Author's Note: Sorry for abandoning this fic for so long. Truth be told, I liked writing it, but I just didn't have the will to continue it. However, now that Wipeout Canada is coming, it seems to have given me the drive to keep this going. I'm going to try and keep this fic going as long as I can because I'm not sure if it can end…
Episode 2: The Preliminaries
"We're about to start the Preliminaries, where each of our twenty-four contestants will have to run if they want a chance at moving on." SSBFreak explained. "Before we move onto the next round, we need to cut the field in half and the qualifying round is just the way to do it."
"Right. Only the twelve fastest times will advance to the next round, while the other twelve will get another chance in a later episode." Tinyrocket added.
"The qualifying round is made up of four obstacles, and they all must be attempted in order to complete the course." SSBFreak pointed out.
The first part of the course was over a small pit of muddy water, where two lines of three block stacks were connecting the two sides of the pit to a platform in the middle.
"First up is the Tipping Towers." SSBFreak explained. "Very unstable, but not impossible to cross."
The second part of the course was a wall littered with automated boxing gloves that lurched forward at random times. The wall was at the edge of a smaller pit of muddy water.
"Next up is the Sucker-Punch." Tinyrocket added. "Good luck getting across the tiny ledge, because almost no one makes it across this."
The third and fourth parts were over one large pool. The third obstacle was a quartet of large red balls lined up in a row, connecting two platforms.
"Then comes the ever-present Big Balls." SSBFreak continued. "Even fewer people get across these, but the Wipeouts are so great that we just have to keep them in."
The final part was a small, isolated platform in the water with a wall at the edge of it. There was a cut-out in the shape of a person on it.
"Finally, there's the Cookie Cutter." Tinyrocket finished. "The object here is to swing from a rope and break through the mold in the wall to land on the platform on the other side."
"Like always, if anyone falls out on the qualifiers, that doesn't mean they're out. They just need to swim to the next obstacle so they can continue on." SSBFreak pointed out.
"Looks like we're about ready to start." Tinyrocket noted. "Let's head down to the starting ramp."
At the beginning of the course, at the top of a ramp leading down to the first obstacle, stood Anne. The blonde Karayan looked around, as if waiting for the starting horn to go off.
"First up is Anne, a Karayan bartender." SSBFreak said. "Orange Sora spoke to her just before her run earlier."
"How does it feel to be doing something like this?" Orange Sora asked.
"I'm feeling fine." Anne shook her head. "I can keep up with the most athletic of boys, so this should be a walk in the park for me."
"Well, here's hoping you can live up to those words on the course."
The horn blared, signaling the start of Anne's run. The blonde woman raced down the ramp and leapt onto a floating platform. Stumbling a bit, Anne was quickly on her feet and running over to the Tipping Towers.
"Anne's having an okay start so far, save for a little stumbling." SSBFreak noted.
Anne approached the first set of stack towers and started making her way across them, but she was going too slow and the second tower slid out from underneath her as she fell into the muddy water.
"Oh! That's going to leave a mark!" Tinyrocket said.
"Well, now Anne needs to climb the stairs to the middle platform and try the second half of the Tipping Towers."
Anne started to make her way across the other three towers, but slipped and fell off as she tried to get to the second quickly swam to the edge of the pit and climbed out before continuing on her way.
"Well, so much for that." SSBFreak said.
"Let's see if she has any more luck at the Sucker-Punch."
Anne raced over to the wall of boxing gloves and quickly grabbed one of the rocks to get a grip. As she scurried across, one of the boxing gloves hit Anne in the face and sent her into the muddy water again.
"Anne takes one right to the kisser!"
"Yeah. Those boxing gloves treated her just like how she treats her annoying customers."
"Well, once she gets herself out of there, Anne will have to tackle the staple of Wipeout: The Big Balls."
