Summary: Series of OneShots showing how 10.5 and Rose settle into their new life in Pete's world (after the events of Journey's End) with the help of Jackie Tyler.
Disclaimer: I own very little of Doctor Who. Nothing, in fact. To be completely honest about it.
Starting Anew – Chapter 2
The Doctor jerked awake at his desk with a gasp. A quick glance at the clock told him it was two at night. Apparently he'd fallen asleep, despite his best efforts not to. And yet again, he'd startled awake from a nightmare, with Donna's name clamouring through his mind. Ever since he'd arrived in Pete's world, the memory of her was torturing him. So much, in fact, that he'd refrained from sleeping at all. That was why he was still sitting at the desk of his new room in the Tyler mansion, dressed in the sweats and black shirt Rose had bought for him to sleep in, but with no intention of ever stepping into bed.
The Doctor turned the lamp on his desk on and grabbed a pen. He took a scrap of paper and started writing.
Donna Noble
Biological metacrisis
After a moment of thought, he added:
Time Lord brain in a human body.
There was something he wasn't seeing. The Doctor stared at the last words on the paper, mulling them over in his head. Time Lord brain in a human body. He shook his head. Impossible Donna. There had never before been such a metacrisis. He'd never even considered the possibility, because it could never work. A Time Lord brain in a human body was something unthinkable, yet Donna had pulled it off.
Then his single heart seemed to stop. It was impossible. It was unthinkable and he had always known that. That was why her name had been echoing around his head for the past few days, because a part of him knew this wasn't right! Donna couldn't live like this. Within seconds, The Doctor made the connection and drew the conclusions. His counterpart, The Real Doctor, had to take the memories from Donna. He had to take it all away, or she'd die.
He crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it across the room, before covering his face with his hands. It suddenly seemed several degrees colder. Fantastic Donna. Special Donna. Best temp in Chiswick. He felt so lonely without her. Knowing that she wasn't with him in this universe had been hard these last few days, but the realisation she didn't exist like he'd known her in the next, was a crushing burden. His thoughts turned to The Real Doctor, who now was more lonely than he was. For the first time, the rage he felt when confronted with the memory of the other man, turned to pity. However, the Real Doctor still had the TARDIS. He still had all of time and space. Perhaps he'd find someone.
He himself, on the other hand, was stuck here and he'd never felt more of a prisoner. He wasn't even able to check on Donna to see how she fared, back in her old life. Just when this newfound isolation started to become unbearable, The Doctor heard the door to his room open slowly. He whirled around to face the intruder.
"You're not sleeping," Jackie Tyler observed, taking in The Doctor at his desk and the lit lamp. She stood on his doorstep, dressed in her pyjama's, peering at him through the sparsely lit room.
"Neither are you." It was the best he could come up with.
"Tony had had a nightmare. Woke me up. He's gone back to sleep, though. And then I saw the light in here," she told him.
"I just woke up as well. Was going to go back to bed in a moment," The Doctor lied lightly.
She scrutinized him, before remarking: "Funny, do you always make the bed when you wake up in the middle of the night?"
The Doctor followed her gaze and also stared at the neat covers of his bed. "As a matter of fact, I do."
She wasn't buying it. "There are bags underneath your eyes, Doctor. You're exhausted, I can see it. My guess is that you haven't slept properly ever since you came here." She advanced further into his room and closed the door behind her. When The Doctor didn't respond to her accusations, she ordered: "Get into bed."
He raised his eyebrows at her, clearly not inclined to obey. He was not sure if he was amused or offended by her attempt to treat him as one of her kids.
"Now, Doctor, or I'm waking Rose. I'll bet she's interested in hearing the reason why you've not been sleeping."
It was a low blow, The Doctor thought, but it gave him no choice but to obey her. Reluctantly, he pushed his chair back and laid down underneath the pristine covers of the bed, but not before aiming a dirty look in her direction. Jackie grabbed the chair he'd vacated only seconds ago and settled next to him. The Doctor barely suppressed a sigh.
"So tell me, why are you keeping awake?"
The Doctor rested his head on the pillow and stared upwards. The both of them let the silence endure. One minute. Two. The Doctor listened to the clock ticking above the desk. Three minutes. Suddenly that anger he'd been feeling the past few days flooded back. He turned his eyes to Jackie, who was still waiting patiently. "You wouldn't understand. You would never grasp what happened if your friend was destroyed by the after-effects of a Time Lord biological metacrisis that would either cause her brain to expand and make her burn or force me, I mean him, to kill her myself. Take her memories away, wipe it all from her mind. Have you any idea what it's like to have that on your conscience, Jackie Tyler?"
She was silent for a moment, surprised by his outburst, before speaking quietly: "This friend of yours, was it Donna? The nice lady I met on the TARDIS?"
His anger dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. He strangled a sob and when he spoke again, his voice was slightly horse. "Yes, that was her." He swallowed. "The Other Doctor, The Real Doctor had to wipe her memories. Her human brain could never handle the mind of a Time Lord. It would kill her. So now she's probably back with her mother and grandfather, thinking she's nothing special. Living her old life without ever knowing how bloody important she was!"
"I'm sorry." She meant it, he could hear it in her voice.
"And you know what's worst? It's my fault. She gave me life, she made me grow from that hand and in return, I took her life from her." He peered at Jackie in the semi-darkness of the room and laughed humourlessly. "And you know my first act as a human being? I committed genocide. My way of thanking her was by murdering a whole species."
"The way I remember it was that you attempted to save our lives."
The Doctor clenched his hands into fists. "Don't you get it? I'm bad. Something went wrong when I was created. That's why the Real Doctor left me her. And that's why it's my fault Donna lost her memories."
"First of all," Jackie began sternly and he fell silent. "Stop calling him 'The Real Doctor'. You're equally real." He snorted, but she ignored him. "And second of all, give Donna some credit."
"What?"
"You'd die for her, right?" She questioned and after his immediate nod: "Why can't you imagine she'd do the same for you? Don't you think your friendship meant equally much to her?"
"It's not the same," The Doctor responded bitterly. "She had so much to live for."
"It's not over for her. She isn't dead." She silenced him with a hand gesture when she saw he was about to speak. "She isn't. She still has a chance of happiness, Doctor. And yes, it's alright to mourn the fact that she has lost that previous existence. But it's not alright to believe it is your fault. Besides, you have plenty to live for. You have Rose." Her eyes widened suddenly. "This is why you refuse to get close to her, right? Why you don't want to share a room? Because you think you're bad?"
"Rose isn't ready," he protested, ignoring her last statement. "And I'm not him. I'm just an echo." He remembered calling his daughter, Jennie, that. It surprised him how much the words hurt and he appreciated how much pain they'd caused her back then.
"She doesn't want him," Jackie argued. "She wants you. And she was ready the moment she kissed you on that beach."
The Doctor sighed, unable and too tired to counter her logic. Her words, however made him feel slightly better.
"You need to sleep," She told him, her voice leaving no room for protest. But she made no attempt to leave his room.
He stared at her. "I can't sleep when you're staring at me."
"Tough," Jackie said, not meaning it at all. "Forgive me I'm not taking your word that you'll actually sleep tonight. I prefer to make sure. Close your eyes."
He glared at her, but recognized she had a good point. Remembering her earlier threat, he reluctantly obeyed her command. When he felt her hand stroking the hair from his forehead, he almost opened his eyes again. But after a few seconds, he got used to it and relaxed slightly. It was a very maternal gesture, reminding him of things long gone. Within moments, he was soundly asleep.