Alright. Now back to Shay's POV.


Rain started pounding on the window shield as I drove trying to follow Jacob's directions. It was brewing up a storm, but I was practically sweating in the Mustang. Was it my imagination or did Jacob produce an insane amount of body heat?

"Take the next left. It's the last house."

I did as I was told and drove up to a small but quaint house that seemed to be alive with action.

"Um, before we go in. Do you mind stepping out of the car so that I can change into jeans and a sweatshirt? I asked.

"No problem. I'll wait on the porch."

"Thanks." I said as I rummaged through the back seat looking for my bag. I had to admit, I was kind of nervous. For some reason I felt anxious and really hoped that they would like me. Uh, oh, I thought as a sinking feeling made its way into my stomach. This was how I felt the first time I met Chris' parents. As much as I wanted to deny it, Jacob was becoming very important to me, and that scared me. A lot.

I finally climbed out of the car and could feel Jacob's eyes on me. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking, but I was glad he finally got to see me in something other than running clothes.

"Do you think they'll like me?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. I think they'll love you." His sincerity took me aback. I looked up at his warm brown eyes and wondered if maybe there wasn't something other than friendship in them. Before either of us could say anything, a tall, muscular man opened the door.

I could see the resemblance between him and Jacob immediately, although this man was older and his face did not have the same youth that Jacob's did. He seemed weighed down almost. Like there was something lurking in his past that he could not forget.

"There you are Jake, we wondered…" He let his voice trail off as his eyes fell on me. Then he looked back up at Jacob, but Jacob was already looking at me with a look I had only ever seen once in a movie. It was a look of complete submission, one in which you are willing to do whatever a person wants from you so long as that can put a smile on his or her face. It was a look that said I live only for you.

I couldn't handle it anymore. I ran to the car and shut myself in, unsure of what to do next. I really liked Jacob as a friend, but this couldn't go on any longer. I was engaged for Christ's sake. I felt horribly guilty as I thought about Chris. He was out enjoying himself with his friends, unaware that his fiancée had spent the day with another man. I needed to hear his voice to remind me of whom it was I really loved, so I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.

After a minute it went to his voicemail. "Hey babe. It's Shay. I was just checking in to let you know I'm OK. Hope you're having a great time. I love you." I had never put more meaning into those last three words as I did then.

I needed to go. I knew I owed Jacob an explanation but I was afraid of going back and looking him in the eye. Why was that? My insides were torn apart roughly as I acknowledged what I had been trying to suppress since the second I met Jacob. And the truth was that I was attracted to him. I liked being with Jacob. I liked knowing that he was happy when I was happy. Most of all, I liked the woman I was when I was around him. I couldn't ignore the fact that I was dangerously close to letting those feelings consume me.

Jacob and the other man were still on the porch as I approached them. I purposely kept my head down to avert meeting his eyes and quickly muttered. "I have to get home now. Suddenly, I'm not feeling very well. I'm sorry, but I have to go." And I jetted off towards the car, put it in gear, and drove as fast as I could out of there.

* * *

The rest of the day was very uncomfortable. I half expected to see Chris storm in demanding an explanation for my recent actions, and I kept seeing Jacob out of the corner of my eye. I was going crazy and my mind was more convoluted than before. I was too distracted to eat or watch TV. So I went up to my bedroom at Chris' parents' house, and listened to my iPod hoping to get some sleep. I tried very hard not to think about the mess I had created for myself, for Chris, for Jacob, and instead lost myself in the music of my favorite band.

I had nearly sunken into a deep sleep when my phone rang loudly.

"Um. Hel-Hello." I said groggily.

"Shay, babe. It's me. I saw you called earlier and I was wondering where you were." The sound of Chris' voice put me on edge. Would I be able to act normally around him?

"Yeah. I did. I'm at your parent's house. I was just taking a nap." I said, trying to sound calm.

"Oh, did your run around Forks make you tired?" If only he knew where I had really been, I thought. He wouldn't have found that funny at all.

