"I guess we better go after him-"

"No you guys... I'll go... He's my brother."

"Phil!. . .Phil!. . . Phillip!"

The voice I've grown to smile over for years now... sounds taunting as it grows louder. I hear it become almost overarching which means she is much closer than I estimated. I turn around and she is still chasing me through parking lots. "Phillip! Wait up!"

Shit! Why can't she leave me alone? Wasn't being found in front of all my friends humiliating enough? She runs. I run faster. It's like we're playing some sort of messed up cat and mouse game to avoid my feelings.

"Ahhh! Ouch!"

"Lillian?" While running I look over my left shoulder to see her knees curled up against her abdomen. Her fetal position looks as crammed as it was back in the days when we use to share the womb, if not more compressed. She seems to be clutching onto her caps. This could very well be a trick. Lil always has been damned good at manipulating, though she never used it to an Angelica-extent. I have to admit, this has definitely slowed me down. Maybe that is what she wanted, so she could catch me and interrogate me. She still isn't making a move. I could book right now and she'd never catch me, but I don't. I can't. Instead I come to a complete slow, I curl over, placing my hands over my knees and start rapid breathing. I only take a second before I sprint back over to my sister. "Oh damn Lil, are you alright?"

"Ahh... No. I tripped while chasing you and skinned my knee."

Her knee is covered in blood and she tore right through her jeans. Explaining her wound. "Shit Lil, I'm sorry!" Looking down toward the cement I feel the guilt of her getting hurt. I notice she holds both of her hands out which are dark by dirt. She looks around for some kind of napkin to wipe them on but when she sees nothing she rests them at her sides and sits up. As she sits up I get to the ground to sit with her. This isn't the old Lil I know anymore. The old Lil would have wiped her hands all over the front of her shirt and enjoyed being dirty. "I'm so sorry Lil... I hate seeing you hurt like this."

Her eyes trail up my pant leg slowly which makes my stomach uneasy. I wish I could know what was going on in that brain of hers right now. They trail until they are looking against my eyes. "The pain is gone now. I just wish I had some way to clean up the blood."

"Lick it."

"Eww, gross! Are you sick!"

Ha. In more ways than one sister, my dear. But I'm not about to tell you that. "What's the big deal about licking your own blood? You use to do it all the time, we both did!"

"Whatever Phillip."

What do I fricken say to 'whatever?' She doesn't give me much to work on and now we are library silent. "... Listen if the pain comes back I still have some weed and papers in my backpack we can smoke so you are comfortable."

Bad idea. Her eyes which mirror my own physically encage mine in her darkened glare. "I can't believe you're a stoner now."

Psht, I can't believe you're a teeny bopper but you don't see me grilling you.

"I'm not."

"You smoke pot Phillip!"

"Yeah, but I haven't been for very long. It's a new thing to get my mind off of... things."

"Don't bother explaining what kind of 'things' because I don't care what your excuse is."

Thank God, I was going to spit up blood if she tried to get me to talk. I don't even see what the big wig is. Her friends take diet pills and she doesn't seem to have a problem with those drugs. She sighs and places her hand over her forehead. "Phil, I don't care what problems you have, you didn't need to turn to drugs. You could have always talked to me."

She's shitting me right now! She must be shitting me! Ok Lil, bring out Tommy who is behind his camera saying 'gotcha' because this has to be some prank you're playing, you're yanking my chain if you honestly think I could come to you for anything anymore. What is on my mind is of no interest to you these days. "Come to you? Come to... Lil, this is the most we've talked in 9 months and we both know if this wasn't involved." I rummage through my book bag angrily and start wagging the baggie in my shaking fist until I get so fed up I chuck it over my shoulder into a bush in the heat of the moment. "We wouldn't even be talking now!" Her eyes seem wide and I think I went overboard by yelling, I can feel my heart back up again. I take a few calming breaths. I shouldn't have freaked out like that on her. "You'd like it if you just tried it. We love putting things that grow from the dirt in our mouths."

