"…Hello, I'm Owen Hart. You know me as the more talented of the two well-known Hart brothers you see on your TV each week. If Bret catches wind of that statement, you didn't hear it from me, remember that.

A price tag comes with talent though; more often than not, you have to carry guys who don't have as much of it as you. Tonight happens to be one of those nights. I've got to piggyback this guy named Ahmed Johnson to a watchable match. Here's a guy who spends so much time on the injured list to make a career out of selling disability insurance. It's too bad he has to bring other wrestlers down with him. Well, I'm cool, I'm a veteran of the ring wars and I can handle myself in all situations. I know my role, he knows his, just apply the booker's theory into practice and we'll have ourselves a fine little match. What's there to worry about?"

Ahmed: "I'm mad! I'm freaking mad! (kicks over table) I get pulled over for speeding, and to top it off, I'm fined again for being late to the show! Does my bad luck know no boundaries? I just feel the urge to take my anger out on something! Oh, hey! Owen, man, forgive me, I'm not in the best of moods tonight, just to let you know. We're still going to put on a good show, no matter what, are we cool buddy?"

Owen: "I'm with you all the way, I've got your back if you've got mine!"

Ahmed: "Right back at you, see you in the ring!"

All of a sudden it feels like the temperature has fallen to zero degrees…and we're in Miami tonight.

(Scene: RAW is WAR – Ahmed Johnson vs. Owen Hart)

Looks like his bad mood has carried over into our match, why am I not surprised? I've been reduced to vocally calling all the spots.

Owen: "Hey, hey! That's a closed fist, ref!"…"Whoa! Not so much force into the ropes!"…"Oooof! My stomach!"

Too much gumption behind that blow. He better get that axe kick routine down pat.

Owen: "Ahmed! The shoulder area!"

CRACK!

Owen: "Ooooh! Damn it! My head!"

Does this guy have any self-control? I should roll out of the ring to buy myself some time. May as well dip into my bag of tricks while he's not looking. Oh good, he's playing to the crowd; that's the first thing he's done right all night! Let's see what we've got lying around…oh here we go, brass knuckles! Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I'm going to put these things on and it's going to be lights out for him; well guess again! Watch the master at work!

Owen: "Here, catch!"

Ahmed: "Huh? What's going on here?"

Owen: "Ref, ref! I just caught him red-handed! Admonish him this instant!"

Referee: "Come on now! You know those are against the rules! Give them to me!"

Ahmed: "But these aren't mine! They were thrown to me…whoa!"

Owen: "Count him out ref!"

(referee scores the pinfall victory for Owen, crowd boos unmercifully)

Game, set and match! Schoolboy rollup and a handful of tights is all that's required for a successful title defence. Yeah, boo me all you want! You people will still pay to see me get beat up every week; I'm the one who makes money off of your emotions, suckers! Man, it sure feels good to play the bad guy every night…oh man, now I don't feel so good, it's that damn head acting up again! Why are my eyelids getting heavy?

THUD!

(paramedics rush Owen to emergency room for concussion exam)

Hello, I'm Vince McMahon, the man who brought the wrestling industry from the smoky bars in 1984 into the giant sports entertainment conglomerate it is today. Now, some corporation is stealing all my creations, including my world champion, for the sole purpose of trying to put me out of business! Is it any wonder I'm starting to show some grey along my sideburns?

(Scene: WWF Corporate Headquarters)

McMahon: "Gentlemen, let's get all our facts straight! My champion is heading into his home country unwilling to give up MY title under the pretence of calling himself a "national hero". I'm not the type of person who tolerates dissent in my company. This is why I've called a board of directors meeting for the purpose of getting our hands dirty. We've got a pay-per-view coming up this Sunday and we still can't decide on a finish that everyone can agree upon! The champion won't agree to anything; the challenger won't play ball with us either! This means we're going to have to come up with some unorthodox type of booking. Something that's going to wake up the wrestling world and tell our competition that we're still alive and kicking!

Now, bookers, I'm going to call out names and acknowledge your presence as you're called…Patterson…Brisco…Ferrara…Shane…Russo…Russo?"

(sound of toilet flushing)

McMahon: "RUSSO! There had better be a PEN in your hand with a great idea written down because I can demote you back to magazine columnist in the next five seconds!"

Russo: "Give me a minute, boss! The sign says, 'Always wash after using the facilities!' Besides, I've got this blast from the past which you might want to revisit; check this out!"

McMahon: "Perhaps you could slide your proposal under the door; you could save us all the time and embarrassment of seeing the humiliation on your face."

Russo: "Come on, my necrophilia idea might not look good on paper, but with the right characters…"

McMahon: "Russo! I'm not one to go for some cheap ratings stunt to establish an audience! Are you a mole for Turner or something?"

(Russo slides February 1988 issue of WWF magazine under bathroom door)

Russo: "Here, page 7! This idea helped draw millions of viewers! You might want to start calling Florida in the next few hours!"

McMahon: "Alright, let me see…I hate to break this to you, but Hulk is already under contract with the enemy and is the main reason why we're in this situation…"

Russo: "Not Hogan! The wimpy little guy lying down next to him! His brother will provide us with his whereabouts and we can carry out my plan from there! It will be a TWIN KILLING!"

McMahon: "Hey, you might be on to something! Maybe my competition is right after all! Why think of original ideas if we can just recycle our old ones? Russo, you're the catalyst for my creative genius!"

Russo: "So I propose that we execute this plan at our next house show when only a few hundred people are watching?"

McMahon: "What did you just say?"

Russo: "Does 'thousand' have a better ring to it?"

McMahon: "That's better! You know how to act like a good company man!"