A/N: I made up some things in this chapter. Don't persecute me for them. It just goes with my plot. I am aware these things did not really happen in the books.
Heather Malfoy - Thank you for that :) Just pretend I didn't say that about Draco's eyes in the past chapters. I meant to switch it but doing that now would mean deleting the chapter, fixing it, uploading the chapter all over again, blah blah blah. I do appreciate your comments though!
phantasyphoenix - I shouldn't do anything to them? But that's the best part! That brings conflict and conflict brings drama! haha. Thank you for you review!
Chapter Seven: One Life, One Love
/ / /
Hermione opened her eyes sluggishly and her thoughts instantly shot to her weigh in today that Draco wanted to do. She was terrified and she had the tightness in her chest to prove it. She knew it was ridiculous to be so nervous about it but she didn't want to see the disappointment in Draco's eyes again. She heard her stomach growl hungrily inside her but ignored it. Hermione just lay in bed, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes as she felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder.
"I know you're awake, Hermione. Come on, love… we need to it."
Draco's voice was soft and comforting but it did little to ease her nervousness. "I-I'm scared… I'm so scared, D-Draco," her voice shook, her tears finally escaping.
He sat on the bed and placed a hand on her back. "I know this must be really hard for you, but I just need to know how much you weigh right now."
"B-But you're g-going to be m-mad…."
"I won't be upset, baby. I'm just going to mark it down and then we can move on with the rest of the day. I won't make a huge ordeal out of it. I promise, honey."
Hermione turned around now and wiped away her tears before sitting up and gradually getting out of the bed. Draco took her hand in his and led her towards the bathroom. She felt her heart pounding against her ribcage with every step she took. She walked on the cold floor as if she was walking to her death, and she felt like she might be.
Once they got there, Hermione stopped outside of the bathroom and let Draco go in first. She looked at the scale wearily before he gestured her inside.
"Come on, baby. It's alright, come inside."
She slowly walking inside and took a deep breath, watching him conjure up a notepad and a pencil. She hated this. She hated being afraid of a stupid scale. To most people, scales meant nothing and they paid no mind to them but to Hermione, scales determined her entire being. They ran her life and gave her the sense of some control. Scales determined how she would feel the rest of the day.
"Come on, Hermione," Draco pressed, gradually becoming a little less patient now. "Step on the scale. It'll be done in five seconds."
Hermione heard the coldness in his voice and gingerly stepped inside and then stepped on the scale, closing her eyes and waiting for Draco to say something.
"Alright, you can step down now."
Hermione stepped off and looked at Draco curiously. "H-How much?"
Draco sighed and leaned against the bathroom sink. "I'm deciding not to tell you how much weigh when we do this. If you gain, you'll freak out and… I don't want that. I just want you to assume that you're under the weight you promised me you'd get to every time you step on that scale."
Hermione shook her head. "That's not fair, Draco! You have to tell me!"
"I'm sorry, but I think this is for the best. It may not be fair to you, but it's either my way, or… the hospital, Hermione."
Hermione felt angry and hurt. "Don't threaten me, Draco. You know, you can't keep me away from that scale forever. I'll get on it and find out how much I weigh."
Draco walked over to her. "Blaise and I will work in shifts. If you love me, you'll stay away from the goddamn scale, Hermione! It's just a scale! You can't live your life around it! And believe you me, it wasn't a threat. If you refuse to work with me on getting you better, I will drive you to the hospital myself!"
Hermione pushed him but it didn't make him move. "You don't understand! You say you do, but you don't! You never will!"
She started to walk away from him but he grabbed her arm roughly. "Don't you dare tell me I don't understand! You know about my sister! You know what both of us went through!"
Hermione winced in pain as Draco held her arm and struggled to get away from him. "Stop it! Let me go!"
Draco grabbed her small arm harder and sent her almost to her knees in agony as she cried out. "No! Don't you dare turn your back on me! I'm trying to help you so don't you fucking bring my sister into this shit!"
