Beautiful People

Chapter 4: Their Sakura

Beta: strawberries and napkins

….

I got a call from Sakura today. No, not really a call, more her demanding I come and visit her today or else she would drag me there herself. Not that I really complained though. After yesterday, I think talking to Sakura might do me some good; any other person and I might have a serious problem on my hands. So when Neji told me that Sakura wanted me to come over, I got out of bed, and took a long time getting ready.

I was still thinking about yesterday, and if I could make sense of it all.

Was I really the reason Sasuke was having so many issues with his relationship? Was I the reason that their relationship was getting worse?And why wouldn't Naruto tell Sasuke about me? About…us, if you can call it that. I don't; doesn't Naruto see what he was doing to Sasuke? Or was Sasuke hiding it and taking it out on me deliberately?

But what have I done against him! I'm not in his way anymore, they both made sure of that…so why...why am I being tormented still?

And then I couldn't help but wonder then, if Naruto was truly too embarrassed to mention anything about me, or about our relationship, because he was embarrassed or mortified of me. I'm almost sure it was clear to everyone that Naruto and I held romantic feelings for each other…but does he notice that maybe…maybe I still had them?

Was he afraid to approach me now? Am I truly that distressing that I can't be a part of his past?

There were so many questions that I wanted to ask or even say out loud, maybe I'd write them in the journal, but by the time I snapped from my stupor, I had already washed, dressed, and was ready to leave. I looked back over my bed. The journal was still sitting there, and it looked lonely, yet passive, and I couldn't help but think about the anguished words that were inside of it, and maybe inside of me.

I bit my lip and walked back over,picking it up, and ranmy hand down the side of its smooth fibrous front. It held an old paper-like smell, but the pages were bright and pearly. The journal's black ribbon pagemark hung out the bottom of it. It truly was a simplistic and plain journal. A journal that I forgot belonged to me. So I hugged it close to my chest, and walked right out of my room.

It didn't take me long to stroll my way over to Sakura's home, and thank goodness no one I knew was out in the streets so late in the afternoon like I was. I knocked on the door a couple of times but since her parents didn't seem to be home I let myself of the things most important to me is the keys to Sakura's house. There's a really good story as to how I acquired them, but I don't feel like reminiscing now.

I closed the door quietly behind me. The house looked the same; although most homes had contemporary Japanese furniture here, her mother opted for a more western look. I had almost forgotten about the huge mirrors her mother hung up on the walls. I turned and looked at one. My eyes were slightly bloodshot, and my lips were chapped. I haven't been taking care of my hair again, and it lost the smooth sheen it used to have. I ran my hand through it, and then sighed.

Talking about my appearance wouldn't make me feel any better, I thought, and walked away. I placed my journal on the living room café table, when I heard Sakura from upstairs.

"Hina-chan? Hina-chan is that you?" she called downstairs. Her voice was crackled, and dry sounding, as if she had just woken up.

I couldn't help but smile to myself; she probably was still in bed. "Yes, Sakura, I'm coming upstairs now." I took off my shoes and placed them near the door, and then tiptoed my way up the stairs and into her room. The door was creaked open but the room was still fairly dark, although I could still make out her tangled limbed figure in the king sized bed.

She rolled over and gave me a lopsided smile; even with tousled hair she still looked happy and pretty. I smiled back. I was right about the sleeping part. "Hina-chan, how are you?"

I paused shortly before answering. "Fine." What a safe answer, I chided myself.

She scrunched her eyebrows together like she was going to say something about it, but I cut her off before she could.

"What is this, Sakura? You wake me up and tell me to get dressed and come over, so I could watch you sleep?" I put a hand on my hip and pretended to be perturbed. She giggled and stuck out her tongue.

"I can't sleep without you watching me." She smiled and patted the seat beside her. "Now, come here and lay with me so we can talk."

I frowned. "My clothes will get wrinkled, and besides I'm not tired." She shrugged her shoulders and patted the bed again.