Climbing out of the muddy water of the Sucker-Punch, Anne climbed up the sloping ramp leading to the Big Balls, starting to look a little worn out. When she reached the top of the ramp, Anne took a couple of deep breaths, but stepped forward to attempt to cross the Big Balls. Anne bounced off the first ball awkwardly and landed face-first into the second ball. The Karayan bartender fell flat into the water.
"Oh, man! A good effort, but Anne falls victim to the Big Balls like so many people before her!"
"There's only one obstacle left to do, and that's the Cookie Cutter. Let's see if Anne has what it takes to stick a landing there…"
Anne climbed up a ladder out of the water and onto the platform connected to the end of the Big Ball line. A short climb up a few steps later and Anne was at the top of a ramped platform that overlooked the Cookie Cutter platform. Anna grabbed the rope provided and prepared to swing down.
Taking a deep breath, Anne leapt off the platform and swung down towards her target, but crashed into the wall without breaking through the mold. Anne promptly let go of the rope and dropped into the water.
"So close, and yet so far."
"Now, because she didn't stick the landing, Anne has to swim around the final platform and climb up to stand on the other side of the wall she was going to break through."
"It's going to add to her time, so she'll need to hurry."
Anne quickly swam around the platform and climbed out of the water. Climbing to the top of the finish platform, Anne ended her run and took a sigh of relief.
Anne – 5:21:53
"And Anne finishes with a time of just under five and a half minutes." SSBFreak noted. "We'll have to see if that time holds out."
The camera went back to the start of the course, where Waluigi was preparing to run. The horn blared and the lanky plumber raced down to the course.
"Looks like Waluigi is next." SSBFreak said.
"Those long legs of his should prove to be a help in the course here." Tinyrocket added.
Waluigi raced up to the first row of stacked blocks and tried to run across, but promptly slipped and fell into the muddy water.
"…Yeah. You'd think that, wouldn't you?"
"Well, let's hope he does better on the second half of the Tipping Towers."
Waluigi climbed onto the middle platform and tried to make his way across the second row of blocks. He stepped on the first stack awkwardly and the tower slipped out from underneath him, sending him into the mud again.
"And he fares just as well on the second half of the Tipping Towers as he did the first."
"Let's see if Waluigi's thin frame helps him on the Sucker-Punch."
Climbing out of the mud, Waluigi hurried over to the next obstacle and started working his way across. However, he was quickly punched in the face and knocked into the mud.
"Oh! That had to hurt!"
"He's got a face only a mother could love, and after that I'm not so sure about even that anymore…"
"Orange Sora, who's next?"
"I'm here with Antonio Gustor, an F-Zero pilot and one of our oldest players today." Orange Sora said. "You think that's going to hold you back at all?"
"Not a bit. I've seen things much more intimidating than that." Antonio said.
"What about those Big Balls?"
"What about them? They don't frighten me." Antonio smirked.
Antonio, covered in mud, climbed out of the Sucker-Punch pit and started making his way up to the Big Balls.
"Antonio seems confident about those Big Balls." SSBFreak said. "You think he can conquer them?"
Antonio leapt off the platform and onto the first ball, but bounced off it and landed stomach-first on the second ball, bouncing off into the water from there.
"Nope. Didn't think so." SSBFreak said.
"I'm getting a little Wipeout-deprived, man." Tinyrocket said. "You think we can see some more people try to tackle the Big Balls?"
"You know I aim to please, Tiny."
Heavy jumped onto the first ball, but was promptly ejected and fell straight into the water.
"Come again!"
Brady Culture leapt onto the first ball and managed to jump to the second, but bounced off in the completely-wrong direction.
"Nice try."
Coco Bandicoot scrambled across the first ball, but slipped and slammed into the second ball, bouncing into the water.
"That's going to leave a mark."
Murray bravely leapt off the platform, but simply bounced off the first ball and flew straight into the water.
"Not quite."
Bubsy made a leap of faith onto the first ball, and promptly slipped, falling backwards off it and into the water.
"Close, but no banana."
