Disclaimer | Yu Yu Hakusho isn't mine. Yadda yadda.
A storm had moved in. Kurama didn't feel comfortable leaving me to wander on my own at the time; he had good reason to feel that way. I didn't have the will to argue with him, so I reluctantly complied with his wishes. While he sat at his desk, tending to studies no doubt, I sat quietly atop his bed. Raindrops washed over the glass of his window, dribbling down to the ledge before washing out of sight. There was something comfortably numbing about the sight of rain. Had it not been raining the day I saw Yukina, I might have not been so halcyon.
Though it unnerved me to remember, there was nothing I could do to distract myself. An eerie silence filled the room with only the sound of the storm to break it. It was the same way that day - tranquil, all seemed to be in order. My heart felt heavy, as did the water droplets beating down upon my weary physique. More and more humans had been stumbling their way into Demon World, and I'd grown tired of the repetitive routine. My mind and body both wanted an escape, and looking back on it, I may have been asking for too much.
I remember the feeling of utter loneliness as I trudged along through the mud and soggy grass. I stopped just short of one of the many highly elevated plateaus and glanced up at the sky. It was a depressing shade of gray - something that strangely lifted my spirits. I felt as if the world were also sharing in my emptiness, and it was comforting. The refreshing feeling of rain dripping down my face and neck soothed me just enough to mitigate my pain if only for a moment; I closed my eyes. I would often times find myself caught up in contentment, because it was such a rarity for me. Any chance I got, I wanted to make it last. I swept away all painful thoughts, then, and let the rain consume me. I wanted nothing more than to listen and embrace it as it welcomingly washed over me.
As always, though, the satisfaction was short-lived. A sudden crack of thunder awoke me from my mesmerized state of mind bringing me back to the real world. In the real world, I would always be alone, regardless of how many people I knew or would meet. I concluded this long ago and have since accepted my fate; there is no point in denying it. My eyes slowly re-opened to the same view of a dark sky, and again, I was met with that same familiar silence. Looking back, I would take the silence over the unbearable sound of her voice that played through my mind as I sat upon Kurama's bed. It wasn't long after I'd begun my trek once more that I was found by the ice apparition, Ri. She was panting, out of breath and struggling for words. As our eyes met, the world stopped turning... She needn't tell me what had happened; her expression alone told me enough. There was only one reason why she would've come running to me - only one person she knew for which I'd bother.
"... Hiei... It's... It's Yukina..."
I'm not certain of what happened after that. The sound of my own heart beat resonated in my mind, and it was all I could hear. My limbs suddenly grew heavy - as did my breathing. I could feel the lump in my throat expanding - my heart sinking to the very pit of my stomach; I knew. She continued to speak, but I paid no attention. I felt her hand brush across my arm in a feeble attempt to grasp it, but I was already tossing her aside by that point.
"HIEI!" she cried after me, her arm outstretched still, but I made no attempt to look back. My legs couldn't run fast enough. It felt like a dream where I was constantly running in place - never able to move forward. I could see her clearly standing before me - eyes wide and sparkling, ever innocent. She didn't deserve this; I didn't want to believe it. I was dreaming again, I had to be; I couldn't stop running in place. She seemed within grasp, but each time I reached out to her, I couldn't touch her, and eventually... she turned away. I watched as she faded into nothing - her body evanescing into snowflakes. As each frozen white cluster drifted towards me, I slowed down my pace until I'd come to a complete halt. Until then I hadn't realized how hard I'd been trying to reach her, and my body collapsed.
I sat there on my knees, arms limply lying at my sides. The snow gently settled upon my face and melted instantaneously. I then realized the snow was not Yukina, but the sky. While I didn't know how I'd found my way to the ice village without remembering, I was there standing outside of our mother's old home. Ri and the elders had kept the house in tact - furnished, cleaned, and looking like new. I hesitated at the front doorway; I couldn't seem to bring myself forward. There was a gathering of young apparitions huddled behind me, all sobbing into their palms and leaning on each other for support. The sound of their weeping convinced me to move - if only to escape the sound. I slowly made my way through the home, taking in the atmosphere of what would have been my own living space... The wooden floor creaked beneath me, and the walls were poorly insulated. There wasn't much in the way of decoration, but then again, there was no one living there to care. Eventually, I found my way into the bedroom.
