Despite the pain shooting up and down Reid's body, he failed to falter. There wasn't time to wait for the elevator so he took the stairs. It was excruciating. With every hasty step taken down the staircase, Reid cringed at the pain. His back and legs felt like they were on fire but he couldn't slow down.
At any moment, his team could discover the truth and come after him. His nerves ached at the thought. It had been a risk to come back to the office but he had to say goodbye.
Once Reid reached the front desk at the ground floor and was handed a set of keys to one of the FBI's black SUV's he felt a little better. No one was intervening just yet and that meant that his team was still in the dark.
'Now as long as I can just get a decent head start…," he mused quietly to himself as the engine of the vehicle started up at the flick of his wrist.
The fact that he had made it this far pleased and baffled him. For a minute back there in the office, he worried that Rossi saw through his act on the spot. This didn't appear to be so as Reid managed to get five miles away from headquarters before his phone started buzzing.
Calls came through frantically with just seconds in between. Morgan was the first to call. Then it was JJ. Then Morgan again. Then Rossi. Then Garcia. And Morgan again. And JJ again. And finally Hotch's name flashed against the screen of his phone. So the team now knew and had alerted Hotch as well.
The calls triggered a bittersweet smile against Reid's lips as it was a wonderful and awful fact that his dearest friends were desperately trying to contact him. While it brought some warmth to his heart to see their blatant desperation to reach him, Reid was aware of the tech-savvy skills of Penelope Garcia. She could probably track down the location of his cell even if he wasn't using it.
With this in mind, Reid gave on last look at the cellular the device that buzzed in his hand with the name JJ flashing across it. He wore a sincere and apologetic expression as he didn't think twice, chucking it out the window. If he could help it, he had to do this alone… without the others.
Because there was no way they would understand what he had to do.
Reality was brutalizing the birthday boy. As he played out the different scenarios this day could end with, his mind strayed back to a moment he used to treasure.
-FLASHBACK-
"Oh… Spencer… this place is so beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."
Tears glistened in Diana Reid's eyes as her gaze wandered from the majestic beauty surrounding her to the sight of her son standing next to her. It was the first significant outing they spent together following her release from the institution.
Diana's adoring smile brought so much joy to her son's heart. With a similar expression on his face, Spencer replied, "I knew you would like this place and if you want we can make this a weekly or monthly thing. One of the best things about it is that not a lot of people know about it. We could come out here… and just… read or… have a picnic or something?"
She laughed and Spencer loved the sound of his mother's laugh. Even more so, he loved the feeling of her arms around him. It sent him back decades to when he was just a little boy and she was his protector.
"I'd love that."
But that's when the memory turned dark. And at the time, Spencer didn't fully know just what his mother meant by the following words she used. Now that he looked back… it was all too clear.
"It's just so lovely. This is just the kind of place where I would want to be at the end."
-END FLASHBACK-
It didn't even occur to Reid that he was crying until his vision became so distorted that he couldn't see the road. His fingers hastily swiped across his eyes and he sniffed back oncoming tears.
Glancing into the rearview mirror to take the turn that would ultimately change his life forever, Reid felt a twinge of guilt stabbing at his chest. He knew that his main concern should have been Henry and how exactly he would explain to JJ if anything happened to her little boy. But something in Reid's gut told him that Henry wasn't in any danger. This had never been about the others. This was all about him. It was between him and his mother.
"Come mothers and fathers throughout the land and don't criticize what you can't understand." – Bob Dylan
~ Author's Notes ~
So if you didn't hate me before I bet just a teeny part of you wants to rip my head off for this, right? Sorry if you think that I'm dragging it out. I really don't mean to. I just write how it comes naturally.
P.S. There is a piece of music that was used in an episode of Criminal Minds that I listened to over and over again while writing this. It's called 'To Build a Home' by The Cinematic Orchestra. If you have the time/patience to go back and re-read this, I'd suggest doing so while listening to that song.
P.S.S. Cookies to anyone who understands why I used a quote of Bob Dylan's.