BPOV
Waking up felt different this morning. While there was an undeniable, clenching fear in my stomach, I felt something new. I felt hopeful. The first thing I looked for was Edward. My eyes desperately searched the room, finding nothing. I slowly slid out of bed and tiptoed out to the hallway. Just as soon as I took a step toward his bedroom, Dan opened the door, dressed in his uniform.
"Oh, you're up," I commented. "Good morning." He nodded and stared at me.
"The ceremony's tonight. Make yourself decent, for God's sake. I don't want people to see my wife looking like shit." With that being said, he stomped down the hallway, down the stairs and out the door. Thankfully, Dan wasn't much of a breakfast person. He usually ate a doughnut at the station. As soon as I heard his car leave the driveway, I let out a sigh of relief. My heart was pounding uncomfortably.
I carefully walked down stairs. My stomach ached with each step, protesting any form of movement. "Edward?" I called out. There was no reply. I sighed, disappointed, and shuffled into the kitchen. I knew he would be wanting me to eat some breakfast, so I slowly chopped up an apple and an orange. If I ate too much, I got the distinct feeling that I would be throwing up. As I took a noisy bite of my apple slice, there was a short knock on the door.
I walked over to the door and peered through the eye hole. Edward was waiting patiently on the other side. I sighed and smiled, pulling the door open.
"You didn't have to knock, you know," I said. His eyes smiled at me and he pulled me into his cool embrace. After I finally dragged the both of us indoors, it became evident that we had some important topics to discuss. We both sat down in the living room.
"What am I going to do after tonight?" I asked, obviously scared. "Should I leave after the aware ceremony? Should I wait a few days? And I don't even have divorce papers…not that he would sign them. He'd probably shoot me."
Edward winced when I said. "You should calm down, all this thinking can't be good for your heart," he said weakly. "Or mine," he muttered.
I sat quietly and concentrated on breathing. Lately, I felt like I had to teach myself how to breathe again, like I had been doing it wrong for the past three years. My thoughts began to formulate clearly. I knew what I had to do.
"I'm leaving tonight. After the ceremony," I finally told him. "Can we do that?"
He seemed to be processing my words. "Of course we can, Bella. But are you sure you'll be okay with that? You won' t be able to bring Charlie with us," he reminded me.
"I know, Edward. I can't stay here with him forever. I need to take care of myself." Even though I was terrified while I said those words, I knew they were true. I couldn't keep myself trapped in this prison. I couldn't be happy, or healthy, here.
"I hope you aren't doing this just for me," he admonished. After a long pause,
"No, I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this for us, because I cannot live without you again. I won't." In seconds, he looked furious.
"Are you implying—" he started to say something, but I cut him off.
"I need to start packing my things. Would you like to help me?" I asked, trying to clear the air. He still looked angry.
"Don't think I'm letting that go. Don't you dare ever think like that," he threatened. I sighed and stood up from the couch.
"I'll be upstairs if you want to help," I said and I walked away. I was a little bit upset with him for being angry about what I said. How could he expect me to go back to the way things used to be if he left again? Did he honestly think I could live through that again?
At the top of the stairs, I dug through the hall closet and pulled out my giant duffel bag. I literally dumped all of my dresser drawers out onto the guest bed and began to fold and sort through them. I didn't notice when Edward walked into the room, resting on the doorframe. I did, however, feel his presence after a moment of two. I looked up with a half-folded shirt in my hands. His stoic expression hadn't lightened up at all.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked, childishly. He didn't answer, so I went back to folding my clothes and shoving them to the bottom of the bag. Then I heard him sigh.
"No, I could never be 'mad' at you. I'm angry with myself, and that is something I don't think you will ever be able to understand," he finally answered. But it was something I understood, and it was something that I completely disagreed with. Traitor tears blinded my vision. Edward closed the distance between us in two long strides and pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead lightly.
Something came over me at that moment, and I couldn't stop myself from bringing my lips to his. It seemed as though we were both hanging by a thread and maybe I was trying to drown out the sorrow I suddenly felt…it worked. I was desperate for him. He deepened the kiss, cradling my face gently, but I pressed myself against him with all the force I could muster in my body.
