Sorry it's late!

I'm a little nervous about posting this; I'm not sure how you will react...

I hope you like it! It will put my mind at rest!

Enjoy

The blonde buried himself deeper in the tight cocoon of sheets tangling his limbs. It was late afternoon, and Edward had no intentions of moving just yet.

He heard a soft knock at the door, choosing to ignore it and hope whoever it was would get the message. The hinges creaked, making the teen groan at the irritating sound grinding through his eardrums.

"Ed-ward?" the Colonel sounded surprised, as if he'd been expecting someone else.

"Who else would it be?" came the muffled reply from the mountain of sheets.

"Why didn't you tell me Edward?"

"I did didn't I?! Are you happy now? Now you know."

"It looks like you didn't tell us everything..." Roy's gaze strayed to the edge of the mattress. The blonde froze as he followed his gaze. He hoped he was dreaming. How could he have been so stupid! No one was supposed to find out, not like this...

The blonde slowly sat himself up, leaning back on the headboard. His gaze shifted to the pair of metallic feet sticking out of the sheets, hanging limply over the side of the bed.

"You can't tell them."

"I..."

"Promise me please!"

"They need to know-"

"You think I don't know that?! It's all I've been thinking about since I got back!" the blonde closed his eyes, determined not to let his emotions take over.

"I'm sorry" the Colonel sighed.

"Don't be..."

"You don't deserve any of this..."

"I don't want sympathy" the teen trailed off, "I want to forget it ever happened, but let's face it, I doubt it's going to happen"

Roy pulled the sheets over the artificial limbs, making sure the blonde wouldn't be pestered by anyone else who was likely to walk in.

"There's no point" Ed sighed, "I don't feel the cold, not anymore"

Roy couldn't help but feel his heart twinge. It was difficult not to feel sympathy for the teen. His trip to the gate hadn't exactly been a holiday by the looks of things. He wondered what possessed Ed to keep going, he was always so determined. Looking over to the blonde, it looked as if Ed had trouble sleeping. His eyes were red and unfocused; the blood disappeared from his cheeks leaving the skin unnaturally pale.

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Huh?" Edward replied half asleep, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Have. You. Been. Sleeping?"

The teen laughed tiredly. "If I said yes you wouldn't believe me anyway"

The Colonel took a seat beside the blonde.

"You can talk to me you know" he said, resting a hand on Edwards shoulder comfortingly. "We care about you Ed, just remember that" Roy made his way to the door, looking back once more at the exhausted looking alchemist disappearing under the covers. Reaching out for the handle, a low whisper caught his attention, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Thank you..."

"You can't tell them."

"I..."

"Promise me please!"

Jean Havoc reached out for another cigarette. He leaned back against the wall, close enough to pick out words and phrases from the conversation. Listening in was a skill Jean had developed over the years. It seemed no one trusted him with secrets, even his close colleagues. He always wondered if he was that untrustworthy. Was it something he was lacking?

Peering down at the stick of nicotine between his fingers, Havoc sighed and shoved it back into his pocket. It was about time he quit the damned things.

Hearing the door close quietly, Jean made no attempt to hide his presence. His gaze met a surprised Colonel, who tensed, smiling awkwardly. The blonde smiled back smugly, pausing as he passedd Roy.

"Don't worry Colonel. I'm rather good at keeping secrets"

"Al!!" Edward called out to the lifeless body in his arms, hoping that some miracle would return the colour to its hazel eyes. The teen could already feel a hot trail of tears run down his pale cheeks, blurring his vision. It felt as if time had stopped. There he was, kneeling in the middle of a battle field as countless men charged past him as if he didn't exist, armed with a deadly variety of weapons. They didn't set eyes on him. Their own lives were their top priority.

He knew he had to let go. Crying wasn't going to bring back anyone, Edward knew that from experience. He couldn't find the strength to pry himself away. Those eyes, just like his brothers. There was no mistaking the resemblance. It felt like he was saying goodbye to Alphonse all over again.

There were screams. The blonde dropped the body hanging limply in his arms, diving to safety without a second thought. Before Ed could take one final look at Al, the familiar burning sensation gnawed at his skin. Falling to the ground in pain, he cast his eyes around the endless warzone around him that stretched out beyond the horizon. Body's littered the floor and he hoped he wasn't going to become one of them.

