A thousand white spots seemed to explode in his vision before he regained his composure, shoulders shaking like he was experiencing a seizure.
His throat had long ago constricted, leaving him parched and gagging. He coughed once to clear his air waves and flinched backwards, as if the girl had a disgusting smell. The way she was looking at him, God, it made him want to throw up. Her expression, the curve of her brows, the slight twitch of her eyes; he could not bare it, he would not bare it.
In that one second, he had felt undeniably filled, like he belonged, but then his common sense kicked in, along with the blood flowing in his legs. He was up and several feet away before the girl could even see, much less comprehend.
Seth held his hands up, forcing them to stop shaking. They yearned to touch the girl, hold her in his arms, but he would not let his primitive desires cripple him. They would not lay heavy on his heart and mind like his other insecurities. Not while he still breathed.
His eyes traced over the girl's features, doting on the eyes. "Kid, are you... Bella? Bella Swan?" Damn his voice for shaking so badly.
"Why does it matter?" she countered drearily, rubbing at her eyes with her muddied hands.
"Because," Seth snapped, "I'm supposed to be looking for her! Just cut the crap and tell me your name!"
"Yes, I'm Bella Swan," she replied, fresh tears flowing down her face. Seth wet his lips to distract himself from the deep pang he felt in his heart.
"Kid, come with me, all right? Your dad's been pretty damn frantic about finding you, so come on." Seth coaxed, slowly stepping forward, legs feeling like lead. He held out an arm.
Slowly and deliberately, she grasped his hand and he yanked her up. "You're making a goddamn fool of yourself out here. I mean, Jesus, you'll get pneumonia if you're out here too long."
As he pulled her along, she let out little sniffles here and there, only furthering his annoyance, but he dealt with it internally. She was obviously upset and him yelling at her wasn't going to make anything better. He opted in comforting her.
"Kid, whatever happened to you isn't so bad." he attempted, feeling immensely awkward.
"You don't know." she quipped, grief-stricken.
"I do know that it isn't good enough to be sitting outside in the forest while it's pouring down buckets! Being sad is one thing but your health is another!" he objected, using his free hand to wipe the rain out of his eyes.
"Maybe I don't care about my health."
Seth whirled, glaring into her eyes sternly. "Kid, I don't know why you're like this, but lighten the hell up! Being suicidal isn't gonna get us anywhere, me especially! I just want to get you home and then go back to sleeping in my room."
She was immediately angered. "Why did you even bother to come?"
"I was ordered to."
She scoffed. "Ordered?"
Seth bared his teeth. "Are you deaf and suicidal?" She ignored the jab and asked rhetorically, "Can't you just not follow your 'orders'?"
"You don't know anything." he bit back. "Try rejecting your responsibilities when it's your goddamn world!"
She frowned, more tears trailing down her cheeks. Or perhaps it was just the rain, Seth did not know.
"I do know what you mean," she responded, voice unnaturally soft, "but it doesn't matter now. I'm not looking for an argument."
Seth turned, jerking her along even faster than before. "Whatever you say, Kid."
He could feel her discomfort. "Why do you insist on calling me that? I told you my name, didn't I?"
Glad that she temporarily forgot her anguish, he said over his shoulder, "I find it more fitting, and there isn't much you can do to stop me."
"What a way to greet someone," she retorted. He shrugged and helped her over a rough bit in the undergrowth before releasing her hand, running his own through his shaggy hair to get it out of his eyes. His gaze landed on the white finish of a house.
"That's your place?" he wondered, one eyebrow arched at the house. She nodded her affirmative. "Yes." She turned to him, one side of her lips quirked upwards in a half-hearted smile. "Thank you for... for finding me."
He bobbed his head. "Yeah, you're so grateful, I feel like a thousand bucks. Go, Kid."
She swept the screen back and entered, taking off her jacket. The loud calls of "Bella!" made Seth smile slightly. He was glad he had found her, but a little... uncomfortable at what had been felt (by him) after her founding. He rocked on his heels for a while, hands back in his jacket pockets. Unusually at a loss for words, he began the journey to La Push, preferring to walk rather than run.