I see her shudder in revulsion to who she once was. It makes me shirt uncomfortably.

"I use to do that Phil, I've changed."

"Oh people don't change! You're born with a specific personality that's programmed into your wiring!"

Looks like she just had her mind blown away, her eyes are cast open in shock. "You... You read a biology book?"

Ha, Lil always use to rag on me back in the day when we'd be science partners. I'd never pull my weight. I'm the slacker, snack muncher and she's the smart one. Our separation started when she refused to partner up with me any longer because me being an idiot was getting in the way of her grades. I just loved how she'd yell at me with big words and I wasn't sure if she was insulting me or not. It was all fun for a while but I wanted to be a part of her world again. "Of course I did... For you."

I notice a small smile on her face.

"So yeah, you're personality is pretty much set and it's been set as my twin. You're as gross, dirty and weird as me. Remember when we use to play on the same soccer team? You loved your cleats and grass stained uniform. You hate dressing up and doing that proper shit. You're smart, really smart. You don't need to dumb yourself down for guys to like you. You're a garbage dumpster diver, not a cheerleader. You just think you're one of those shallow airheads because it's easier that way."

"Whatever Phil, you don't know me." For someone with a bad knee she quickly jumps upon her legs, she dusts her hands off on her pants for a moment then starts to storm off.

I drop my jaw in shock and sit there to collect myself in the few seconds I have of this changing of events. I spring up and chase after her. "Who knows you better than your own twin brother?" I could tell her she's hiding from who she really is but that would make me a hypocrite since I'm hiding who I really am as well.

"I know you well enough to know that deep damn you don't give a crap about your clothes or what guys think of you. You're lying to yourself." She rolls her eyes and tries to out walk me. I stop and she keeps on walking. My hands cup over my mouth to direct my voice in her direction. "It takes a liar to know a liar Lillian!"

She's stopped. I raise my eyebrow. I can only see the back of her head. Slowly she turns to face me, and gets close. Closing the gap of space between us. "What are you lying about then?"

"Uhh nothing, It's... nevermind. " Shit! The things I say when I'm mad and blurting.

"No, no. You've been giving me the third degree about living a lie now. What kind of lie have you been living?"

"I just meant... about my fake girlfriend." I look up above and think it over, yeah that sounds pretty right. Convincing.

"That's not it."

Instantly I choke out coughing. "Whaaat?" Shit, shit shit! I'm sweating bullets. I look up into my forehead as a droplet makes like rain down my face. "Eh, what makes you say that?"

"A liar knows a liar, right Phillip?" She winks.

My logic used against me, well played my sister. Always said you were the smart one. So tactical, so brilliant, so pretty... I shake my head and hope the thoughts come out as well.

"Though now that you mention that... That is pretty strange even for you, to make up that and keep it up this long. Why'd you do it?"

Uh oh. I haven't thought up an alibi to this question yet. I never thought I'd get busted. "Well I've been smoking sooo... I made Dena up to smoke."

Her eyebrow is high and suspicious. I must have left a hole in my story. As usual she always finds me out.

"You just said you haven't been smoking that long, and you've been pretending you've been dating Dena for months. The time line doesn't add up."

My right eye starts to twitch.

"You know when I bring up the marijuana issue you're fine and then when I say "girlfriend" you're a wreck."

I try hard not to let her see me twitching.

"People from school have been seeing you and Z meeting behind the gym."

"Well yeah, he's been dealing."

"In exchange for what?"

Whoa, whoa whoa, Lil doesn't think I'm fruity does she? I almost let her walk away with this one, it's better than the truth but somehow I can't let it go. "What are you getting at Lillian?"

"From his green spiked hair, the leather pants and chains kids at school say he has a huge bondage fetish. And that he is bisexual. Look I'm not judging or anything. I just... want to know the truth." Lil takes my hand into hers and I feel like someone has kicked me in the enjoying stomach. "I'll accept you no matt-

"Lil." I have to stop her before I hear another word. I shake away until my hand is no longer in hers. I wish what she said could be true, she'd be accepting no matter what, but it's not true. Yeah, sure maybe she'd accept me if I took it up the ass or if I was into S&M, but this is bigger than all of that. This passes unconventional and enters sick. My sister has this idea in her head she isn't into sickness anymore.