"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe I'm not the athlete I thought I was."

"Well listen, I was going to go home and pick you up in a bit. Brad and a couple of the other guys were thinking about going out to dinner and maybe having drinks after." I groaned inwardly. I couldn't play the role of hopelessly in love fiancée right now.

"Chris, I'm really not feeling very well right now. Do you think maybe we can do it tomorrow or something?" When I wasn't on the verge of hysteria, I thought.

"You know what? Maybe I'll just tell them that we'll do it tomorrow night instead. I don't think I could stand to be at dinner knowing that you're sick. I'll be home in 15."

"No, really Chris it's fine. Go on ahead and I'll be here when you get back."

"No, there's no way I am going to let the most beautiful woman in the world suffer alone. Ok, I got to go but I'll be there soon. Te amo."

Fantastic. I thought I would have plenty of time to regroup before I saw Chris again but now I had fewer than 10 minutes. I can do this I thought. I just need to breathe and relax. I made my way down stairs and saw Chris' mom in the kitchen. Maybe a good chat with Sheryl would take things of my mind.

About 10 minutes later Chris came in and my guilt began to gnaw on me once more. I couldn't distract myself with Sheryl's mindless banter anymore. I had to face him.

"Shay, what's wrong? You look scared." He said to me.

"Um, maybe it's the rain. I never really liked rain and this storm is too much." It wasn't a total lie; I used to be afraid of thunder storms when I was younger.

He put his arms around me and for some reason I couldn't stand his touch. The way a murderer would refrain from being in the presence of his victim's family. I gently pulled away saying, "I think I'll go into the den and watch TV or something." He looked confused. I didn't usually push him away when I was sick or felt bad, but right now I could not let him be loving because I didn't deserve it. He followed me in anyway, but sat on the other side of the room in silence. We stayed like that for awhile until I realized he had fallen asleep. Then I got up, put a blanket on him, and went to "my room."

I thought of calling my friends in Madrid but realized it was 4 in the morning over there. So instead I finished some work I had been putting off and listened to some music. Before I knew it, it was nearly midnight and as I started to get ready for bed, I heard tapping at the window. The storm hadn't let up all day and there was a strong wind, so I assumed it was a tree branch. But the tapping persisted, getting stronger every time. Finally, I went over to the window to check it out and realized there was someone outside.

Jacob.

I opened it cautiously, just enough to whisper, "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I need to explain." He told me.

"Explain what? Can you please leave? If someone were to see you they'd call the police."

"That won't be a problem. I'm a friend of Charlie's."

"Jacob, I want to explain also but now is not the time or place."

"Please Shanae. I need to know everything is going to be okay with us and I need you to know."

"What us? There is no us, Jacob. I just met you the other day."

"Do you really not care about me, Shanae?" He sounded hurt.

I wanted to say no, but I couldn't lie. Not anymore. "I do Jacob. I really do." I whispered.

"Then come with me so that we can talk." He begged.

It was probably a bad idea and maybe nothing was going to change, but I had to know. So I took his hand and he led me down the tree and into a waiting car.

We drove in silence for what felt like hours. I had no idea where he was taking me, and I had to admit the situation was frightening, but I trusted Jake. Finally we arrived at our destination. He turned off the car and got out. I did the same and followed him. We were at the beach. I couldn't really see anything, but I could tell because of the sounds of the crashing waves. Thank God it wasn't raining anymore. We made our way toward the beach in silence. I didn't want to be the first to speak because I felt that the ball was in his court at this point and I needed to wait until he made his move. We kept on walking in the darkness until we reached the tree, the one that had indirectly brought us together.

"Look Shay. I'm really sorry about what happened back at Sam's. I didn't mean to freak you out or anything, it's just that I can't hide my feelings from you. I know you love your fiancée and I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do. But, I need you to know that as long as you are free to choose another option, I'll be here waiting. If you can't love me the way I love you, then I'll settle for being your friend, your neighbor, anything. My life is yours now."

