She walked in silence, not quite knowing what to say. when they reached her room she turned and loked at him.

"you should have told me " he signed. she knew he was hurt, trying to deal with the blow. She wasnt a scared little girl anymore, she as a merc team leader.

" im sorry, but" Snake eyes intrupted her.

" youre sorry a lot theese days ." he turned around to leave, Juli grabbed his arm, imediatly he spun around and withouta thought pinned her against the door.

"Snake, lets talk about this... theres a lot ihavent told you... please" She begged.

He let her go, signed "ok " andwalked in the room.

He had never hurt her, would never think of hurting her, but when shed grabbed him, his anger had come out and hed pinned her, hard. Julie was rubbig her arm whe hed grabbed her. sed have a bruise in the morning.

Snake eyes sat on the sofa wihout waiting for an invite. Julie wasnt sure what to tell him, or how to tell him.

"snake, im sorry i didnt tell you ... i just thoug, maybe ... I am not my job! damned it! ... "

" sure im a spy and i sell intell... i risk my life everyday to get what i need to do my job. Thats no differnt than you . Is it?"

"u do it for monney" was all he answered.

" youre making me feel like a whore" Julie was hurt, she wanted to cry, how could HE be judging her... hed never judged her before... hed always loved her, no matter what.

" if the shoe fitts" was all he signed... then he stopped... shook his head... got up...walked to the door.

Julie was crying. in all the years she had though of contacting him this is what had stopped her. the knowledge that his honnor could no accept her being a mercenary.

His hand reached for the door, "youre not he same person i knew then " he signed. " i dont know you anymore."

" you lied to me 12 years ago and youre lying to me now" he added. " what hapened to you ? " Snake eyes tuned and loked at her. His mask hid his face but Julie knew the look he was giving her.

" you happened to me Snakes" she answered bitterly.

" i chose not to come back to you 12 years ago... i chose to stay away."

Julie knew those words would sting, she knew she was hurting him, but she had to... hed hurt her so badly... it was the only thing she knew how to do, hit back.

"Why?" he could see his hands shaking, eitherfrom anger, or hurt she didnt know.

Julie walked over him, reached for his mask and slowly pulled it off... He idnt try to stop her. He just stood there... The look in his eyes was pure ice.

Julie took a deep breath.

She had to stop this. She was destroying what theyd had together. She had to try and save what was left.

" i couldnt face you. I was so scared to see the dissapointed look in your eyes. I dint come back because i didnt want to see you getting hurt."

He stared at her, not understanding what she meant. The anger had left his eyes, replaced by a soft look of utter confusion.

" Wheni left, after my brother died, i was planning to come back. I already had my plane ticket, my bags were never unpacked, i was waiting to come back to you." Julie breathed in again.

"about a week after i got there... i " Julie had never told anyone,only her father had know the hole story. And he was long dead. "I found out i was pregnant."

The look of shock onSnakes face was almost funny. He had a blank stare for a few secconds, then it sunk in .

"you were pregnant... my child? our child? but.. i.." he never finished. Julie burst in tears. It had een 12 years and still the pain was unreceeding.

"my dad made me take care of it... he forced me to have an abbortion... i coldnt stop him.. i coudnt save ou child... i should have fought for i..."

JUlie was a mess... Snake eyes grabbed her, pulled her against him, help her tight. He couldnt believe it... he would have been a father. He would have married her.. his life would have been so different... Julies guilt was overwhelming. Finally she calmed down. and Snake led her to the couch. SHe sat down, tired form the crying, exhusted from keeping a secret like that for so long.

" afer the proceedure, she continued, hicupping, There was an ... issue... i had internal bleding and i was loosing a lot of blood. They had to operate. I had to have a hysterectomy..."

The words sunk in... Snake could remember talking about having a familly wih Her when they were young, he could remember thinking about all those littlesones running around... calling him dad... he understood now why Julie had chosen no to come bak to him... but it hurt tat she had not believed him strong eougth to be there for her during that time.

" i cant have kids" She finally said... " i cant have kids, and you wanted kids so badly... i couldnt do that to you .. take that away from you"

He was still holding her.. tightly.

"its ok" he signed, even thoug he knew it wasnt, not really..

"im here love.. ill always be here... no matter what.."

He meant it... granted hed been hurt and mad and pissed at her earlier.. but that didnt change what she was to him, how he felt about her. She was his Julie, and she would always be HIS. No matter what came between them.

Julie stopped crying, shelooked up at him, all those scars. But she had scars too, you just didnt see them from the outside.

" i meant it youknow... what i said last night" she whispered." i never loved a another man..."

And he believed her.