-Twenty-five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Four: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode One: An Enlightening Experience, Except Not
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Well everyone, it is time for what you've all been waiting for. That's right, it's the first part of Sasha's great battle against the lights! Dundundun!

...um, right, I believe that's all. Reviews are, as always, greatly appreciated.

Onward!

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It was time.

The stage was set. The main floor of the agency was utterly silent save for the occasional clicking of keys from a keyboard and a telephone ring. At the very center stood The Tree in all its magnificent, some-assembly-required glory. Before it stood Raz, Lili, Milla and Sasha, ornaments and tinsel strewn around there. And there in Sasha's gloved hands were the lights.

"Alright, come on Sasha, we can't decorate until you get the lights up." Raz said.

"Yeah, come on, what's the hold-up?" Lili snapped, hands on her hips. She really just wanted to get this over with so she could go do something non-Christmas related.

Sasha just stood there, staring up at the tree.

Milla's brow furrowed. "Sasha? Darling?"

The German man looked from the tree to the lights and back again. "Ach..." Here he was again. The lights.

"Sasha? What's wrong?" Raz asked, quirking a brow. "I mean, they're just lights."

"Ah...yes..." Sasha said, slowly reaching up to adjust his sunglasses.

"Yeah. What, do you think your light stringing abilities are cursed or something?" Lili snorted.

Sasha visibly tensed at this, his eyes widening from behind his glasses. Cursed?

"Sascha!? Sascha, what have you done to my lights!?I give you a job and this is what you do!?"

"Ach, I'm sorry ma'am! I'm sorry, I'll fix it right away!"

"No need, child! You have ruined my Christmas! Get away from my house you...you...MONSTER!"

"I-it's just lights, I can fix it--"

"SASCHA NEIN, I HEREBY CURSE YOU! From now until the day you die, you will never be able to rig up another lights display! Everything you touch will be ruined, just as what has happened to mine! Every bulb you touch will go out, and there will be no extension cords in sight! CURSE YOU, SASHA NEIN! CURSE YOU! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sasha's eye visibly twitched. Ordinarily he didn't believe in curses, but ever since that day he hadn't been able to touch one of those varicolored bulbs without something going wrong.

"Sasha? Sweetie...if you really don't want to, I can put up the lights..." Milla offered gently.

"NO!" Sasha cried, startling the Brazilian. "Ah...I mean..no, it's fine. I can do it." He said, offering a small smile and holding up the lights. "Right. Lights." He glanced up at the tree, eyes narrowing. With that he concentrated on the lights, meaning to lift them all up and wind them into the branches telekinetically.

With a loud pop, one of the brilliant bulbs exploded, causing everyone to jump.

"Whoa." Raz commented.

"Er...perhaps we can...hide it in the branches?" Sasha suggested.

At that comment the rest of the bulbs exploded, showering the party with tiny shards of colorful broken glass and drawing yelps of surprise from all of them.

"...Well, that's certainly not normal." Milla said shakily. Raz and Lili both gave nods of agreement as they shook off bits of glass.

Sasha nodded. "...Perhaps I should...ah...just put them up normally."

"I...I really think that would be best." Milla agreed.

The German Psychonaut dug through the boxes until he came to some more lights, tugging a twisting, prismatic strand loose. The moment he did, however, the strand flew back into his face to tangle around him like a writhing, kaleidoscopic snake of holiday cheer. Sasha let out a cry of surprise, trying to pull the lights off of him. This struggling only succeeded in making him more tangled, however.

After a few minutes of struggling Sasha finally paused, only to realize that Milla, Raz, and Lili were all laughing at him. The German glared at them, which only seemed to make them laugh harder.

"Sasha, darling," Milla finally said through giggles as she used telekinesis to untangle the pale-skinned man. "They're just lights. You're acting as if they're trying to attack you or something." With that, she held out the straightened lights.

"In my case they probably are." Sasha muttered under his breath, snatching the lights and stomping over to the tree.

Five minutes later found Sasha once again tangled in lights, this time with the tree, now half-strung with lights, collapsed on top of him.

"Oh my gosh, darling! Are you alright?" Milla exclaimed, her eyes wide as she telekinetically moved the tree and placed it upright.

"Holy shit, Sasha! How did you do that!? You didn't even touch it!" Raz exclaimed as he and Lili helped the German to his feet and removed the lights.

"Language, Razputin." Sasha groaned out, once again twitching. He took the lights from Lili, casting a glare filled with loathing at the gaudy bits of glass.

"Um...maybe I should..." Milla began.

"NO! I am not cursed!" Sasha snapped. "That stupid old woman! I am not cursed, there is no such thing as curses!" He trailed off, grumbling in German as he stomped up to the tree and continued his job.

Fortunately for Sasha, the next half an hour passed without incident, and at last he was able to get all the lights strung up.

"Alright, there. All done." He said, stepping away from the tree. "Plug it in, Razputin!"

There was a shuffling sound and the tree gave a light shake. "...Um..."

Sasha's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, 'um'?"

"It doesn't reach, Sasha!" Lili called out from behind the tree.

Sasha frowned. "So use an extension cord, then."

"Um...we don't have any, darling." Milla said, looking through the box.

"...We don't have any extension cords?" Sasha said slowly, turning to face her.

"No."

"None?"

"None."

Twenty minutes later Sasha came back to the main floor, several extension cords in hand and a cigarette clenched between his teeth. When his fellow psychics gave him odd looks, all Sasha said was "Plancon always blares that stereo of his far too loud to be good for his hearing anyway." With that, he plugged the lights in.

Nothing happened.

"...Well...that was...completely and totally unspectacular." Lili drawled.

"Er...maybe one of the bulbs is out?" Raz suggested meekly.

Sasha groaned, putting his face in his hands. "Why me?"

Three hundred bulbs and fifteen minutes later left the four psychics completely and totally baffled.

"They're all in perfect working condition." Raz muttered.

"But...it doesn't make any sense!" Milla exclaimed. "I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the electric system, it should work!"

Lili sighed. "Here, I'll go try it again..." With that she plugged the lights in.

Every single bulb flickered to life, bathing the entire floor in a warm glow and bringing gasps of amazement from Raz and Milla.

"Oh, wow..." Milla gasped.

"Whoa." Raz murmured, tugging on Lili's arm. "Isn't it pretty, Lili?"

"Whatever." Lili muttered, causing Raz's face to fall.

"But...I don't get it...why didn't it work before?" Sasha sputtered, his eye twitching.

Raz shook his head. "I have no idea, Sasha. Maybe you are cursed."

"Ach, who knows?" The German Psychonaut groaned. "At least it is finally done."

"Oh, wow! It looks wonderful guys!" Tessie suddenly chirped from behind them.

"Gah!" Raz yelped. "How do you keep doing that!?"

Tessie ignored him again. "Man, these lights are amazing, Agent Nein! They're so full of Christmas Cheer™ ! Excellent job!"

Sasha let out a long breath. "Thank you, Agent--"

"They look great, but I'm sure you'll do much better for the lights display outside, right!?" Tessie continued, beaming.

Sasha's eyes widened. He twitched. The German Psychonaut looked from Tessie to the blinding lights on the tree and back again. "Oh, Gott..."

The lights glowed mockingly back at him.

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To Be Continued...