AN: Hello again! Okay, so after much begging to continue this, I decided I would. And the chapter I initially started working on has since been pushed aside as a good chapter four as I decided I wanted at least one more chapter like this one before we move on to the next stage. I don't know if that makes sense for anyone, but it will after you read the next chapter. What you should take from this: there will be at least one more chapter after this.
Warning: I beta'd it myself and we all know how effective that is. Oh well. Also, I tried to write dialogue for Reid who still has aphasia and let me tell you, it is hard. So, here's quick key. Where there are dashes "-' that means Reid is messing up his words. For example, if you see "I lib-love Clom-clim-Criminal Minds" then... that means I love Criminal Minds! Ha, I'm sure you'll be able to keep up with it, but just in case. And finally, spoilers for Amplification.
It had been three days since the anthrax scare and things were winding down, but JJ was still having problems coming to terms with it all. It wasn't the anthrax scare itself, it was the fact that now, because of Henry, she had come so close to breaking protocol to ensure that her son would be okay. And even now that it was all over, she still wasn't sure which one was the right thing to do. She knew breaking protocol was wrong, and yet the idea of Henry getting sick when all she had to do was tell Will to stay home was unbearable.
JJ shook her head as she approached the entrance to the hospital. She hadn't been back to see Reid quite since the first day and honestly, that was another thing that was bothering her. Even after Reid had gotten sick and was, in essence, dying, all JJ could think about was Henry. She knew it wasn't necessarily wrong that her thoughts had been with her son, but on the other hand, she had known Reid for so long and he was like family. It bothered her, right or wrong, that she hadn't felt much concern for him until they had caught the unsub.
She bit her lip. Surely there was enough room inside her for concern over her family and her friends. This anthrax scare had done little to prove that, however.
"I'm looking for Agent Spencer Reid," she said as she reached the front desk. "Is he still in the same room?"
The young woman behind the desk did something on her computer, then looked up and nodded. "Yes ma'am. He's still in room 1101 down that hall and on your right," she said, gesturing down the nearest hallway.
"Thank you," JJ replied with her standard smile that was used constantly while working her job.
She began her rather slow walk down the hallway to Reid's room. She didn't know what to expect. The last time she saw him had been so soon after the incident, so surely he had to look better now. She had heard Garcia say that he was still having problems talking, which made JJ feel sick to her stomach, but that had been yesterday or the day before… maybe he was better now…?
With room 1101 now in sight, JJ took a deep breath and decided that everything was going to be okay.
When she entered the room, the first thing that stood out to her was the sunlight. So many times she felt like the hospital rooms, bad enough on their own, were made so much worse by the absence of light. The pleasantness of the sunlight helped to counter the sight of Reid.
He was propped up with several flat-looking pillows, and seemed to be asleep. His skin was paler than she could ever remember seeing it, except for the bright red circles on his sunken cheeks. He definitely still had a fever, JJ thought wearily as she walked closer to the young man.
She could now see a couple of bandages on various parts of his arms and one was sticking out from under the hospital gown on his chest, no doubt the remnants of the nasty legions that came with the sickness. She looked at his face and tried to resist the urge to carefully slide the pieces of straggly hair that had fallen over his sickly features. JJ then began to notice other unpleasant sights such as the wires protruding from the neckline of his hospital gown and a small tube that ran underneath his nose, helping him breathe.
Oh, he looked terrible, JJ thought sadly to herself. Suddenly she felt her guilt intensify. For days Reid had been stuck in this hospital, ridiculously sick, and yet JJ had barely even come to see him. She was sure that at least one person from the team had been checking on him, but he had almost died, for goodness sake. JJ was suddenly sickened by the idea that she had hardly thought about him after he had gotten sick. He needed all of them and yet, because of the case, no one had been able to be there for him for the worst part of his illness.
JJ collapsed sadly into a chair that was already set up beside his bed and just watched him sleep. She never thought about how sick a person could get. Three days after catching the illness and Reid was still bed-ridden. JJ sighed and focused on the reassuring rising and falling motion of Reid's stomach.
After a few moments, however, JJ noticed that Reid was squirming slightly in his bed. She looked at his face and felt her stomach temporarily clench when she realized he was trying to open his eyes. After groggily blinking a few times, his eyes stayed open and eventually focused on JJ.
His tired but genuine smile had JJ confused about how she felt; sorry he felt so bad or happy that he was awake and smiling at all. She decided it wasn't important, though, and smiled back at him.
"Hey Spence," she said softly. "How are you holding up?"
She watched as he seemed to consider this, and ended up just shrugging lightly. JJ decided that was good enough for her.
"That good, huh?" she said with a smirk. "Well, from what I understand, you're getting better every day. That's wonderful news."
Reid nodded and proceeded to yawn, which ended up in a cough. JJ winced at the how deep it sounded.
