26 Reasons Starfleet Thought That It Might Have Been a Mistake…
to make Jim Kirk Captain of the Enterprise
Apparently not every starship Captain nearly gets himself killed on nearly every away mission.
Basic sense of survival is assumed, unless you are James T. Kirk.
Creative solutions to many problems will keep a starship going but that doesn't mean the engineers from Starfleet are ever going to think using a clothespin, a shoelace, and a plastic spork to fix the warp drive is a good idea.
Depending on the time of day, Starfleet is never entirely sure who might respond to their private messages to the Captain, since he never seems to be exactly where they expect him to be.
Executing a direct order is not optional, at least that's what Starfleet always thought until they promoted James Kirk.
Following protocol and regulations is also not optional, something else that seems to apply to James Kirk only sporadically.
Gossip can't be taken as the solemn truth but there has to be some accuracy to the rumor that Admiral Pike makes sure that not all of the Captain's reports reach the upper levels of Starfleet.
Hardly a day goes by that Starfleet doesn't get yet another message from yet another starship that visited yet another planet that had recently hosted the Enterprise and the inhabitants of the planet haven't quite gotten over it yet.
I didn't mean for it to happen – not the way a Captain's away-mission report should ever start, but Jim Kirk's do, with alarming regularity.
Junk food was not included in standard replicator programming until Starfleet got so tired of the Enterprise's repeated requests that they finally allowed their replicators to produce reasonable facsimiles of cheeseburgers, French fries, cheese doodles, and milk shakes.
Karaoke night is sacred on the Enterprise and Starfleet has learned not to bother trying to reach any of the command crew during their weekly ritual.
Little did they know that giving the Enterprise to the youngest captain ever would prematurely age all of Starfleet still on the ground.
Messages intended for Captain Kirk often seem to be delayed or misdirected, much more often than messages to any other Captain.
Nobody would ever doubt the loyalty of the crew of the Enterprise but Starfleet occasionally wishes that that loyalty extended to them as well.
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more" – not the way any other ship would have told Starfleet they were about to engage in hostilities with the Klingons.
Poptarts aren't on any starship's regular requisitions, except the Enterprise's, and the central supply office no longer bothers to ask permission before sending them to Captain Kirk's ship.
Questions and requests for clarity about certain away-missions fall on deaf ears, as Captain Kirk never seems to find the time to respond to those transmissions.
Responding to Starfleet transmissions – again, something that was never optional until Captain Kirk was given his own ship.
Spock will be a calming influence on Kirk – that reasoning went out the proverbial window the first time Starfleet told Spock to tell Kirk not to do something and Spock responded bite me.
Trying to stop Kirk from doing anything necessary to save his crew and his ship is as effective as telling the ocean not to wash up on the shore.
Unless you wish to relieve me of command, I will continue to do whatever is necessary to save my crew and my ship – words Starfleet has heard countless times since giving Jim Kirk his own ship.
Victory makes it possible to forgive a multitude of sins.
Whenever it's suggested that maybe James Kirk was too young to be given his own ship, Pike pulls up Kirk's record, putting to rest that debate, until the next time.
X-rated holovids may or may not have been included in the most recent supplies offloaded onto the Enterprise – no one will confirm nor deny the rumor.
Years and experience will mellow him, right?
Zillions – the number of times Starfleet has asked Captain Kirk to please follow at least some of the regulations, please?