Dexter's Metamorphosis
Chapter Five
"The Breakdown and Little Alessia's Rescue"
Dexter and Rita had been very busy over the months that followed the wedding, leading up to little Alessia's birth. They bought a new home big enough for them and the three kids, plus an extra bedroom just in case! CJ had bought his own place not too far way. They were all settled in and Dexter and Rita had set up Alessia's room. Everything was ready.
They had picked out a boy's and a girl's name before they knew what they were going to have, a little girl. For a boy they had picked Christopher James, a little CJ! They had talked to grandpa about the name they had chosen if the baby was going to be a boy. CJ was delighted! He never had a son and hadn't had the opportunity to have a junior in the family. The thought of having a little CJ running around was a pleasant thought. He had actually thanked them for the consideration. Rita felt good inside that her dad was happy with her and Dexter. She loved her dad so much and wanted to please him. She took advantage of this situation after talking to Dexter to do just that.
For a girl they picked Alessia Christine. Alessia's name had a Greek and Italian origin and stood for, defender. Christine had a Latin and French origin that stood for, follower of Christ. Rita had picked these names out, actually, and Dexter had happily agreed. The irony was not lost on Dexter. Rita had played with the idea of having the girl's name to include the initials of Astor and Cody and had done some research to that end. When she found these names, and they fit so well together, and they had such a beautiful rhythm when you pronounced them together, Alessia Christine, she knew it was the perfect name if they were going to have a girl.
Dexter had never thought about kids' names before and really wasn't concerned about having a son with his name. When Rita had suggested they pick a boy's name with the initials CJ for grandpa, he thought that would be good. He thought about the situation of calling out 'CJ' and having both of them turn around and say, 'What?' It could be fun. After they told CJ about their choice, he felt good after seeing CJ's reaction.
The girl's name was a bit more of an issue for Dexter. After Rita had picked the names and given him their origins he of course happily agreed, but it did start him thinking. He had been the complete opposite of the meanings of Alessia Christine for almost his entire life. It was ironic that Rita had picked these names that were so contrary to his life with the Dark Passenger. The defender of Christ, the defender of Christ's followers, the follower of Christ, Christ. No matter how you put them together Alessia Christine represented the complete opposite of his void, dark and evil, by comparison, good versus evil. The Light versus the Darkness.
These thoughts led to others. Dexter had not been on a hunt now for over nine months. This was the longest single period of time to not have satisfied the Dark Passenger. His headaches and dizzy spells were directly connected to his new life, not killing at the urge of the Dark Passenger. His conscience was working and the result was inner turmoil which created stress, then physical pain. As the birth of Alessia loomed on the horizon, his Dark Passenger was struggling to stay alive and not be pushed aside and destroyed. He thought back to when these spells had started. It was when he had found out that he was going to be a dad. This had started something stirring inside, a feeling, and then his spells started.
He had gone to the trouble of signing up for night classes at the local community college to study profiling as a ruse to get out of the house to have time to fill the void. However, his thinking, his need, wasn't the same anymore. He was having internal conflict and knew that his old ways were bumping heads with his new found "feelings," as he called them, for his little unborn girl, Alessia. He wanted to feel, to be normal. He wanted to love and Alessia had started the process of his self analysis.
Dexter searched back in time, now knowing what had started the birth of his Dark Passenger, to reflect. He had witnessed the brutal killing of four people, one of which was his mother. His few early memories that he had from before the killings, which he had to thank Brian for, were of his mom and his brother in loving and caring moments. He knew he was not born this way, empty of feelings. He had been transformed into something different as a child because he had blocked out all of the memories from the cargo container. At three he was not capable of dealing with the memories or the pain associated with the brutal and bloody slaying of his mother. No child would be able to handle that. He had turned into an emotionless child with urges to reenact that terrible scene, maybe to punish the killers that butchered his mom.
Harry had enough insight to help Dex redirect his urges to take out the bad guys and not get caught. What if Harry had missed an opportunity? The opportunity over time to help Dex get back to normal. What if Harry had pushed Dex down the wrong path after all?
The realization that he could have been normal, maybe, made Dex think about his past deeds under the direction of his Dark Passenger. He knew that by normal standards what he did as the Dark Defender was wrong and terribly brutal. He was a serial killer with a cause, but nevertheless he was a serial killer. A killer. He killed people to satisfy his own need. He justified the acts by living by Harry's code. He knew the world was a better place without the killers that he had taken out but was this just another rationalization? An empty excuse to fill his own twisted urge to kill and dismember another human being?
