Episode 1: Preliminaries
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"Okay! Our twenty-four contestants are ready to start the preliminary round!" SSBFreak said. "However, we can't take twenty-four into the next round; we can only take twelve."
"That's right. Only the twelve fastest times will proceed. The other twelve will have to hope that they can do better on the third show, where they'll be given a second chance." Tinyrocket added.
"But getting the fastest time on this course will be easier said than done, even if it's just four parts." SSBFreak reminded.
The first part of the obstacle course was that of a set of ten steps on a slight slope in the middle of a pool. On the other side of this set of steps was another side of steps, these going down.
"Our first task is the Slippery Steps." SSBFreak said. "You'll find yourself slipping as you try to simply climb these suckers."
The second part was a wall to the side of a small pool of watery mud. The wall had a narrow walkway, and was littered with holes. Boxing gloves would often punch outwards.
"The next part is even trickier: The Sucker-Punch Wall." Tinyrocket added. "The narrow walkway is only a few inches wide, and if that doesn't get you, the boxing gloves will."
The third and fourth parts of the challenge took place over a larger pool. The third part was a line of four huge, red, rubber balls leading from one platform to another.
"This is the big killer, especially in the actual show." SSBFreak pointed out. "If someone can successfully jump from one platform to the other over all four of these big balls, they'll have an amazingly big advantage over the others."
The final part was just after the third part. It was a ramp leading up to a rope, which in turn led to a wall of foam blocks.
"This is the last part of the preliminaries: The Block Wall." Tinyrocket finished. "Once the contestant swings from this rope and plows through this wall of blocks, they'll be finished when they stand on the platform on the other side."
"It should be noted that if a contestant falls into the mud or water, they don't have to do the task again, and can simply move onto the next part." Tinyrocket said. "It will cost some time, but they won't have to do the task again."
"Looks like they're getting ready to start down there." SSBFreak said.
Standing at the start of the course, at the top of a ramp leading into the first obstacle, was Max. He jumped in place a couple of times to get himself ready.
"First up is Max Goof, our teenage skateboarder." Tinyrocket said. "Orange Sora caught up with him a little earlier."
"So you seem fairly confident about this." Orange Sora noted.
"Oh, yeah! I'm pumped!" Max nodded. "I'm ready to take on that monster with full force!"
"Well, good luck out there." Orange Sora said. "You're all going to need it."
A horn blared, and once it did, Max took off running, charging down the ramp leading to the pool. He jumped onto a floating platform and started running.
"Max is off to a good start." SSBFreak said. "He's coming up to the stairs."
Max started running up the stairs, but a couple of steps up, he slipped and fell flat on his face, tumbling back down to the bottom.
"Oh! Tough luck!" Tinyrocket said. "Max is going to have to get up and try again!"
Quickly getting to his feet, Max tried to run up the steps again, slipping a couple of times. Max had to clamber up the stairs on all fours, but he managed to get to the top. Diving over the top stair, Max slid down the rest of the way.
"Okay. The stairs took him by surprise, but he's okay." SSBFreak said. "Now he's going towards the Sucker-Punch Wall."
Max arrived at the wall and grabbed a stone attached to it, starting to shimmy across while avoiding the constant punches from the boxing gloves. He got one-third of the way across when a glove took him by surprise and knocked him into the mud.
"And Max goes down fighting!" Tinyrocket said. "Now, just because he fell into the mud, he's not out."
"That's right, but he's going to lose time getting out of the mud." SSBFreak added.
Managing to climb out of the mud, Max darted up the following ramp leading towards the line of big balls, although a little slowly due to his mud-soaked shoes.
"Here come the big balls." SSBFreak said.
Max took a moment to catch his breath, then made a leap of faith. Max bounced off the first ball, but did a faceplant into the second one, bouncing off the ball and falling into the pool.
"And there goes Max." Tinyrocket finished. "Good try, though."
"Well, at least his clothes are clean again."
