when I was ten years old and I've never once doubted it."
"Quinn, I'm a psych major, it…It's impossible. Children aren't capable of…"
"You think I don't know that?" Quinn hissed. "I've done the research, Kate. I've read the studies. Children that age aren't capable of the complex emotion that is romantic love because of their lack of brain development and necessary hormones that trigger it. I know! But I'm telling you right now, it's all bullshit in my case. And in Rachel's."
"Why would you be such a bitch to her in high school though?"
"If I wasn't then I would've been shipped off, I told you. I couldn't stand not seeing her every day and if I wasn't a bitch then I'd never see her again."
"Sheesh…Quinn that is some heavy stuff. Seriously. They make movies about this shit."
"Kate…Kate I need to see her. I haven't seen her in two years. I need to talk to her and tell her…Can you help me? Please, I swear I will owe you my life." Quinn started sobbing and pulled her knees close to her chest.
"Oh sweetie," Kate sighed. She scooted close and held on to the sobbing blonde. "We'll get her, okay? I'll make some calls and we'll get her."
Quinn occupied the bathroom for the next hour while Kate made phone calls. Quinn relaxed in the bathtub and just thought about what she could quite possibly say to Rachel when she saw her. Kate came bouncing into the bathroom and dropped to the floor by the bathtub.
"Great job knocking," Quinn said, pulling some bubbles close to her chest.
"I've seen you naked, Fabray. Remember when we went skinny dipping?"
"Doesn't count, I was drunk."
Kate scoffed. "Hurry up in here," she said. She stood up and smiled. "We're leaving in an hour."
Quinn's eyes widened and Kate skipped out of the bathroom. Quinn blinked a few times and pulled the plug from the drain.
Kate had an outfit laid out on Quinn's bed when she got out of the bathroom. It was a short black dress with a plunging neckline that obviously came from Kate's closet. Quinn cursed being the same size as her friend but Kate insisted on the dress with her black heels. The blonde wasn't in the mood to argue. Maria did her hair in a loose up-do with a few curls hanging out. A few people dropped by and Kate had quiet words with them and Quinn saw envelopes exchanged and just shook her head. She didn't want to know.
When the cab pulled up to the theater Kate handed Quinn a press pass on a lanyard.
"Your name is Alexa Mills. You're a student journalist for the NYU student paper and you have an appointment with Rachel in fifteen minutes," Kate said before shoving Quinn out of the cab and hopping out herself. She pulled another pass out of a large black duffel bag. "And I am your lovely photographer."
Quinn nodded and headed toward the side door. She and Kate showed their passes and were let in backstage. A young man with a headset on greeted them.
"You're here to talk to Ms. Berry?"
"Yes," Quinn said. "I'm Alexa Mills, this is my photographer…"
"Hillary Conrad," Kate said, flashing her pass.
"Wonderful. Follow me."
The young man went through the halls, up the stairs and stopped in front of a door with a large gold star on it. Quinn smiled.
"Ms. Berry is waiting for you, no photographs until she approves."
Quinn nodded and the young man headed back down the stairs.
"I can't do this, Kate." Quinn was very sure that at that moment she was having a heart attack. Her chest was in knots and she couldn't breathe. "I'm dying. I'm having a heart attack!"
"You're not having a heart attack. You're having an anxiety attack. Just breathe. Focus on something else."
Quinn looked at the door. The gold star. The small speck that was missing some glitter. The tightening in her chest eased.
"Go get her, Quinn," Kate whispered.
"This is happening really fast, Kate. I need more time to think about this." Quinn turned and started heading for the staircase.
"Oh no you don't!" Kate grabbed her wrist. "If you don't do this right now you will never do it."
Quinn swallowed hard. "Okay. Okay, you're right."
Kate stood away from the door and Quinn knocked lightly.
"Come in!" the familiar voice from the other side came.
Quinn reached forward and turned the knob. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. She was fairly certain she was going to pass out. Rachel's back was to her and she was looking into a small mirror and plucking her eyebrows. Quinn was able to get in the room and shut the door before Rachel turned around, hand extended.