These questions made Dex realize that he was questioning his own morality. Morality was something that had not been an issue before because he had no conscience, nothing to load him up with guilt, or feelings of remorse, until now. Through all of his self analysis since learning that he was going to be a dad, that he had created a life, over the last nine months, his conscience had finally become fully awake and completely aware of the Dark Passenger and all of the terrible acts that had been committed. His conscience was dealing with over thirty years of dark memories in a very short period of time and went into overload. The first tidal wave of guilt created by his newly awakened conscience rolled over Dexter like a steamroller, very hot and very suppressing! He felt as though gravity had tripled his weight and he could barely breathe. He screamed as he passed out falling on the floor in their bedroom.
Rita heard Dexter's scream and went to the bedroom as fast as she could, considering her condition, eight and a half months pregnant. She found Dexter passed out on the floor. Astor and Cody arrived just after Rita and were frightened by the sight of Dexter there, laying on the floor unconscious and their mom almost hysterical and crying.
Rita told Astor, "Call 911, now!" She knelt down next to Dexter as Cody stood by her side. Rita saw that Dexter's breathing was labored, he was rolling his head back and forth and his face looked like he was in terrible pain. Astor used the phone by the bed and made the call, help was on its way as all three looked on and cried in fear for Dexter's life.
He woke up in the emergency room with Deb and Rita standing next to his bed. His head was throbbing with pain. He felt drained of energy. His thoughts were slow. He had been hooked up to an I.V. that was giving him a sedative to help calm him down. The Doctors had told Rita and Deb that physically he was fine but the signs he was showing indicated to them that Dexter had succumbed to severe stress, maybe a nervous breakdown. He had been ranting, while he was out, about death, being a butcher, being empty, wanting Alessia to save him. Nothing coherent enough to complete a thought, but words here and there. Rita was very worried for Dexter. She had been frightened by his ranting, not understanding why he would say such things so terrible.
Rita's pregnancy had changed her life for the better. Now this, Dexter laying in a bed in the emergency room, ranting about death, being a butcher. It was so awful to hear those words coming from Dexter. She wanted to help him but didn't know what to do. She knew she would be there for him no matter what. She knew he was a good man and whatever nightmares he was having were just that, bad dreams. She was still scared for him, though, and prayed for him to get better and return home as her Dexter, just like he had always been. She loved him so and cried silently for her husband as she watched him there in bed.
Deb helped calm Rita down by hugging her and talking to her, hoping that what she told Rita was the truth, "He has been under a lot of stress at work, Rita. With the move, the baby, your wedding, his night classes. It's too much. He has to slow down. Maybe this will make him realize he's not superman!"
Rita thought about this and after they talked some more she settled down a bit and concentrated on Dexter now that he was waking up. She put her hand on his as he lay there looking at her with a troubled and puzzled expression on his face.
Rita spoke with a soft loving voice as she looked down at her husband, "I love you, dear. You are in the hospital emergency room right now and the doctors say that you will be fine. You're on a mild sedative and they want to keep you overnight for observation to make sure everything is okay."
Dexter nodded and tried to speak but couldn't find his voice. He felt that this scene was familiar. A bed, couldn't speak, someone looking down at him, couldn't move, surrounded by a partition. His mind flashed through dozens of such scenes in a matter of seconds. He tried to scream again but couldn't. His mouth opened, his face contorted, his hands balled up into fists, his whole body became rigid. His guilt for the acts he had committed hit him full force as he passed out again. Dexter's newly awakened conscience was dealing with his Dark Passenger's memories head on.
Rita was horrified at what she was witnessing as Dexter seemed to convulse, then pass out again. He looked like he was being tormented, maybe attacked. She had screamed when Dexter's face looked like he was being tortured just before he passed out.
Deb rushed up next to Rita and pulled her back from the bed as she put her arms around her to help calm Rita down and to help steady her. Rita had turned pale and did not look well at all. Two doctors had heard Rita scream and ran over to Dexter's bedside to assess the situation. One gave orders to the nurse to increase Dexter's sedative and the other went to Rita.
Rita had to be taken to her own bed to lie down. The doctor told her that what she had seen was Dexter in conflict, classic signs. They had ramped up the dosage on his sedative and he wouldn't be awake until morning. She was given strict orders to let Dexter sleep and take care of herself and the little baby she was carrying. Deb was given the assignment to make sure Rita obeyed the orders given by the doctor. The doctors would call Rita if anything changed before morning, but felt sure nothing would. It would be best for everyone to go home and get rested for tomorrow.
As they went out into the waiting area on their way out to the car, they saw Angel, Maria, and Vince there waiting to find out what had happened and how Dexter was doing. Deb did most of the talking as Rita was almost totally drained by what had happened and with her being over eight months pregnant, she just couldn't do much more than give everyone a softly spoken thank you for being there. After just a few minutes, Rita asked Deb to take her home; she felt so weak now and desperately needed to rest.
