Chapter 12

EPOV

"What's that?" Lila asks. She's sitting on my shoulders and we're at the central park zoo looking at some strange looking animal. Bella smiles next to me and moves over to a sign in front of the cage.

"It says here that he's called a Tamandua… "Tamandua is the Brazilian for the collared or lesser anteater."" she reads and then looks up at Lila who's eyes have darted the other way.

"Monkey!!! Monkey!" she screams, pointing down the walk. Bella smiles and grabs my hand, leading me to where the monkeys are.

We go out for dinner after the zoo, and now we're walking into our hotel and watching Lila as she tries to fight off sleep. It's Monday night, and our flight leaves home tomorrow at noon. We're not ready to get back to real life, but we've enjoyed the time we've been able to spend as a family. We get to our room, and Bella walks Lila over to her room and tells me she'll be back in a minute.

I walk into our room, and start undressing. My legs and back ache from all the walking around we've been doing these past couple of days, but it's a welcome ache. The joy on my daughter and wife's faces as we enjoyed the city is something I'll always remember.

"She fell asleep before she even laid down" Bella says ask she walks in, tugging her shirt up and over her head and then moving her hands down to the button on her jeans.

My wife is so incredibly beautiful. Her body is the same as it's always been; having Lila didn't change her much. Her eyes still remind me of warm pools of melted chocolate surrounded in dark lashes. Her skin is pale but beautiful, like she's glowing and her hair, the way it falls in waves down her back when she leaves it alone…

"Edward?" she asks, stopping in front of me with a look of concern on her face, "Are you okay?" I smile and walk forward, grabbing her hips and pulling her to me.

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have married such a beautiful woman" the blush rises in her cheeks and she smacks me in the center of my chest.

"Do you want to start packing now, or should we just do it in the morning?" she asks

"Let's do it now. Then we won't have to wake up so early tomorrow." I say and she nods her head and goes to grab the suitcases from the closet. I walk over to her, as she places our bags on the bed, and starts folding our clothes and placing them inside.

We spend the rest of the night packing our things and once we've finished, we quickly fall asleep, too exhausted from the past couple of days to do anything but shower and throw on pj's.

The next morning, we all wake up around 9. We order breakfast and then check out and grab a taxi and head back to the airport.

"Lila. Hold on to my hand please" Bella says as we step into the terminal. The flight back home was uneventful. We watched movies and ate snacks, and Lila even napped for a while. As we make our way to baggage claim, I have both mine and Bella's carry on and she's holding Lila's hand while her other hand is gripping Lila's Tinkerbell backpack.

"Bella! Edward!" I hear yelled out through the terminal and I raise my head and find my sister and Jasper waiting for us by the baggage claim. I look over to Bella, whose smile spreads wider once she sees them.

"Jazz! Jazz!" Lila yells as we get closer. She tugs on her moms hand, and then once Bella releases her hand, she takes off running to her uncle, who scoops her up and kisses her forehead. Once we reach them, Bella pulls my sister into a big hug as I slap Jazz's hand in greeting. I hug my sister after Bella is done, and she leans down into Blake's stroller, kissing his sleeping head, before moving to jasper and pulling him into a hug as well.

"You guys didn't have to come all the way here. We were going to stop by later on" I say, but she just shakes her head.

"No way. I've missed you guys too much." she says, and I pull her to my side, squeezing her tight against me.

After we collect our bags, we walk to out car as Alice and Jazz get theirs and we decide to all meet at our house. Emmett was working and told Alice and Jasper he'd meet us at our house with Rose, who had an appointment this afternoon.

I park in my driveway and a couple of minutes later, Alice and Jazz pull up. Alice and Bella take the kids inside, while Jazz and I unload the trunk.

"Did you guys have a good time?" he asks me as he lifts Bella's heavy suitcase from the trunk and places it on the ground.

"It was great, Jazz. The hotel was amazing, the sights, the food…. Everything was perfect." I say and he nods his head.

"I always have loved New York." he says with a smile, and we walk into the house with the suitcases, leaving them in the hallway for later. We walk into the kitchen, where Bella is making coffee and Alice is sitting at the table, talking with her.