"Oww! Damn it, Draco! Let go!"
Suddenly Draco heard fast moving footsteps and saw Blaise grab Draco and shove him away from Hermione, forcing him to let her arm go finally, but still leaving her to cry on the floor.
"What the fuck, Draco? What the hell are you doing?"
He glared past Blaise at Hermione but he got in the way again. Blaise stared at Draco almost menacingly. "Talk to me! Tell me what's going on!"
"Get the hell away from me, Blaise. You don't need to be involved. She wants to be a stubborn bitch about this… fine, let her be a stubborn bitch. It'll be too late before she finally learns."
Draco stormed out of the bathroom quickly and headed down the hall. Hermione watched him leave and felt pain in her heart as she continued to cry, feeling so alone now. He was right; she was stubborn and she was being a bitch, but she couldn't help it. She literally could not, or else she would. Hermione hit her hand down on the floor hard in frustration and started doing it over and over, a little harder each time until her skin broke and bled. Blaise hurried over to her side and grabbed her arms gently to stop her.
"Hermione! Hermione stop!"
She didn't struggle against him as she sobbed, wishing that she could rewind time and not have caused Draco to yell at her. Blaise gently rocked her in his arms comfortingly, feeling her body melt against him.
"It's okay… Draco is just… frustrated because he feels helpless and he doesn't want the same thing that happened to his sister to happen to you."
Hermione didn't say anything and looked down at the tiled floor in embarrassment and then sadness. It filled her up like darkness in a room and she slowly ceased her crying, occasionally hiccupping though. Blaise caressed her hair soothingly and stood up before holding out his hand.
"Come on, sweetie. Let's go do something."
Hermione glanced at his hand and hesitantly took it and stood up but then brought her arms around herself. She just wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget about what Draco said and did, but knew the bruises that were already forming on her arms would take days to go away. She swallowed back a sob and then walked herself back to Draco's room and buried herself under the covers.
Blaise bit his lip but didn't follow her. She'd feel better later. He walked down the hall to the living room, seeing Draco sitting there beside Ginny. He plopped himself down beside her.
"Hey… what are you guys talking about?"
"Oh, Draco and I were just going through the divorce papers. I have to sign the pages, and then I'll be free," Ginny smiled softly at him.
Blaise nodded. "That's good, Ginny," he said, surprised at how natural she sounded. They were talking like nothing ever happened with Hermione minutes ago.
Draco laid the papers on the table with a pen and x'd the places she had to sign before clearing his throat and tapped her shoulder. "Go ahead, Gin."
She signed the appropriate places and signed where the x's were. While she was doing this, Draco looked over at Blaise and smirked slightly before placing his hand on Ginny's back. Blaise felt a tinge of anger light up inside him. Draco had a girlfriend but he was able to touch Ginny without a second though? It wasn't fair, but he was almost afraid to call Draco out on it. He didn't want to get hurt again like he had last week, regardless of how much Hermione felt like the sister he never had. It was selfish, Blaise knew, but if he couldn't be in right physical shape, then he couldn't help her. He sensed that Draco was smirking because he knew this truth.
"Alright, I think I signed all the places…"
Draco took the divorce folder from her and double checked it, flipping through the individual pages. When he finished, he looked up at Blaise. "Why don't you take Ginny with you to the Ministry to the Department of Domestic Affairs, and I'll go check on Hermione?"
Blaise nodded hesitantly but stood up with Ginny before taking the folder out of his mate's hands and then apparated the two of them out of the apartment. Draco sighed and running a hand through his hair, he walked down the hall to his room. He walked over to her side of the bed and crouched down, seeing her eyes were open.
"Go away…"
"Come on Hermione, I'm sorry," he replied in a soft voice.