"Hi, I'm Ra…" The brunette stopped. Her eyes went wide and her mouth hung open a little. Quinn saw Rachel's chest stop moving and her own stopped as well. Rachel was stunning. Even in sweatpants and an oversized UCLA sweatshirt. Despite not breathing, Quinn's heart was threatening to break through her ribcage and start bouncing around the room like a super-ball.
"Quinn…"
Quinn nodded.
"Quinn Fabray…"
Quinn nodded again. "Rachel," Quinn whispered. "Rachel I saw you perform last night. God, Rach…Rachel you were magnificent. I can't even begin to describe…"
"Why are you here, Quinn? I was told I was going to be seeing…"
"I have connections. I got passes. It probably wasn't entirely legal but I don't really care because I needed to see you."
"So there's no interview?"
Quinn shook her head.
"And you're risking me screaming and having you thrown in jail for stalking or harassment just so you could talk to me?"
Quinn nodded. "I would risk anything to see you," Quinn half-whispered. "If someone told me that coming in here and seeing you for five minutes meant I would get shot on my way out the door I would do it, Rachel."
Rachel blinked a few times. "You tortured me in high school…I haven't seen you in two years…why are you here?"
Quinn swallowed. A voice echoed in her head (it sounded like a cross between herself and Kate) and chanted "Do it!" over and over again. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This could be her only chance.
"I'm here because…because I needed to see you. Because I fell in love with you when I was ten years old. Because I have been miserable since the day you broke your wrist. Because not a day has gone by in almost ten years that I haven't felt a tug at my heart that leads to you. Because you haunt my dreams every single night. Because I can't watch Funny Girl or The Princess Bride or listen to Barbra Streisand without sobbing because those things take me back to a time when I was truly and undeniably happy for the first and only time in my life. Rachel, I'm here because I never fell out of love with you…and I had to tell you that."
Quinn exhaled what little breath she had left and opened her eyes to let the tears stream. She jumped when there was a loud clap of thunder outside and the dressing room lights flickered. Rachel's eyes were locked on her and the brunette was now shaking.
"How…" Rachel gasped. She took a few breaths. "How could you do this to me, Quinn?!" she shrieked. "I…I have a show in two hours and you show up here and s-start doing this!"
Quinn's heart completely shattered when Rachel started to cry.
"You…tortured me!" Rachel sobbed. "You laughed at me and said horrible things to and about me…why couldn't you just have ignored me?!"
"Because I didn't have a choice! Rachel if I hadn't done what I did then I would've been shipped off back to Colorado and I could not handle that. I couldn't handle not seeing you every day!"
"You could've ignored me!" Rachel was yelling now.
"They would've known! My father was looking for any sign that I was even thinking about you! Rachel I am so, so sorry for what I put you through and I was so selfish when I did it but I would have gone absolutely insane if I had to be away from you and not know if you were okay! I had to know…I had to see you."
"What about when your parents kicked you out?! Why didn't you come to me?! You could've come to me! I would have taken care of you! What about when we graduated?! Why didn't you try to find me?!"
"Because I after all I did to you…I just knew you hated me," Quinn whispered.
Rachel shook her head. She grabbed her jacket and pushed Quinn out of the way. She threw open the door and Quinn heard Kate yell. Quinn stripped off her heels and tossed them at Kate when she ran out the door and down the stairs. Quinn followed the blur that was Rachel through the wings and out one of the side doors.
"Rachel! Rachel, please!" Quinn called out to the alley. It was pouring down rain and cold and she was barefoot and barely had any clothing on but she didn't care. She went down the three steps to the alley and started running after the brunette. Her next yell was covered by a loud crack of thunder and lightning flashed dangerously close overhead.
"Rachel!" Quinn kept running. "Rachel, I love you!"
"Go away!" Rachel yelled over her shoulder.
"As you wish!" Quinn screamed over the rain. The scream echoed off the alley walls. She was certain that New Jersey had heard it. "As you wish!" she half-yelled, half-sobbed.
Rachel stopped and turned. Quinn kept running until she was a few feet away from the short brunette.
