-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Eight: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode Two: A High-Wired Adventure

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Whoa, this was close...I almost didn't get this drabble done in time. Fortunately, I managed. Ayiyiyiyi, I'm so stressed out...this weekend is going to be a busy one, since I'm really not ahead in these drabbles at all, not to mention CP and school work. Uweeh, the holidays are so busy! But as long as this is making someone smile, I'll pull through.

Onward!

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"Okay Sasha," Tessie began. Both she and Sasha stood just outside the agency, piles and piles of boxes filled with lights set in front of them. "I have all your supplies right here. All you have to do is follow this diagram, and we'll have a display of lights that's sure to just pump everyone who sees it full of Christmas Cheer™ !"

Sasha looked from the diagram in his hands to the pile of boxes, paling. "Ah, Agent..." He trailed off, brow furrowing. Did this woman even have a last name? "...Ma'am, this is a secret government agency. Doesn't it seem a bit...ah, contradictory to be setting up such an attention-grabbing lights display?"

Tessie blinked at him, still beaming.

"...Never mind." Sasha sighed. "I don't suppose it's possible to find...ah...someone else to do this?" He asked as he glanced back at the lights. Not that he believed in curses or anything, that was ridiculous! But even so, his last outing with the kaleidoscopic lights had been...less than pleasant.

Tessie shook her head, still beaming. "Sorry, Sasha, I'm afraid not!" She clapped him on the back. "I'm sure you'll do fine, you're just pumped full of Christmas Cheer™ , aren't you!?"

"Er...yes...Christmas Cheer." Sasha said dully.

" ™ ." Tessie added, winking before walking away. With her back turned, she didn't see the way Sasha shuddered in horror.

After a few moments of silence Sasha let out a long sigh, glancing over the diagram in his hands. The diagram was currently calling for lights strung along the windows of every story and some glowing elves and Frosty up front with a tree made of lights, not to mention Santa and his reindeer up on the roof. "This is not going to end well." He muttered.

Oh how right he was.

The elves, for the most part, gave Sasha no trouble...though he could have sworn upon opening the box they had sprung forth to attack him, but fortunately for him no one had been around to observe his battle against the little light-up imps. Amazingly, Frosty was even less cooperative.

Somehow, Frosty managed to come in three hundred individual pieces.

Each piece also happened to be frozen together. Sasha stared blankly at the frozen block of ice that had come out of the box. "But...she said she bought this yesterday..." He sighed, then set to the slow, exhausting work of defrosting and separating each and every piece, grumbling under his breath in German all the while. Once this was done he actually had to assemble the thing, which ended up being a bit like The Tree, only not possessed.

Or at least he hoped it wasn't possessed. Sasha valued his brain a bit too much after the Loboto incident to use clairvoyance and check.

Once this task was complete, a good portion of the set-up, amazingly enough, occurred without incident. Okay, so maybe an entire strand of lights had just spontaneously combusted when he looked at them, and he had been forced to make a trek down to three department stores to actually get some extension cords (The first two had miraculously been out, even though they both claimed to have restocked a mere hour beforehand), not to mention the many times the little bulbs had tried to strangle the life from him (likely an act of vengeance for their scorched brethren). But really, other than all that he wasn't too bad.

Maybe he wasn't cursed after all.

Sasha was almost in fairly good spirits as he set up Santa and his reindeer up on the rooftop. Sure, it was annoying, but soon enough he'd be done and then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this stuff until he took them down in a few weeks!

Now if only these reindeer would stop being so stubborn and get assembled!

"I don't get it!" Sasha muttered as he tried desperately to wedge one of Blitzen's legs onto his body. "No matter what I do it doesn't fit...these holes are too small." He let out a frustrated sigh, finally jamming the leg down onto the little deer's plastic body with a loud, slightly unhealthy sounding "crack!" The German held his breath as he removed his gloved hand, hoping the leg would stay. It did.

"Ah, thank Gott..." He muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Now all I have to do is hitch it to the sleigh and I can-- ACH!" Sasha yelped as his feet suddenly slipped out from under him on some snow. He tumbled backwards, landing with an "OOF!" mere inches from the edge of the roof.

Blitzen wasn't so lucky. The light-up reindeer tumbled several stories, until it at last hit the ground with a loud, splintering "CRUNCH!"

Sasha let out a groan as he lay there, nursing his aching skull. "That...did not sound good..." He muttered. After a few seconds he rolled onto his front so he could peer over the edge of the roof to survey the damage.

There, in the middle of the little display out front, lay Blitzen. Or rather, his remains. Pieces of the little plastic reindeer lay everywhere, legs twisted in malformed shapes like broken twigs, the entire of his body in two. Blitzen's severed head had replaced Frosty's top hat, and the way the elves were placed gave the entire thing the appearance that Frosty and the elves had just been the witnesses to Blitzen's traumatic suicide.

Sasha stared at the scene for a moment. Then he glanced back at Santa and his reindeer. "Ach, forget it." He muttered, getting up and brushing the snow off of himself. "I do not have time for this."

He really hoped no one noticed that Rudolph had apparently murdered Blitzen for his place in the line-up.

With the display complete at last, Sasha had but one thing to do: plug it in.

"Alright, let's see here...yes, yes, everything is set up right, meaning all I should have to do is plug it in...here..."

KKKKKKKKZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!

There was a blinding blue flash that lit up the entire New York sky for a moment, causing many people to stop and stare. Years from now, people would tell amazing tales of what they thought had happened to cause such a flash, but they would never guess that it was really nothing more than a certain German Psychonaut being deep-fried.

"Hm? What was that?" Tessie wondered as she stepped out of the agency, licking at a candy cane. She then blinked as she found Sasha twitching and smoldering in the snow. "Huh? Sasha, are you alright?"

"No."

"Glad to hear that!" Tessie chirped, reaching out to pat Sasha on the head. She then turned to face the agency, her face lighting up about as brightly as the lights that covered the entire building. "Oh wow, Sasha, this is amazing!"

"Good. Because I am done, Agent..." Sasha trailed off as he brushed the snow off of himself, frowning. "What exactly is your last name?"

"It's so full of Christmas Cheer™!" Tessie continued as if she hadn't heard him. "Too bad you're going to have to redo it all!"

Silence.

"...What?" Sasha sputtered.

"Oh, you know, I just saw some Christmas lights displays around town, and I realized ours just isn't cheery enough. This is a problem. So I've come up with a whole new design, complete with one of those things that'll make it so the lights flash in time with music!" Tessie chirped.

The German Psychonaut was too shocked to speak.

"I can tell you're excited! I'm sure you'll do great! Here's the plan!" Tessie dropped a packet of papers as thick as a text box into Sasha's hands. "Good luck! And remember, Christmas Cheer™!" With that, she walked away.

Sasha nearly broke down and cried.

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To Be Continued...