Hermione was silent as she just rolled over, hugging the comforter tightly to her body, just wanting the world to go away if she had to gain weight. She didn't want to look into his grey eyes because she knew she would become weak and succumb to him. Hermione couldn't forgive him for hurting her arm, not yet anyway.
"Fine," Draco spit, standing up abruptly. "You made me so angry! What the hell is wrong with you? We were doing so great and now it's like you want me to yell at you! It's like you want to suffer! Fine then! I'll fucking let you suffer, Hermione!"
Hermione jumped and winced at his hurtful words but didn't turn to face him. She heard him stomp out of the room and slam the door before hearing him pound on it once with his fist. She didn't move until she was sure he was gone and then she whimpered softly. He didn't care about her. She was just a big burden to him. Hermione was just making him go through this whole thing all over again. She was making him relive the memory.
"You worthless slag! I'm ashamed to call you my daughter! You're not even that! You're just a bag of useless bones! You bring shame and disappointment to everyone around you!"
Hermione listened to her father's words in her mind but heard it come out in her own voice. Her father had been right. She was worthless. She did bring shame and disappointment to those around her. She couldn't do anything right.
She stood up and lightly touched the floor with her bare feet. She tiptoed out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom Draco had forgotten to assign shifts to. Hermione closed the door and locked it before going over to the scale she dreaded just hours earlier. She stepped on it and forced herself to look at the number.
100.00.
Her mind spun. Hermione tried to convince herself there was no way she could have gained that much overnight. She hadn't eaten a lot of the apples he had peeled for her. How on earth could she have gained that much in so little time? She felt her breathing become heavy with panic and despair. She ran her fingers through her hair and suddenly felt several strands wrap around her fingers as she ran her hand out from the bottom. She looked at it. Her hair was falling out! Why was it falling out? She felt the world crashing down before her eyes and felt helpless and scared. Hermione hurried to the medicine cabinet and pulled out Draco's razor kit. Pulling one out quickly, she rolled up her sleeve and slid the blade down her wrist hard, not thinking straight in her sadness and anger.
The room started to spin and her whole arm felt numb. She watched the blood dropping on the sink and onto the floor, staining it. She dropped the razor and felt her whole body becoming weak, noises became further away. She leaned against the wall and suddenly fell to the floor, feeling her life literally being drained from the slit on her arm as blood pooled around her.
"Hermione? Let me in! Open the door, Hermione!"
Draco.
His voice sounded so far away. She tried to cry out for it but no sound came out of her mouth. She soon fell into a dark abyss and everything disappeared.
/ / / / /
"She was very lucky, Mr. Malfoy. The survival rate for anorexics are usually, and unfortunately, very slim."
Silence.
"She's getting better. I'm taking care of her."
"Mr. Malfoy, she's only at 100 pounds. For someone with her height and age, she should weigh somewhere between 120 and… 130 pounds. She's severely malnourished."
Silence again.
"I know. I said I was taking care of her. I'm aware of the… the situation. Just please, let me help her. She refuses hospital care right now."
Hermione slowly opened her eyes but closed them again when the bright lights hit her pupils. She waited a bit and started to open them again until she saw Draco's back.
"If she drops below 98, you will be legally required to send her here with us where we can look after her properly. You weigh her five times a week and write down the weights. At the end of each week, you will owl them to us. Is that clear?"
"Y-Yes. Yes, sir. Thank you…"
Blaise put his hands in his pockets nervously and glanced at Hermione whose eyes were open and looking around. He let out a sigh of relief. "Draco… look, man."
Draco turned around quickly and breathed his own sigh of utter relief. "Oh thank Merlin. Hermione… I-I'm sorry…"
Hermione looked from Draco to Blaise, and then back to Draco, searching his red eyes, a sign he had been crying earlier. "It's okay," she whispered.
She looked down at her bandaged wrist and then at her arms that had tubes tapped to her skin. Hermione started to panic, the beeping on the heart monitor increasing as she looked around for a nutrition bag.
