This love is difficult, but it's real.
-Taylor Swift

After I screamed the shuffle of feet and buzz of voices were all around me as the staff ran out. They managed to pull the boys off each other. The Liberian I had met at the desk whispered soothing words and placed me in the passenger seat of the Jasper's car. She asked what had happened and if I was alright.

I couldn't tell her how it started. I just assured her I was fine and tried to hide my tears.

"I'm going to go talk to the boys. I don't think we'll involve the police today," she said and I nodded. She closed the door with a soft thud and walked off to the two large men that were talking to two smaller shadows.

I watched from inside the car as a shadow of figures stood in front of the library. I couldn't make out which was Edward or Jasper.

One of the figures broke free from the staff's hold and started to walk off. It was Edward. I wish it was light so I could see the extent of the damage but I couldn't.

The men talked two more minutes with Jasper before letting him go. He walked toward the car and I could see the bruise he was forming on his right cheek when the lights of the car came on.

I gasped stunned.

The fight couldn't have lasted more than five minutes and yet they still got in their share of punches.

I felt anger and hurt and frustration boil within me.

I was angry at Edward for hurting my cousin.

I was hurt because I loved them both and I didn't want to witness that.

I was frustrated at Jasper because he always had to pick a fight.

"Take me home," I bit out.

"Bells…"

"I don't want to talk to you. Take me home," I said as new tears brewed over.

"You're not mad at me! What the hell Bella he…you…" he stumbled over his words and I turned to glare at him.

"I told you to drop it. He didn't hurt me. He was trying to help," I said as he started the car and began to drive away.

"It didn't look that way to me," he grumbled as we speed through the streets.

"Well maybe you shouldn't assume," I bit out angrily.

"Are you serious?" he practically shouted.

"Yes I am! God dammit Jasper why are you so idiotic sometimes? You don't mind accusing him of…of…of less than honorable intentions, yet you decide to knock him down when he turns it around?" I shouted back my face heated in anger. I turned away from him and stared out the window trying to calm down. The scenery blurred by and I started to worry about our speed.

"Why the hell are you defending him? I had every right to think—"

"On what grounds?!"

"He's a Cullen. It's obvious we don't get along and I don't know what goes through his mind!"

"Why would hurting me go through his mind? I mean they've never gone that far before!"

"Are you serious?! You've got to be shittin' me. You're defending him?" Jasper shouted.

"No! I just…he was helping me up," I said softly. I noticed the car had yet to slow.

"Well sorry if—"

It was quiet in the car as Jasper suddenly dropped his sentence.

"Why was he helping you up?" he growled low and menacing. My heart thumped loudly. I stared straight ahead and tried to calm myself so I could make the lie believable. There was a light up ahead, but Jasper wasn't slowing.

"He was being nice I guess," I said lamely and became more concerned with the car as we approached the light.

"Jasper slow down," I warned.

"Why— is something going on between you two?" he asked suddenly.

"Jasper slow down," I said a bit more loudly as we approached the light.

"Answer me!"

"JASPER STOP!" I screamed as we reached the red light and cars zoomed by. The car stopped and I jerked forward. The brakes screeched in protest. The seat belt pulled me back hard and I felt the soreness in my shoulder.

"What the hell!" I shouted my heart beating loudly and my pulse pounded behind my ears.

Jasper stared at the road for a few seconds gripping the steering wheel tightly. His chest lifting with every breath he took. I stared at him with wide eyes. It was silent except for our labored breathing. My fingers were sore as I clutched to the leather arm seat.

"There's something going on." Jasper stated. He didn't even question it.

"No…There's—"

"What's the point in lying? I already know," he said and glanced at me. His eyes resembling angry waves of the ocean. My heart sank when I caught a look at his eyes.

Betrayal

The air seemed to leave my lungs and I could feel the guilt wrapping me in its hold.

"It's not…not like that Jasper," I whispered because what was the use of denying it. He knew.

"End it!" he snapped. The light ahead turned green and Jasper stepped on the gas.

"It's not that simple," I whispered and stared down at my fingers. I felt ashamed and guilty, like a child does after being caught doing something wrong.

"What do you mean? It's exactly that simple. Just finish it," he warned.

"I can't…do that," I whispered.

"So…what? You're going to let him use you as his whore?" He shouted and the words were like a slap to the face.

"NO! What…How could you say that?" I breathed hurt that he would even accuse me of such a thing. He seemed to sense he had gone too far and relaxed his shoulders.

"What exactly is going on? Are you fu—"

"No! We haven't done that…" I stopped myself from saying yet. I was a bit shocked I had even considered saying it, but…was that even a possibility between us? I pushed the thoughts away from my mind. This wasn't the time.

