Chapter 2

May 31, 2010

It was hot. Really hot. I can't believe I could have forgotten how hot it was in this part of the world. It made the heat and humidity we have every summer in D.C. look like a nice spring day.

But this find was truly the find of the century and I gladly suffered through the heat in order to be a part of it. I would even put up with the insufferable Ms. Wick, who was challenging the limits of my patience every day with her endless chatter. I was seriously considering transferring her to Dr. Rowland's team because since I was the project manager and coordinator I could do that.

Ms. Wick's insufferable chatter was not the only reason why I wanted her transferred off my team. When we had arrived on the site, she had loudly told everyone that the reason why I came to this dig was to run away from my partner that I was madly in love with and who was the inspiration for Andy Lister in my books. Since then, I had seen the looks some of the younger grad students had given me and I knew they were not professional. It took every ounce of my professionalism to not ream out these students for their gross inaccuracies.

But the rest of the team was very good. We had some locals with us but for the most part, the team consisted of anthropologists and paleontologists from around the world with a handful of doctoral candidates as well. And although I missed the scientists I worked with in the Jeffersonian, I found that the influx of new ideas and inquiry that accompanies being with a different group of professionals was extremely intellectually stimulating, something I really enjoyed. It made me certain that this was indeed the right decision.

Just because this was a right decision does not mean that I did not find myself thinking about Booth at least once a day. According to his original deployment plan, he should have arrived in Afghanistan a couple of days ago. And even though I was worried about him, I knew that I had to focus on this discovery. With the implications that this study was sure to yield, they needed to make sure that all of their geese were lined up so the study could withstand the almost certain scrutiny it would undergo. We had only been here for two weeks and already; many of us were convinced that this find would revolutionize the theory of evolution. The general feeling around the camp was excitement that we were going to have a year to delve into the implications of this find and possibly excavate some of the surrounding area.

Leaving the tent where the hominind bones we had gathered were located, I walked outside to see several of my colleagues gathered around something that was smoking and the disgusting smell of burnt meat wafted in my direction. Curious about their actions and also hearing loud talking and music, I decided to see what all the commotion was about.

One of the drawbacks to having my esteemed reputation and also being the team leader was that it was hard for the members of the group to open up me and want to talk to me. On previous digs I had been on, this would not bother me but ever since I began working with Booth, I noticed that my need for human conversational interaction increased and now I had the uncomfortable feeling of being left out. I tried to make an effort to interact socially with some of the team members but I found that so far these attempts had proved unsuccessful.

I also had some uncomfortable interactions with some of the anthologists here that felt they were more qualified to lead this expedition. After all, while I had been helping Booth solve murders, they had been immersed in the world of academia and had published papers advancing the science of anthropology. And while I knew that their questioning of my credentials was ludicrous, it still hurt that my professional colleagues did not think I was qualified. But I would prove them wrong; I was done solving murders.

As I approached the gathering, thankful it was out of the area where we were still gathering soil samples, I noticed that all of the people there were American. Again curious, now as to why our other colleagues from other countries were excluded from the circle, I intended to find out exactly what was going on.

By the jovial music and general fun atmosphere, I could tell they were having a celebration of some sort but in flipping through my memory, I could not recall any holiday that occurred on this day.

"Dr. Brennan!" one of the doctoral candidates yelled out to me as I approached. "Come and join us!" One of the other people thrust a beer at me and I took it, still unsure of what we were celebrating.

"What is going on?" I asked the group, noticing that they were barbecuing some sort of meat and were playing a variety of music usually associated with the summer season.

"Dr. Brennan today is the first official day of summer!" Dr. Bryant, one of the paleontologists from University of Colorado, Boulder, told her. "Pull up a chair and grab a beer. We are taking the rest of the afternoon off!" he finished to cheers from the 7 other people there.

Excited to be included in one of my colleagues' activities, I sat down at one of the vacant lawn chairs around the pit even though the smell of burnt meat was somewhat nauseating. I partook in the festivities for a while, even sharing some of my more humorous jokes. About an hour into the party, I realized that I still wasn't sure why this particular day was chosen to celebrate the beginning of summer as opposed to the long established and celebrated summer solstice, something this group of anthropologists should have known.

"Dr. Gardiner," I asked the man closest to me. "Why are we celebrating the beginning on summer today as opposed to the summer solstice?"

Dr. Gardiner studied me for a moment as if judging if I were serious. "Dr. Brennan today is Memorial Day, which in the U.S., is considered the official day of summer."

I suddenly remembered the day, always not liking it because it meant that there was one less day of work. But suddenly I remembered what I did last Memorial Day and the smell of the meat was not the only thing that was nauseating me.

"Memorial Day is also the day observed in the United States to honor those who died in battle, correct?" I asked Dr. Gardiner.

"You are right, Dr. Brennan," he said.

Last year, Booth had taken me to Arlington National Cemetery to a special service for the day and then I had waited for him while he said he was going to visit some old friends. The memory of all those rows of white tombstones with American flags in front of them came slamming into me and I couldn't breathe. Knowing that Booth was currently in an active war zone and that during his 12-month deployment there was a chance he could end up in one of those rows made me physically sick. I quickly lowered my head between my knees so I wouldn't vomit. It would not do to have that reaction in front of her co-workers.

"Dr. Brennan," I heard one of the grad students ask me. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed back the bile in my throat and sat up, trying to on a brave face for the student. "I am fine," I told her. "It was very hot out today and I feel that I have not consumed the adequate amount of water considering my weight and the amount I have sweat today."

"So, you were light-headed?" the student confirmed.

"Isn't that what I said?"

The student nodded to me and walked away. I too decided that maybe I needed a moment and walked toward the research tent, nodding to the guard outside the door of the tent as I entered. I gazed down at the bones in front of me and realized this was exactly the reason I needed to come to this dig. My fears for Booth clouded my rational scientific thinking that I needed to effectively perform my job as a forensic anthropologist. Even now, 4500 miles away from him, my worry for him still affected me.

My eyes found the bones on the table and instantly, I felt more calm. This is what I was supposed to be doing; learning about ancient civilizations and studying the pathway of human evolution, not identifying murder victims. I had so much to contribute to this field and this is where I was needed. While putting away murders was satisfying, the thrill of pure science was something that I found I sorely missed.

I was furious with Booth the night he told me he wanted more, an "us." Why did he have to go and change the way we worked? Didn't he realize that loving me was the worst mistake he could have made? And when he didn't push and gave up, I knew my worst fears had been confirmed; that he realized that I wasn't good enough for him and his lion heart.

This is why I needed some time away from him; I needed to clear my head and find a new place in the world, a place where Booth did not call him and I "the center" and I didn't have nightmares about him getting hurt or spent half the day wondering what our partnership met. This year apart was exactly what we needed.

Right?