"Phil, what is going on?"

I wait until she blinks. Just the second her eyes start to close... I'm off! I start out like a rabbit trying to out run it's hunter. I feel gripping upon my shoe and I fall straight forward and splat onto the ground. Everything is black but as soon as the stars are gone I look behind me and see my sister clutching my shoes in her hands, my shoe laces are loosened in her fingertips. She smirks up at me knowing she got me good, I assume to keep me from escaping she crawls over my body on the ground, letting her nails sink into the skin of my shoulder blades as she holds me against the ground, pinning me. "C'mon Phillip. No escaping now. Tell me her name!"

"She'd..." I look up at her, our faces are so close. Medicine bottle length apart. I resist my inner urges to savagely kiss her and confess. I let out a laugh of defeat. "Kill me."

"Why? Is she one of those detention girls from school?" My sister is not going to get off of me anytime soon so I just try to answer all the questions she throws at me until she decides to let me up. I wiggle trying to get free but it is no use.

"No she's more of a pretender. But deep down she's kind of one of the guys I guess you could say."

"Oh?" Lil is completely lost on this one. I smirk that I've confused Ms. Smarty Pants. I give short, vague answers so she'll never connect the dots. "Is she too shy to be herself?"

"No, she can actually be pretty daring."

"Walking under ladders daring?"

"No. She's superstitious."

"Heh, you know... I don't know why you just won't come out and tell me, she sounds exactly like me so I know we'd get along great! You wouldn't have to worry about not having my approval."

I notice my sister stare at a lump of spit sliding down my throat, it causes her to loosen her grip upon me more, which makes me wonder if this is the moment she finally figured it all out. "Phillip... It's not..."

I wince as she climbs off of me, bolting almost. Trying to move away from me as quickly as possible. I feel like my stomach is flipping. I'm on edge of the uncertainty. I sit up to my knees so we are more at level of our eyes. I have jittery hands like I do when I drink too much coffee from the Java Lava. Still, she says nothing. The look on her face is questioning and searching. Like she has so many answers but no questions. Damn say something Lil! I'm too sick at this point to speak.

"Wally...There was Wally. What about Wally?"

"Your best friend at the time. You were like her or else you wouldn't have been friends. The soccer playing, junk food eating, tom boy? Pretty similar to you, not exactly like you but she was as close as I'd ever get." Sure I was devastated when me and Wally broke up, but it wasn't because I lost her. I just put all the energy and love I had for my sister into the relationship with Wally, since I pretty much figured she was the closest thing to the actual Lil I'd ever have, so when she left it was like Lil left and it killed me.

She scoots a little closer to me now. "Ha, I was so jealous of the two of you. Now I'm not even sure why..."

"Yeah, I didn't notice you were jealous until after you broke us up." Swallowing a wad of spit I put a few more of my cards onto the table. "I've always wondered why you did that. Why you wanted to break her and I up... Like if you did it for the reason I'm thinking..."

The expression on my sisters face is unreadable. I'm waiting any second for her to slap me, kick rocks onto my shoes, call me a sick freak and never speak to me again, but she doesn't. She just sits and we stare.

"Phil... This is... weird."

"When Brett eats he gets food all over his face, he picks his nose and Nicholas you use to like, your purple haired science partner back from middle school, you and him did spit balls together on that project. You don't find any of that weird?"

"W-w-weird? How so?" Her voice is just as shaky, nervous and slowly dabbling with exploration as mine. I hear her trying not to stumble over what she says but her fear is apparent. Just as mine. After all... we're twins, what I feel she feels, what she feels, I feel.

I think she finally realizes that with my next sentence.

"That all those guys sound... exactly like me."