"So what the hell are you actually doing?" he questioned and stared at me with icy eyes.

"I…I…don't know…we talk…we…" I couldn't even describe our relationship. Not because we didn't have one, but because it was Jasper. I didn't want to make myself deeper in trouble but I had already admitted to it.

"Do you kiss him?"

"Yes," I admitted shamefully and Jasper's knuckles started going white.

"How…When did this start?" he asked. I didn't answer. I didn't want to. I gave him enough information for now.

"Stop it!" he said again.

"I can't!"

"Do you have any idea how stupid you are? What if Charlie found out? What if Uncle Charles found out? How much trouble you would get into? And for what? Because your too busy frolicking around with your enemy. You're going to hurt them, your own flesh and blood, because you can't end it? This is ridi—"

"I love him!" I shouted to stop the hurtful rant and felt the tears slide down my cheeks.

The car stopped in the middle of the small street we were on and Jasper started at me with cold eyes.

"You what?"

"I…Love him," I whispered and felt the tears hang on my chin. I admitted it. To Jasper no less. I loved Edward Cullen and I couldn't even feel joy about it.

"No, you don't. You're going to end this! If you don't I will tell Charlie and guess what would happen then?" Jasper warned and thoughts flashed in my head.

I recalled a distant conversation. The conversation my parents had had before we moved. In the middle of the night when they thought I was asleep.

"Charlie… I don't think we should do this," my mother sighed. I hid in the shadows outside the kitchen listening.

"Jim's kids handle it just fine. Bella's a strong girl," my father said and I could just make out the light sense of pride in his words.

"But she's not use to this. She hasn't grown up with it. What if… she truly can't handle it?" Renee voiced her worries. The kitchen was quiet for sometime before my father took in a deep breath.

"Ok. The first sign of trouble or anything associating with the Cullens, we'll come home. I promise."

Home. Home wasn't here. Home was back in Arizona. Home was away from Edward and that's where I would be sent.

"We'd move back," I said my voice dry and hoarse.

"Yes you would," he said and started to drive again.

"So why don't you just tell them now!" I said as the tears kept dripping down my cheeks.

"Because you like being here. Rose likes having you here. A girl she can completely trust and she deserves to be happy for awhile," he said staring off into space. I felt my lips quiver.

"Okay," I agreed and felt my chest tighten.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

We drove in silence and I tried to stop crying. Jasper didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. We were in completely different worlds. Before I knew it we were home. Jasper parked and the car and got out. I followed a bit confused and walked into the house. I followed behind Jasper as he walked in the house and closed the door behind us.

I could hear voices in the living room.

I realized we had company and I wouldn't be able to excuse myself to my room. My chest shook soft but I made sure to clear my cheeks of any leftover tears and did my best to calm myself.

Jasper walked in before me. I slowly arrived in and stared at the scene before me. Uncle Jim was sitting on the love seat with a pretty redhead. She looked to be in her late twenties and way too young to be interested in a 44-year-old Uncle Jim, yet she sat by his side and held his hand and looked at him as though he were a god.

I noticed why…

She had a beautiful diamond necklace glittering on her neck and a matching bracelet, but the one piece of jewelry that surprised me the most was the glittering rock on her third finger. I gasped a bit.

Granddad sat on the rocking chair looking bored. Renee and Charlie sat on the sofa smiling politely and laughing at whatever the redhead had said. Rose sat next to Renee looking pissed and bored. I walked and sat at the arm rest next to Rose.

Jasper leaned causally against the fireplace.

Charlie glanced up and noticed the bruise that had darken to a deep grey with purple edges.

"What happened?" Charlie said in a low voice. Jasper shrugged and I felt my heart thump. Uncle Jim looked at his child.

"It was Cullen wasn't it!" he questioned. The tension licked the room in a quick motion and suddenly everyone was on edge.

"Hey! This is a time of celebrating!" the woman who was sitting down next to Uncle Jim said in a high bubbly voice. She rubbed Jim's neck soothingly and that seemed to calm him. Rose fidgeted and Charlie's face relaxed. Granddad hadn't said a word. He barely looked up from the fire that was going.

"What's going on?" I asked hoping to change the subject quickly.

"Oh, Bella hun, this is Vicky, um, Jim's fiancée," My mother said stumbling through her words. This news shocked me. This would be his…third wife after Aunt Lilly's death. I raised an eyebrow but managed a smile toward the women who couldn't have been a few years older than me.

"So you're Bella. I was wondering where you had gone. Everyone talks so lovingly of you," she said and offered me a hand. I shook it, but I didn't like her. She had a cold air around her. She held herself too high. As though she was better than those around her.

