Hey all! I'm back from a nearly year long hiatus. It's been forever and I hope you all haven't forgotten about the story. I'm kind of just finishing it because I wanted to see the whole thing through. Hope you all like it and continue to read!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight.

The next morning I woke up feeling horrible. Like I had gone clubbing the night before and drank a near deadly amount of alcohol. My head hurt, I was nauseous, and I did not want to get out of bed. Thump. Thump. Thump. It sounded like someone was pounding nails into the door with a sledgehammer, but it was actually Chris knocking lightly on my door. Oh God, Chris. Did he realize I was missing last night? I hope not. I wasn't ready for explanations.

"Shay? Are you awake? It's almost noon."

Shit. I was supposed to wake up early and have breakfast with his mom.

"Um. Yeah. I am. Kinda."

"Good. Do you think I could talk to you for a second?"

"Sure. Give me a sec ." I said as I reached for my robe. "Come in."

He walked into the room gingerly and sat on the corner of my bed. "Shay, what was up with you last night? I came home to see if you were ok and it was like you didn't even want me around. Are you starting to get cold feet?" He looked at me intently waiting for my answer.

"Me? No. NO. Well, maybe. Uh, I don't know." He looked away, upset. "It's not that I don't love you. You know I do. But, it's all a little too much. I'm here on the other side of the world to meet your parents because we're getting married. I'm 22. Some of my friends who are 30 are still single… I think I'm just scared that we're doing this too quickly."

"Shay, we've been together 4 years."

"Yeah, I know. But, I met you when I was 18. I had just started college. I was on my own on the other side of the country. I was young and reckless… I'm still reckless sometimes. I don't have things as figured out as you think."

"So you started dating me because you didn't know any better, is that what you're saying?"

"No. Not at all. I just think that I wouldn't be feeling this way if I had been a bit more mature when we met, or at least when we became engaged…To be honest, you're my first real boyfriend."

"So what do you want? A break? I didn't bring you all this way to scare you. I brought you here because I love you and I wanted to show you what my world was like before I met you."

"No. I don't want a break. I just think that we are getting closer to solidifying a date for the wedding and I'm not quite ready to be a wife. I want to be 100% sure that I am the best woman and wife I can be for you when we get married. I don't want to mess anything up."

"Is that what this was about? You don't think you're good enough for me? Shanae…you're TOO good for me. Honestly, is there anything you can't do better than me?" I can cheat better, I thought to myself. "Look, things aren't always going to be so easy and I'm okay with that. That's how things should be. But if you want us to forget about wedding plans for a while then that's fine with me. Let's just go back to being the two college kids who met at the Model UN club."

"Really? I think that's what I need. I love you. You know that, but I just need time. I want to figure myself out first."

"Go ahead. But in the meantime, if you ever want to talk you know you can tell me anything. Anything, Shay. Please don't act like you did last night. I don't want to be separated from you. I love you."

I wanted to cry. Why was I such a dirty, cheating, lying whore? "Thanks Chris. I know that I can count on you all the time. "

He pulled me up to him and looked me in the eyes with that stare. The same stare Jacob gave me. Uh, why was I thinking about Jacob right now? "Kiss me." I whispered. I wanted to forget about Jacob for awhile. "Make me remember the silly teenager I was when I met you." I said, half jokingly.

To my surprise, he pulled away. He looked at me questioningly but something in the way I looked at him made him go to the door and lock it behind him. Then he came over and took me toward the bed.

You dirty whore I told myself. I enjoyed it of course, but I shouldn't have because I didn't deserve him. Chris thought I loved him as much as he loved me. I thought I did. But how could I if I also cared about Jacob. Did I love Jacob? No. How could I? I'd known him all of three days now. I mean, I did kind of believe in love at first sight. But it was all a bit too improbable. Uh. Why can't I figure anything out?

Coming to CVS hadn't helped me clear things up. Usually going shopping for un-essentials helped clear my mind. I walked out into the parking lot feeling frustrated. I told Chris I wanted to just spend the day by myself, especially since I had spend the entire day and um, night with him. I laughed to myself as I remembered last night. Even funnier was his parent's behavior when we went down to breakfast this morning. They looked strangely satisfied. I'm surprised his dad didn't high-five him or something. I guess they had been doubting the intensity of our relationship and who could blame them seeing as how we had hardly spent any time together since we got here.

Suddenly, my reverie was broken by the sound of a motorcycle. I looked up to see who the hooligan was when it pulled up next to me. Sitting on top of it, bare-chested was Jacob.

"Hey there." I said.

"Hey little one."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh. Sorry. I meant, hey little fast one." He said with that big Jacob grin on his face.

"Haha. That's more like it. Anyway, what brings you around here, other than your sweet ride of course?"

"Do you like it? I built it myself. Do you want to ride it?"

I was feeling a little reckless again. "Sure, but only if I get to drive." And with that I grabbed the helmet he was holding out to me and jumped on, as I looked behind me to see if Jake was going to get on I saw another pair of eyes looking at me from across the parking lot. A pair of strange, golden eyes.

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