"Who cares? Those aren't valid reasons, now get over here." I sighed and trudged over to the bed, being careful to slide under the heavy comforter where Sakura wrapped her arms my shoulders and I became enveloped in her body heat.

"You're warm," I murmured and shifted to get comfortable in the bed. She nodded and rested her head against my chest and her pink strands of hair tickled my lips and cheeks as I lay down on her pillows.

"And you're comfy."

I grunted in response. We sat there in silence together, drowned in the dim darkness. I listened to her soft and balanced breathing and wondered if she had fallen asleep against me, but then she started talking again.

"I heard about what happened between you and Sasuke-kun." My eyes widened and I tried to sit up in the bed, but Sakura tightened her arms around my frame, as if she already knew I was going to move.

I narrowed my eyes. "Who told you?"

"Word travels fast when it's about Sasuke."

I couldn't argue with that. "Well…? Are you going to chastise me about it or something?"

Her tiny head shook feverishly. "Oh gods, no. What could I possibly reprimand you about? You haven't done anything wrong, and you should know that."

"Hm," I murmured back, sentences completely forgone with me. She kept talking.

"You know." She drummed her fingers on my stomach. "He isn't usually like this. He's confused."

I didn't say anything and waited for her to continue.

"He's jealous of you, and worried about Naruto."

I snorted softly; the image of a jealous Sasuke was both sarcastically funny, but also confusing. "He has no reason to be jealous of me."

"Doesn't he?" Sakura echoed out softly. "He doesn't know about Naruto's past since he left. No one will tell him much about it, including Naruto. The only person he knows had hooked up with Naruto while he was gone is you, so he's blaming you. But he doesn't know that it's over twenty other girls too. He's confused about this, it's not your fault, and he's just undereducated about his own situation." She spoke softly and I stared at the wall opposite of us blankly, taking in her words.

She had a reason, and it was most likely valid. But it didn't take away the pain of my situation. I was still under investigation by Sasuke, and paying for it dearly. And no one was going to tell him about Naruto, because no one wants to see him leave again. In all truth, neither did I. But not for the same reason, Naruto isn't the same when Sasuke's not around. Even when he was with me.

I lowered my eyes and tapped my fingers back against the arm wrapped around my torso. "I suppose," I heaved loudly. "I just want them to be happy."

"I want you to be happy."

"So do I." I feigned a laugh Sakura didn't return. "Why can't I have both?"

She shrugged and snuggled closer to me. I was starting to get warm so I tried to move but she threw her leg over top me, preventing my movement once more, but I didn't complain. She already knew what I was doing. I was trying to avoid talking about it.

"Sometimes life just doesn't yield to its subjects their desires, that doesn't mean it's your fault,"she reasoned.

This time I did chuckle for real. "You sound like a poetry book. But that's not what I mean. You know, Naruto didn't tell Sasuke about me."

Her eyebrow went up. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yes, someone else told Sasuke about me, but it wasn't Naruto. Naruto doesn't tell anyone about me. I just can't help thinking…thinking that maybe because he's...ashamed of me…that…" I trailed off and shut my eyes, waving back the tears that threatened to pool in my eyes. Sakura sighed and squeezed my body in a loving gesture.

"He's not ashamed of you. He's afraid of admit to himself, that's his problem. Not yours. You're a lovely and beautiful girl; you don't need Naruto to prove it."

But I feel like I do, I couldn't help but thinking because…even as Sakura said these kind and sweet words to me, I didn't believe them. If Naruto was unashamed of our relationship, wouldn't he have told people? Usually when people hide things it's because of their embarrassed or ashamed or it just doesn't appeal to them to talk about it. Is that it? Am I unappealing?