"Nice to meet you," I said hoarsely. Rose stood and walked toward the kitchen. I glanced at Jasper and realized why he didn't want to tell Charlie. Rose needed me more than ever right now.

I got up and walked after her. She was leaned against the counter staring at window.

"She seems…" I tried to say something but Rosalie found the word before I did.

"Like a bitch. Yeah, well she is one. Do you know she threatened to send me to some god forsaken girls' school in the middle of nowhere Kansas?" Rosalie snapped and turned to face me. I stared at her with sad eyes.

"Gosh…I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Knowing my father he'd probably let her. Gosh Bella I hate her," she said and sniffed holding back her tears. I quickly hugged Rose and held her tight.

Even though she didn't realize it, she was helping with some of the pain I had felt. The tears spilled out my eyes and down my cheeks into her hair as we held each other in the kitchen. I never liked Uncle Jim. He wasn't even my uncle.

Charlie and he were cousins. They'd grown up so close to each other they were practically brothers.

"The wedding is in February," she whispered.

"That's two months away," I said and pulled back a bit shocked. She shrugged and wiped her eyes.

"They'll be divorced by June," she said and walked back to the living room.

~0~o~0~

"You're going to need a date," Rosalie said as we drove home Friday afternoon. I hadn't spoken to Edward all week. I couldn't even cut a glance in. Jasper had been watching me like a hulk. I didn't even trust sending a message to Edward to let him know why I was avoiding him.

I came to the conclusion that I didn't care what Jazz threatened me with. I wasn't going to end it. I loved Edward and there was no way I would be able to stop it and pretend that nothing had happened between us.

"Why?" I asked dully. I had been feeling depressed since Monday and I didn't feel like changing it now. Jasper stared at me through the mirror with cold blue eyes. Had I mentioned he'd been watching me like a hulk? He practically walked me to all my classes and drove me everywhere. Charlie and Renee thought it was sweet but I knew better.

I only saw Edward in the few classes that we had together. His jaw had been sporting a bright pink cut. And a few little ones on his forehead. It made me sick to think Jasper had done such a thing to him. I couldn't even ask him if he was alright because the class was full of gossiping students.

We barely spoke at all in school and I could see the worried glances he was sending my way. I deleted his text messages without even reading them. It killed me to do it, but I knew he would understand when I explained everything to him tonight.

"Well we thought it would be nice if you got to know some of the decent boys around here. Rosie's going to take Royce and I'm taking Maria. We wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth wheel," he said but I saw the intention in his eyes.

He was trying to distract me from Edward. He wanted to prove what we had wasn't love. GAH! He just didn't know.

"I don't want a date," I said glaring at the mirror. Rose turned in her seat and looked at me. I directed my gaze toward her.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't really know anyone around here," I said truthfully.

"I heard Mike Newton was into you. He's cute. Sorta annoying but it's only for the wedding," she said and I shook my head. I knew Mike Newton and I didn't really like him.

"He's…going out with Jessica," I said quickly. I didn't know if they were so much as going out as they were going at it. Jessica was one of the neutral girls. The only reason she would be considered neutral was because she spread so much gossip about both families that it didn't actually look like she took sides.

"Well…You could ask Ben? It wouldn't be a romantic date, but it would be more of a…friendship date," Rose suggested again and I shot her down.

"It wouldn't feel right," I said feeling slightly happy that she couldn't think of a decent single guy.

"Oh! I know. Do you remember Jacob?" she asked her eyes bright and my head snapped toward Jasper. He was looking at the road with a smug smile on his face.

"That was…a long time ago," I said remembering the cute small boy I use to play with during my summers down here as a kid.

"You should see him, Bella. He's actually pretty hot," Rose said losing herself to her thoughts with a look of concentration on her face.

"I thought you hated him?" I shot back.

"I do, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be a good date. He's single I think. Charlie just went to visit Billy last weekend. You should ask," she said with a bright smile that lit her entire face.

"I don't—"

"You know what…I'll ask Charlie myself! That would make him happy I bet," Rosalie said and I stared in panic as she turned back around and switched the station. Jasper only sent a smile my way before dropping me home.

-*-

"You're what?" Edward hissed over the phone. I felt like flinching.

"I have no choice!" I said a bit too loudly because I could hear Charlie's snore's stutter.

"Of course you have a choice! Who?" he said and I could almost see him seething over the news I had just announced.

"Jacob Black. We use to be childhood friends, but we grew apart when we stopped visiting Forks," I said softly.

"Why?"

"Because…I told you…Jasper knows. The only way I can truly convince him is if I go to the wedding with a date. Do you really want me to move?"

