26 Times That Spock Thinks Requesting to Be Jim's First Officer Was NOT Such a Good Idea
A/N: This chapter of 26 seemed like a natural follow-up to the last two. It was also at least partially inspired by this line from Some Days It's Not Even Worth It by Suppi-chan:
Spock gives them the look that means he's pretty sure he was high the day he decided to stay with Starfleet.
The entire story is laugh-out-loud hysterical!! Go read it. I'll wait.
Antagonizing the inhabitants of the planets they visit seems to come naturally to Jim, even though he is always sorry afterward and insists he didn't mean to upset them, and isn't it convenient how Spock is able to so logically convince them not to take Jim prisoner or blow the Enterprise out of the sky.
Beaming down to the surface of a planet without Jim is much safer, until Jim starts to really miss Spock and sends him mental images of all the ways in which Jim will greet him when Spock's finally back on board.
Certain crewmembers are sure that one day Spock's bud of calm is going to blossom into hysteria, a belief he does nothing to alter because he secretly enjoys watching them slowly back away every time they think this is it – this is the one that's sending him over the edge.
During away-mission briefings, Spock generally has all the pertinent information committed to memory and cannot understand the logic behind any member of the away team challenging him on the facts simply because the Captain casually mentioned that he'd heard all of the inhabitants have four breasts or two penises, depending on gender.
Ears and eyebrows were something he took for granted until his attracted an inordinate amount of attention from just about everyone he encounters, but only one person is allowed to touch them.
Forming friendships is much easier for Humans than for Vulcans, at least until he finally understands the comfort and warmth that comes from being able to call someone a true friend.
Games of chance have their place but offer no real challenge to Spock, no matter how many times he's told that "card counting" is officially cheating.
He will eventually understand some of the Human customs which seem to flourish and multiple on board their ship, although he suspects that the concept of wearing bizarre outfits in order to portray mystical creatures and then going up and down the corridors to request candy from friends will remain an eternal mystery to him.
Instead of being annoyed by some of the more illogical Human behaviors that surround him on a daily basis, he decided early on to observe them as though the crew were subjects in one massive science experiment.
Jumping between phaser fire and one of the members of the away team was something he would have never considered until he realized that they were indeed his family.
Keeping track of the Captain is his job by default, and it's not that he minds especially, but he has considered on more than one occasion the possibility of arming himself with a tranquilizer gun before going off-ship with him.
Listening to Dr. McCoy complain about that goddamn man-child in charge of this goddamn starship secretly amuses Spock even though he is very careful not to let the doctor suspect that particular truth.
Mondays have no real meaning on a starship which is why he cannot understand their reasoning when certain members of the crew complain about it being Monday again already.
No, I will not engage in the ritualistic carving of contorted facial features into these round orange Cucurbita, even if Lieutenant Sulu did grow them for just such a purpose.
Occasionally, Spock has to ask certain members of the Bridge crew to stop talking, for just a few minutes, because as illogical as it sounds, he is sure if they don't, his ears will start to bleed.
Perhaps, Admiral, you would like to be the one to explain to the Captain that you are ordering the Enterprise to leave orbit while six members of our crew remain stranded on the planet, because I have no intentions of it.
Quadratic equations turn out to be the key to understanding the inhabitants of Eulersten, and Spock quite enjoys their company even though they maintain that Einstein was wrong about a great many of his theories.
Regulations, he always thought, were non-negotiable but that was before he began serving under a Captain who considers them guidelines rather than actual rules.
Serving under Captain Kirk has its challenges, not the least of which is trying to keep him and his Captain alive, and to retain his sanity after yet another planet tries to kill them in a completely unprovoked attack caused by a misunderstanding that, really, wasn't Jim's fault this time.
Turning a blind eye to certain crew behaviors becomes progressively easier the longer he serves on board the Enterprise, especially when the Captain convinces him that they really do need to participate in some of those behaviors together.
Utensils that are a combination of a spoon and a fork are a great source of amusement to many of the crewmembers, the humor of which Jim has tried repeatedly to explain but Spock still cannot understand what is so funny about the name.
Vulcans supposedly don't like water so it was a major surprise to almost everyone when Spock jumped into the lake on Espondary because the Captain either fell in or was pushed by the overly excited greeting party.
Waldenland sounded like a perfectly lovely planet to visit until the natives took an unhealthy interest in their guests and chased them for 5 hours with gigantic butterfly nets, making Spock swear off the word "Fascinating" for more than a week because that's what the natives had called the away team.
Xenoliguistics is imperative on most away missions, except for those that end up with the away team running for their lives, something Spock really wishes they could avoid on a more regular basis.
Y'all is a word Spock thinks is extremely useful since Standard doesn't have any other designation for the plural you to distinguish it from the singular you but he will never admit this to Dr. McCoy.
Zebras were not native to Vulcan and the first time Spock sees one, he begins to understand the fascination his Human companions feel about them, although he is fairly confident that Jim did not actually have permission to try and ride one on the game preserve they visited.
This chapter was the toughest to write so far. Most of them wrote themselves but this one was more of a struggle. I wanted to find that balance between laughing with Spock without laughing at him. Sure hope I succeeded.