Max swam over to a ladder and pulled himself up to the final task. Grabbing the rope, Max prepared to leap.
"This is it. The final task for Max. If he can land on the platform on the other side of the block wall, he'll have a pretty quick time for the course." SSBFreak said.
Leaping off the platform, Max swung down, aiming for the blocks. However, his feet touched the water and he lost all of his momentum. Max was forced to let go of the rope and swim around to the back of the block wall.
"Tough break for Max. Now he's got a bit of a swim ahead of him if he wants to make up for lost time." Tinyrocket said.
Max eventually reached the back of the block wall and climbed up a few platforms before standing just behind the wall, which stopped the clock.
Max Goof – 2:36:42
"And Max's watch stops at just over two and a half minutes." SSBFreak said. "That's a pretty solid time."
"Let's see if anyone can take it away from him" Tinyrocket replied.
The camera went back to the start, where Kim was preparing to run.
"Oh, would you look at that. Kim's up next." SSBFreak said.
"He may have a strong sense of justice, but will that help him here?" Tinyrocket quizzed.
The horn blared again and Kim took off running, he jumped onto the first platform with ease, but slipped on the steps and tumbled into the pool underneath them.
"Off to a pretty rough start, but he's got time to make up for it." SSBFreak noted.
"I know, but the stairs are slippery enough WITHOUT someone having wet feet." Tinyrocket pointed out. "Kim could be in trouble."
Kim got back onto the platform and tried to get up the stairs again, but once again tripped before he made it halfway.
"He seems like he'd be an athletic type, but Kim's not showing it here." Tinyrocket said.
"If he can get past the stairs, things may get easier since those are the only slippery things on the preliminary course." SSBFreak pointed out.
Kim finally managed to get to the top of the stairs and got over them, sliding down the other side and continuing his run.
"And in more than twice the time it took Max, Kim is over the stairs and is running towards the Sucker-Punch Wall." SSBFreak said.
Kim got to the wall and started to shimmy across, using the rocks on the wall to keep him from falling in. However, he's so focused on keeping his grip that he doesn't see a punch to the face coming until it's already knocked him into the mud.
"Ouch. Right in the kisser." SSBFreak winced.
"Kim's going to have to hurry if he wants a shot at the fifty grand." Tinyrocket said. "Already we're approaching two minutes."
"Well, while Kim's fishing himself out of the mud, let's see if someone else is having more luck with the course."
"I'm standing here with Adeline, one of our two youngest competitors." Orange Sora said as he looked at the young girl he was beside. "Do you think you and Mila are at a disadvantage here being the youngest?"
"Hey, I'm twelve and she's thirteen. We're both full of energy and excitement." Adeline assured. "We can pull a fast one when the rest of the contestants least expect it."
"The kids are bringing the heat, are they?"
"Oh, you bet! The kids are a force to be reckoned with!"
Adeline started running down to the course and darted towards the stairs.
"You think she's got a chance, SSB?" Tinyrocket asked.
"You know? Why don't we just find out?" SSBFreak asked.
Although off to a good start, Adeline slips and falls just a few steps away from the top of the stairs. Getting back to her feet before hitting the water in the pool, Adeline tackles the stairs again.
"Oh! So close!"
"She may have the energy, but so far, I don't know if she's showing the talent…"
The camera switched to the Sucker-Punch Wall, where Blue is seen struggling to cross. He gets about halfway before one of the gloves punches him in the side and knocks him into the mud.
"Blue's not used to boxing, I take it?" Tinyrocket asked.
"Spent too much time on the racetrack, I guess." SSBFreak shrugged.
"While it's entertaining to see people trying to cross the Sucker-Punch Wall, I'm curious to see how people are faring with the balls."
"Let's find out."
Keira, covered with mud from the Sucker-Punch Wall, made her way up the ramp leading to the balls over the pool. She jumped on one, but slipped and fell facefirst into the second one on her way down into the water.
