-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Six: Milla's Major Award


So, day six. Wow, that means we're almost a fourth of a way through this. Geez, how exciting...er, I think.

This drabble and two more later come from dear Darth Ave's suggestion that I do a parody of something from A Christmas Story, which, for those of you who don't know, is pretty much the greatest Christmas movie ever. For those of you who've seen the movie, this should be amusing. For those of you haven't, it might not seem too Christmassy, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Right, onward!

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"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Sasha, whom had been hiding in his office in a desperate attempt to avoid another go with the lights, suddenly jerked to his feet at the sound of the shrill cry. "Milla!" He exclaimed, eyes widening from behind his sunglasses. He immediately sprinted out the door, leaving his half-finished blog entry behind him.

"Milla!? What's wrong!?" The German Psychonaut exclaimed as he burst into his partner's office, glancing this way and that. Odd, everything in Milla's office seemed to be in order...just as bright and terribly tacky as always.

Milla herself spun around to face Sasha, her face one of giddy excitement. "Oh my gosh, Sasha!" With that she rushed across the room and flung her arms around the German man, hugging him so tightly a loud 'crack' was heard from his ribs.

"ACH!" Sasha choked out. "A-Agent Vodello...my spine..."

"I WON, SASHA! I WON!" Milla babbled in ecstatic gibberish, apparently so giddy that she didn't realize she was snapping her partner in two.

"Ah...that's...that's great Milla...now please let go of me." Sasha said weakly.

Milla blinked. "Oh...right." She finally released poor Sasha, laughing nervously. "Sorry about that, darling. But I won!"

"I gathered as much." Sasha drawled in an exasperated manner, brushing himself off and popping his spine back into place. "But from what? And what, may I ask, did you win?"

"Oh...well...um...actually I'm not entirely sure..." Milla said, blinking in confusion as she glanced back at the package on her desk. "I think Agent Rhose entered me into some sort of contest at some point, she's such a sweet girl...but oh well! The point is I won!"

Sasha stared at the package, brow furrowing. "I...see...well, congratulations, Agent Vodello. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm...busy..." He decided not to mention that 'busy' meant 'blogging while trying to avoid that damn Tessie woman at all costs'.

Milla rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on Sasha, don't you want to see what my prize is!?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh, don't be such a party pooper." The Brazilian said as she picked up the package with telekinesis, along with a letter opener. "Come on, let's see!" With that, she tore open the box with a loud rip and pulled it open. "Hmmm, let's see here..." She murmured as she shifted through the box, oblivious to the faces Sasha made as some of the puffy plastic packaging was shoved out of the box and drifted to the floor.

"Aha!" Milla suddenly exclaimed. "Here it is!" With that, she tugged a tall, plaster something out of the box.

The moment Sasha got a good look at the thing, he cringed.

It was a lamp. Or at least it might have been. The base was shaped like...well, a woman's leg. A very shapely woman's leg at that, clad in a simple, tall, black high-heeled shoe and fish-net stockings. The lampshade was colored a soft, shimmering gold with black tassels, and was designed to look like the "woman's" skirt.

Upon the moment of the leg lamp's unveiling, Sasha cringed. "Oh Gott..." It was the ugliest thing he had ever laid eyes on, and he used to work in a carnival lamp factory. He knew ugly lamps.

"Oh wow!" Milla exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "It's so cute!"

"Cute!?" Sasha sputtered. "It's hideous!"

Milla pouted, reaching out to take the leg lamp and hug it to herself. "It is not! It's adorable!"

Sasha gaped at the thing in horror. "No it's not!"

"It is so!" The brunette put her her free hand on her hip as she cradled the lamp with the other. "You're just jealous because I won a Major Award and you didn't!" She declared with a grin.

"What Major Award!? You don't even remember the contest that you won!" Sasha exclaimed.

Milla shrugged. "So? I still won."

Sasha scowled, folding his arms before him. "I think I'd much rather lose than win that hideous thing."

"Oh, hush." Milla drawled, waving her arm in an offhanded manner. "Anyway...where shall I put it?" She asked as she glanced around her office.

Sasha sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Hopefully somewhere far out of sight, where no one can see it and have their retinae burnt away." He muttered.

"Aha! Here we go!" Milla exclaimed, removing her old, brightly colored lamp from the small filing cabinet she had set just below one of the windows that looked out into the hallway. She then placed the Leg Lamp in the former lamp's position. "Now everyone can see it!" She said brightly clapping her hands together.

Sasha's eyes widened in horror. "Ach..."

Milla pulled open her door and stepped into the hallways, beaming. "Sasha, would you be a dear and plug it in for me?"

Sasha looked from lamp to Milla and back again, face pale. "But...but..."

"Please, darling?" Milla pleaded, making the face.

Not even Sasha could resist that face. The German Psychonaut gave a groan of defeat, then used telekinesis to put the plug in the socket. Instantly the lamp sprung to life, a bright yellow glow coming from beneath the "skirt" and making Sasha cringe.

"Oh, wow! It's lovely!" Milla exclaimed, levitating into the air and clapping her hands. "And you can see it out here perfectly!"

As luck would have it, it was around then that Oleander came walking back, whistling an army tune as he lugged along a pile of papers. However, upon noting Milla levitating in the hallway he paused, brow furrowing. "Er...afternoon, Milla. What in the blazes are you doing?" He asked, oblivious to Sasha's expression of utter horror back in the Brazilian agent's office.

"Oh, hello Morry!" Milla cooed. "I'm just trying to see how my new lamp looks from outside my office, that's all."

"New lamp?" Morry blinked, looking over to see the Leg Lamp gleaming in the window. He gave a low whistle. "Wow, that is a nice lamp."

"I know, isn't it cute!?" Milla giggled. "It's my Major Award!"

"A Major Award? Well, congratulations, Milla!" Oleander said, offering a handshake which Milla had to stoop to accept. As she did this, just about every single agent on that floor had begun to poke their heads out of their offices to get a glimpse of what exactly was going on.

"Thank you, Morry." Milla said with a small smile, then glanced around. "Did you see everyone? This is my major award!" She said, gesturing to the lamp.

That did it. Soon enough the entire floor was gathered around Milla's office, 'ooh-ing' and 'ahh-ing' at the lamp.

"Wow Milla, congratulations!"

"It really is a nice lamp, Miss Vodello."

"Man, I wish I had entered...whatever it was that you entered."

As the agents continued to chatter outside of Milla's office, inside Sasha could only observe in mute horror. With them all gathered around the doorway the poor German Psychonaut was trapped inside the room with the infernal lamp.

"Ah...excuse me, can I get through, please?" Sasha asked for what felt like the millionth time. None of the agents moved. It seemed the Leg Lamp had some sort of hypnotic effect on everyone but him.

After several more minutes of struggling Sasha let out a loud groan. "For the love of...it's a stupid tacky lamp, people! It's ugly as sin, why can't you see that!?" He exclaimed. "It doesn't even go with the color scheme of the room, I can tell and I'm colorblind! Just get rid of the thing already!"

"Man...that really is a nice lamp..."

Sasha sighed, putting his face in his hands. "Why me?"

It seemed the Leg Lamp was there to stay.

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To Be Continued...