"Uh…That doesn't even make sense."
"Tell me that again when I actually care."
The camera switched to the Sucker-Punch, where Larry was approaching.
"Coming up to the Sucker-Punch is self-proclaimed ladies' man Larry Butz." SSBFreak said.
"Great name, but I don't know if it's going to help him here." Tinyrocket said.
Larry slowly managed to make his way across, getting several small blows to the head before one hit him in the stomach and knocked him into the mud.
"Ouch! Larry received blows like they were girls dumping him!"
"Well, he should be used to rejection…"
Nadine approached the Sucker-Punch, covered in mud from her attempt to cross the Tipping Towers.
"Maybe Knuckles Nadine will have a better shot. It says here that she's a boxer." SSBFreak suggested.
"Oh, really? Then this should be a walk in the park for her." Tinyrocket said.
Nadine started making her way across, only to be punched in the face and sent into the mud shortly after she began.
"…Oh, wait. It says that she prefers singing to boxing."
"Oh. Well, that explains it."
"I'm here with Taz, arguably one of the shortest people this time." Orange Sora said, standing beside a Tasmanian Devil that was half as tall as he was. "Taz, do you think your height will put you at a disadvantage?"
"You say something about Taz's height?" Taz grunted, jabbing Orange Sora in the stomach (since he couldn't reach his chest). "Taz much stronger than he look, you know."
"I know, but this obstacle course is definitely no walk in the park, even for guys like you." Orange Sora shrugged.
The horn blared and Taz waddled down the ramp, stepping onto the first platform and making his way over to the Tipping Towers.
"I've always been a fan of Taz, but I have to admit that he's not the most-athletic person around." Tinyrocket pointed out.
"I don't know. I can think of a few people that Taz can beat out in a competition like this." SSBFreak said.
Taz tried to go across the Tipping Towers, but didn't get very far and flopped into the mud.
"Care to give some examples?" Tinyrocket asked flatly.
"Uh…Goombas…Maybe a Rabbid or two…"
Taz climbed up onto the middle platform and tried to take on the other Tipping Towers, only to slip off shortly after starting.
"And Taz is in the mud yet again."
"Well, while he fishes himself out, let's move on, shall we?"
Tiny Kong, her ponytails soaked in mud, approached the Sucker-Punch, looking ready to take it on.
"Here's Tiny Kong at the Sucker-Punch. Let's see how she fares."
Tiny dodged a blow to the face as she scurried across the ledge, but only made it about a third of the way across before getting knocked into the mud.
"I guess not."
"Hey. Give her some credit. That's the furthest anyone's gotten across thus far."
"Well, she's against the Big Balls now. I wonder how this is going to end…"
Tiny scampered up the ramp leading to the Big Balls and leapt without a second thought. She managed to cross the first ball and landed on the second, but the jump to the third ball wasn't planned through and she bounced off it, landing in the water.
"Closest anyone's gotten on the Big Balls yet." SSBFreak pointed out.
Homestar was seen running up to the Sucker-Punch. The white being approached the ledge and started going across.
"Homestar Runner's going to try his hand at the Sucker-Punch."
Homstar was promptly punched in the face. Homstar regained his footing and stepped back, but instead of running forward, he simply stared at the Sucker-Punch angrily.
"What in the heck was dat fow?" Homstar demanded. "I'm dust twying ta wun this cowse, and you have ta ruin it for me! What's your pwoblem?"
"…Okay. This is just sad." Tinyrocket said.
"Let's leave Homstar to argue with the Sucker-Punch while we focus on someone else, shall we?"
Jasmine stood at the top of the course, looking ready to start.
"About to begin is Jasmine, the spunky sister to Viewtiful Joe." SSBFreak announced. "Let's see if she can tangle with the big guys here."
The horn blared and Jasmine raced down the ramp to start. Leaping onto the first platform, Jasmine ran towards the Tipping Towers. Jasmine scrambled across the first stacks of Tipping Towers, managing to make it to the middle platform without falling.
