Memories

The days continued like before. I didn't talk or pay attention, just looked at her, entranced like I was with Edward. She was so perfect, so like them. Everything was just like having them back, having him back, except it wasn't him. It was her. I didn't love her, but if she was Julia, I would none the less. And if she was Julia, she could hear Edward.

Even though Edward had been gone for only one and a half months, it felt like years. I wondered what he was doing. If he'd replaced me yet? If Edward was with the rest of the Cullen's, or if he was all alone? If he was alone, why was he alone? Why wasn't he with them? Why wasn't Julia with him?

I snapped out of my daydream and found her gone, the bell was ringing.

Lunch caught my attention and she was sitting alone again. She looked so peaceful, like an angel in her white top and light blue flares. Her curls pulled perfectly away from her face and were held in place with jewel incrusted barrettes. The lighting set them aglow and the shown like small fairies in her hair. She had no lunch and was tapping her stiletto and fingers to the music playing on her iPod.

"Not eating today?" I asked as I slowly passed the table, not thinking.

She looked up to me, her blue eyes shining brighter then her barrettes. "No." she paused for a second, "are you stilling with me today?" she questioned with her eyebrow arched.

I looked down to see I was already sitting at the table with her. My tray of foreign food in front of me. "I suppose I am…if you don't mind that is." I grabbed the tray and started to get up.

"You can stay here, your friends don't look like they are missing you very much." Courtney looked over my old table and nodded. Everyone was talking and conversating without me. It had been like that since Edward had left.

"I don't blame them, I haven't been very conversational lately." I looked to my tray and started playing with the cap on the lemonade I'd gotten.

Courtney looked back up to me. "Really? Why not?" She actually seemed to care, she also seemed to not have any idea of why I'd been so disconnected. As though she knew nothing about Edward, like she wasn't Julia.

I knew she was. She had to be.

"Boyfriend problems." I whispered.

I swore she said 'typical human' but it was simply to low to hear. "I'm sorry to hear about that. I tend to not want boyfriends. They are too needy and protective." She spoke louder this time and rolled her eyes with the last light.

Protective…

"So, I was wondering…Have you talked to any of your friends since you, you know moved?" I asked, looking at her as she looked to the other side of the window. She still had one headphone in her right ear, her left ear open so she could hear me.

"They moved pretty much when my family moved, so I haven't. I'd sort of detached myself before the separation. I don't even know where they are right now. I probably couldn't even find them if I tried. They've most likely replaced me by now anyways." she sounded detached now, like she didn't want this conversation, like it was criminal to talk about it. But she wouldn't look at me. She was hiding something in her eyes, on her face. Her voice hid everything, but her face would expose everything.

If she were Julia, she'd be able to hear them. Her friends; Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and everyone else. But she claimed she had no idea where they were. No idea where Edward was.

But she wouldn't show her face. Was that what she was hiding? Could it really be her?

"Do you miss them?" I asked quietly again.

"I suppose." she spun the iPod in her hands. "But, it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?" she looked at me now, her face not exposing anything. "If they did replace me, why would they want me in their life? Wouldn't that just cause an interruption?"

I took time to register the question. If she were Julia, the irony would be too bitter. I would be her replacement. But she could also be talking about Edward replacing me, the rest of the Cullen's replacing me. She could be warning me to stay away. To tell me that it wasn't right for me to put myself back into their life.

"No. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore." I looked back down to my tray.

"I guess sometimes, leaving is better, even though you might lose what you think you really need. You might realize, it's not really as important as you make it out to be." she looked to me. "Did your boyfriend break up with you?"

"Yes…" I could feel the tear building up. "He left me…alone."

"Just wait. If you are really meant to be together, some how, something will happen. It'll be dramatic, but romantic in some twisted way. You'll get back together. You just can't worry about it."

"I don't want him to replace me. I couldn't handle being replaced like you seem to." I took deep breaths to try and keep the tears from escaping.

Courtney didn't speak. I could hear her small breaths coming out of her small mouth. Then the words slowly came out. "I don't take things as well as people might believe me too." Her voice seemed to weep, like a tragic angel.

"I didn't mean to imply anything." I rushed. "It's just, you seem to let the past of easily."

"I'm a free thinker." she stated. "Everything happens for a reason."

"I just wish I could find some way to find him, some way to know he was okay. Some way to know he hasn't replaced me like he has others." my arms wrapped around my body, like I was hugging myself.

I heard her chair move. Her cold breath touched my neck and seeped down into my ear. "You know, I can do everything you think I can." and with her last words the first bell rang.

She left me there, eyes wide and so many thoughts going through my head.

Only two weeks ago, I'd been dead. I had nothing, everything had left me in one swift motion. And within only fourteen days, she'd gotten me thinking again. She had me remembering the one thing I didn't want to think about. The one thing I was terrified of never being able to remember again.

She had everything that I believe twisted in a snare.

What if Edward hadn't replaced me? What if he was being torched with the memories just like I was? Vampires had the best memory. What if they all missed me?

How could they though? I had no real connection with them, it was dangerous on both ends when we were together. But it always seemed right.

I was some how in the next period, but Courtney wasn't there. Her desk sat alone and empty, just like the one next to me.

I placed my head to the table and tried to lock away the memories for the last hour. I locked them away so they couldn't haunt me or fade away.

As a climbed into my truck and sat staring out the wind shield, my fingers twisted in my hair and the tears finally broke through. My forehead sat on the rim on the steering-wheel. This was going to be difficult. I had to know how she really was, and I had to know soon or my insides would be a mess and my head would not be able to be saved.