"Please," Quinn begged. "It has to be impossible for me to feel like this about you and you not feel something back." Quinn was shaking with the cold now.
"I didn't hate you," Rachel yelled over the rain. "I never hated you! How could you think that?!"
"After what I did to you…the comments, the slushies…how could you not hate me?"
"Because…" Rachel opened and closed her mouth a few times. "Because I was in love with you!"
Quinn broke down and sobbed. Rachel had said "was". She was in love with her. Years ago Rachel had loved her and now…
"And now?" Quinn said barely loud enough for Rachel to hear. "What about now?"
Rachel stared up at Quinn. Before the blonde could turn and walk away in shame, Rachel's hands were on her face and she was being pulled in and then…then Rachel kissed her. And Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's waist and kissed her back with the passion of ten years of love and adoration and pure need. Quinn cried and sobbed into the kiss and Rachel did, too. There was a collision of tongues and Quinn took Rachel's bottom lip between her teeth and pulled before pushing her tongue back into the brunette's mouth. Her lungs were burning and her head was spinning and she was cold and hot and numb and tingly and everything. Quinn pulled away because she was sure she was going to pass out because of the lack of air.
"I've loved you every second of every single day since the moment I saw you," Rachel said. "Finn…Puck…I just wanted someone to love me like I knew you loved me, Quinn!"
Quinn nodded. "Me too."
"It didn't work."
"I know," Quinn said with a laugh. "It didn't work for me either. You're it for me, Rachel. You've always been it for me."
"I love you, Quinn."
Quinn pulled the shorter girl in again and kissed her again and never wanted it to end but then Kate was behind her and was wrapping her in a blanket and the three girls made their way back to the stage door and Rachel told them to go up to her dressing room to get dried off. Quinn and Kate sat on the rather uncomfortable couch and waited. Rachel came in fifteen minutes later.
"We're leaving," Rachel said, drying her hair with a towel she grabbed off the makeup counter. "My understudy is coming in."
Quinn didn't argue. "Where are we going?"
"Boston, I've got a friend there that will let us crash at his place for a couple days."
Quinn furrowed her eyebrows. Kate gasped.
"Why the hell are we going to Massachusetts?" Quinn asked.
Rachel crossed the floor and knelt down in front of Quinn. "Because I lost you once and I'll be damned if I'm going to ever let it happen again."
Quinn stopped breathing. "Are you suggesting…"
"More like a demand."
Quinn's mind raced. Rachel was suggesting, no, she was demanding, that they drive four hours to Boston to get married. Her only concern at that moment was that she had nothing to wear. Not that she and Rachel hadn't spoken in two years; the blanks could be filled in on the four hour drive there. She wasn't concerned that she and Kate already shared a room so if Rachel moved in with them that would be awkward. She didn't care that she didn't even know where Rachel lived now and maybe instead of Rachel moving in with her she would move in with Rachel. No. She needed a wedding outfit and she needed one now.
"Do it properly, then!" Kate squealed. "God, Rachel! I make deals that could get me suspended or expelled to get Quinn up here and you're just demanding that you go to Boston and get hitched?! So much for me writing a screenplay about this."
Rachel blinked a few times. "You know she reminds me a lot of…"
"She's really nothing like Santana. For one, she doesn't care who I date."
"Or marry," Kate chimed in. "And I'm coming with you, you'll need witnesses. Now do it right, dammit!"
Rachel took Quinn's hands in her own and hazel eyes met dark brown.
"Quinn Fabray," Rachel sighed. "I've loved you since I was ten years old and I've never stopped and I never will. Will you marry me?"
"Yes!" Quinn cried. "But…but we have to go back to my place, I need clothes!"
"Taken care of," Kate said. "What the hell else did you think was in that?" Kate pointed to the large duffel bag she had carried in with them. "Jeez, Fabray, I thought you knew me better than that. I plan for anything! If Rachel hadn't suggested driving up to Boston I sure as hell was going to!"
Rachel got up and rummaged around in the wardrobe that was against the wall.