"No! Of course not…I just don't see why you have to take a date," he said frustrated and I imagined him running his long fingers through his overly messy hair. I sighed heavily and fell back on my bed. I stared at the glow in the dark stars I had put in this room when I was seven.

I just never took them down.

"I was doing well until Rosalie mentioned Jake. My family loves the Blacks. My father said it was a good idea and my mother immediately called Billy. But maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe he'll say no," I said hopeful.

Jacob hadn't been in when Renee called so Billy said he would deliver the message when Jake got home.

"I highly doubt that. Jacob Black is infatuated with you," Edward growled and I felt a blush light my cheeks.

"You don't know that!" I scolded.

"Please, you're not the only one with friends at the reserve. The Clearwaters have been our friends for as long as the Blacks have been yours. The only difference is that down there, the community is too close together. They don't let our rivalries mix with them. Seth use to tell me when we were little how one day Jake was going to marry you," Edward said disgruntled. I could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

"That was ten years ago!" I argued.

"He's also told me that Jake has been anxious to see you. He was with a girl, but I have no doubt he'd dump her for his lifelong crush," Edward said and I blushed again.

"It doesn't matter," I said and he chuckled darkly.

"How can you say that? Jacob is…the perfect guy for you. You're parent's love him and he wouldn't have to sneak around to see you. How do I know he won't snatch my girl," Edward said softly and I could hear the pain in his voice. I smiled softly when he referred to as being his girl. I liked being Edward's because I knew he was mine.

"But I don't love Jake," I said so quickly that I hadn't thought over the words. I quickly threw my hand over my mouth. I had gotten so comfortable to the fact that I loved Edward I had forgotten I hadn't told him. This wasn't how I wanted to tell him.

Over the phone in a middle of an argument.

It was quiet for a little while and I could hear Edward breathing.

"You don't?" he questioned and I could hear the amusement in his voice. My face grew hot.

"No…" I whispered.

"Then who do you love?" he asked. He wanted me to say it.

"I…I was just saying he doesn't have a chance at snatching me away," I said sarcastically afraid to say what I was pretty sure he wanted to hear.

"Why?"

"Because…it's…I've always viewed him as a brother! I don't…see him that way," I argued.

"He doesn't view you that way," Edward retorted.

"So?"

"So…maybe my fears aren't unjustified."

"They are completely! It's only for the wedding," I said trying to calm him.

"What if you like being at the wedding. What if he asks you out again and you accept and soon forget about me?"

"That's not possible," I said simply.

"Why not?"

"Because I love you and I—" I stopped short…I told him. I felt like slapping my forehead, he had egged me on and I gave in. I froze waiting for a reaction. I wanted to speak to take it back, but I couldn't. I didn't want to.

He laughed softly over the phone and my cheeks sizzled with the heat of embarrassment I felt. He was laughing at me.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me. I thought I was the only one," he said and laughed again. I giggled partially in relief and partially in joy.

"You love me?" I asked because I didn't want to be the only one with a declaration.

"Yes, I do," he whispered and I was very sure that if I died right at that moment I would be content. I laughed even more.

It was quiet between us for a while as we basked in the joy of it. I knew for sure I was in love, what I didn't know was how happy it made me. My only wish was that I was near him. So I could hold him and have him hold me I return.

"I can't believe you love me," I said in a wispy voice breaking our silence.

"The feelings are completely mutual," he assured me.

"I think we have an uncountable number of generations flipping over in their graves," I said.

"I think so too… A Swan and Cullen in love… Maybe hell is freezing over as we speak," he said and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me.

"I only wish it could be easier for us," I said seriously.

"Where would the fun be then?" he teased and I managed a smile though he couldn't see it.

"Where indeed?" I said playing along. He laughed, but it was off. Something was wrong. It was a darker sort of laugh.

I tried to push it off, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling that Edward was plotting something.

Whatever it was I knew wasn't good.

- - -

How's that for keeping up my promise. :). I want a gingerbread cookie now! Yum. Ok so I know what's going to happen in the next chapter and I gotta say that I took inspiration for that chapter purely on Romeo and Juliet. So I'm guessing people know what is gonna happen or have a vague idea.

Also…the next chapter is in Edward's pov…maybe. I'm still debating because honestly the next chapter could be told in both their POV's but I think we'd get better insight into Edward's. Let me know what you would like. Anyway tell me how you liked it.
Review!

Oh and….
FELIZ NAVIDAD!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Twilightholic-T
PS. The family tree for the Swans might be a bit confusing…
Bella's grandfather has a brother
They each had one kid which would be
Charlie. . . . . . . . . .Jim
then Jim had Rose and Jazz
Charlie had Bella.
Charlie and Jim are cousins…not brothers. They're fathers are brothers.
Hope it makes sense!