Dexter's Metamorphosis

Chapter Three

"Mommy's Tummy and Dexter's Connection"

Dexter and Rita stood there embracing for several moments. One part of Rita was so happy that she just wanted to keep hugging Dexter, thrilled that something she had always wanted with him was finally happening! Yet, there was another feeling deep down inside her, worry, worried about what the future might bring; being a single mom with two kids, now pregnant, and not married. She hoped this would not push Dexter away. Dexter did not want to move or let go of Rita knowing as soon as he did she would get to look at his face, look into his eyes, and see, what; nothing, maybe puzzlement, shock? Or, as his deepest fear bubbled to the surface, would she see the nothingness that possessed his body?

Rita knew he needed to hear more than just, "I'm pregnant!" She stepped back just a bit and put her finger up to Dexter's lips, as she whispered, "Shush." She cupped his face in her hands and her eyes searched his features, wondering what their little child would look like.

Rita sighed, then spoke softly, "I love you so much, Dexter. I'm blessed to have you in my life, to be a part of yours." She kissed him again and put her arms around his waist and looked up into his boyish face as she started to cry, but not looking away.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke bravely, "I know this is a lot to hear like this, such a wonderful thing but so sudden, out of the blue."

She looked down with tears gathering in her eyes and tried to pull herself together to continue. She looked up and gave Dexter a loving smile, then biting her lip as she took a deep breath, sighed and spoke softly, "I went to the doctor like we talked about. After all of her questions she suggested that I take a pregnancy test. I thought my heart was going to stop, Dexter." She smiled a little sheepishly while looking up, searching his face for something, a sign.

She was getting a little nervous now, not seeing Dexter respond with a loving look or a smile, which would give her something to hang onto as a sign of acceptance, she continued on, "The test came back positive. I couldn't believe it. I was on the pill and still, this. This wasn't supposed to happen this way, but it has. My doctor told me that it does happen to couples in about 5 cases or so out of a hundred. That's all I needed to hear was some stupid fact from some study somewhere." Dexter looked at Rita with concern, seeing how hard this was for her. He nodded as if to say "I understand." His mind was racing trying to grasp the bigger picture here; trying to get his arms around all of this to exert some type of control. He needed to be in control, but couldn't.

Rita had to tell him how she felt, about the baby, all of this. Then maybe he would be able to say something. "When I found out I was pregnant I had a lot of thoughts running through my head. We aren't married and here I am pregnant. This is not how I wanted this to happen. I pictured you proposing, down on one knee, me saying YES!" She giggled and took his hands in hers and brought them up to her face, her cheeks still moist from her tears. She moved them over her face with her eyes closed, feeling him, smelling him, kissing his hands.

"Then after we got married we would talk about this and decide together if we wanted a baby or not," as she rubbed his arms now, looking up into his face. "Then if we decided to go ahead we would pick names for a boy and a girl." Her voice trailed off as she started to cry once again.

She moved his hands down to her tummy, holding them there. She looked down to see his strong hands touching her, almost like he was keeping the baby warm and safe. She whispered, "Our little baby is growing inside of me, Dexter."

As she looked into his eyes with an expression so sorrowful, so hopeful, her voice so soft, saying, "I love you so much, Dexter. I want to have your baby, our baby. I can only hope and pray that you feel the same." With that she couldn't hold back any longer. She broke down crying, sobbing almost uncontrollably. She was tormented by what was and what might be. She was going to have their baby but didn't want to lose Dexter. Her life had become so perfect with Dexter and now this miracle might be the very incident that could shatter their relationship that she cherished and needed so desperately.

She hugged the man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The man whose baby she was carrying. She cried for a long time as Dexter held her close and whispered, "Everything will be okay, Rita, we're good, more than good."

Dexter was experiencing something totally new and different. He thought, "Good, better than good. An emotion?" At first he didn't know what to do other than run, but he stayed. Rita had poured her heart out to him; completely exposed her soul, her feelings. She was so soft and there for him. He knew in his gut he had to be there for her, for the baby, their baby; a new life that they created.

Dexter's heart started to race which didn't happen very often at all! What was happening? Dexter did not understand it. His thoughts went to the baby, so tiny, just starting out on life's journey. He felt something, for the baby. He didn't know how to express it. So he told Rita one more time, "This is good," as she felt his heart racing.

When they finally went back into the living room, dad was waiting with Cody and Astor on the couch. The kids had heard Rita when she first went into the bedroom and then a bit later, crying. They were upset but Grandpa told them it would be okay and to just wait a bit for mom and Dexter to come out.

Astor and Cody ran to their mom and hugged her and looked for some kind of explanation with the expression on their faces doing the asking. Dexter looked at CJ and nodded and smiled. CJ felt better and turned his gaze to Rita and the kids.

Rita was standing there with everyone she loved and wanted in her life. She was having a moment where all was perfect. She looked down to Cody and Astor and smiled, then spoke only as a mother can talk to her children, "I'm pregnant with a little baby right here," as she pointed to her tummy.

Cody looked at her tummy and put his ear right next to his mom's hand and tried to hear something. He looked a little puzzled and asked, "Is he sleeping?"

Astor sighed, rolled her eyes in complete disgust and told Cody, "It doesn't have to be a boy, you know!"