"Hey! She did it! She made it halfway across the Tipping Tower obstacle!"
"Let's see if she can repeat her success with the next half."
Jasmine took a couple of steps and managed to make it to the second stack, but stumbled and fell down into the mud.
"So close, and yet so far."
Jasmine picked herself up and rushed over to the Sucker-Punch. Jasmine scurried across, but was knocked into the mud fairly quickly.
"Unfortunately, Jasmine fares as well on the Sucker-Punch as everyone before her."
"Let's see what the Big Balls have in store for her."
Jasmine approached the edge of the platform, took a deep breath and stepped onto the first ball. Jasmine quickly jumped to the second ball, and then the third, although she stumbled for a second. Jasmine quickly made up for it by leaping to the fourth ball, and then to the platform on the other side.
"Amazing! Jasmine made it across! The first person ever to do that!"
"And by not taking the long swim after falling, Jasmine now has a great time coming into the final obstacle!"
Jasmine took hold of the rope and swung down towards the Cookie Cutter, although she simply bounced off it and flopped into the water with a shriek.
"Well, I guess it was too good to last."
"Even still, Jasmine's got a chance to get a great finish. She's almost guaranteed a spot in the next round by this point."
Jasmine quickly swam around the finish platform and climbed up the stairs on the other side, finally ending her run.
Jasmine – 1:45:21
"Jasmine posts a great time! Easily one of the best we've seen so far!"
Kensou stood at the top of the course. When the horn blared, he ran down the starting ramp and leapt onto the first platform.
"Now starting his run is Sie Kensou, teammate of a girl who, by the way, he has a huge crush on." SSBFreak said.
"Well, let's see how our love-struck fanboy does on the Tipping Towers." Tinyrocket said.
Kensou jumped forward, but slipped part way across and flopped into the mud.
"Uh…Just about as good as everyone else."
Climbing onto the middle platform, Kensou tried the second half of the Tipping Towers. He stumbled a bit, but threw himself over the last stack of blocks and onto the other side of the mud pit.
"Oh! But he makes up for it on the second half!"
Kensou rushed over to the Sucker-Punch and tried to make his way across the ledge, only to get punched in the stomach and get knocked into the mud.
"The Sucker-Punch makes short work of our love-struck fanboy."
"But he's out fast and is coming up to the Big Balls with a good time."
Kensou paused at the top of the ledge overlooking the Big Balls and took a couple of breaths. Stepping forward, Kensou bounced off the first ball and clear into the water.
"The Big Balls showing Kensou who's boss."
"But he's out of the water quickly! He's heading towards that final obstacle!"
Kensou swung down with the rope , but crashed into the wall beside the mold he was supposed to break through. Letting go of the rope, Kensou swam around the platform and climbs the back stairs to finish his run.
Sie Kensou – 2:54:51
"Even with multiple wipeouts, Kensou finishes with a time just shy of three minutes." SSBFreak said.
"No one seems to be landing that last obstacle, SSB." Tinyrocket said.
"How so?"
"Well, let's see…There's big and bulky Lexaeus."
Lexaeus grabbed the rope and swung down. He broke through the mold, but couldn't let go of the rope fast enough and plunged into the water.
"Short and spunky Bubsy."
Bubsy swung down, crashing into the platform itself rather than the wall. Bubsy let go of the rope and fell into the water.
"Equally short and spunky Ratchet."
Ratchet swung down and tried to break through the mold, but was unable to break through and fell into the water.
"How about that Heavy weapons guy?"
Heavy swung down, but his weight pulled him down into the water before he even made it.
"Farm girl Malon Romani."
Malon, soaking wet, swung down. She hit the mold, but not hard enough to break through.
"Former child star Brady Culture."
Narrowing his eyes in determination, Brady swung down, only to have his long legs hit the water, forcing him to let go of the rope.
"Even Vector, who you'd think would do good in water-based challenges."