Strong Bad jumped onto the first ball, but slipped, bounced off his behind and fell headlong into the pool.
"Holy crap!" Strong Bad shouted.
"Like on the actual show, the balls are proving the biggest problem for everyone." SSBFreak noted.
"Yeah. Not even the real athletic contestants can clear those things." Tinyrocket added.
Gumshoe jumped onto the first ball, but bounced off clumsily and off to the side, falling straight into the water instead of onto the next ball.
Switching back to the Sucker-Punch Wall, Major Flak was seen trying to get across and slowly making progress.
"This is Major Flak. You'd think that with him being in the army, he'd have a handle on how to handle an obstacle course." SSBFreak noted.
A boxing glove punched Major Flak in the face. The camera paused.
"Apparently not." Tinyrocket added.
The camera resumed as Major Flak crashed into the mud. He growled in annoyance and quickly pulled himself out.
"I'm here with Drake Sypher, one of the few cartoon representatives here." Orange Sora said. "Sypher, how do you think your chances are?"
"After seeing the trouble some of the athletic people are running into, I have my work cut out for me." Sypher admitted. "But if I can sneak past them and get into the next round with some of the non-athletic contestants, the rest should be a breeze for me."
The horn blared and Sypher started running. He got onto the first platform and managed to clear the steps in the first try.
"Drake Sypher's off to a great start!" SSBFreak said. "If he can keep this up, we'll have a serious contender on our hands!"
"He still has to tackle the Sucker-Punch Wall. No one's made it past the halfway point on that yet." Tinyrocket reminded.
Sypher grabbed a stone on the wall and started pulling himself across, but was quickly punched in the chest and knocked into the mud.
"And apparently Sypher is no exception." Tinyrocket added.
Blue, soaking wet after climbing out of the water after careening off the balls, approaches the rope and grabs hold of it.
"Blue Monkey is still in great form. If he lands this, he'll have beaten Max's time." SSBFreak said.
Blue swung down on the rope, but lost his grip and crashed into the water. Groaning, Blue started swimming.
"And just like Max, Blue takes a serious dive that will cost him serious time." Tinyrocket said.
Climbing to the top of the final platform after swimming around it, Blue stood straight, finishing his run. He looked at his shoes, disappointed.
Blue Monkey – 2:40:31
"And Blue finishes with a time just shy of beating Max." SSBFreak said.
"Even though he got a good time, he doesn't look too happy…" Tinyrocket noted.
"Let's take a look back at the Sucker-Punch Wall."
Scorch tried going across, but got a punch to the face one-third of the way through, knocking him into the mud.
Gum tried crossing the wall and managed to get a little over one-third of the wall across before a boxing glove appeared out of nowhere and punched her into the mud.
Muto started crossing, but got punched a couple of times, although he still managed to hold on. The third punch to the chest hurt more and thus knocked Muto into the mud.
Mila started crossing and had almost made it halfway when a boxing glove appeared and punched her in the face. Mila fell backwards into the mud, but made a quick recovery, keeping her head clean.
Violet tried crossing and made it a few feet before getting punched in the face. The goth girl grabbed at one of the rocks on the wall, but missed and fell straight into the mud.
"As you can see, the Sucker-Punch Wall is almost as infamous as the balls." Tinyrocket pointed out. "A lot of the contestants have gone already and none of them have made it more than halfway."
The horn blared again as Klump started charging down the ramp.
"Well, maybe Klump can change that." SSBFreak suggested.
Klump reached the steps and started climbing, only to slip and fall flat on his face. He got up and tried again, only to fall after making it up a little higher.
"…If he can get past the Slippery Stairs."
After eventually making it past the stairs, Klump arrived at the Sucker-Punch Wall. He tried getting across, but quickly got punched into the mud.
"No offense to Klump, but I think he needs to be more in-shape." SSBFreak said.
"Yeah. He's approaching the balls and he looks out of breath." Tinyrocket added.