Draco took her face in his hands and forced her gently to look at her. "Shh, it's alright. It's okay, baby. They didn't hook you up to any nutrition bags. I told them not to."
Hermione looked at him, starting to relax again. "T-Thank you," she replied quietly. She covered her arms with the blanket now, feeling vulnerable with the white bandage on her wrist. She was quiet for awhile before looking at Blaise. "I-Is Ginny here?"
Blaise ran his hand over his neck and then shoved it back in his pocket, looking anxious. "Umm… yeah, actually. She went to get me and Draco coffee. Erm… excuse me. I-I… I just need some fresh air."
Draco watched his friend leave the area and then turned to a confused Hermione. "Blaise has had some bad experiences in hospitals."
Hermione's curiosity intensified and she searched his eyes. "What do you mean?"
Draco glanced at the door Blaise had gone out of, as if he expected Blaise to be watching or trying to overhear something. "He has depression. He's had it since I've known him. Blaise's father used to beat him and his mum when he was thirteen. He always feared going home for Christmas break. He takes pills for it but sometimes… it just hits him hard. When he was fifteen, his mum passed away and… he tried to kill himself. I pretty much saved him too,"
Hermione suddenly felt selfish and pitiful. She felt sick, but she waited for Draco to go on. He was beginning to look uncomfortable now and he ran a hand through his blonde hair.
"Sixteen, he tried to overdose on some pills while we were in Hogsmeade. I didn't get to him in time but… someone else did and… he went to the hospital wing. He had his stomach pumped out. I… didn't understand why he kept doing it but I was there with him each time. He hates hospitals because of all the visits he had himself. I guess if you're in there long enough, it can… have that effect on you."
Hermione smiled sympathetically and bit her lip. She felt like saying she was sorry for doing what she did, but she wasn't. Draco didn't realize what effect his words had on her, and she feared he never would. She didn't want to be the burden he had to bear and take care of. He didn't want to be his sister.
"How long am I here for?"
Draco was slightly disappointed in her off-topic question but he knew she deserved to know. "Umm… they want to keep you here for a week… for observation."
Hermione nodded in understanding and then picked at the skin around her nails. "How close was I?"
He looked up at her now, his eyebrows furrowed. "How close you were to death? Too close, Hermione. Why? Why did you do this?"
She bit her lip and looked away from him. "Because…. of you. Because you're frustrated and impatient with me, and you don't deserve to have a burden like me in your apartment. I think I might… just check myself out and… leave."
Draco rubbed his tired eyes and leaned closer to her. "Hermione, you're not a burden to me. I'm sorry that I get impatient sometimes but… it feels like it did with my sister Emily, and… I don't want you to die," he choked up. "I-I don't want you to d-die like she did… I love y-you. I love y-you so much and I-I feel so h-helpless…"
She felt herself tear up now and felt horrible as tears ran down his pale cheeks. "I'm sorry, D-Draco. I just… I-I don't think you can help me. I don't want to cause you a-anymore pain."
He gently tucked a lock of her hair behind her ears and cleared his throat to try to compose himself. "I want to try. I promise to be more patient, Hermione.. p-please… don't leave me alone. I love you. You're my life now. I don't want you to leave."
Hermione wiped away her rogue tears and sniffled. "I love you too, Draco. I just don't want you to get angry at me again…"
Draco swallowed hard and glanced at her bruises arm where he had grabbed her and took a sudden breath in. He was surprised the doctor hadn't asked him about that. He knew it was probably coming though.
"I won't. I'm not going to hurt you again," he said in a whisper, not wanting the doctors to overhear him. "I'll be back in about twenty minutes. I'm just going to go make sure that Blaise is alright. If Ginny comes back, just tell her we're outside and we'll be up."
"Okay, I will. Draco… I-I'm sorry… about doing what I did. I just… I felt so horrible after what you said to me."
