-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Thirteen: Sasha vs. The Lights

Episode Three: The Lights Seen 'Round The World (Except Not)


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Ugh, so tired...I barely got this done in time, so very busy. I also seem to be getting sick, ach, lovely...

I apologize, this chapter is a bit sub-par for an ending to poor Sasha's battle, but I couldn't manage anything else. I'm terribly sorry...really, this chapter is at it's funniest if you try to imagine the pictures I "write out" here, so have your imaginations ready.

Right...onward, I guess.

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"A sound system."

Milla glanced up from where she was weaving some garland around a railing. "Excuse me?"

Sasha stood before her, his hair and clothes slightly rumpled, his eye giving the occasional twitch. "Do you remember those videos that circulated the Internet last year? The ones of the house with the lights that lit up in time to 'Wizards of Winter'?"

The Brazilian Psychonaut's face brightened at this memory. "Oh yes, I remember! Those were amazing."

"Yes, well, now that woman wants a display like that for the agency."

Milla's jaw dropped. "You have to be kidding me."

Sasha shook his head. "Ach, I wish."

"She can't keep working you like this!" Milla exclaimed. "This is insane!"

Sasha let out a long sigh. "If only that were true. The good news is it is finally nearly ready. I've stapled myself to the building more times than I can count and I have taken so many jolts of electricity that it is truly a miracle I'm still living, but it is finally nearly ready. Once it is done I am locking myself in my office and I don't plan on leaving until this damn holiday is over."

Milla shook her head, patting Sasha on the arm. "Oh come on sweetie, cheer up. Like you said, you're nearly done!" She said brightly. She saw her partner twitch, and could have sworn he mumbled something about not being cursed, but when she gave him a questioning look he merely shook his head and brushed her hand away.

"I suppose so. That does not change the fact that I never want to see another bulb as long as I live." Sasha muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Well then...I had better get to work, I only came inside to ensure the power supply was working properly."

"Good luck!" Milla beamed, waving as Sasha walked away.

Fifteen minutes and a few more unfortunately incidents with the extension cords (the ones he had bought ended up being defective, so once again Sasha found himself...er..."borrowing" some) and at last the display was ready

"Alright. I am not cursed, I am not cursed, I am not cursed, I am not cursed..." Sasha chanted as he hefted up the extension cords. Then, holding his breath, he plugged it in.

There was a spark, a flash of light, and an explosion. Inside the agency, everything sputtered and died. The lights, the computers, the elevators, everything. The entire agency was plunged into darkness. Screams were heard through the entire building, thuds as agents ran smack into each other, hot coffee splashing onto the carpet. Some of the newer agents tumbled down staircases, dozens of smaller thuds ringing through the halls, followed by greater ones as they landed in piles like discarded, unmatched socks.

All was silent for a moment.

"What the HELL!?"

"What just happened!?"

"I think the power is out..."

"Ow...ow...my spine..."

"IT'S THE COMMIES! I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME! EVERYONE HEAD FOR THE BUNKERS! WE'LL TOUGH IT OUT AND THEN RETURN FIRE!"

"Shut up, Gray."

Outside of the agency, Sasha cringed, staring at the building in horror.

"Oh, Gott..."

With that, he dropped the cords and charged inside.

It took three hours for everyone to stop panicking and the mechanics to finally restore power to the agency. They were incredibly puzzled, as Psychonauts Headquarters did not, in fact, run solely on regular electricity. If the power had gone out, it did have Psitanium to back it up. Therefore, the power really shouldn't have gone out. When they had checked the mineral, it had been fine. Baffled, the mechanics were stuck slaving with the power lines until they finally managed to get the place running again, much to the joy of the entire agency. Well...to everyone but a guy who kept running around screaming something about how "THE APOCALYPSE IS NEIGH, SUCKERS!" but he had a bit too much caffeine that morning.

And so, at last Sasha found himself wandering out of the building once more, a baffled Milla close behind.

"I just don't get it...how on earth did you do that, darling?"

Sasha just shook his head, at a loss for words by this point.

Milla cast a glance at him and sighed, shaking her head. "Well, at least they fixed it, hm? Come on, why don't you just plug it in so you can consider the job done once and for all?"

The German Psychonaut let out a long sigh, picking up the extension cords once again. "Right...yes. Here we go." He mumbled, unspiritedly plugging the lights in.

Nothing happened.

Sasha glanced up despairingly at the unlit agency. "Oh Gott..."

Milla winced. "Oh dear...well, relax, I'm sure it's just a little miss-step, that's all. I'll go check the system and everything, you just check the lights, okay?" She said, patting Sasha comfortingly on the back.

"...ah...right...checking the lights."

With that, the two split up.

Milla headed around to the back of the agency, where a great big, complicated computer system had been set up for the lights. "Oh...wow..." She murmured, wincing as the machine gave a spark. "I wonder if it will bite me if I get too close..."

Meanwhile, Sasha was checking over the lights on the roof, mumbling to himself all the while. "Not cursed, not cursed, it's all in your head, Sasha, not cursed..."

Finally, Milla's emerald green eyes lit up. "Aha! Found the problem!" She chirped, reaching down and flicking a switch with her gloved hand.

The lights came to life all at once, bathing the agency in a kaleidoscopic glow. Sasha let out a cry of surprise, blinded from being so close to the hundreds of bulbs. He stumbled back, clutching at his eyes.

"Oh, here's the music! Let's see if it works!" Milla said with a grin, hitting a button.

Sasha, blinded by the lights, was unable to see the cords behind him until it was too late. His feet caught on them and he slipped, letting out a yelp as he hit the roof, nearly tumbling off of it. Fortunately for him, his foot caught a strand of lights, holding him there.

Unfortunately, by this point it had become quite clear that Sasha and The Lights did not have the best of relationships.

"Pop, pop, pop!"

"...Oh dear.

"SNAP!"

Cue Ode to Joy.

Across the roof Sasha slipped, catching every strand of lights as he went. Amazingly, the lights did follow a bit of their programming. They exploded in time with Ode to Joy, which was blaring over the speakers as Sasha went tumbling down like some sort of Men in Black version of Humpty Dumpty.

"POPPOPOPOPPOPOP!" Went the lights.

"SNAP!" Went the strands as Sasha caught them, tumbling past windows as he flew story after story.

"SWOOSH!" Went Sasha's snazzy leather jacket.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Went Sasha.

Forget Santa and his Reindeer, this must have truly been a sight to behold, to see Sasha Nein tumbling through the air, screaming bloody murder, lights tangled around him like writhing snakes, a shower of multicolored glass trailing behind him like the tail of a brilliant comet.

"SNAPSNAPSNAP-- BOOOOING!"

At last, several combined strands of lights managed to strain to hold Sasha's weight, at last bringing the International Agent to a stop before he hit the ground. It was around then that Milla finally showed up.

"Sasha? Darling? I heard screaming and-- Oh my God, Sasha!" Milla shrieked.

Sasha dangled there, so wrapped up in strands of lights that Milla could only see his shellshocked face.

"Oh my God!" Milla repeated, quickly using telekinesis to untangle the poor man and bring him to the ground. "Are you alright, dear!?" She asked when Sasha was finally set on his feet.

Sasha stood in silence for a moment, simply twitching. Finally, he said one thing.

"I...really am cursed."

With that, he collapsed back into the snow and stayed there.

Final Score:

Lights: 3

Sasha: 0

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To Be Continued...