"I have something…" Rachel pulled out a short white dress. Kate sprang up and grabbed it while Rachel started tossing comfortable clothes in a bag. Quinn caught a flash of gold and pink that Rachel dropped in with her clothes.
Kate shivered a bit and started rummaging through the black bag while Rachel finished packing her things. "All three of us need to change then we're out of here."
Quinn scrambled up off the couch. "How are we getting there?"
"I've got a car, it's in the back alley," Rachel said. "It's new; it should get us there and back with no trouble."
"I'll drive but you two have to keep it PG-13."
"Titanic was PG-13." Rachel smirked.
"You know what I mean."
After everyone dried off and changed clothes they piled into Rachel's car. The ride to Boston was filled with giggles and references to the short time Quinn and Rachel spent together in the fifth grade and then again the few good times Glee club had. But mostly when they were younger. When things were innocent and drama-free until Rachel tripped down Quinn's stairs. At one point Rachel looked over and gave Quinn an innocent peck on the lips, just as they had done so many times before. Quinn slipped her hand into Rachel's. It was still a perfect fit.
Rachel talked about how she did one year at UCLA before dropping out and moving to New York City because Los Angeles just wasn't her thing. The only reason she'd gone in the first place was she'd heard of open auditions for a new movie-musical. She didn't get a callback but she'd done a few local commercials and had a couple of bit parts in some TV shows but she knew in her heart that Broadway was where she belonged. So now she was waiting tables in her spare time while doing a few off-Broadway things and waiting for her big break. She had a pretty spacious studio apartment above the restaurant she was currently working at and the owner cut her a break on rent because she always plugged the restaurant when fans would ask her where she liked to eat.
Things were quiet for a little bit about three hours into the drive and Rachel reached into her bag and pulled out a worn, pink, hardcover notebook with a hand painted gold star on the front cover that was scratched and faded. She opened it to the day she met Quinn and the blonde grinned when she looked over Rachel's curly writing.
There's a new girl in school. Her name is Quinn and she makes my stomach feel like there are butterflies in it.
Rachel flipped to the entry she wrote the first night she spent at Quinn's.
I kind of wanted to kiss Quinn tonight. I know I'm only ten but Grandma Berry once told me I have an old soul and I could understand and feel things that only adults were supposed to understand and feel. I think I know what she was talking about now. I love Quinn.
Quinn giggled. Rachel flipped through again to Christmas vacation.
I told Quinn I liked her like Princess Buttercup and Westley…and then I kissed her and at first I was really scared she was going to be mad but she wasn't. She told me "as you wish" which means "I love you". I wonder when we're going to get married.
Quinn pecked Rachel on the cheek. Rachel took a deep breath and flipped through the pages again.
My wrist hurts really bad but that's not my problem right now. Quinn told me today she's not allowed to talk to me anymore because she would have to go to Colorado if she did. It's because her dad doesn't like that I have two dads. I'm not sure I really want to do anything anymore. I just feel like laying here and crying for the rest of my life…or at least until Quinn can talk to me again.
Rachel sighed and Quinn pressed a kiss to her temple. She turned to the last page.
I know I haven't written much for a few years. I'm sixteen now. I remember when I started this thing, it was the beginning of fifth grade. I read through it just now and…and my heart broke. There is so much in here about Quinn and the ache in my heart that longs for her has never completely diminished and reading all of this has renewed it and it hurts. It just hurts. I was so sure that someday we would grow up and get married and have kids and life would be absolutely divine. I've tried to focus my attention elsewhere, Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman…they don't love me like she did. I don't love them like I love her. Even though Quinn has been downright cruel to me over the passed few years my heart just refuses to let her go. The logical thing to do would be to find someone decent to settle for…but I won't. Logic just doesn't fit here. It never has. No one falls in love when they're ten. It just doesn't happen. Ten year olds aren't capable of it, that is what psychology and logic will tell you…but I fell in love with her and she was in love with me and I will maintain until the day I die that we are meant to be together. No matter how many slushie facials I get. I'll either marry Quinn Fabray or I'll die alone.