"Are you at least feeling better than before?" she asked, feeling more and more worried by the fact that he wouldn't speak. Then again, she was a little scared about what would happen if he did try to talk.
"Yes," he said kindly, apparently sensing her growing concern. Well, she thought, he got that right at least. His voice was raspy, though, and sounded just as weak as the rest of him looked. "Nim-not dying… anytime," he stopped and closed his eyes before correcting himself, "anymore."
JJ tried to pretend she didn't notice his struggles, a choice she wasn't sure helped or made him feel worse, and simply reached out and softly grabbed his hand.
"That's always a good thing," she said calmly.
They stayed like this for a moment and JJ could feel his eyes on her the whole time. She wasn't sure what he was thinking, but she felt like he was seeing right through you.
"You okay?" he asked.
The question took her by surprise even though she probably should have expected it.
"Yes," she answered with a somewhat forced smile. "Yes, I'm just… I don't know. That case was… so bad," she finished, trying desperately to keep the conversation light.
JJ looked at Reid and saw that he was once again studying her in the way profilers did, only his gaze and energy was certainly lacking focus.
"Henry?" he asked softly.
JJ stared at him in slight awe. Was she really that easy to read? Yes, Reid was an amazing profiler but he was also drugged up and sick with a fever.
"How…," she began, then decided it was no use to ask. "Yeah… he's all I could think about. That whole time," she said carefully, not wanting to out-right say she hadn't really been concerned for Reid.
Reid watched her for a moment but JJ was somewhat surprised by the fact that she didn't feel like he was judging her at all. Finally, he seemed to think of some interesting fact, a look that she knew too well.
"During pregnancy," he began after clearing his throat, "the pri-production of hormones ox-oxytocin and prolactin sla-serve many necessary fla-fun-functions, but recent studies sol-sid-suggest that they are also the reason mok-mothers develop such a sul-stul-strong, life long bond with their child."
JJ listened carefully, having to distinguish between what he accidentally said and what he actually meant to say, but realized he was using his multitudes of random knowledge to make her feel better.
"Also," he continued after catching his breath, "this boss-bond comes up in dis-discussions over whether or now-not altruism elt-em-exists. Parents, esem-especially mothers, usually say yet-yes." He stopped for a moment and looked her in the eyes before continuing.
" Our job is daner-dangerous. First real til-time that bond was ques-questioned."
JJ stared at him, unsure of what to say. He had, in essence, pinpointed her exact problem and gave scientific proof of why it was justified. She felt an immense amount of gratitude towards him in that moment and marveled at how strong he could be sometimes.
"So," she said slowly, trying to think about what to say next, "do you think the job will… get easier even though I have Henry?"
Reid shrugged but nodded a little too. "It sol-should. Hopefully there whim-won't be mus-many cases like this," he said with a small grin.
JJ laughed quietly. "I can agree with you there, Spence. Or maybe we should just keep you in a bubble."
He laughed very slightly at this, but JJ felt bad when it ended up being a cough. After a moment or two of the hard coughs, he quieted down and seemed absolutely drained.
"A bubble," he said, once again catching his breath, "would bet-be little defense agan-against most thro-threats."
JJ smirked. "If I didn't know any better, Dr. Reid, I'd say you were being a smart-aleck."
Reid shrugged in response. "It's true, though. Until-unless it was crafted of…"
"I get it, I get it," JJ said light-heartedly, cutting him off. "Keeping you out of trouble goes way beyond a bubble."
Reid seemed to give up at this point and simply relaxed into his pillows, looking rather content. Extremely sick, but content. He and JJ sat like this for quite some time enjoying simple talk, mostly conducted by JJ, until Reid's eyelids began to grow very heavy. JJ continued to talk, seeing that it put him at ease, until his eyes finally shut and he fell asleep.
He was right about Henry and the whole motherhood thing. This case had been the first time her career and her role as a mother crossed paths in a very frightening way, one that made her question both. But, she had found an answer, she felt, although she couldn't explain it right now. Still, sitting here, watching Reid sleep she knew that if another case like this one ever came up, God forbid, she would, if nothing else, handle it in the best way she knew how.
And, even if it ended up not being the greatest choice, something told her the people she cared about would somehow understand and love her all the same. With that comforting thought, JJ lightly patted Reid's hand, rose from her seat, and made her way out of the hospital and to her home.
En: Well, I do hope some of you enjoyed it and Hotch is next for you Hotch lovers. Also, because I'm super excited about it, I've decided what I want to do with me life. (I'm about to graduate high school and go on to college). I've already been accepted into the University of Central Florida, which is perfect as I've always wanted to have a career at Disney, and I just found out they have a separate campus devoted to my future major: Hospitality Management! And it's in the heart of tourist-infest Orlando and therefore close to Disney! Yaaay! Well anyway, that's all and sorry for the random facts about my life! Review if you can!:)