I want to be with you tonight, tomorrow, and today it can't happen now, but it will someday.
-Unknown
I sat on the bathroom floor until I heard the shrill ring of the final bell echo throughout the school. My hands clumsily wiped away tears I hadn't known had fallen. I quickly stood, placed the mask in my bag, and ran out toward the parking lot.
Rosalie was leaning on the car. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her face was angry.
I noticed the parking lot was nearly empty and heat rushed to my face.
"Where the hell were you?" she shouted when I was in hearing distance.
"I-uh…got held up by a teacher. I failed my last test, wanted to talk," I lied quickly. Her angry expression morphed a bit, but I could still tell she was pissed.
"What class?" she asked and I racked my head trying to pick a class.
"Trig," I mumbled and opened the car door. Jasper was leaning back on the seat tapping his fingers against the wheel in rhythm with the punk rock music blaring through the speakers. I shut the door and leaned against the window. The cool glass helped calm my nerves.
Rose slid in and changed the station, so a pop song flowed through instead. The song was terrible, but it wasn't making my head pound.
"What the hell?" Jasper gripped.
"I'm not listening to your shit," Rose said simply and puffed out her hair. She flipped down the visor and checked her makeup. I ignored their constant fighting and tried to hold back the tears that were still so very near. I remembered the note Edward had left and my heart pounded.
"Do you guys know where the public library is?" I asked quickly almost like an impulse. Jasper turned his head to stare at me.
"Yeah it's not too far from the school. Why?"
"I need to do research for a project," I answered.
"Do you need to go now?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Okay you need help?" he asked and I could hear Rose grumble as she filed her nails. I shook my head.
"No, I just need a ride," I told him. That was the last thing I wanted, for both of them to be at the very place I was supposed to meet him. I was glad Rose was pissed at me. Jasper looked like he wanted to argue but was silenced by the look she gave him.
I knew she would have offered to help me if I hadn't made her angry.
"Do you need me to pick you up?" he asked and I shook my head.
"No I don't know yet, but could I call you if I needed one?" I asked and he nodded and switched the radio station again. I looked out the window and tried to stop my fingers from shaking.
What would I tell him? Should I just call it off?
My head swam with confusion as I tried to fit everything into place. I should get out of it now. I should tell Edward it was over and save me from getting too deep. If I stopped now I wouldn't hurt anyone else. No one knew about us and no one would ever know.
I felt my chest close tightly as I thought about saying goodbye to him. Would he understand or would he hate me? Would I be another generation simply adding fuel to this never ending fire between our families? I briefly wondered if anyone of my ancestors had ever faced a dilemma like mine.
Had they ever fallen in love with a Cullen to only tell them goodbye?
The car stopped in front of a small building and I realized we had made it to the library. My heart pounded. I hadn't expected it to be so soon. With a deep breath I opened the door and stepped out. The cold air hit my face like a whip and made my eyes sting.
I said goodbye to Rosalie and Jasper and they sped away.
I probably walked too slowly but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to rush it. I didn't think I really wanted to do it. I opened the door and the fresh wave of heat made the blood rush to my cheeks.
It smelled of paper and books, the way I always knew library's to smell. The librarian looked up from the magazine she was reading and smiled at me. I smiled to and walked off to the section labeled fiction. I didn't know where I was supposed to meet him. I suddenly felt lost.
The fiction area I noticed was cut off from the rest of the library. It was a room with large doors granting access. Near a corner I realized was a completely secluded area. The shelves granted privacy and there were only a few kids in this area sitting near bean bags on the other side of the room. They were so absorbed in their picture books they didn't even look up as I walked in and toward the spot I knew he was waiting in.
I crossed the aisles until I reached the corner one. The meeting place I was sure.
Like I knew he would be, he was there. He had a book opened and was reading a page. He was in a completely different world. He wasn't in the corner aisle in a dusty library. He was in the world of the book, speaking the lines of character he read about. Living the characters life and I suddenly wanted to bring him back.