Draco kissed her lips and then stood up. "It's okay. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I love you and that's all that matters."
She smiled softly and nodded. "Thank you."
Hermione watched as he smiled back and then walked away from her bed. She watched the doctors and nurses go from bed to bed around her, looking at charts and such. She looked at her wrist again and tried to move her fingers but flinched, feeling a lightning shot of pain in her wrist. They must have given her stitches.
"Hey, where'd the boys go?"
Hermione looked up and saw Ginny. "Oh, umm… Draco went outside to make sure Blaise is okay. He… hates hospitals."
Ginny nodded and then sat down beside her, handing her a styrofoam cup of coffee. "I thought you might need it."
She reached out and carefully took it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Ginny took a sip and looked at her. "You need to get out of here, Mia. You need to get better so you can go back home."
Hermione sighed tiredly. "I know. I'm trying but they want to keep me here for observation. They're not going to let me out early for good behavior."
"I know, I'm just saying. Even when you come back home, you need to get better. Like I have. I know that you're sick of hearing this but… Jesus, Hermione… I don't want you to die."
She looked up at Ginny who was looking desperately at her. "I'm not going to die. I have too much to live for. I don't… want to die… anymore. I tried to kill because of Draco. How pathetic is that, Ginny? I tried to kill myself over a boy. But it really wasn't as black and white as that. I tried to do it because of what he said to me. I deserved it, I know I did, but… his words stung."
Ginny rested her arms on her knees and looked at her. "Let me help you too. Let Blaise help you. For your sake, let Draco help you. We can all help you get healthy, Hermione. We need each other. We need you."
Hermione took another sip of coffee. "Please don't do that, Ginny. I'm too weak to be your cure. I'm not strong like you. I can't just snap my fingers and get better like you did."
"I didn't get better overnight, Mia. Blaise has been helping me and I've been seeing a therapist once a week. I'm not all better yet. There are days when I just want to exercise until I can't move but I fight it. I don't let myself fall back into those habits."
Hermione set the coffee down and took the blankets off her naked legs. She examined them and saw that they were so skinny that they barely took up any space at all on the bed. She looked up at Ginny. "I'm scared of getting better. I like how I am now… but I still feel fat."
"You're beautiful, Mia. It's difficult to see how beautiful you are unless someone else tells you. You need to gain a little bit of weight or you really will die. I've gained four pounds since I told you that I wanted to get better. I look at you and I want to cry…"
Hermione covered her legs back up and lay back down. She didn't know what to say to this. It made her feel bad all over again, but she knew there was some truth to what Ginny was talking about. She turned over on her other side, her back facing away from Hermione and she just closed her eyes. She heard Ginny get up about five minutes later and walk away.
Draco was coming back inside with Blaise but met Ginny on the way in. "Gin, where are you going?"
Ginny turned to look at him, still nursing her coffee. "Hermione's asleep. She doesn't want me there. I can just sense it. I think I'm going to go back to the apartment."
Draco glanced at Blaise. "Wait, let Blaise take you back. I can stay here and watch over Hermione."
Ginny shrugged but nodded. "Alright, that sounds good."
Blaise sighed but then apparated Ginny to the apartment before sitting down on the couch with her.
"What made you think she didn't want you around?"
"I tried talking to her about getting better but she sort of just ignored me the whole time. Then she turned over and fell asleep. She doesn't want to get better."
Blaise wrapped his arm around her shoulders and then looked at Ginny before kissing her temple and lingered there before turning the tv on.
After Blaise and Ginny left, Draco walked upstairs and sat down in the chair beside Hermione's bed and ran his hands through his hair again, watching her as she slept. He looked at the bandage and was reminded of the pain he had caused her. Draco couldn't afford to do it again. Hermione only had one life and he needed her in his own life. He had to control his temper. He had to change, for her.
I know this chapter was short. I'm sorry! I'll try to make the next one longer. Let me know what you think please!