While Deb drove them back to Rita's house, where CJ was watching the kids, Deb phoned him to give him the updates on Dexter and Rita. They all spent the night there, which Rita felt very good about. She needed all the extra support she could get and who better than family. Thank God for family! Rita went to bed alone that night worrying about her love. He was at the hospital heavily sedated and she prayed that he would have a good nights' sleep. As she lay in bed, she replayed the scenes from earlier over and over in her mind to try to make some sense of it all.
She hoped that Deb was right after all and everything that had happened over the last nine months had just caught up to Dexter and he simply had just stressed out. She would talk to him about holding everything inside the way he did. He didn't waste words when he talked, always seeming to hold back but just saying enough to get by. Deb had complained to her about that very same thing. It was hard to get Dexter to talk about anything let alone talk a lot about something. That was her plan, to get Dexter to open up and express his feelings more, to keep the stress from building up. She would talk to Deb about this too. She finally drifted off to sleep later that night and had a restless sleep worrying about her Dexter.
That night Dexter was in and out of consciousness. The sedatives weren't enough to keep his conscience from working overtime. He was having guilt, feelings, and regrets. He felt a presence though, a light, in his mind, in his thoughts. While he was being tormented by his own conscience, the light in his thoughts became brighter and eventually blocked everything else out, his guilt, his pain. Because of the sedatives, Dexter had no idea of real time or clear thought. In his mind he seemed to be asking the light, what are you, who are you? He was confused, at first there was nothing, no answer, and then he knew.
It was Alessia, or at least the thought of her, but to Dexter it was his little baby girl. She was glowing brightly with pure white light. She was reaching out to Dexter with her little arms extended with her little hands open, palms up. It was though she was offering her help to lead her daddy to a better place. He reached out but couldn't reach her. He tried and tried again. He felt desperate, as though time was running out. He knew he had to reach her or all would be lost. This last thought gave him the strength for his final effort to grab onto Alessia's little hands, and he did. He felt her pulling him into her light. He looked back and saw the Dark Passenger fading as if it was dying. The light engulfed Dexter as his last vision of the Dark Passenger completely faded away like a bad dream when you first wake up. Alessia had him in her light now, which felt wonderful to Dexter; so warm and soothing. He had arrived, to be with Alessia and all the love they could give each other. His little girl had given Dexter the gift of life.
Little Alessia had conquered his old ways and all the death and the guilt. She gave Dexter the wisdom to know that he had been one person for a long time and allowed Dexter to forgive himself, for his beginnings were not of his making, and to move on as a new person. The conflict was over. Dexter had come full circle in his life.
Dexter had been home for several days when Rita went into labor. It was his turn to tell Astor to call 911 when Rita's water broke and she screamed, "The baby is coming right now!" Dexter put her on the bed and prepared her for the delivery as best as he could. Astor and Cody waited by the front door to direct the EMT's to the bedroom when they arrived.
The morning sun was shinning brightly through their bedroom window illuminating the bed where Rita lay in labor. The warm light highlighted Rita's features as she pushed over and over again as Dexter watched her, in awe of the miracle he was about to witness. He was ready to help with his arms extended, his hands open, palms up, waiting for Alessia to appear. She came out very quickly as Rita yelled, "Thank God!" and collapsed back onto the bed as she looked at her husband holding their little girl. She cried tears of joy at the sight of Dexter holding little Alessia in his hands looking down at her with such a loving expression on his face with tears in his eyes. This was a moment they would never forget.
Dexter could see the relief on Rita's face as his little daughter appeared right before him almost sliding into his waiting hands. He was there to ease Alessia into her bright new world to begin her life's journey. He held her for a moment and she started to cry. Dexter and Rita looked at each other and smiled. The happy parents of little Alessia knew everything would be okay. He wrapped his little girl in a soft blanket and handed little Alessia to her mom. He watched as Rita smiled down at their little daughter, with such a loving expression on her face that was so pure that Dexter cried for the first time that he could remember, with tears of joy. He thanked little Alessia, without speaking, for what she had done for him, giving him a new start in life, being normal, with feelings, and promised to be there for her the rest of his life.
He looked at Rita as she held Alessia and said for the first time, "I love you, Rita."
Author 's note, this is the fairy tale ending I would like to see when "Dexter" has run its course many years from now and all of the fans, at least this one, want to see a happy ending. The story should start with "Once upon a time" and end with "They lived happily ever after!"
I had this story posted before the series brought little Harrison into the Morgan's life. I took it down for personal reasons but now feel it is the right time to repost. I hope you enjoyed the story.