I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. His words dripped sincerity and love. Suddenly, clouds parted and the moon shone down on us both allowing me to see his expression. His face was torn. I could tell he hated himself for putting me in this position, but he couldn't bear the torture anymore. And, I realized, I didn't want him to. I breathed in deeply trying to think of what to say. I settled for truth. Sugar-coating things wasn't going to help anyone.

"When I saw the way you looked at me, Jacob, I knew. That's why I had to leave. I love Chris, Jacob. I really do. But, I can't deny that there's something between us. Something deeper than I've ever experienced. Like we're connected in some way that I can't understand. I care about you more deeply than I like to admit. Caring about you is easier than caring about myself, you're the better part of me, Jake." The weight that had been pulling me down felt a little bit lighter. Not as though my guilt had been lessened, but as though someone had come in to help me carry the load.

I looked up to see Jacob's reaction. He wasn't smiling like I thought he would be.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I should never have done this to you. I'll go away and leave you alone. I'd rather lose you, than hurt you."

"No! Stay." The way I said it made the word a command and I could tell Jacob took it as such. "Jacob, you'll hurt me more by leaving."

"Maybe right now, but it will be better for you later."

"Jake, please listen." I was pleading, and I knew this was only going to make things worse in the long run. But this wasn't his or Chris' fault. It was mine, and if anyone was going to have to deal with the pain, it would be me. "I know that this turned into a really big mess, but I have to deal with it now. I don't want to hurt Chris because I love him. He isn't as strong as you or me, and I don't want to break him. But I can't ignore that I need you." I really did need him, now and forever, I thought. "I just need time to figure this out. Can you give me that?

"I'd give you my life, Shay." He sighed. "I'll wait as long as you want, but I won't give you up. I'm going to keep fighting until you make a decision."

"Thank you, Jacob." I said as I leaned in to hug him. He was still at first, but then he breathed in deeply and enveloped me in his strong, muscular arms. The moment grew more bittersweet as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. We stared into each other's eyes for what felt like a century, and then he lifted my chin with his finger and very slowly, and very sweetly, kissed me.

It was strange feeling his lips on mine. I had only kissed Chris these last 4 years so the experience was brand new, like getting your first kiss. His lips were soft and his breath was warm on my face. Everything about the moment was right, so I hugged him closer and kissed him more passionately. He lifted me up off the ground and I wrapped my legs around his torso. I didn't want to stop, even though thoughts of my innocent and sleeping fiancée kept on creeping into my mind. Finally I let go.

Jacob was smiling his huge grin. "That was the best goddamn kiss of my life."

"I'm glad you thought so. I'd say the same, but I feel so incredibly guilty." I was going to say dirty, but I thought that might hurt his feelings. Even though that is exactly how I felt, slutty.

"Don't feel bad. You were just following your heart. Remember, no matter who you choose, I'll always be on your side."

"Thank you. So what was the other thing you were going to tell me?" I asked.

"Um. That can wait…you'll know after you make your decision." He seemed afraid to tell me what it was.

"Ok, I guess I deserve that." I replied. "Well, you better take me home now before Chris finds out I'm missing and then decides to call the police."

So we walked back to the car, holding hands this time, and he didn't let go until I was safe in my room once more. He gave me one more silent kiss and then was gone. After he left, I let the tears flow. I had never felt more horrible in my life. Not even when my dog died. I sat down on the bed and tried to calm myself, but I just sank deeper into hysteria. I would have to tell Chris the truth, and the idea scared the hell out of me because I knew I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes when they were full of pain. The tears streamed down my cheeks as I thought of what would happen if I chose Chris in the end. What would Jacob do? Could he really handle being my friend? And what would happen if I did pick him? I didn't want to give up my career when I had worked all my life to achieve it. But I knew Jacob wouldn't mind if I made him go all the way back to Madrid with me. Would he be able to be so far away from his family? Could Chris and I still be friends? I knew I would never stop loving either of them and that realization made me hat myself. The pain only worsened as I realized I wasn't good enough for either of them.

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