"What did you guys bring me?" Alice says once she sees me come into the room and I start to laugh.

"Bella! We forgot all about Alice!" I say. Alice's face drops for a second before Bella comes over to me and smacks my arm, telling me to stop teasing my sister.

"Of course we got you something. We got something for everyone" she says, to which my sister starts squealing and bouncing up and down in her seat causing all of us to laugh.

At around 6, Emmett and Rosalie finally get here. We quickly say our hello's and then move to the kitchen, where Bella is taking her lasagna out of the oven and putting the garlic bread on a serving plate. Once Bella puts the plate down, Emmett walks behind her and pulls his arms around her waist and pulls her up and then proceeds to swing her around until she's laughing and begging him to put her down. He sets her down and she turns around and hugs him tight and then pulls Rose into a hug as well.

We sit to eat and after hearing what happened with everyone while we were gone, Bella turns to Emmett and smiles.

"We missed you guys at the airport. It didn't feel normal with out you guys in the welcoming committee" she says, and nudges his shoulder. A wide grin stretches across his face and he nudges her back. Bella then leans over to talk to Rosalie, asking her what she was up to today.

"I had a doctors appointment" she says, avoiding everyone's look.

"Why? Are you ok?" Bella asks, a look of concern growing on her face. Rosalie raises her head and everyone notices that tears are welling in her eyes. Emmett reaches over and pulls her to him, begging her to tell him what happened.

"Please Rosie. What happened that has you so upset…" he asks

"I'm not upset" she whispers and then brings her face back down and swipes away at the tears in her eyes.

"Please, Rose. You're scaring the shit out of me. What's going on? Are you sick? Is there something wrong?" Emmett says, turning in his chair to face her. She raises her head and we all see that there is a smile plastered on her face.

"No, nothings wrong, and I'm not sick. Yet" she says. The girls gasp, knowing something us men don't because we're all staring at her, slack jawed, wondering what the fuck is going on. After minutes of Emmett staring at her, willing her to tell him what's going on, she lets out a sob and grabs his hand.

"I'm pregnant"

BPOV

Once I heard Rose say she wasn't sick yet, I immediately knew what she was going to say.

Rose was pregnant.

When she finally told Emmett, he jumped up and started chuckling.

"I'm going to be a dad? Really?" he asked her and she nodded. He lifted her from her chair, and pulled her to his chest, kissing her head and whispering in her ear as he slowly rocked her back and forth.

Edward grabbed my hand in his and gave it a little squeeze. My eyes went from Emmett and Rose, in their loving embrace, to Edward and his look mixed between happiness for his friend and concern for me.

I squeeze his hand back and slowly shake my head. I know why he's concerned over me right now and I can't exactly say he didn't have a reason to be. When I first realized what Rose was going to say, I felt tears prick at my eyes, and as much as I hate to admit it, it wasn't because I was happy for her.

I was upset that it wasn't me.

Edward and I hadn't been trying for long, but it was upsetting to me that I wasn't pregnant. Edward and I got pregnant with Lila right away within the first couple of days we had been together, so to go from that to where I am now, was upsetting.

When I found out I was pregnant a year ago, I was scared. As much as I wanted to be excited, it took me a while. I was still in school, working on getting my degree and I had Lila and it all just seemed overwhelming. When I told Edward I was pregnant, he was so excited, and I couldn't bear to tell him that I wasn't so excited about it. After a couple of days of knowing, I finally started warming up to the idea of another baby.

I started bleeding the day I finally started getting excited about the baby, and Edward quickly rushed me to the hospital where they told me what was going on. Chemical pregnancy, they said it was called, but no matter what the official name was, I knew deep down what it really was. It was punishment for not appreciating what was given to me.

I blame myself for what happened. I probably always will.

If I had been happy about it from the beginning, I'd probably be sitting here at the table with all my friends, Edward, Lila, and a beautiful little chubby faced baby in my arms.

Instead I'm here, listening to the news that my friend is expecting and instead of feeling happy for her, I'm here with a fake smile painted on my face, when all I really want to do is run away crying.

It's supposed to be me.