I understood now why he always interrupted me during my reading sessions.
He leaned against the shelf that was connected to the wall and I watched as the emotions ran through his face. I smiled because I knew I must look the same way when reading. I slowly pulled off my bag and walked toward him.
He didn't look up until I was standing in front of him. I pushed the book down and away from his chest as I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him.
The feelings I had in the meadow seemed to double as I kissed him now. All thoughts of saying goodbye completely erased from my mind.
His lips molded with mine and heat flowed through my body along with the thousands of butterflies that broke free at the bottom of my belly. I pushed myself closer. Startled he fell back toward the bookshelf. It rattled slightly and books hunched over. He laughed loudly and bent to kiss me better. He took my chin in his hands and angled my face as his lips attacked mine.
It felt too nice. It felt too good and I suddenly felt…scared. I didn't want to lose this.
Edward pulled back suddenly and I stared at him shocked. He wiped the corner of his mouth that held a tear. I wiped my cheeks quickly at the traitor tears that had fallen without my consent.
"I'm sorry, I…" I trailed off not knowing what to say to him. He stared at me before slowly wiping away my tears. I couldn't get them to stop.
"What's wrong?" he asked but I couldn't answer. My throat felt crowded and I couldn't speak. Everything, just EVERYTHING seemed to hit me. I just shook my head while the rest of my tears oozed out my cheeks.
"Bella?" he asked and I could hear the worry and urgency in his voice. I backed away and walked toward my bag. I picked it up and walked back. I opened it and took out the white cloth. I tossed it at him and then I sunk to the floor.
I held my book bag and stared at the section I was in.
Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion and many other books I loved were placed among the shelves.
"Wh-where'd you get this?" he asked although it was my mask and I should have had it with me anyway.
"Your sister," I said numbly and heard him shuffle to sit on the floor next to me.
"Oh," he whispered and I looked toward him. He fingered the mask and stared at it.
"She said some things…" I continued.
"You know, I read this story once… a long time ago. I don't even think I read it. I think it was read to me, but that's not the point," he started completely veering off topic. I wanted to ask where he was going with this but I couldn't. I just listened to what he had to say because I knew when he was done it would all make sense.
"It was about a couple. The story took place in present day, but the girl…she—She was lost in time. She didn't exactly live in today. She lived in her dreams where she would dream of a boy. She couldn't really explain it but she felt for this boy. He was a stranger, but she knew she loved him," he said in a slow steady voice and I was hypnotized.
He met my eyes and my heart pounded.
"She, uh, had these weird dreams. Each time it was a different situation, a different time, where she would meet the boy. They would fall in love and always, always, something went wrong where they couldn't be together. He was either married, or he died, or like this one time he was like a bum and he decided to trick her and get close to her so he could steal a priceless necklace she owned. He messed up and fell for her, but when she found out what his intentions had been she couldn't forgive him," he said.
"In the dream?" I asked to clarify and he nodded. He was silent for a moment, drifting off into his thoughts, perhaps trying to recall the story's end.
"Then she actually met him. But he lived across the country. She'd given up on him. She didn't think it was meant to be, but he had been having similar dreams and he thought it was. When they did finally come to the climax of the story he told her that maybe their lives had always been entwined. They were one soul split during the passage to earth and their life goal was to find each other," he finished then looking at me.
I laughed a bit and offered a smile at him.
"I was just thinking about that. I was wondering if any of our ancestors had ever gone through this…falling…" I trailed off realizing what I was about to say, but then I quickly recovered hoping he wouldn't notice my slip.
"…falling for each other."
"Maybe…wasn't that one of the many feuds we had?" he asked leaning his against the shelf. I shook my head remembering that story fairly well.
"No, it was an arranged marriage. They were forced to get married in hopes that it would end the fighting. But Swan didn't want to do it. She ran off…" I sighed.