Kids, complete acceptance in one moment. Rita had to laugh along with dad and Dexter at the kid's reactions. Once again dad went to Rita and the kids for a group hug. This time Dexter didn't have to be invited.

Later that evening after they went back to Rita's place and Rita was getting the kids off to bed, Dexter was thinking about the last few months, about how their relationship had improved so much, his new Sex Passenger, his drive to take care of Rita and the kids. Then today the news that Rita was pregnant. He was trying to put it all together to make sense of it, how he felt, what he wanted, what he needed. He wondered about his inner response to CJ's trust and of course his own feeling, if that was what it was, about the baby. He knew something was different inside him, something new. He liked it but it seemed to cause him some concern at the same time. Conflict maybe, but why?

His Dark Passenger was at work deep inside. It knew that these new feelings would change everything. It needed to guard Dexter against all of this that would lead to Dexter having a conscience. Dexter's subconscious was in conflict at this point. Good versus evil. Right versus wrong. Past deeds versus future emotions. War. For the Dark Passenger to survive it needed the old Dexter intact. Not this new one that was developing like Dexter's child growing in Rita's body.

Rita settled in next to Dexter on the couch after the kids were tucked in for the night. She needed to talk to him about their future but didn't want to take the direct approach which she thought might turn Dexter away. So, she simply asked, "What are you thinking?" as she cuddled with Dexter by putting her arm through his and leaning her head on his shoulder, looking up at his boyish face.

He had so many thoughts, but chose to tell the truth; as much of it as he could. He looked at her showing concern, "The news today of you being pregnant put me into shock. I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say. I know that sounds bad but it caught me totally off guard."

He grinned, shrugged, and continued, "When you were telling me everything, at one point you put my hands on your tummy and said, "Our little baby is growing inside of me."

"At that moment the reality of being connected to the baby, a little baby that we created, right there," as he touched her tummy again, "made my heart race, I felt it. Because of the baby, our baby, I felt it! I've never felt like that before." Dexter was telling the truth.

Rita was smiling now and felt like a heavy burden had just been lifted. Dexter was expressing himself and it was good, better than good, as he would say. She kissed him on the cheek knowing they were headed in the right direction. He had not backed away. Her being pregnant, and him being there saying that he felt the connection to the baby was wonderful.

They sat silent for a few moments each in their own thoughts. Rita's tension was easing and her earlier feelings of torment were fading but she knew they still needed to discuss their future; she needed to know what Dexter wanted to do. Get married, just move in together, so many questions. She would talk to him in a bit but needed to feel him close for the moment, feel his warmth, just to know he was there for the comfort it gave her.

Dexter's thoughts kept going to the baby inside of Rita's tummy. He was drawn to the thought that he was this little baby's father, him, Dexter, the baby's dad. The connection he felt was very strong and he knew it worked through Rita as well, not just the baby alone. Rita was the mother of his baby. This was a new experience, an entirely new path he was heading down. He knew now that he would be there for Rita and the baby. His feelings, if he could say that, were there and were strong enough to make him look to the future, a future with Rita, their baby, and of course little Cody and Astor. The Dark Passenger was aware and making its own plans for Dexter, so it could survive.

As the evening went on, they discussed moving in together, marriage, a wedding, and doctors' appointments she would need to set up, with Rita doing most of the talking. Dexter listened, smiled, nodded, and went along for the ride for the most part. He was having thoughts again about the Dark Passenger and the need to fill the void. It was his life, who he was, how he survived. He had lived by Harry's code and had come this far. Now all of this! Life was changing quickly for Dexter and the internal conflict had started between the Dark Passenger's needs and the new life he and Rita had created and the new life Dexter was just starting to embrace.

They went to bed after a bit, spooning, with Dexter hugging Rita from behind as she wiggled her behind a bit and purred. She giggled and soon fell asleep, content. Dexter lay there for a long while trying to digest everything that had just happened and fell asleep sometime later. Her sleep was peaceful. Dexter's was not. He rarely dreamt but tonight his thoughts led him back and forth between who he was up until now, who he had become with the Dark Passenger for all these years, and the opposite of death, new life. A new life he had created and needed to protect. His emptiness, his void, was at risk of being banished to make room for the new baby, but the road to that end would be a painful and troubled one. Dexter's inner turmoil was just getting started heading towards a full blown war.

The next morning after breakfast, Dexter told Rita, "I need to go home and take care of a few things. One is to call Deb and meet up with her for lunch or at least coffee and tell her about the baby! I would like to do that face to face." He smiled his best boyfriend smile and kissed Rita on top of the head then acted like her hair had made his nose tickle. He scratched his nose with an exaggerated motion by moving his fingers back and forth under his nose.

Of course Cody thought this was neat and in his own way turned this into a game to tease Astor. He started chasing her around with his finger in his nose trying to freak her out!

Astor pleaded with mom in a loud irritated voice, "Mom, make him stop! He's so yucky and such a big booger." Of course this made Cody try all the harder as Dexter and Rita laughed.

Rita took Dexter aside before he left and said, "Promise me you will be back for dinner and spend the night. You know just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I have to stop playing with my love animal!" She kissed him tenderly on the cheek and squeezed his hands in hers.

Dexter smiled as he replied, "Ok if you put it that way." Looking like this would be really hard to do. Rita just missed poking him in the ribs as he backed away smiling.

Continue on to Chapter Four