Why had he been so utterly devoted to her for one brief spell. It was as if he had taken a fresh breath of air after a long time underwater. It had been so real for him, and yet it settled uneasily in the pit of his stomach. He did not like feeling this. He did not want it. Seth Clearwater was (not now, anymore) a free bird, inexplicably drawn in by the no-strings-attached way of life. These encompassing emotions weighed down on him and he didn't like them one bit. He was confoundedly manipulated by whatever controlled the universe.
Not my lucky day at all.
He was unmistakably the one who received the short end of the stick in every instance. This was nothing new to him, but God he was wiped out. Everything was just... sucking... Bashfully.
"That should be my sales pitch," Seth spat humorlessly to himself.
"Seth, good job!" Quil praised him, clapping his back in some kind of brotherly affection. Seth rubbed his face with his hands and looked at Quil through the gap between his fingers.
"I've heard enough of that bull. Can't you all just settle the hell down?" His voice was malicious and undoubtedly harsh, but Seth didn't care. He was absolutely tired of the pack's praise, even more so than he had been of the elders'. They couldn't just let it go and see that he did not want the attention. He wanted to sleep, but they kept stopping him with their adoration.
"Shit dude, settle your ass down," Quil smiled. "Can't you deal with my flattery like all straight men do?"
"Maybe that's why you keep getting those looks from the dudes at school," Seth countered sinisterly, a smart smile on his lips. Quil scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.
"I'll have you know that they deny their homosexuality, but are nonetheless kind to me despite it."
"You should start denying yours too, then, 'cause it's getting pretty obvious, my friend." Seth barked, showing just the top row of his teeth in his megawatt smile. Quil rolled his eyes and sat down next to his friend, leaning his elbows on the table.
"All right, I won't congratulate you anymore, but you haven't said much about the Swan girl. Why was she out there?" Quil slipped into a tone that was substantially concerned, as he always did when things were serious.
Seth decided to elude the question. "Why are you suddenly so adamant about knowing about the girl? Aren't you bound eternally to a two year old?"
Quil sneered. "I'm not bound to her."
Seth grinned antagonistically. "Oh? You just love to change her diapers, don't you? It makes you both so much closer... emotionally."
Quil's hands clenched above the tabletop. "Fuck off, dude. I'm just trying to fuckin' help you but you really don't want it, do you?"
Seth shook his head. "Not really, but the attempt was fairly entertaining." He leaned closer, lips pulling back in a twisted snarl. "So the sex is good?"
Quil's fist slammed right into Seth's face with a thunderous impact, but Seth didn't seem fazed from where he sat, which was now consequently on the floor. He wiped his bloodied lips, eyes trained on the fluid and tasting the blooming iron in his mouth. He had mildly expected such a response, and was pleased to know he was one hundred percent correct in his theory.
"Been working out?" he chuckled, rising to his feet, his jaw moving in the attempt to get the feeling back in his jaw muscles. "Biceps and triceps, totally man!"
Quil wrung out his throbbing hand. "You've got the hardest damn face, dude. Do you keep your nuts in there?"
Seth beamed proudly. "That's why they call me nutcracker."
"Ah, now I get how the whole male gay population at school speak so fondly about ya."
Seth shrugged. "You know me."
They both paused, their eyes meeting. Seth apologized mutely to his friend, and Quil's slight twitch of his lips signified his acceptance. "Don't joke about it, Seth. I hate having to tend to a freaking toddler enough as it is."
Seth reclaimed his seat and wiped his hands and mouth with a napkin, then proceeded to stop the gush of claret from his nostrils with it. He looked sideways at Quil, wetting his lips in preparation for his next question. "So you don't like hanging around Claire all the time?"
Quil shook his head. "The opposite, dude. Her parents think I'm her always-available babysitter, so when I'm on a date with Olivia she becomes a royal pain in the ass. My parents don't help either since they think I should be waiting for Claire to grow up. If I do that, who the hell am I supposed to think of when I've got a hard on? Just jack off to a two year old? That's sick."