"What generation was that?"
"I have no idea," I answered not really caring.
"So…what she tell you?" he asked as he flapped the mask in his hands.
"Basically to stay away…"
"I'm sorry. Alice may seem small but she has quite an attitude," he said and stared at me with his soft eyes.
He looked so beautiful, leaning against the bookshelf staring at me with his dark jade eyes.
"Why…why are we doing this?" I asked desperate to know why we were bothering to do this. Why did we put everything in jeopardy for something that…that would most likely end in a horrible way?
"People do crazy things, sometimes. I can't really give you an answer," he said and picked up the book that had fallen out of his hands during our kiss and was now currently resting next to him. He fiddled with the pages and I thought over his words.
People do crazy things…
…for love.
Wasn't that how it went.
I thought about that. Did I even know what love was? Could a person fall in love in only a month of knowing them? I didn't know, but maybe that's why I was doing this. Maybe I loved him.
I had thought I fell in love with him during our night in the meadow, but was it really love or just an overwhelming feeling of joy. I couldn't tell
The realization seemed to shake me for a moment. I felt my breath whoosh out of my chest when I realized that I didn't feel guilty. I felt different, grown, matured, and a rush of everything else. There were no words for me to explain it. This feeling was different than the one in the meadow. It was stronger and real, not bubbly and happy.
"I wish we could just…runaway, from everyone and everything. Just you and me," I whispered and he smiled and he shifted to bring himself closer to me. He held my cheek and I stared at him.
"I promise, one day, we will. We'll leave everything behind and everyone who tells us we can't," he promised and kissed my forehead. I leaned my head on his shoulder.
"When we grow up you mean?" I asked with a laugh.
"I mean when we can make it work. We're too young right now. We'd grow to hate each other," he told me.
"I can't imagine myself hating you," I breathed suddenly afraid. I grabbed his hand in both of mine and played with his fingers. They were long and pale and I realized he had musician hands.
"Me neither. Why we can't go now. Let's just wait until we're finish with High School."
"Where we gonna go?" I asked suddenly giddy.
"Where do you want to go?"
"I want…to live in a city. Where we can see a skyline during nights, and listen to cars rush."
"What city?"
"Somewhere warm."
"Phoenix?"
"Too much past. We have to start fresh."
"Hmm…We could move to Mexico," he offered. I shook my head.
"That's too foreign," I said.
"The Hawaiian islands perhaps?"
"Maybe," I asked and we shifted so I could sit in between his legs and lay back on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and we continued to play with each other's hands as we spoke.
We spent the next two hours together. He read his favorite passages from the many books in the aisle and told me why he loved them. I did the same and we told each other stories and jokes and snuck kisses and touches in between all of it.
I wasn't completely sure if I was in love, but it felt pretty close to it.
"It's late," I whispered when I saw that it was close to six.
"I guess," he shrugged and I felt exactly like he looked. Disappointed.
I nodded and walked off to call Jasper. He said he'd be there in ten minutes. I thanked him and walked back to get my jacket and bag. The section was empty and the lost feeling I had when I first entered the library came back. Where'd he go?
I quickly threw on my jacket and swung my backpack over my shoulder as I wondered out of the fiction area. I didn't see him anywhere. There was a new librarian at the desk and she glanced up when she saw me walk out.
"Not checking anything out sweetie?" she asked and I shook my head a bit startled.
"Um…no I was just doing research for uh—"
"He went outside, hun," she said with a smile and leaned back in the chair as she opened her book.
My heart pounded and she glanced up once more.
"Trust me, kid. I don't very much care what's going on in this town. I'm getting to old to deal with this. It's only fun when you're a teen. I won't say nothing, I promise," she said stared at me. I nodded and she smiled again and returned to her book.
I walked outside quickly and realized it was snowing. The first of the season. As much as I hated the cold I couldn't help but think about how pretty it was. The white flecks falling against a midnight blue background.
