-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fic by Digitaldreamer

Day Five: Of Christmas Cookies and Cards

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Whoo, getting this drabble done in time was a struggle. The past four days I already had something prepared, but I had to write this one on the spot last night. Xx Ugh. I'm gonna have to hurry and get ahead again, heaving deadlines hanging over my head every day is nerve-wrecking!

Also interesting to note that Sasha vs. The Lights ended up getting the least feedback so far, in spite of the fact that this was apparently something you all anticipated. Jeez, now I'm worried it wasn't funny...

Well, this is where all the drabbles start to split off into different plots with different characters and what not, so part two of Sasha vs. The Lights won't continue for a few days. Worry not though, Sasha's battle with the fabled lights is not yet over, oh no, not by a long shot.

For now, however, Raz gets to deal with the horrors of holiday baking.

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Raz was stuck.

About half-an hour earlier, Tessie had shoved him into the agency kitchens with one, simple order: "Make Christmas cookies!"

Raz had spun around stare blankly at her. "But...can't we just buy some?"

"Oh, come on now little Razputin, there's no Christmas Cheer™ in buying cookies!" Tessie had replied. "Now get going, I already have everything set out for you! All you have to do is make them!" She said, gesturing to to the table, which was laden with ingredients.

"But...I don't knowhow to cook..." Raz said slowly.

"That's nice dear. Good luck, and remember, Christmas Cheer™ !" Tessie chirped before running off.

Thirty minutes had passed, and Raz had yet to do anything but stare at the ingredients in bewilderment. What the hell was he supposed to do!? He had never baked anything before! He was never the one who made the meals back at the circus, and besides, dragging around a stove hadn't been exactly practical. The kid didn't know how to boil water, let alone make cookies!

Finally the goggle-headed boy let out a sigh, walking over to the table. "I'll just have to try my best...here's a recipe..." He muttered, holding up an index card with various things scrawled upon it in bright pink ink. He glanced over things for a moment, brow furrowing. "Tbsp? What the hell is a tbsp? Is that some kind of bug? They put BUGS in cookies!?"

He then paused as he glanced over the cooking utensils, his gaze finally settling on a small plastic measuring spoon with the letters "tbsp" engraved in the handle.

"Oh...it's a spoon." Raz let out a small laugh, picking up the utensil. "Bugs...geez, what was I thinking?" He muttered, rolling his eyes before looking back over the rest of the ingredients.

"Huh...y'know, maybe this won't be so bad." He said to himself, setting the card down. "Yeah...I mean, geez, if I can become a Psychonaut at the age of ten, I can definitely bake cookies, right!?"

With that, he got to work.

Meanwhile, in Truman's office, Lili was taking a break from her "cheer-spreading duties" to help her father with their family Christmas Cards.

"Stupid Christmas Cards..." Lili grumbled as she licked another envelope and set it aside. No matter how envelopes she licked and set aside, the pile of cards and already addressed envelopes didn't seem to be getting any smaller. The fact that Tessie had forced her into a cute little green and red elf costume wasn't helping her mood any, either.

"Common courtesy as Head of the agency." Truman explained without even looking up from his paperwork.

"Yes, but why do I have to do it!?" Lili snapped. "I'm your daughter, not your slave!"

Truman glanced up and beamed. "Why, because you're on the Holiday Committee, of course!"

"I don't even work here!" His daughter exclaimed. "Not to mention the Agent you put in charge of the thing is completely insane!"

Her father blinked. "Lili, you just described most of this agency." He pointed out.

Lili rolled her eyes. "I mean Tessie, dad! She's completely nuts! Like, she never stops smiling! It's creepy! And she hasn't done anything to help! All she does is run around spreading 'Christmas Cheer™ '! You've gotta get rid of her dad, she's CRAZY!"

Truman blinked again. Then he laughed. "Oh, come on now Lili, stop complaining. I'm sure she's fine."

"No, she's not! She's...gaaah!" Lili let out a hiss of frustration. "Nevermind. Not like you'd listen anyway..." She muttered, going back to the Christmas Cards. She held one of the Agency issue ones up, blinking. "Why are Sasha, Milla, and Raz all on this picture?"

"Eh, they're my most popular agents at the moment. True Psychic Tales and all that." Her father said with a shrug.

"But...when did they pose for this picture?" Lili asked, squinting at it.

"They didn't. Photoshop works wonders." Truman said simply.

"I...see..." Lili sighed, shoving the card into an envelope. "Why are we sending all these? I don't even know half these people!" She exclaimed as she glanced at the list.

Truman sighed. "Like I said, being the Grand Head of Psychonauts also comes with a bunch of Grand Pains. Now why don't you go put those in the mail or something?" He asked, now desperate for silence.

Lili didn't need to be told twice. She hopped up out of her seat and was out of her father's office faster than he could blink, cards trailing telekinetically behind her as she trudged down the hall. She was distracted from this task, however, when a great explosion suddenly came from further down the hallway, where the kitchens were.

"What the-- Raz!?" She sputtered, dropping the cards. She sped down the hallway and through the doorway, which was expelling smoke at an impressive rate. "Raz!?" She coughed out, waving away the smoke.

The kitchen was in a state of chaos. Uncooked, lumpy dough (or at least Lili thought it was dough...it seemed to be glowing as though it were radioactive) was slopped out of an overturned bowl, flour scattered all over the kitchen like snow. The microwave was opened and splattered with pink frosting, bits of it dripping out onto the floor. And there, at the center of it all stood Raz, covered in all of it and coughing. Floating before him was the charred remains of what might have once been a pan, a few black lumps of something now apparently permanently stuck to it.

"Huh?" Raz coughed out, blinking blearily through the smoke. "Oh, hey Lili." He said, flashing a sheepish grin.

"Raz!" Lili sputtered, amber eyes widening. "What the hell did you do!?"

"I...was supposed to make cookies." Raz explained as he coughed again. "Sorry...I think I burned them a bit."

Lili stared at him for a moment. Then she groaned, covering her face with her hands. "Damnit...this is another one of those reasons why I hate this holiday..." She grumbled.

Raz's eyes widened. "Oh no! I'm sorry, I'll try again!"

"NO!" Lili screamed, rushing over to him and grabbing him by the arms. "YOU ARE NEVER TO COOK AGAIN! EVER!" She declared, giving him a rough shake.

Raz blinked at her.

Lili let out a long sigh. "I...I mean...no, it's okay Raz." She muttered, shaking her head and patting his shoulder. "It's...it's...well, it's not fine, but Tessie shouldn't have stuck you with this job anyway." She took the pan from him telekinetically and tossed it in the garbage, then turned back to Raz. "Look, don't worry about this. I'll clean it up, and then I'll call Milla or something. God knows she forces enough gingerbread into me every year as it is." She said, rolling her eyes.

Raz blinked again. "But..."

The brunette scowled at him, then shoved him towards the door. "Come on, get moving. Just don't get used to me being nice or anything!" She snapped.

"But..." Raz whimpered as he stumbled towards the door, glancing back at her sour face. "...Best Christmas ever..."

Lili shook her head. "Look, you can worry about that later, okay? Just...just go do something else, alright?"

"So...no baking?" Raz asked slowly.

"No baking. Now go." Lili said, pointing towards the door. Raz let out a long sigh and shuffled out, leaving the nearly destroyed kitchen behind him.

"Okay...so maybe baking Christmas Cookies isn't as easy as becoming a Psychonaut at the age of ten..."

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To Be Continued...