Edward jerked as he awoke from a most unpleasant slumber, breathing deeply as he came to his senses. Ed had grown accustomed to irregular sleeping habits; his body had grown immune to it. The nightmares that plagued him were a regular event he'd grown accustomed to, but each one was just as draining as the last.

Swinging his legs over the side of the mattress, he craned his neck to glance at the clock, the crimson numbers dancing before his eyes. It was 3am, just like always. He groaned, knowing it was highly unlikely that he would be going back to sleep. The teen's senses were on overdrive. Ed found himself jumping at the smallest of things, from the changing clock, to the creaking of the floorboards. Making his way over to the door he glanced back at the black slippers beside his bed. It was highly unlikely that anyone would be awake, but thinking back to his encounter with Roy the first night of his return, the Elric decided that he didn't have the best of luck. Better to be safe than sorry.

Gold glassy eyes wondered over the glossy photographs in his hand. Leaning back into the chair he yelped when a voice boomed over his shoulder.

"Can't sleep chief?" Jean Havoc grinned smugly, looming over his shoulder. "That's a nice collection you got there"

"What are you doing up?"

"Could ask you the same question"

Jean gestured to the box of cigarettes lying on the glass table; its contents sprawled out messily.

"My heads having a tantrum" he groaned, rubbing his temples, "I wish quitting was easier"

The teen smiled and turned back to the photographs, quickly stuffing them back into his wallet before the man would take any interest. Jean perched himself on the armrest, catching the brown leather between his fingers.

"Mind if I take a look?"

"Course not!" the blonde loosened his grip sheepishly.

Casting his eyes at the first image, Havoc smiled. Edward and his father. They both wore their hair in high ponytails and dressed in matching suits. It seemed Ed had been dragged into the shot by his father with a false grin etched across his face, trying to convince the lense he was having a whale of a time.

"You're not going to like this, but-"

" 'You look so much like your dad' " the teen sighed, the words rolled off of his tongue as if he'd rehearsed them. "Mom said that once" he smiled at the memory, "I tried to cut my hair afterwords"

Jean looked at the teen, examining the loose honey stands pooling around his shoulders.

"I'm glad you failed! Can't have Ed without any- hair..." his voice trailed as he looked at the next image, a picture that was only a few years old. A deep trench filled the landscape, blocking out the sky and land stretched across the horizon. The familiar teenager was missing the trademark braid. It had been replaced with short layers etched into the back, his long sides still curling under his chin, similar to how it had been as he was a child. His mother had eventually given up on the regular trims she had once insisted once a month. It was clear Edward had found them gruelling.

"Sucks don't it? The bastards cut mine in Ishbal" Jeans gaze strayed to the lighter in his top pocket.

"Why quit so suddenly?" Ed questioned.

"Well, it took a long time to sink in... apparently it's not attractive to smell like an ashtray. Unfortunately I found out the hard way"

"Or perhaps your dates prefer better company" a smug voice taunted from across the room.

"Go back to sleep Roy" Jean rolled his eyes, "Before I knock you out"

"What is this, a mothers meeting?"

The irritated blonde gave the Colonel a glare warningly.

"Sorry for being a light sleeper..." Roy mumbled, burying himself into the covers tangling his limbs.

"Anyone would think you enjoy being a bastard" Ed grinned, the Colonel gave him a glare, rolling onto his side, his back to the teen.

"Talking of sleep, you should really get some shut eye" Jean yawned, dropping the wallet in the blondes lap. He walked over to the sofa and lounged back beside Risa, folding his arms under his head.

"I doubt I'll get any more sleep tonight..." Ed groaned.

"I could always sing you a lullaby" Havoc mocked, not surprised to find his offer rejected. "You know Ed, you can always talk to me... you know?" The blonde paused in the doorway, and replied without looking back.

"I know... it's just.... I don't-"

" 'Want to worry anyone?' " Jean finished, "You worry us more when you keep it bottled up"

"Habit..." the teen muttered in reply, looking back at the man who was longingly glaring at the cigarettes on the table.

"Sure you don't want me to confiscate those?"

There was a groan. "I'll be fine, honestly..."

"You're not very convincing you know" the teen called back as he dragged himself up the stairs, treading carefully to avoid waking the others.

"And you are?"

I apologise for the lateness, I was going to post this yesterday but I was too tired, how embarrassing! Thanks for reading, reviewing and subscribing :D

See you next chapter