I continued to look up at the sky to watch the flurries and being me, I slipped.
I fell back against the snow in a rush. I hit the ground with a muffled thump. It hurt.
"Ow," I whined. I heard a chuckle and snapped my head up to see Edward looking down at me laughing.
"It's not funny," I scolded and looked around to be sure no one was watching us.
"It is so," he said and bent to help me up. I held him as I lifted myself off the ground and continued to glare at him.
He held on to my arm to make sure I was steady.
"You okay?" he asked with only a light humor in his voice.
"I'm fine," I snapped embarrassed and still a bit angry. I just really wanted him to think I was angry at him.
"Don't be mad," he whispered and I smiled. I couldn't help it.
"Hey, before I have to go…how did that story end?" I asked and Edward's face dropped a bit. I felt my own smile go away.
"It wasn't a good ending was it?" I whispered sending white puff into the air.
"No."
I nodded feeling sad. I started to walk toward the sidewalk but Edward tightened his grip on my arm. I looked up at him. "That's not us, Bells," he tried to reassure me and I nodded. I knew it wasn't us, but it was a story that resembled us or…it did to me.
"I know, I'm just being silly," I said, but I don't think I was. I could feel the tears brim. The end of that story brought back my fears. We would make it work? Could we go against everything that…that threatened to break us? Edward turned me and grasped my arms. I stared at him with watery eyes as the tears begin to slip down my cheeks.
We'll be okay, his eyes told me.
I nodded and he let my one of my arms go but still held on to the other, unwilling to say goodbye. I knew how he felt, but then I heard a car door slam. The noise startled me and I could feel Edward's grip tighten for just a moment.
My heart flew to my throat and I felt sick.
"Let her go now, Cullen," Jasper shouted and my eyes grew wide. Edward's face turned cold and he let me go and took a step back.
"Jazz it was nothing," I said desperate to cool him down. I knew how it must have looked to him. Very bad.
Edward holding on to my arm while I stared at him worried and tears running down my cheeks. A number of situations could have put us in that position and I'm sure Jasper only thought about the bad ones.
"What did you do to her?" Jasper asked looking straight at Edward and ignoring me completely.
"She fell, Swan. I was only helping her up," Edward answered. I didn't like this. I wanted to get out of it quickly.
"Did she ask you to?"
"Would you rather I left her on the floor?"
"It would have been better than a Cullen touching her!"
"That's nice," Edward laughed and rolled his eyes.
"What's that suppose to mean?!" Jasper asked and I could see his face slowly gaining color.
"It means that maybe—"
"HEY!" I shouted already sensing the tension and heat of the argument. Edward was beginning to lose his cool demeanor.
"Jasper he was only helping me up. You heard Charlie. You can't get in trouble again," I warned trying to get some sense into his head. My heart pounded as I watched his fingers clench. We needed to leave and soon.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked and I shook my head.
"No! Are you crazy?" I shouted desperate to get out.
"You go too far, Swan!" Edward said getting angry like I knew he would.
"I don't know you, Cullen. I don't know what you would do," Jasper seethed.
"Well I'm not you," Edward retorted and my heart dropped because that was it. He implied Jasper would do something like that to his sister and Jasper hit his point.
In a rush of movement Jasper had knocked Edward down. I heard an audible groan of pain and then the punches came. I didn't know what to do.
Fear punched me in the gut.
I screamed.
- - -
Okay people don't hate me terribly for being super late. To be honest this chapter was getting a bit too long so I realized that I had to split it in to two. I decided to end it in a cliffy, because hopefully that will make you want to read the next chapter all the more.
So please review and I promise the next chapter will be posted in probably a matter of days… Cuz it's not completely finished, but half way and to prove it and since I'm feeling happy I will give a sneak peak to anyone who reviews. :)
I need the feedback people truly I do.
Until next time,
T-T