Emmett finally leaves Rose's arms and walks around the table getting hugs from everyone, with Rose following him, doing the same. Once he gets to me, his smile looks like it's about to crack his face in half its so big.

"Can you believe it, Bella? I'm gonna be a dad!" he says and then wraps his big arms around me.

"I know. You're going to be a fantastic dad, Em" I say, fighting back tears as I clutch on to his shirt. He pulls away and leans down, kissing me on the forehead, and Rose comes up right behind him.

"Congratulations Rose" I say, letting the tears fall freely now. Fresh tears are welling up in her eyes as she steps forward and I wrap my arms around her. I feel her warmth and I feel her body begin to shake as the sobs rip through her, I feel bad for even thinking the way I did. Instead of being happy for my friend, I was bitter that it wasn't me announcing that I was pregnant. I grip on to her tighter, and within seconds I'm sobbing right along with her.

Rose and I held on to each other for a long time. I don't know how she sensed that that was what I needed, but somehow she did. They left not too long after we finished eating dinner, and Edward was outside with them, talking for a while. I sat in the living room with Alice and Jasper and we watched television, while Lila fell asleep in my lap. Every couple of seconds, I'd look down at my sleeping beauty, and brush the hair out of her eyes.

Alice's hand on my knee brought me out of my head, and I looked up at her.

"Bella. It will happen for you too, when the time is right." she says and I nod my head and tuck my lip in between my teeth. Alice was the only person I have ever told about what happened last year and ever since then, she's been the only one I've been able to actually speak the truth about my feelings with. I'd never told Edward how guilty I feel about the baby we lost, but Alice knows all of that, and on many occasions, has made me feel a bit better.

I grab on to her hand and silently thank her for everything she's done for me, when the sound of the front door opening and crashing against the wall causes me to jerk my head up towards the front. Edward comes in, hands raking through his hair, and the look on his face tells me everything.

He's pissed off.

I shift Lila and place on her the couch next to me, and then stand up and walk over to him.

"What's going on?" I say when I reach him, and bring my arms up to rub up and down his arms.

"James" he says. I furrow my eyebrows, wondering what the hell James did, and that's when he starts.

"Emmett said that on Monday, James showed up at the job and demanded to see you. He pushed Heidi against a wall when she tried to stop him, and then he stormed into your office. When Emmett and Carlisle caught up to him, he demanded to know where you were, and when Em said we had gone on vacation, he freaked out. Em said he stared talking like you were his wife, and he had a right to know when you decided to go anywhere. Em told him to leave, and he started trashing your office. He threw your computer down, and then pushed everything off your desk. He was going to try and go inside your desk to mess with things, but security stopped him."

I inhale a sharp breath when I hear all of the things he did. James' actions are reminding me of how Jacob was with me and it's frightening.

"So what are we going to do?" I ask, wrapping my arms around myself for comfort. Edward's hard stare softens and he walks over to me, throwing his arm over my shoulders and pulling me to him.

"He's banned from coming to the office. I don't want to see him again, Bella. If he can do those things for such a silly reason, I don't want to think what he could do to you or Lila or anyone else." I nod my head, in total agreement with him.

All of the things James has done in the past make sense now. Only calling me to make plans, sending me gifts, the way he looks at Edward when he thought no one was looking. I noticed the night we all were here watching a movie, that James would scowl at Edward when his eyes were away from him. Also, he'd always try and find a reason to touch me. He'd wait until my hand was in the popcorn bowl before he plunged his hands into it, rubbing against my hands as he got his popcorn. When we said goodbye to each other, his hands would always roam places where they had no reason to be, like my hips and lower back.

James was a creep and I stupidly thought nothing of it….

"I'm so sorry….." I start, but Edward grabs me by the sides of my face and lowers his down to mine.

"Don't you dare. This isn't your fault, at all. You got it? James was a crazy fuck… "

I nod my head, and he pulls me to his chest and kisses the top of my head.

Edward says this isn't my fault, but I can't help but think that it is. Warning bells have been sounding in my head for so long, but I pushed it back because I wanted to keep him as a friend…

What have I done.

Next chapter will be up Wednesday! Review!