"There it is again, it's always come back to me being unappealing again. Why am I so…so…so ugly?" I whispered so harshly that Sakura flinched beneath me, and then began drawing soothing circles across my belly, creasing wrinkles in my shirt again to calm me down. She sighed. "You're not ugly, Hinata. But then again, only you can be the judge of that. Naruto can't judge whether you are 'pleasing' enough to talk about, or mention. If you yourself don't find you pleasing, or maybe appealing, how can you expect anyone else to?" Sakura spoke softly.

I wanted to fight against it, but in truth, it made complete sense. But it didn't satisfy me, because I knew that even if I carried myself with more self-worth, nothing would change. Sasuke would continue to blame me for all of his relationship tribulations, and Naruto wouldn't utter my name unless forced. Beautiful or not, it doesn't change reality. I knew that…and yet…

"Being beautiful doesn't rely on my opinion only. It's what others can see in you." I closed my eyes again; the room was starting to spin.

"You're wrong." Sakura whispered so softly I had to then strain to hear it, "Beauty belongs to the person who claims it."

"Who will claim me?"

"I will."

"You can't claim me, you belong to them."

"Them?"

"Naruto…and Sasuke. You already know them, are close to them. You belong to them, and they have claimed you. Even Ino has claimed you. You know you're beautiful. But me…I don't have anyone. No one will want to claim me now…"

Then she didn't say anything, and we laid there in silence until I started crying again. I cried my way to sleep in Sakura's arms.

When I woke up, I found myself sprawled out across the bed, and covered in a light sweat. I sat up, and saw that Sakura's space was empty. I was about to get out of bed when the door clicked open again and Sakura peered through with a tray of lunch.

"Oh, hey sleepyhead." She giggled and I relaxed back into the bed, propping myself up on a pillow as she placed the food tray on my lap. It was homemade ramen, and not an easy feat.

She walked around the bed and got back in on her side, and watched me, but I didn't start eating right away; I was trying to think of something to say.

She noticed soon. "What is it?"

I stuttered. "N-Nothing, I was just wondering why you h-haven't brought food for yourself." She waved me off. "I already ate, while you slept." She smiled at me softly, and I started blushing, and maybe even pouted a little.

"You could've woken me up."

"I could've."

"Jeez," I sighed and giggled to myself and opened the chopsticks. "Itadakismasu."

Then I started eating; it was spicy, and really tasty. I had almost forgotten that Sakura was a good cook unlike myself. I was halfway finished the bowl once Sakura had stopped staring at me and decided to start another conversation.

"So," she said, averting her eyes for a moment before locking into mine again, "I saw your journal downstairs."

I lowered my chopsticks. "You didn't…read it, did you?" My heart stopped for a moment and I swear I couldn't breathe again until I saw her head shake negatively.

"Of course not, I won't read it until you're ready for me to read it. I told you that."

At this I nodded, I do remember what she said, and with that reassurance I finished my meal quickly. She took the tray downstairs and when she returned she had my journal in hand. She tossed it on my lap.

My face scrunched up in confusion. "Why'd you bring it up here?"

She shrugged, as if the answer were obvious. "Write."

At this point, I was really confused. Did she expect me to write in the journal with her beside me? I thought the journal was a personal thing, now I don't understand her motives…what is Sakura trying to get at?

When I told her what I was thinking, she just smiled and crawled back under the sheets, resting her head on my stomach.

"Do you remember what we talked about earlier?"

"Mm-hm." I was still confused.

She hesitated for a moment, "I was thinking that could help you, you know, to make a good entry. I promise I won't look over anything, I'll turn over. You can just tell me when you're finished."

I didn't say anything. The journal was beginning to feel heavy as I picked it up and scanned it over. It was still so simplistic, yet it meant everything to me in that one moment. I wasn't sure if I could really feel comfortable writing like this, but something about Sakura being beside me calmed my nerves, and before I knew it, she had rolled over and was laying beside me quietly, and I was writing away.