Vector swung down, but his grip wasn't good enough. He let go and promptly fell into the water.
A tired Otto Scratchnsniff climbed up towards the Big Balls, covered in mud.
"Here comes our oldest contestant, Dr. Otto Scratchnsniff. What made him do this show again?" Tinyrocket asked.
"I think the Warner's craziness rubbed off on him. That or he's wanting to see if making yourself look like a fool is as funny as it looks."
Scratchnsniff leapt onto the first ball, stopping himself from bouncing off. The aging doctor leapt to the second ball, but bounced off it and fell flat into the water.
"Oh! Good strategy, but it sorta turned against him there."
"Still, with a steady time, and hopefully a steady heartbeat, Scratchnsniff is approaching the final obstacle."
Scratchnsniff grabbed the rope, but was too weak to go through with it and promptly fell into the water.
"He gave up on that one pretty quickly, wouldn't you say?
"Still, he's got a great time going. Better than some of the people half his age."
Scratchnsniff climbed onto the finish platform and stood on his feet, ending his run.
Otto Scratchnsniff – 3:52:20
"And at just under four minutes, Scratchnsniff posts a respectable time. If some of the others screw up, he'll be a lock for the next round."
Launchpad was seen approaching the Sucker-Punch, covered in mud from his trip across the Tipping Towers.
"Here's pilot Launchpad McQuack. It says here he's worked for both a billionaire and a superhero."
"Whoa. Talk about a third wheel."
Launchpad tried to make his way across, getting punched a number of times before finally getting knocked into the mud.
"Okay. Maybe those punches were from bandits or from supervillains, but I'm sure Launchpad is used to it."
Sarah Nade raced over to the Sucker-Punch, looking excited.
"Here's Sarah Nade, resident rocker girl."
"Don't stereotype, man. It's not politically correct."
"Uh…She IS a rocker girl, though."
Sarah tried to shimmy across the ledge, but was quickly punched into the mud.
"Oh! That glove came outta nowhere!"
"Well, Sarah works for Carmen Sandiego. She should be used to surprise attacks."
Tiny Kong was seen approaching the final obstacle. She took hold of the rope and prepared to swing down.
"Tiny's about to try the Cookie Cutter. If she lands this, she'll be in our top twelve for sure."
Tiny swung down and plowed into the mold, breaking through and ending her run. Tiny stood straight and cheered.
Tiny Kong – 2:15:42
"Tiny Kong easily making it into our top twelve. Other than Jasmine due to her perfect run on the Big Balls, that's the second-fastest of the day!"
Ashelin climbed up onto the final obstacle, looking soaked and angry.
"Ashelin's coming up to the Cookie Cutter and she doesn't look very happy."
"Well, how could she? She just failed to make it across the Big Balls and we didn't even bother to show it."
"Yeah. That's true."
Ashelin swung down and aimed her foot at the mold, easily breaking through the wall and sticking the landing on the other side.
Ashelin – 2:30:31
"Ashelin managed a good time. Not quite enough to catch the leaders, but pretty good."
Homstar was seen climbing up to the final obstacle, grabbing the rope with invisible hands.
"Wait. Homestar's just getting to the final obstacle now?" Tinyrocket asked. "I thought he'd be done by now."
"He spent a lot of time arguing with the Sucker-Punch."
Homestar swung down, but let go and ended up cartwheeling into the water with a happy cheer.
"Well, at least he's having fun."
Homestar swam around the platform and climbed up to end his run.
Homestar Runner – 4:50:23
"With a time of almost five minutes, it seems that Homestar won't be joining the others in the next round."
Larry was seen climbing up to the Cookie Cutter swing, soaking wet after a fall off the Big Balls.
"Larry Butz is about to try the Cookie Cutter. How are his chances to make it?"
"I don't know. More than half the contestants have failed to break through the mold. We'll just have to see what happens."