Seth laughed boisterously, only assisting his nosebleed. "I see wha you bean," he snickered, his clogged nose disfiguring his articulation. Quil looked at him and winced.
"Sorry."
"I'b okay," Seth shook the apology away. "It'll stop soon."
Quil lowered his voice, leaning forward a little. "So, tell me about Swan."
Bella sat on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, head resting on them. The open window wasn't helping with the room temperature, but the incessant chill distracted her from the voices she heard from downstairs. They were all the same. The tone... the questions... All the same, and that wasn't helping anything. She was already bored of the first round of questions, and yet the people who asked them couldn't quite get it through their thick skulls that she was fine. She wasn't dying, nor was she going to, so why did they have to stay?
They were all worried. She didn't care.
All she wanted was peace and quiet. Apparently that was too much to ask from a bunch of parents and friends of her father that she hardly knew on the level of acquaintance. Was it even logical for them to be here? They couldn't just pick up the phone?
But that wouldn't be right, she rationalized, in a small town like this. Everyone has to be connected in some way, however idiotic that may be.
She let out a loud sigh and laid out on her bed, hands behind her head. She stared at the ceiling, breathing evenly. She had already the brunt of her emotional meltdown, and would not lower herself to have another. She was partially comprehending that the Cullens were gone, but it had yet to sink in fully. She tried telling herself over and over that they were really gone, and it seemed to work somewhat, but it still hurt regardless.
They're gone. Get used to it.
She closed her eyes, enjoying the blackness it offered to her. The voices from downstairs had subsided, and only the sound of her father's footsteps on the stairs greeted her ears. There was a knock on the door, to which she immediately answered. Her father stepped into the room, shuffling awkwardly forward, as if he had a stick up his ass.
"Bella," he said gruffly. She opened one eye, waiting patiently for him to continue his sentence. He fumbled for the words before sighing loudly and sitting unceremoniously on her bed. "Listen, now that the Cullens are gone, I was wondering if you would want to... y'know, go back and live with your mom?"
She expected this, and frowned. There was some part of her that wanted to hold onto the memories, a part that wanted to await Edward's return and whisk her away to a fairytale. But this was reality, and she needed to realize it.
"I can't just leave school." she found herself replying. "But maybe after this year is over... I could go back."
Charlie nodded. "If that's what you want."
"I do." she said, her eyes drifting back up to the ceiling. Charlie looked at his hands in his lap before raising his head, adding, "You never told me how you got back. Did someone find you?"
She closed her eyes. "Yes. Someone found me."
Quil waited expectantly, eyes alight with curiosity. Seth met his steady look and pulled the napkin away form his nose, face fixing into a scowl. He didn't want to talk about this. Anything involving his utterly fucked destiny set badly in his mind.
"Why do you care?" he demanded. "It's not like I'm bursting with secrets."
Quil raised his brows. "Just tell me."
He rolled his eyes and wiped the left over blood from his nose. "She was really... spaced out when I found her. D'you know what I mean? It's like she was having an out-of-body experience."
Quil looked skeptical. "I don't know the look."
Seth shrugged. "Whatever. She just looked fuckin' out there. Anyways, when I turned her around... she... I got this weird feeling."
"Like?" his friend prompted.
"I guess it's a bit like you and Claire...." he grumbled, standing and throwing away the napkin. He sat back down and turned to Quil, who had a faraway glint in his eyes. He suddenly bore into Seth, jaw set.
"You mean you imprinted?"
Seth started in surprise. "What the hell is that?"
Quil sighed sadly. "Aw, shit. Well, it's –" He paused, seeming to have an epiphany of sorts. He slammed his hands down on the table and spun to face Seth. His mouth opened, closed, and then he finally got the courage to ask, "What's your girlfriend gonna say?"
Yes, Seth is cruel on purpose. It will factor in later. Thank the weather for this chapter, cuz I wouldn't have written and posted it if there wasn't a snow day.