Dear Sakura,

My hands are shaking. Right now, I'm at Sakura's house in her bed. I haven't moved at all today, I feel quite lazy. She's beside me, and she told me to write. This feels weird some, but I kind of like it. Usually when I'm writing I get upset, and maybe I am a little upset. I'm comfortable though, and that's what matters.

I like being comfortable; I wish I could be that way all the time.

The first person I'm thinking of right now is Sakura. If I could describe her, I would say she was beautiful. In complete essence, her spirit, her soul, her hard work, her dedication, her compassion, her love. It's all so beautiful, and it's beautiful to see inside of a person. I don't think I could compare myself to that, no, not just yet. Perhaps when...when someday I'm not so depressed and sad. But that's like saying Sasuke will one day come to friendlier terms with me.

Please note my sarcasm, Sakura.

But I can't get rolled up into that. What Sasuke did was…hurtful, and mean, and I understand that his beauty isn't on the inside like Sakura's is. His is purely on the outside. At least it is to me. But I know why he did it. He did it because I was a threat, and in some ways, I suppose I still am, even if I don't feel like it. Sakura helped me realize that, I had to think about it again, and it makes sense.

If I was Sasuke, I'd be angry with the person who was in the way of Naruto-kun and I. I would've done anything. I actually have done anything. But that's a different story. But I would've done it in justice, in justification…maybe. I wouldn't tackle a person, that's what I mean. And it's partially why I don't understand why Naruto chose him…or why he still refuses to talk about me…

Ah, there I go again. I can't stay off the topic! It's always on my mind. Deep in the back of it though. There are more important things, like how tonight I won't have to sleep by myself. Or think about the inevitable.

Sakura tells me that beauty belongs to the one who claims it.

I can't claim her. Naruto has. Sasuke has. They are her friends, they have something Sakura and I don't. The relationship is different, I can't claim a soul comparing to that.

But I don't have to worry about claiming anyone as beautiful.

I'm already with someone beautiful. Hopefully her beauty will rub off on me, and someone will claim me too.

Hinata

I snapped the book shut and tucked it away under my pillow as quietly as I could, but by Sakura's head flinching I could tell she noticed anyway.

"Hina-chan? Are you finished?" Sakura's voice was muffled beneath her pillow.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me and tucked the journal away under the pillow, lifting up the comforter. My clothes were wrinkled, and clung to my skin uncomfortably, but it didn't matter. I was tired, and I was vaguely happy. There were no mirrors in this room to waver me this time.

I slid back underneath the sheets, clicked off the bedside lamps Sakura had on, and snuggled in deeper into the bed heated with out bodies. "You sure Ino-chan won't mind me sleeping in her spot?" I giggled.

Sakura laughed and turned over, snuggling back into my torso, wrapping her arms around me in a caring gesture, which I returned.

"I think this one time she'll let it slide."

I nodded again, and things got quiet. My eyelids lowered, and my heartbeat slowed.

"Hina-chan?"

"Hm?" I was almost detached from reality that I almost didn't catch what she said, but when I heard it echo through my ears, I felt so happy, and yet so empty at the same time…

"You are beautiful Hina-chan, you've always been beautiful…"

Okay, so, I had my beta go over this with me, I made a bunch of mistakes so I thank thank thank her for fixing this over for me.

I just wanted to make it clear for everyone, everything I mention about Ino was a hint of an SakuxIno relationship. Why did I make Sakura a lesbian you ask?

Well what was I supposed to do, pair her up with Lee or something? Forget that. But I'll explain why in later chapters, and don't worry, this isn't a yuri fiction, and in no way and I going to make Hinata a lesbian either, so don't even worry about asking that.

SO. As an apology for all the angst, I give you some HinaxSaku friendship time. I think Hinata needs it, because after all that's happened to her, she needs someone to fall back on when things get rough, I couldn't have her going through this by herself. It wouldn't be right you know? Everyone needs a friend, after all. Look at me rambling about nothing..

But this doesn't mean that Hinata's problems are over, they are very far from, actually. Read and find out.