Larry grabbed the rope and swung down, smashing through the Cookie Cutter mold. Larry quickly landed on his feet on the other side, successfully ending his run.
Larry Butz – 2:23:49
"He did it! Thanks to that extra burst of time saving, Larry's guaranteed a spot in the next round!"
"Well, that's almost everyone. Let's go to the final contestant of the day."
Wolf stood at the top of the course, looking determined and ready to go.
"It's Wolf O'Donnell. Orange Sora caught up with him before he started."
"There are twenty four people here, Wolf. How would you say your chances are?" Orange Sora asked.
"You kidding? This is nothing new to me and no one has the experience I do." Wolf assured. "This will be a walk in the park for me."
"Well, good luck out there. No one's ever had a perfect run."
"There always has to be a first." Wolf said with a smirk.
The horn blared and Wolf raced down the ramp to start his run. He leapt onto the starting platform and ran over to the Tipping Towers.
"Tough talk from Wolf. Can he live up to his words?" Tinyrocket asked.
"I think I can safely say Wolf's one of few people that talks like that and is actually able to back his words up." SSBFreak said.
Wolf leapt onto the Tipping Towers and raced across them as lightly as he could. He reached the middle platform easily. Wolf raced across the second half of the Tipping Towers, almost falling but keeping his balance and staying on until crossing the mud pit.
"Man. What happened? I blinked and missed it."
"Wolf just made a flawless run on the Tipping Towers! He's got a great run coming up to the Sucker-Punch."
Wolf started making his way across the Sucker-Punch, bobbing and weaving through the gloves. He made it just over halfway before getting knocked into the mud.
"And like everyone else before him, Wolf falls in the Sucker-Punch."
"Despite making it further across it than anyone today."
Wolf climbed out of the mud and rushed up to the Big Ball. He leapt without a second thought, and that was what cost him, as he bounced and flopped into the water shortly after he landed on the first ball.
"Wolf falls into the water. Kind of a let-down when you consider a scrawny redhead girl managed to CONQUER the Big Balls."
"Well, only one obstacle remains for our mercenary, so let's see how he fares with it."
Wolf climbed to the top of the Cookie Cutter platform and swung down. He held out his foot and easily broke through the mold, landing safely on the other side.
Wolf O'Donnell – 2:20:04
"And he's done it! With a time of two minutes and twenty seconds, Wolf easily makes it through the first round!" SSBFreak announced.
"And it looks like Wolf's satisfied with that time. And who wouldn't be? He easily made the top five times." Tinyrocket said.
"Well, all twenty-four contestants have gone and their times have been registered." SSBFreak said.
"Let's review the times to see who's moving on." Tinyrocket said.
Jasmine – 1:45:21
Tiny Kong – 2:15:42
Wolf O'Donnell – 2:20:04
Larry Butz – 2:23:49
Sarah Nade – 2:27:24
Ashelin – 2:30:31
Launchpad McQuack – 2:31:49
Ratchet – 2:33:42
Bubsy Bobcat – 2:39:38
Sie Kensou – 2:54:51
Antonio Gustor – 3:04:09
Otto Scratchnsniff – 3:52:20
(Out)
Coco Bandicoot – 4:30:15
Homestar Runner – 4:50:23
Vector the Crocodile – 4:55:01
Brady Culture – 5:04:32
Lexaeus – 5:15:42
Malon Romani – 5:20:40
Anne – 5:21:53
Taz – 5:27:50
Knuckles Nadine – 5:30:55
Waluigi – 6:23:17
Murray – 6:30:41
Heavy – 7:03:29
"There's our top twelve times, making if through the preliminaries. The other twelve contestants will be getting a second chance soon, but for now, they've been eliminated." SSBFreak announced.
"The next round will separate the lucky contestants from the not-so-lucky ones." Tinyrocket added. "It's time to bring out…"
The camera rotated over a smaller pool, where a mechanical arm was rotating over twelve pedestals over the water.
"…The Sweeper."