-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fic by Digitaldreamer

Day Three: The Tree

aka

"Half of The Crap on This Diagram Was Not In The Box"
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Wow...once again, thank you so much for all the reviews, you guys! It really makes me glad to know you're all enjoying this fic, particularly the "tm" joke, hehe.

Um..not much else to say, I'm posting this real quick before I go back to working on CP. Enjoy the chapter!

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"So...why are we using an artificial tree again?" Raz grumbled as he and Sasha telekinetically lifted a gigantic box into the main floor of the agency, the words "100 Artificial Tree! Over twenty feet!" stamped on the front. Lili and Milla followed, appearing annoyed and worried respectively.

"Because some people are allergic." Tessie chirped as she entered behind them, munching on a candy cane and doing absolutely nothing to help. "We wouldn't want allergies ruining anyone's Christmas Cheer™ , now would we?"

"You know, as far as I'm aware, no one in this agency has pine allergies." Sasha pointed out.

Tessie ignored him. "Okay boys, put the box over there!"

Sasha and Raz grumbled, but did as they were told. "Okay, now what?" Raz asked, brushing himself off.

"Now you put it together!" Tessie cheered, clapping her hands. "Make sure it's right in the middle where everyone can see it, okay!?" With that, she turned and skipped away.

"But...aren't you going to help!?" Raz cried after her.

"Oh, no, I have far too much Cheer™ to spread!" Tessie called behind her. "Have fun!"

"Well, she's turning out to be a huge help so far..." Lili grumbled.

"About as useful as the blue screen of death on a window's machine." Sasha agreed dully.

"Oh, come on you two, cheer up." Milla admonished. "We have no choice, so we may as well have fun, right?"

"Yeah yeah..." Raz muttered as he opened the box.

And so, the horror that was known as the assembly of the artificial Christmas tree began.

"Okay, where are the B branches, darling?" Milla called from where she was levitating.

"There aren't any." Sasha replied after taking a few moments to survey the various piles of branches.

"What? Darling, they're the ones with the periwinkle stripes."

Sasha let out a long sigh. "Milla, I'm color-blind, remember? And I believe the ones you are referring to are in fact, I's."

"What? But there aren't any I's on the diagram!" Raz exclaimed, glancing from the sheet of paper to the aforementioned pile of branches. He then frowned, squinting at them. "Are you sure those are I's? I think you're looking at them wrong, they might be H's...except those aren't on the diagram either."

"Whatever, just toss one up, would you?" Lili snapped, levitating as well. "Look, try M or something, I think that's the row we're on."

"M?" Raz repeated, brow furrowing. "But we're on P!"

Lili blinked. "No we're not, we used P three rows down!"

"..."

"...Crap." The brunette cursed. "Alright, come on Milla, we missed a row...or five. We're gonna have to start removing them."

"...This branch says it is an X ½.." Sasha suddenly spoke up, holding up a branch.

"...X ½?" Raz repeated blankly. He glanced at the diagram, then back at the branch, baffled. "How the hell do you have half a letter?"

Sasha just shook his head, at loss for words.

"Augh, this is impossible! Whoever made this diagram wasn't thinking, they just put down letters at random, it's the only explanation!" Raz cried, throwing up his hands in frustration. However, after doing so he paused, blinking. "Hey...I've got an idea! How about I use clairvoyance on the branches? That should show us how to put these things up, no trouble!"

Lli made a face. "Clairvoyance? On these things?" She asked, holding a fake branch as far away from her as possible. "I dunno, with these things it might be a bit dangerous..."

"Aw, come on, what could happen?" Raz asked as he picked up a branch. "They're just tree branches."

Milla and Sasha both glanced over just as Raz was about to use the power. "No! Razputin, don't--"

But it was too late, the third eye had already appeared on Raz's forehead. It blinked once.

Twice.

Raz suddenly fell back with a shrill, girly cry, clutching at his head. "Raz!" Lili yelped, dropping to the ground and rushing over to her boyfriend, Milla and Sasha close behind.

The goggle-headed boy lay on the floor, rocking back and forth in a fetal position and twitching at random. He mumbled to himself as he rocked and shivered, green eyes staring sightlessly ahead. The three psychics hovered around Raz, concern etched across their faces.

"Is he..." Lili whispered.

Sasha frowned thoughtfully, quickly checking the boy over. Finally he stepped back. "He's fine. Just seems to be in some sort of shock."

"Oh my...I wonder what he could have seen to make him react like that?" Milla murmured, picking up the branch.

"Isn't it obvious? These things are possessed!" Lili exclaimed, casting the branch a hateful glare. "I don't know about you, but I quit!"

"Oh no you don't!" Tessie's voice suddenly piped up. The three psychics all jumped, spinning around to see the pink-haired girl standing there, just beaming.

"What the! When did you--" Milla sputtered.

"How did you just...appear without any of us noticing?" Lili asked, eyes wide.

Sasha just stared.

"Never underestimate the power of Christmas Cheer™!" Tessie chirped. "Now then, shouldn't you all be working?"

"Um..well...perhaps we could get a different tree, Tessie darling?" Milla asked. "You see, Razputin seems to have had...a strange reaction to this one--"

"It's possessed. We need to burn it, lady." Lili declared. "Now stand aside before you get caught in the blast."

Tessie just kept smiling. "Oh, aren't you cute? But no, I'm afraid we can't get another one, there's simply not enough time! You'll simply have to make do! Now come on, let's get going! We have Christmas Cheer™ to spread!" She said, clapping her hands together.

Silence.

"But...Raz is kind of...having a seizure. Shouldn't we...do something about that?" Lili asked slowly.

"Oh, he'll be fine. Just stick him in a corner or something." Tessie giggled. "Now then, get to work! And remember, Christmas Cheer™!"

And so they did just that. The twitching Raz was placed off to the side and given helpful pats now and then in hopes that he would eventually "get better", while the rest of the time was spent working on the tree. After about half an hour spent puzzling over the diagram, the three psychics finally gave up, "accidentally" used pyrokinetics on the diagram, and just put the branches up as they saw fit.

An hour or so later Raz finally snapped out it, blinking blearily. "Huh...whoa?" He stood up, rubbing his head. "What was I...whoa..."

Towering before him stood the tree. It was indeed twenty feet tall, just as the box said...but it looked far better than the tree on the box did.

"Oh, Razputin, you're up!" Sasha said, walking over.

Milla, upon noticing Raz's confused look at the mention of "up" quickly beamed and changed the subject. "What do you think?" She asked, gesturing to the tree.

"I love it! It's awesome!" He beamed, glancing over at Lili. "What do you think?"

The pig-tailed girl rolled her eyes. "It looks stupid." She muttered, causing Raz's face to fall.

"Aw, come on Lili. Try to--"

"Oh, wow!" Tessie suddenly exclaimed, appearing out of nowhere. "That looks great, you guys! You did a fantastic job!"

"No thanks to the stupid diagram." Lili grumbled.

Tessie just beamed. "Right, well, that's done. Now decorate it!"

Silence.

"What?" Raz sputtered. "After all that you want us to decorate it too!? Right now!?"

"Yup!" Tessie grinned, then spun on her heels. "Good luck! And remember, Christmas Cheer™ !"

With that, she walked away, apparently unaware of the murderous glares the "holiday committee" was sending her way.

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To Be Continued...