I'm finally back with this one. Sorry, but my muse was gone. Finally today I decided, I Will Write This Chapter. And I made a deep mood playlist and I wrote it.

I hope you like it and I'm really REALLY sorry It took so long. Not sure if it was worth the wait, but I hope so.

DISCLAIM: I don't own Ouran.

Losing

"Hey, Hikaru, what's wrong with Kaoru?" It was the millionth time I'd been asked the question. One of the few times were I was called by name. I was going to lose my mind.

I shrugged and slid a slow glance in his direction before returning my eyes to Haruhi. "I've got no idea."

"Hmm…" She said eyeing Kaoru with concern. "He's been down all day. Are you two fighting?" She looked back to me now, the look on her face reading that she would give me a firm talking to if Kaoru's bad mood was my fault.

I shook my head slowly, returning my gaze to his form once more. He sat entertaining girls like he was happy. At least to them he looked happy an entertained. I could see the dark circles under his eyes even from here and how his skin was paler than usual from having not slept.

Every bone in his body bled exhaustion, and I was in the mind to tell him to go home and rest, but I knew that would lead to him assuring me he was alright when I couldn't supply a reason why he looked so bad.

I turned to Haruhi, focusing more on her now so I'd stop looking back to Kaoru because it hurt my chest to look and see him hurting so badly. His pain rang across my ribs and through my veins, a sickening feeling only equitable to imagining getting a paper cut on the surface of your eye or chewing aluminum. Something distinctly uncomfortable, and painful.

"We aren't fighting. This isn't my fault." I cringed immediately afterwards. It might be, seeing as I have no idea what's wrong with him. Haruhi saw my cringe.

"Hikaru…" Her voice was impatient with me.

"I don't know what's wrong with him! I wish I did." I said almost angrily to her, though she made no reaction to my tiny explosion. I threw my gaze at Kaoru just in time to watch him try to stand and sit back down slowly. My heart flew into overdrive.

I walked away from Haruhi, leaving her with a questioning look on her face. I moved quickly across the room to where Kaoru sat a strained, though only I would be able to tell, smile on his face. I put a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to me a pain I'd never expected and never wanted to see ever again sitting in his eyes. His pain hit me in the chest and my fingers tightened.

"Are you okay Kaoru?" I asked lightly, in no part for the show we normally put on for the girls.

His eyes steeled to me. "Suddenly you care?" He asked lowly and smooth, although entirely cruelly. He looked so angry, and so hurt. His eyes burned molten and sank coldly at the same time.

I didn't know how to respond. Air left my throat and my eyes stung. Why was he so upset with me? Why would he think I didn't care about him?

He removed my hand from his shoulder slowly and excused himself before leaving the room, trying walking like nothing was wrong, like he was about to go do something important but frivolous. But I could see it. The energy pulsing through his body that made him want to run, and I could see him restraining it in a quick jerky movement acting as if he were brushing dust off his jacket.

I turned and walked after him, afraid that once the doors closed behind him he would sprint away. I didn't bother excusing myself, or guarding the appearance of how I left. They could think what they would about the situation. Honestly I was too distraught to think about it.

I caught Kaoru leaning up against the wall outside of music room three, his eyes closed and his head tilted upwards. He looked worn out, defeated. I approached him slowly before stopping directly in front of him. He would have to have know it was me. Everything about us was the same, including the sound of our footsteps in an empty hall. His body tensed and it hurt to think he didn't even want to be near me.

"Kaoru… what's wrong?" I asked softly, a hand fluttering slowly upwards to grab his hand before stopping, and falling back lifelessly.

His voice was raw. "Am I that disgusting?" He asked lowly and my eyes widening. His voice began to rise in volume. "Am I that awful? Have I done something terrible? Am I so repulsive to you that you can't even touch me anymore?!" He was panting and angry, his eyes glistening with anger and barely contained tears. He whispered out, almost in a whimper, "Do you hate me now?"

"No! No! No! No!" I shook my head to reiterate the point again. His outburst was completely unexpected. He'd completely misunderstood me distancing myself from him. He must have really been hurting to explode like this.

He grabbed on to my jacket and buried his head in my shoulder, tears bursting from the seam of his closed eyes. "I thought…" He choked on a sob. "I thought you ha-hated me." He let out. The sobs racked his body, until eventually his knees gave out. Apparently last night wasn't the only night he hadn't slept.

His head was in my chest and my arms were around his shoulders as he cried. "You… you've been so distant." He looked at me, golden eyes surrounded by red, and desperate. "Why…?" His body shook harshly as he forced down a sob.

I looked at him and I knew he could read the pain in the back of my eyes, because I would have been able to see it in his. "I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry." I held him tighter. "I don't hate you." I said clearly. I whispered after, "I don't, I couldn't hate you."

He grabbed my shirt tighter. "I…" He stopped and looked to the side, insecure and so incredibly beautiful. His face flushed from crying, his lips trembling, and his downcast eyes. He was so beautiful. And I wanted to hurt myself for thinking of him in any manner other than a brotherly one when he was hurting like this.

He began again, voice low, nearly inaudible, if I hadn't already trained myself to hear his voice always. "I… I need you. I can't stand it when you won't talk to me. I can't be without you. I feel like I'm losing you." My heart should've have exploded by now with the rate it was punching at. And I wasn't sure how it could stick in my throat and pump at a pre-heart attack speed but it was. My eyes glazed over, and I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Oh god, I need you too." Tears rolled out of my eyes onto his jacket. "I'm so sorry. I'll never do that to you ever again." He nodded. And we stayed like that for awhile, holding onto each other on the floor in front of the third music room, before getting up and moving back into the room much to the pleasure of many ladies.

But I couldn't help thinking I was losing my grip on all of this…

Did you like it? REVIEW. I think I know what I'm doing for the next chapter, so ya know, maybe faster.

Who knows. It's Coming though, Be guaranteed. VERY IMPORTANT -PS. Do you think this story will end happily? Sadly? Tell me why in a review!