Happy Ending?
Kenny has always hated fairytale stories.
When he and his older brother Kevin were younger, Kevin would always beg their mom to read them before bed – Hansel and Gretel, The Elves and the Shoemaker, The Frog Prince. Not the dark, screwed up versions by the Brothers Grimm of course (and when Kenny did read the originals years later, his first thought was that those brothers must have had a childhood as fucked up as his own), but the sweet, sappy, Disney-approved ones. Kenny would always yank his thin duvet over his head while his mother read, humming softly to distract himself from listening.
One day, Kevin asked him why he hated the stories so much. Kenny had replied "Isn't it obvious? That shit never happens in real life, especially not to people like us. We're not meant for happy endings."
Now, many years later, that statement seemed truer than ever.
Eric Cartman was the one thing in his life he had ever dared to hope for, and predictably, he had been snatched away from Kenny. By fucking Butters Stoch no less. The thing that pissed Kenny off the most about the whole situation was that he should have seen it coming. Butters had always been his replacement, filling his spot in the group during his absences, and acting as Cartman's best friend when Kenny couldn't. He shouldn't have been surprised.
And yet, he still held on to the tiny fragment of hope that Butters was lying. He went through that conversation over and over in his head for an entire week, thoughts lingering on the way Butters' voice had wavered slightly when he said "He likes me more than you". Finally, he decided that the only thing he could do was ask Cartman.
Friday, second period. That was when he and Cartman always ditched class (like either of them would ever need Algebra II). Mostly they just hung out in the deserted car park in friendly silence, Cartman eating cheesy poofs, Kenny smoking. That particular Friday, Kenny waited until there were only ten minutes left until the end of the period before finally speaking up.
Deciding that the direct approach was best, he asked "Dude, did you seriously screw Butters the other day?"
Cartman's immediate reply was "Of course I didn't, you fuckin' perv! Where the hell did you get that from?"
"Chill, dude. I was just askin'" Kenny replied, standing up and brushing snow off his threadbare parker. He pulled the hood over his head, tightening the strings so all that could be seen of his face were his eyes, to make sure his expression couldn't betray him.
Kenny had known Cartman for years, and always knew exactly when he was lying.
"Look Eric, I really don't care if you did, alright?" he said softly. "I just hope he makes you happy".
And then he turned and started walking in the direction of his next class, only to be stopped by Cartman's large hand on his shoulder. And when he turned back toward him, his eyes met Cartman's hazel ones, and on impulse, he grabbed a fistful of Cartman's soft brown hair and yanked his head down so he could push their lips together.
He felt Cartman smirk into the kiss, and after they broke apart, he patted Kenny's head awkwardly and said "I'm happy now".
And Kenny realised that maybe he could get his happy ending this time after all.
xx
Dougie may have been almost two years younger than Butters, but he wasn't stupid. He'd known Butters' feelings for Eric Cartman longer than Butters had known himself.
When Butters dragged him out of art class that morning (period two, Friday 13th, October, incidentally) to go meet up with Cartman, he just followed obediently, like a good sidekick should. He wasn't really paying attention to his surroundings (too busy making sure he didn't step on any cracks in the pavement), so when Butters suddenly stopped dead, he looked up in confusion to see that Butters had gone white. Like he had just seen a ghost. And then he saw the couple making out against the wall – Eric Cartman and the McCormick boy. Kenny or something. Well that explains it, he thought.
Later that day, Dougie thought back to those good, long-off childhood days where he was General Disarray to Butters' Professor Chaos, and they thought the worst thing that someone could ever do was switch people's orders at a restaurant and flood the garden with a hosepipe. Eventually, he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled 'I'm still here for you. Meet me at the docks, 7:30pm, if you want to – G.D.', and then folded it and printed BUTTERS on the outside in large letters, so he couldn't miss it. Then, with an overwhelming sense of déjà-vu, he walked over to Butters' house and dropped it next to the door.
If Butters wanted it, Dougie would make sure he got his happy ending.