Pausing for a second to catch his breath, Klump jumped onto one of the balls and promptly bounced into the water.
"Ouch. That looked like it hurt."
Swimming over to the final platform, Klump hoisted himself up and grabbed the rope.
"Let's hope he can nail this or it may be all over for him."
Klump bravely swung down, but flopped into the water. He swam around to the other side of the block wall and climbed up, sighing in defeat.
Klump – 6:17:20
"And with that, Klump finishes with a time of six minutes and seventeen seconds." SSBFreak said.
"Looks like he's out of luck. Klump may have to wait until our third show where we'll give him another shot." Tinyrocket added.
"To be fair, a lot of people have had trouble with the block wall."
Strong Bad swung down on the rope, but crashed into the base the wall was on, making him collapse into the water.
Sypher grabbed the rope and swung down, only to fall facefirst into the water once he reached the bottom of the swing.
Adeline crashed into the wall, but not hard enough to break through it. Falling away from the wall, Adeline was forced to let go of the rope.
Gum swung down, and managed to break through the wall, but didn't have enough momentum to pull herself onto the platform, making her let go and drop into the water.
"I'm here with Dan Hibiki, the self-proclaimed master of Saiko-Ryu." Orange Sora said, gesturing to the pink-clad man standing with him. "Dan, what are your thoughts on this course?"
"The course looks like it will be the ultimate test of my strength and skill." Dan replied, showing off a few of his moves, which didn't look all that good to begin with.
"Do you consider yourself a threat to the other contestants here?" Orange Sora asked.
"I consider myself a threat to anyone." Dan nodded. "I've turned my body into a weapon."
The horn blared as Dan ran down the ramp. He rushed over to the stairs and ran up, only to slip a short way up and fall into the water.
"See that? That's what happens when the stairs don't like the way you talk about yourself." SSBFreak pointed out.
"Well, Dan turned his body into a weapon; An anchor." Tinyrocket shrugged.
Major Flak approached the top of the ramp the rope was on and grabbed the rope.
"Here's Major Flak attempting to break through the wall." SSBFreak said.
Major Flak swung towards the wall and thrust his feet out, breaking through the wall and landing successfully on the other side, saving time and finishing his run.
Major Flak – 2:13:14
"And would you look at that! Major Flak has just beaten Max's time!" SSBFreak said.
"He's secured himself a place in the next round for sure." Tinyrocket nodded.
Keira swung down and, like Major Flak, plowed through the wall and landed safely on the other side. Standing up, she let out a cheer.
Keira Haggai – 2:37:21
"And Keira has just finished the course! She got a pretty good time as well!"
"She seems pretty happy. Well, we'll leave Keira to celebrate while we go to Orange Sora with the next contestant."
"Mr. Jowai, you're the oldest person here…Well, out of those that gave their ages, anyway." Orange Sora explained. "Do you think that holds you back at all?"
"It slows my pace. That's for sure." Mr.Jowai shrugged. "I'm not athletic like the rest of those guys, but I have a lot of endurance."
"Will that help you here?"
"Definitely. I'll show it on the course."
The horn blared and Mr. Jowai took off running. Off to a decent start, Mr. Jowai reached the steps and fell down almost instantly.
"So he has a lot of endurance, eh?" Tinyrocket asked.
"Maybe it's still coming." SSBFreak suggested.
Mr. Jowai tried going up the stairs again, but slipped and fell, this time going into the water.
"…No. Don't think so." Tinyrocket said.
The Rabbid, its fur soaked, grabbed hold of the rope leading to the block wall. Stepping back a couple of steps, the Rabbid leapt off and swung down. However, it let go of the rope too late and was sent flying clear overtop of the block wall.
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-" The Rabbid screamed as it flipped in the air while waving its arms before falling straight into the water.
The Rabbid slowly climbed to the top of the block wall and finished its run. It folded its arms and put on a grumpy face.