Pulling away suddenly, he gasped, "I've been waiting three years for that." Then he kissed me more fervently, raining small kisses down the side of my neck and pulling me closer to him. I don't quite remember who it was that pulled us on top of the bed, but the next thing I knew, I was nestled comfortably underneath his body on the pillows, and my duffel bag and clothes had been shoved to the ground. He held himself up with one arm and the other was wrapped around my waist, holding me against him. Though I tried, I couldn't control my breathing. Never had I felt this was in my entire life. When he kissed me again, it was different. Not desperate, as it was just moments ago, but passionate and wholesome.
When I heard his breathing falter, like he, too, was struggling to control himself, I thought we may be taking this further than we had ever gone before. I felt his cool hand against the skin on my back, and my shirt was slowly being lifted to reveal my stomach. That was when Edward stopped kissing me and stared down at my skin.
"We can't," he gasped. "I can't do this." I struggled to sit up, staring at his broken facial expression. I brought my hand up to his cheek.
"Do you not want to?" I asked, unsure of his reaction. Sure, I was married. I didn't care. I loved Edward with every fiber of my being.
"No," he shook out. "Trust me, I want to. I'm struggling to keep myself from going any further. Bella, I'll hurt you. You're too…fragile." After he said that, I almost growled and pulled his shirt towards me.
"Don't start with that human crap," I breathed.
"I'm not. To be honest, I don't think your body can take it right now. And I don't know if I would be able to control myself enough. I'd hurt you." He pried my fingers off of his shirt and laid down next to me, breathing almost heavily as I was.
"You're right," I mumbled. I sat up, frustrated, then embarrassed. He rubbed my back soothingly.
"Please, don't misunderstand," he begged. I smiled at him, trying to be reassuring.
"I understand, Edward. Really. I need to finish packing quickly. Dan expects me to look decent tonight."
I fumbled with the clothes on the ground and tried to fold them neatly. Edward beat me to it and had most of them folded before I had finished a t-shirt. I piled them in the duffel bag and then went to the bathroom to gather anything I thought I might need. It took me all of fifteen minutes to finish packing. Then I looked at myself in the mirror.
"Edward, I think we need to call Alice," I said, unenthusiastically.
"Why?" he asked, clearly confused.
"Because this", I said, holding up my hair, "Is not decent. I need help getting ready." He sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. In the two seconds that he was on the phone, I walked into Dan's bedroom and looked through the closet, knowing I had a couple of dresses in there. A black one, a greenish one, a red one, a cream colored one. All of them weren't something I would be comfortable wearing. They all showed too much skin.
Alice was digging around in my bathroom by the time I got back into the room. "Bella, we don't have much time," she called. I was dreading whatever she had planned for me, but I knew it had to be done. In the bathroom, she had a curling iron plugged in and several different hair products and types of makeup were lined on the counter.
"Shower," she demanded, handing me the shower supplies that I had just packed away. "I still have to gather a few more things." I obliged and jumped into the shower, quickly scrubbing my body and lathering my hair. My legs were adorned with a thin layer of fur. I ran my razor over them, careful not to nick the skin. Once I finished, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out from behind the curtain. Alice was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Sit," she pointed a chair that she had somehow squeezed into the small space.
"I'm not dressed," I complained.
"There's no time. Sit." Then she went to work on my hair, blow drying it and fashioning my dense mass of pure mess into a thick curls. After, she pulled out a number of number of different creams and lotions. She began to apply different ones to my face, then applying different powders. I felt her sweep other products over my eyelids and lashes, then gently outlining my lips with a pencil of some sort.
After almost two hours, she stepped back and sighed. "I think that's as good as we can get it with the time we have," she said. I looked up at myself in the mirror and was shocked. I looked like a completely different person. I looked like a healthy, well rested, and beautiful person.
"Thank you, Alice," I breathed. I stood up shakily and walked out of the bathroom. Upon entering the guest bedroom, I stopped suddenly and stared at the gown that was draped over the bed.
