26 Misconceptions About the Crew of the Enterprise
Or 26 lies, untruths, falsehoods, and/or fabrications about those who serve the Enterprise.
Admiral Pike does not allow Captain Kirk to personally select all of Enterprise's personnel but if Jim doesn't want someone on his crew, Chris will have them expeditiously reassigned.
Before Jim was giving the Enterprise, he was required to complete the Command Track at the Academy; he just did it much more quickly than anyone else ever had.
Captain Kirk has never appeared naked on the Bridge, unless you insist on including that one time when his fever spiked and he managed to elude Spock and Dr. McCoy and…well, he really prefers not to discuss it - ever again.
Dr. McCoy does not refuse to treat any patient, regardless of species, condition, prior behavior while in Med Bay, or comments made about his ex-wife while that member of the crew was too drunk to know what he was saying in the Officer's Mess even though he had made a solemn vow to never ever repeat what Bones said while they were still at the Academy and on that particular night it was Bones that had had too much to drink which is the only reason he discussed how hot sex with Jocelyn had been and that was probably why he'd ended up marrying her to start with.
Entire harvests of fresh fruits and vegetables are not beamed onto the Enterprise whenever they are near a Starbase; only enough to feed the crew for the amount of time it will take for them to arrive at the next Starbase.
For every opening on the Enterprise crew, there aren't really 2000 applicants – it only feels that way to Admiral Pike.
Gaila has not slept with every member of the Enterprise crew – only the ones not married or otherwise in a committed relationship – she does have standards, after all.
Hikaru does not get paid a bonus for his coolness factor despite Jim's repeated attempts to institute the Cooler Than Cool Stipend.
Inter-ship Starfleet Games were finally halted because the Admiralty got so tired of all the whining from the losers - that the Enterprise wins every single year because they cheat, a charge which they know has no validity because Captain Kirk's crew really is Just That Awesome.
Jim Kirk has not slept with every member of his crew, a fact Spock will absolutely verify as he is the only member of the crew with whom the Captain has ever or will ever sleep.
Karaoke was never a part of Inter-ship Starfleet Games and it has nothing to do with the fact that Jim Kirk is tone deaf.
Leonard McCoy has been offered the position of CMO on every ship in the fleet and there is no truth to the rumor he won't accept because he is Jim's other lover.
Mostly the crew of the Enterprise ignore snide remarks made about them, knowing the smack-talking stems from jealously, unless someone makes the mistake of claiming that their Captain is not the best ever in which case they will jump ugly with whoever dared dis Kirk.
Nyota does not join the Captain and Spock for threesomes nor would she ever consider it, especially after she and Dr. McCoy begin spending quality time together.
Officers on other ships gaze longingly at the Enterprise whenever they are docked at the same place, at the same time, wondering what they need to do to deserve assignment on that ship.
Pavel Chekov knows there are those who believe he is too young to have the privilege of being the Enterprise's Navigator but as long as Keptain Kirk believes he deserves it, he can ignore the whispers of favoritism that seem to follow him whenever they are with other members of Starfleet.
Quips and wisecracks about his youth or that of his crew no longer bother Jim and he laughs every time another ship beams a case of diapers over to them.
Reality often contradicts the cause for the jealousy of other crews, a fact Admiral Pike is forced to point out almost weekly if not daily.
Spock cannot understand the Human tendency to denigrate that which is desired, seemingly lessening the value of the very thing being coveted, and finally Jim stops trying to explain it to him.
There are only a few things that will cause Scotty to be moved to violence, and insults about his ship or his Captain are two that never fail to incite a brawl, with the ship being slightly ahead in the count.
Under certain circumstances, the Enterprise is granted more shoreleave than other ships, but then most ships don't spend the majority of their time preventing universe-ending cataclysms.
Vulcans prefer that only the Enterprise visit their planet for resupplying and assistance, for reasons that are crystal clear to those who serve aboard her.
Whatever anyone else may think, the crew of the Enterprise is the best in the 'fleet and that only fuels the fire of jealousy on the other ships.
Xenobiologists have been known to engage in fisticuffs to secure a posting on the Enterprise, a situation that annoys Pike and amuses Kirk in equal measures.
Young, brash, careless, arrogant, stubborn, brilliant – all words that have been used to describe a certain Captain but he prefers Awesome, if it's all the same to you.
Zebras have never been aboard the Enterprise and Pike cannot understand why that rumor is so persistent or why Jim laughs every time he hears it.