Rabbid – 5:53:22
"I don't think the Rabbid likes that time." SSBFreak noted. "Looks like it'll have to wait until we bring it back as well…"
N. Gin stood at the start of the course, eagerly awaiting to start. The horn blares and the short scientist takes off running.
"LET'S DANCE, BABY!!" N. Gin shouted with glee.
"N. Gin seems eager to start." Tinyrocket noted.
"He's a pain glutton. What'd you expect?" SSBFreak replied.
N. Gin started climbing the steps, only to slip and fall flat on his back, tumbling down.
"Oh! Oh, that hurt so good!" N. Gin laughed. "If I didn't have to hurry, I'd do that again!"
The camera switches to the Sucker-Punch Wall, where Daisy is seen scurrying across.
"After a rough start at the stairs, Daisy is quickly getting back in the game!" SSBFreak said.
"Yeah. She's already halfway across!" Tinyrocket agreed. "You think she can make it?"
Suddenly, Daisy was punched in the face, sending her into the mud.
"I guess I spoke too soon…"
Muto climbed to the top of the ramp overlooking the big balls and prepared to jump, although his mud-soaked body looked like it was going to drag him into the water.
"Here's Muto attempting to cross the line of balls."
Muto jumped and managed to successfully bounce off the first ball. He managed to stumble across the second ball before smashing into the third ball, falling into the water.
"So close, and yet so far." Tinyrocket sighed. "Well, at least he touched the third ball. That's the farthest anyone's gotten on the balls so far."
"You think anyone can beat that record?" SSBFreak asked.
Higsby jumped onto the first ball, but promptly slipped and fell off into the water.
"Nope."
Vanilla managed to cross the first ball, but tripped and fell headfirst into the water just after landing on the second ball.
"Close but no cigar."
Slippy jumped onto the first ball, but it proved to be too springy for him and sent the little toad flying clear into the water.
"Uh…No."
Mila tried to cross, but didn't make it past the first ball and fell headlong into the water.
"Doesn't look like it."
Violet jumped onto the first ball and it looked like she would manage to land on the second, but she slipped once she landed and fell backwards off the ball.
"Once again, pretty close."
Scorch grabbed hold of the rope and swung down, but let go when he touched the water.
"Ouch. That has to be rough." SSBFreak said.
"At least Scorch is still in good form." Tinyrocket supported.
"You think Daisy can do it?"
"I dunno. She's been in relatively good form so far…"
Daisy, holding onto the rope, swung down and managed to break through the wall, but couldn't get onto the platform and fell into the water.
"Oh! So close! I can't believe how close that was!"
"Too bad it didn't count. Now Daisy has to swim around to the back of the platform before she can clock in."
Managing to swim around the platform, Daisy grabbed the base of the platform and hauled herself up, ending her run.
Princess Daisy – 2:38:83
"And Daisy clocks in just shy of Keira." SSBFreak said.
"I'd say Daisy's determined to show that she's a real contender." Tinyrocket added.
N. Gin, still eagerly anticipating the pain to come, flew up the ramp to the rope and grabbed hold of it.
"N. Gin is still going strong. I'm surprised at how fast that little guy can run." Tinyrocket said.
"Like I said before, he's a pain glutton." SSBFreak reminded.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" N. Gin shouted with glee as he swung down towards the block wall and plowed through it, landing safely on the other side and ending his run. "Aw, man. Those weren't real blocks…" He lamented.
N. Gin – 2:16:38
"And N. Gin clears the course just a few seconds short of beating Major Flak!"
"He's really wanting to get through the course, I see…"
Slippy climbed to the top of the ramp leading to the rope, much slower than N. Gin.
"Here's Slippy Toad. He's a mechanic at heart, but that isn't going to help him here." SSBFreak said.
"Let's see if he nails this. If he does, he'll have a good shot at our top twelve." Tinyrocket added.
Slippy swung down, but crashed into the platform underneath the block wall. Groaning, Slippy quickly swam around.