"Do you like it?" she asked behind me. I walked over and lifted it off the bed. The dress was a deep blue, and long sleeved. It sinched at the waisted and gently flowed out. The neck line wasn't too low, either. I spun around and gave her a hug.
"Oh, you didn't have to do this," I whispered. She scoffed.
"Yes, I did. The dresses you have would so not do for tonight. Now, let me help you get dressed." Embarrassing as it was, she even presented me with the proper undergarments for such an outfit. I stepped into the dress, fitting it around my shoulder and she zipped it up. I felt beautiful for the first time in several years. She zipped up the dress in the back and magically produced a pair of matching heels. I eyed them cautiously.
"Don't worry," she sighed. "You aren't going to fall." After I slipped them on, I looked once more in the mirror. The dress hugged my sides and waist tightly and then flowed out around my legs. I was amazed, not a single bruise was visible. Edward was in the room again when I stepped out of the bathroom. He gaped at me, clearly surprised by my appearance.
"Do I look decent?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.
"You look ravishing, and I don't think it's fair that I don't get to spend the evening with you." He placed a kiss on my forehead and suddenly tensed.
"He's on his way now," Alice said.
"I know," Edward said through his teeth. "I can hear him." Then he looked at me again. "We'll follow behind you to the ceremony. I'll bring your bags in my car. We'll be watching for anything that may go wrong." And then they left. My nerves started to come back again. No more than two minutes later, the front door opened and I heard Dan walk into the house.
"Honey?" he called out. I took a deep breath and put my happy face on.
"I'm up here," I replied. "I'm just finishing up getting ready." I hurried out into the hall and carefully walked down the stairs in the heels. He stopped what he was doing and stared at me, gawking. He rushed forward to maul my face with his mouth; I gagged.
"You need to get ready," I joked, trying to be flirty, but most likely failing miserably. "We're going to be late." It was 6:30 and the ceremony started in an hour. Dan hurried up the stairs to jump in the shower. While he was busy getting ready, I grabbed the phone and dialed Angela's number. She needed to know about my leaving, she was dependent on me.
Ben answered after the first few rings. As I was in a hurry, I quickly asked for Angela and Ben gave her the phone. I quietly stepped outside.
"Angela," I said in a low voice. "I'm leaving him." She was silent on the other end for a second.
"I'm so glad to hear that," she finally said. "When?"
"Tonight. I'm so sorry, I don't want to leave you and Ian, but –"
"No, Bella, don't be sorry. You need to do this. Just promise me you'll stay in touch, maybe come and visit."
"Of course I will. I couldn't leave you guys behind." I said goodbye quickly and hurried back inside the house to put the phone back on the charger. Dan was still in the shower. He came down stairs fifteen minutes later, struggling with the bow tie on his tux.
"Babe? Would you help me with this?" he asked. I reached forward and tied the fabric around his neck into a nice bow and smiled at him. When we were leaving, I felt Dan grab my back side. Inside, I was screaming, but on the outside, I smiled and faked a giggle.
The drive to the banquet hall was long and painful. Dan tried to engage me in seductive conversation, I played right into it. When we pulled into the parking lot, he was in hurry to get inside. I lied and told him I had to fix my hair, telling him to go inside without me. As soon as he disappeared inside, Edward came out of nowhere and pulled me safely aside. He could see the fear on my face and swept me up in a comforting hug.
"Edward, if this goes wrong," I started to say. He broke my words off with a deep kiss and left me dizzy.
"Noting will go wrong. Just remember that I love you and everything will be okay."
With that, I turned around and walked into the building with a fake smile plastered on my face and pretended to be the perfect wife to the perfect man, counting down the minutes until I could break free.
AN: So, what did you guys think? I need feedback! How'd you like the Edward and Bella action?
Also, I just started another story that's not getting very many reviews. It's really bugging me because there's been PLENTY of hits on it. Would anyone care to read it and let me know what I'm doing wrong? I'd really appreciate it. You don't even have to review if you don't want to, just PM me or something. It's called "A Freight Train Running Through my Head" and you can find it on my profile.
Anywho, hoped you enjoyed the chapter (: