You Deceived Me…

Phantom Phanfic

I am so sorry for the lack of update! I have had so much going on, but I promise to try and go faster this summer if I don't get depressed again. Sigh… I just miss my friends a lot.
Summary: True, he had deceived her, he would admit, telling her he was the Angel of Music sent by her father. His deception ran deep, but he found hers ran just as deep… EC I don't like Raoul. Evil fop…

Chapter 2 : Why this torment?

Vicomtess Christine Daae de Chagny sat in the shadows of the master bedroom at her new house she shared with her husband Raoul. The countenance she wore would suggest peace, happiness, and contentment. Yet, if one looked more closely, one could see the deepening shadows under her eyes, the paleness of her skin, and the far-away, haunted look of her eyes. And Christine was haunted. She was haunted by a memory, a ghost, a phantom. Christine was haunted by memories and plagued with dreams of a teacher, an angel. And as much as she tried to escape the dreams and bury the memories, they came back with full force, harder than before to burden her. A deep melancholy had settled deep within her, though her charming smile and happy words would convince almost anyone of otherwise. To put it simply, Christine was tormented.

She sighed. Even her dear husband Raoul had no idea of the truth depth of her sorrow. He had caught her a few times glancing at her mirror mournfully and nearly sobbing whenever she heard any music. He had merely thought it was a brief remembrance of the times at the Opera House and had tried to help lessen the painful memories from arising by cutting down the number of mirrors in the house and exposing her to music. His efforts were kind and she was grateful for his attempt to help. But nothing seemed to help. He must never know the extent he had affected her. How much he still affects her. The simple truth was, he was everywhere she looked. He was the song in the birds chirping and the crickets' melody. He was the reflection in the mirror. He was the man standing at the edge of the lake. He was the shadows lurking at the edge of the light. He was everywhere, all around her, within her.

Curse him… she thought bitterly. Now that she was finally away from him, from the Opera House, from the house on the lake, he still was there! Even when he was gone, he was there! Perhaps this was a trick performed by the master magician? But it was too real, too lasting to be a trick… Would he ever leave her alone? She closed her eyes. Would he ever stop singing songs in her head? No… He wouldn't. She knew that now. She opened her eyes. He was the music of her heart and her heart mourned the loss of its tune. Even after a whole year had passed since the night of Don Juan Triumphant, the pain was still just as intense as it had been then when she had left with Raoul. It had felt like a piece of her soul had been trapped down there in the cellars of the Opera House with him, to suffer as he suffered. To grieve as he grieved.

Poor Raoul. Poor, unsuspecting Raoul. He deserved a better wife. One who would not only be faithful to him in body, but in mind, heart, and soul as well. But how long go she deny her tormented soul? How long could she hold her desire back? Her eyes hardened. Forever if need be. She would refuse her own heart. She had hurt him and herself already. She would not hurt her poor, beloved Raoul as well.

She sighed. She had realized the truth too late. It had only been when she was leaving with Raoul and she felt a piece of her soul leave her that she realized the truth of her feelings. She loved Raoul, but she was in love with him. With Erik.

Christine shook slightly. She had not spoken his name since the night she had left with Raoul. She had rarely even allowed herself to think it. The emotions that stirred within her frightened her, yet excited her. He awoke within her feelings that could not be explained with simply words. Words would put to shame the way she felt when she thought of him. Even now, her body knew her soul mate even when her mind refused to admit it.

"Erik…" she whispered softly, a genuine smile appearing on her face. The simple joy of saying his name was intoxicating. Everything about him was intoxicating. Even his name. Erik… She shivered. The power he had had over her, that he still had over her, frightened her. But that which frightened her about him, also attracted her, excited her, made her want it all the more. As much as she loved him, she feared him. No man should hold that kind of power over a woman. But he did. Did he know how much power he had over her? She shook her head. Well, it didn't matter anyways. She would never see him again. She closed her eyes and allowed a few tears to escape her eyes and travel down her cheeks. She then took a shuddering breath and opened her eyes, which shone stubbornly, determinedly. Even if she did see him again, which she doubted for Raoul would take her nowhere near the Opera House, she would never give into him. She would deceive him again, just as she'd deceived herself. Just as he'd deceived her. She hated lying to her angel, to her heart, but this was the choice she had made. And she wasn't going back on it.