"Oh, this could be close…"
Slippy quickly climbed up onto the platform and ended his run, sighing in relief.
Slippy Toad – 2:43:21
"Well, everyone's gone now. We're down to our last racer." SSBFreak said.
"Yep, and that racer is a young tattoo artist slash psychotherapist named Sybil Pandemik." Tinyrocket nodded.
As if to prove Tinyrocket's point, Sybil stood at the start of the course, nervously swaying left and right on her feet.
"Sybil, the girls have had a decent showing." Orange Sora said. "You think you can add to that and fly into our top twelve?"
"You know? I have no idea." Sybil chuckled. "Some of the others have had a rough time, but some have blazed through the course with amazing speed."
"Indeed. The current best is just over two minutes and ten seconds." Orange Sora reminded.
"That quickly, huh? Well, I'll soon see if I'm athletic enough for the top twelve." Sybil shrugged with another chuckle.
The horn blared and Sybil raced down the starting ramp, jumping onto the first floating platform over the small pool. Sprinting over to the stairs, Sybil raced up, but started to slip, so she dove over the top step and successfully cleared the first task.
"And she cleared it on the first go!" SSBFreak said.
"Sybil Pandemik, with a flawless run, approaching the Sucker-Punch Wall!" Tinyrocket said.
"Good luck, girl. No one's made it across yet."
Sybil scurried across the small ledge, but was punched off after just a few seconds. Once she landed in the mud, Sybil scrambled over to the ledge and pulled herself out.
"And she's in the mud…"
"But she's out of it just as fast and moving towards the big balls!"
Scampering up the ramp leading to the big balls, Sybil took a deep breath and jumped onto the first one. However, she landed awkwardly and bounced straight into the second one, ricocheting off the first two balls a couple of times before falling into the water.
"Good attempt but a lousy result."
"Still, Sybil's at a great pace coming up to the final task!"
Climbing up the ladder to get out of the water, Sybil quickly grabbed hold of the rope and swung down, crashing through the block wall with ease and landing on the platform on the other side, ending her run.
Sybil Pandemik – 2:20:07
"She did it! Sybil Pandemik may not have the best time overall, but she's got the best time for the ladies!" SSBFreak said as Sybil cheered.
"Easily moving on to the next round, Sybil takes a moment to celebrate her victory." Tinyrocket noted.
"And just like that, we have our top twelve contestants." SSBFreak said.
"Let's take a look at the times and see who's moving on." Tinyrocket added.
Major Flak – 2:13:14
N. Gin – 2:16:38
Sybil Pandemik – 2:20:07
Drake Sypher – 2:22:43
Max Goof – 2:36:42
Keira Haggai – 2:37:21
Princess Daisy – 2:38:83
Blue Monkey – 2:40:31
Muto – 2:40:63
Adeline – 2:41:50
Slippy Toad – 2:43:21
Vanilla the Rabbit – 2:53:47
(Out)
Scorch – 2:54:62
Gum – 2:57:13
Mila – 3:00:21
Dan Hibiki – 3:13:57
Violet – 3:15:45
Kim Kaphwan – 3:20:34
Strong Bad – 3:23:22
Dick Gumshoe – 3:25:42
Higsby – 3:32:41
Rabbid – 5:53:22
Klump – 6:17:20
Mr. Jowai – 6:30:86
"There's our top twelve! Take a look at how close those times were!" SSBFreak said.
"The twelve people eliminated here don't need to worry, because we're bringing them all back for our third show, where we also include the twelve eliminated people from our upcoming second show." Tinyrocket explained.
"However, our remaining twelve contestants must now be whittled down to six, and what do we use for that?"
The camera panned over a large pole in the middle of a half-circle of smaller poles in the middle of a large pool. The most noteworthy aspect was the rotating arm on the middle pole, crossing over the others.
"…The Sweeper." Tinyrocket said with a smirk.