Yukina's body was blocked by a few of the village's women paying their respects through prayer or by offering. I kept back to allow them time with her, but more so to postpone my own suffering. I felt deeply conflicted; my sister was...
"You are... Yukina's brother...?" A woman stood before me. She was older, probably head of the village if I were to guess. I nodded in response and turned my eyes towards the doorway - anywhere that would allow the avoidance of eye contact. "You may see her now..." I felt the lump in my throat return. She stepped to the side of me and gestured towards the girls at the bedside. They bowed before stumbling out in a fit of tears. All fell silent; we were alone. I waited another moment, still, before finally looking up. My breath came in sharply as I set my eyes upon her lithe, petite form lying there lifelessly.
"Yu..." My feet felt like tremendous weights, which I forcibly had to lift with much effort. I tottered towards the bedside and caught myself just at the edge, somehow managing to remain standing. Her face displayed genuine serenity, but I knew she couldn't possibly be happy. I felt my hand trembling as I lifted it up towards her cheek. My thumb stroked across her skin, which felt cold yet still so soft to the touch. The rosiness of her face had left and been replaced with an unsettling blue tint. It contrasted starkly against the deep red of the blood staining her body and clothes. I wanted to tear them apart; she deserved silk robes and the finest accessories. She deserved to live happily. There was no justice or righteous moral ground behind this horrific act. "Whoever did this to you, Yukina..." I trailed my fingertips down her slender arm and took her hand up in mine. "I will find them. And I will kill them."
Knowing Yukina, she might've tried to convince me not to avenge her, and perhaps somewhere she was, but no amount of pleading or persuasion would stop me - not this time. I took another long look at her and squeezed her tiny palm tightly. My other arm draped around her shoulders, pulling her head up to rest in the crook of my neck. There I sat, holding her like a beautiful doll. It was as I gradually lay her back down that I spotted the markings along her collar bone. The dried blood surrounded each wound like an eerie bold outline, and I was overwhelmed by a furious rage. My hand clenched tighter around hers, and my thumb briskly swept across the very center of her palm. I suddenly pulled back; there I saw another marking, and likewise, a similar one on her other hand. I expected myself to cry out and begin an onslaught of any who stood in my way, but no - I stood there motionlessly. My mind was drifting away, as was my consciousness. I stepped back from the bedside, and, like a mindless zombie, drug myself from the house and back out into the streets. Waiting for me was the village elder and the group of young women from before. They watched me - frightened, spying the blood upon my white scarf and my face - the distant, unmeasurable, gleaming hatred in my eyes. I passed through them without a word and don't remember where I went from there. The only clear visage in my mind were the raindrops flowing down upon me as I drifted back to Demon World. The gentle touch of snow quickly became like razors whipping past my face, yet I cared not. I wanted to drown in it - let the rain fill me up and wash me away. I could think of nothing but her being alone in the afterlife.
My eyes had glazed over, and I seemed to be aimlessly wandering in one single direction. I had no strategy, and though I had the means to find her killer, I was too mentally unstable to try and track him down. I just remember walking...
My pitiful flashback ended abruptly by the creaking of Kurama's bedroom door. I threw myself back into the corner of the room, again thinking it might've been his mother. Instead, it was only him, and he held, in his hands, a tray of food - probably for me.
"I'm sorry, Hiei. Did I startle you?" I shook my head. "I'd asked you earlier if you were hungry, but you gave me no response. I fixed you up something anyway. It's not much... but I doubt you're feeling much like eating." He sat next to me on the side of the bed and placed the tray in front of me. A bowl of hot miso soup - simple, yes, but ever so thoughtful. I brought my gaze up to his face, and he watched me admiringly. Those emerald oculars pulled me in like a powerful ocean current, and I never failed to be swept away. He smiled, then, something I had taken for granted before, but the moment I saw it that night, I wanted to keep it with me always.
"Thank you," I muttered. Showing my utmost appreciation for the fox was difficult, as always, and I feared that some day it might push him away. I found myself conflicted between shattering my protective walls and keeping Kurama at my side indefinitely. His face gave me reassurance that he had no plans of abandoning me - at least not any time soon. For that, I was also grateful, but again, I don't think he'd ever know just how much.