She peered into the sunset from her place on the balcony. Raoul was already asleep, expecting to awake in her embrace in the morning. Which he would. Which he always would. Oh, Raoul… If only you knew… If only you could know… But no, he never could. She would surely die if she hurt him as well… She already felt like she was dying, dying on the inside. She was truly wretched, dreaming of another man while she laid in her husband's sweet, warm arms. He was everything she could have ever asked for. Why couldn't her soul have chosen him for its mate? Things would have been so much easier. Why did it have to choose Erik?

She sighed. So many questions, but no answers. Everyday, she asked the same questions as the day before and others that she'd thought of. Yet, no answers. She looked out into the night sky, at the rising moon, and allowed her to slip into her pleasant memories once more. She closed her eyes as she remembered his voice, what a voice her angel had! She remembered the smell of the rose he left her, the feel of his hands on her during his opera, the look in his eyes as he led her to house on the lake.

When she finally opened her eyes and slipped back into reality, she felt even more miserable than before. But for those few minutes in her memories, she'd been at peace, wrapping the shadows around her. She was left longing for his voice, his touch, his passion…

She sat on a chair on the balcony, weeping silently into her hands, her face buried in her hands and her elbows propped up on her knees. The cool night air against the thin night robe she wore chilled her, but she made no attempt to sink the warmth in the interior of the house. She cried softly for a few minutes. He was no monster, she was. How long must she act? How long must she deceive everyone around her to prevent hurting more people?

She looked up from her hands, remembering.

…One love, One lifetime…

The rooftop…

The preacher stood there, gazing at the couple standing there, holding hands. "…Until Death do you part…"

The wedding…

She lay in Raoul's arms on their wedding night after they'd… They'd… A voice in her ear. "…Never leave me, Little Lotte…" "Never…" she echoed.

The wedding night…

She sobbed into her hands once more. There were so many other, so many, many other occasions where she had promised to stay with Raoul. Forever. Her soul was doomed to die, slowly wasting away in the arms of the man who was not its mate. Perhaps this was her punishment for refusing her soul mate? Perhaps this was God's way of punishing for denying true love? Whatever the case, it didn't matter now. She was damned forever. She had damned her own soul. She could not place the blame on anyone else. This had been of her own doing. And now, it seemed, she would pay the price forever for her mistake. For hanging onto a childhood memory, a childhood love, a childhood crush…

Why couldn't she have seen it sooner? If only she had figured out her confusing feelings earlier, perhaps she would have had a chance at happiness. But, it had been too late. The days before the wedding had been a daze. A dark haze had descended upon those days. Her soul had been in such fierce agony, it had blocked all else out until she had reached the alter. It had finally cleared, but too late! With the final words that bound her to Raoul in matrimony, her fate had been sealed. She had smiled fiercely to hide the hurt and tears had gathered on the edges of her lashes. They had mistaken them for tears of joy. It was all the better they did, for the truth would have made them talk. And Raoul didn't deserve the scandal to his good name. He had comforted her, telling her that many brides cried on their wedding day. Yes, she had thought. But not for this reason… Not out of despair…

She sobbed harder. Oh God! Have pity on me! Give me and my angel a second chance… she begged silently within her heart.

God seemed to be listening, for just then, the said angel rode up on a magnificent black stallion.

Thank you, all of you for the lovely reviews. Once again, I apologize for the lack of updates. I've been very busy. But I hope things can go much faster now that I'm on summer break. Thank you, all of you. R&R please. Fay.