Rachel closed the book and tossed it to the floor. Quinn had tears streaming down her cheeks and she pulled Rachel in and kissed her. Deep.
"I love you, Rachel," Quinn whispered between kisses. "I love you so much and I am never leaving you again. Never."
Rachel nodded. "I love you, too. And I'm never letting you go."
When they got to the city Rachel directed Kate to her friend's house. He met Rachel at the door with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Finally!" he said, pulling them through the door. He grabbed onto Quinn's hand and twirled her around. "So this is the infamous Quinn Fabray! Honey, you are gorgeous! Rachel, why didn't you tell me this girl was this stunning?!"
Quinn blushed and wrapped an arm around Rachel's waist.
"I'm Brian," the young man said. "Rach and I did some work together a while back and she got drunk one night and told me all about you two. Then after that it seemed like all she did was talk about you, drunk or sober. I heard the story about her singing Ms. Streisand to you about a thousand times! God it's like a fairy tale! Or a Nicholas Sparks novel! Ugh, just so cute. I'm jealous."
"Brian, you know I love you but can you point us to a bedroom?"
"My walls are thin, keep things quiet," he giggled.
Quinn turned even redder and Rachel rolled her eyes. Rachel took Quinn's hand and Brian led them upstairs and pointed to a door. Quinn barely had time to thank the man before Rachel pulled her into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.
It had to be a dream, was the first thing Quinn thought when she woke up. It was all a dream. She didn't want to open her eyes because she didn't want to admit that it was all just a dream. She just wanted to lay there and think about it. Think about dreaming of going to the theater and kissing Rachel in the rain and Rachel proposing and Kate driving them to Boston. Then…then Quinn smiled. The end of dream involved things that made her entire body tingle. Teeth and lips and touches and clothes flying and skin touching skin and moans and professions of love and passionate cries then all of it over again and again until the sun was peeking through the window.
Quinn never wanted to forget this dream. It was perfect. When a small body shifted next to her Quinn's eyes flew open and she sat up so quickly she got a head rush. It was then she realized that she was completely naked because the blankets dropped off of her and a cold air ran over her chest. She looked down and Rachel was smiling up at her.
"Rachel…You…you're really here."
Rachel nodded. "I'm here." She reached out and slid her fingers around Quinn's wrist and pulled the blonde back down.
Quinn touched her lips to the brunette's, checking to make sure she really was there.
"It wasn't a dream," Quinn whispered against Rachel's lips.
Rachel smiled. "It wasn't a dream. I'm really here. And we're getting married today."
Quinn captured Rachel's lips again and pulled the blankets up over their heads.
Quinn was startled awake again by pounding on the bedroom door and Kate's voice.
"Hey lovebirds! It's noon! Get your asses up if you want to get down to city hall and get hitched! I didn't drive four hours for you two to waste the day away in bed! You can do it all afternoon when we get back!"
Quinn giggled and Rachel kissed her neck.
"You ready, Quinn?"
Quinn nodded. "So ready."
Once up and ready to go after showers and an hour of primping and an emergency stain removal when Quinn dribbled coffee on her white blouse, they all piled into Rachel's car and Brian drove to a jewelry store and Quinn and Rachel picked out a couple of simple silver bands before they headed to city hall. Kate had called early that morning to make sure they could get a license and a judge that afternoon and at exactly four fifteen on the twentieth of June, Rachel and Quinn stood before the judge and vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.
Rachel and Quinn climbed into the back of Rachel's car and snuggled together, fingers laced and Rachel's head on Quinn's shoulder.
"So," Rachel said. "What possessed you to change your name, Mrs. Berry?"
"I mostly wanted to piss off my parents a little more, Mrs. Berry."
"As you wish," Rachel whispered with a smile against Quinn's lips.
Quinn Berry was twenty years old when she moved in with Rachel Berry. Figuring out how to fit all of her furniture in the studio apartment wasn't her biggest challenge, although that was kind of a bitch. Her biggest challenge was convincing herself every morning that she wasn't dreaming and that her life really was this perfect.
Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. Except when they do.