-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Fifteen: Crystal's Not-So-Wonderful Life

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Gah, I'm so sorry I missed yesterdays update, guys! I tried really hard, but I was just so tired and sick that I couldn't seem to get anything typed out. Bleh...I needed the break. I'm really, really sorry...but at least this is finally up.

Expect today's (the sixteenth) update later today, okay guys?

Right, onward, and sorry again!

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Winter nights in Peoria, Illinois were generally a chilly affair. The night in which our story takes place was a particularly good illustration of this, with snow billowing through the small town as far as the eye could see. People went to and fro, scarves covering their frost-bitten faces as they hurried to get out of the cold.

All save for one.

Running through the center of the town was a great, rapidly flowing river, which was actually quite famous for drowning anyone who set so much as a foot in the rapids. Though in the winter it tended to freeze over, it wasn't quite at that point yet. It did, however, have chunks of ice churning within it. Various bridges ran over this river, and standing on the tallest one, peering over the edge, was Crystal Flowers Snagrash.

"Well...I guess this is it..." Crystal murmured as she shivered in the cold, her red ponytail billowing back in the wind, tears clinging (and by clinging we mean freezing) to her cheeks. "The world's had enough of me...I'm so terrible...a pimple on the face of humanity." She whimpered miserably. "No one likes my cheers, which are terrible anyway, I'm not good at anything else, Clem's not here, everyone else hates me..."

"No one would care if I just jumped right now!" She sobbed into her gloved hands.

Quite suddenly, Crystal found herself illuminated by a bright beam of light. The red-haired girl blinked, her brow furrowing. "Huh...what?" She squinted up into the beam of light.

There was a yell from up above, but it was a bit too muffled for her to actually catch what was being said.

"What!? God, is that you!?" Crystal called up into the light.

More yelling that she couldn't make out.

"What!?"

There was a loud, hacking cough. "I said, could you hand me that bulb I just dropped!?"

Crystal blinked in confusion. She then glanced down to her left to see a simple light bulb sitting in the snow next to her. "...Wha?" She knelt down, picked up the light bulb, brushed the snow off and held it up. "You mean this?"

"Yeah, that's it. Thanks kid." The lightbulb was taken from her hand. There was a pop, and then the beam of light vanished, followed by a few squeaks. A slightly dimmer light came up. "Ah, there we go."

A young man in his late twenties suddenly came down a step ladder to stand next to Crystal, his shaggy blond hair blowing in the wind as he squinted up into the beam of light. He was clad in a white hoodie, the words "Choir Angels Do It Better" printed across it in gold, as well as a pair of baggy jeans. What was most shocking about him, however, was the pair of fluffy white wings sprouting from his back.

"There we go, that's better. I told Gaberial that other brand was way too bright, but does he listen!? No, of course not. Stupid jerk, always thinks he's right just because he gets mentioned more often..." The blond muttered, scratching his head.

Crystal made a sputtering noise, stumbling back. "Who are you!?"

"Huh?" The blond blinked, glancing down at Crystal. "Oh, hey. Thanks for helping me, uh..."

"Crystal." The red head said. "Now who are you!?"

"Oh...um...me?" The blond blinked again, then gave a solemn nod. "Ah, yes. I am one of the Lord's sacred messengers! My name is...Steve."

"Steve?" Crystal repeated dubiously.

"Yes, Steve!" The blond snapped. "What, do you have a problem with it? It's a great name!"

Crystal winced. "Eep, sorry, Mr.Angel...um...are you hear to help me?"

"Help you?" Steve blinked in confusion. "Not really. Actually I'm just here because some angels are lazy asses and send others to fix their stupid mistakes." He growled.

"Oh..." Crystal's shoulders slumped dejectedly.

Steve's brow furrowed. Then he snapped his fingers. "Oh, damn, right, the whole suicide thing...and Bob's on vacation too...oh well, I guess I can try to help. Um...lets see...what was that movie that's on every Christmas? Perhaps something like that..."

Crystal blinked in confusion. Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed her by the arm. "C'mon kiddo, let me show you something..."

---

A few moments later found Crystal clinging to Steve for dear life on the back of a speeding motorcycle.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What are we doing!?" Crystal shrieked, her eyes wide.

"Gah, stop screaming in my ear!" Steve yelped, wincing in pain. "I'm showing you that film they always show at Christmas...you know, the great escape?"

"WHAT!? Why!?"

"I dunno," Steve shrugged, brow furrowing. "Escape from your troubles? Nah, that can't be right."

Just as quickly as it came, the motorcycle disappeared, leaving Steve and Crystal floating in a strange, blank white space. Low, elevator-style carols played in the background as the two stood there, Crystal appearing confused while Steve was contemplating exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

"Hm...let me think...okay uh...well, I don't need to show you that there really is a Santa Clause, do I?"

Crystal shook her head.

"Hmm...what movie am I thinking of? Mary Poppins? Muppet Christmas Carol? ET?" The blond frowned, scratching his head in confusion.

"Um...mister angel, sir, I'm sorry for wasting your time, maybe I should just get to killing myself..."

"Wait, I got it!" Steve snapped his fingers and grinned. "I'm thinking of 'It's a Wonderful Life', of course!"

Crystal stared blankly at him.

"So, you really think you're useless?" Steve asked.

Crystal nodded.

"Wish you'd never been born?"

The red-head nodded again.

"Well...um...I'm running out of time here, but let me...uh, give you a quick rundown." Steve frowned, running a hand through his hair. "Just think, if you weren't born, your mom would be really lonely! And..um...what's-his-face, the guy who cheers with you-"

"Clem?" Crystal perked up a bit.

"Yeah, him! If you weren't around, he'd have become...uh, an emo goth, yeah. He'd dress in all black and wear eyeliner and go around babbling about how his life is a sonata of tears or whatever."

"Really!?" Crystal gasped, her eyes wide. "Oh my gosh!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. And um...oh, Razputin! Remember how brave and heroic he is? Well, if you weren't around to cheer for him, Raz becomes...uh, a total coward, yeah. High-tails it from Whispering Rock screaming 'Run away, run away!' and everything."

Crystal let out another gasp. "My cheers mean that much!?"

"You bet. And um...you know, since Raz wasn't around to save the world, it was taken over by psychic death tanks with the brains all of all your little friends inside. Gosh, if only you had been there to cheer them on..."

Crystal's eyes were wide and shining.

Steve, encouraged by this, gave a nervous laugh. "Um...yeah...and...also, uh, because of some weird act of the chaos theory, you not existing would have...uh...caused giant dust bunnies to multiply by the thousands and destroy the world!"

"Oh my gosh!" Crystal exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes. "Is that really all true!?"

"Well...actually, no." Steve drawled bluntly. "I'm just making this all up as I go."

Crystal's eyes widened and she put her face in her hands, sobbing.

"I-I mean,yes, of course it is!" Steve cried out, trying to cover up.

"Oh..." Crystal glanced up at him again, giving a watery smile. "So I'm really...important?"

"Um...yeah, of course!" Steve lied through a weak grin. He reached down to pat Crystal awkwardly on the back. "So um...yeah...still want to kill yourself?"

Crystal opened her mouth to speak, then took a minute to think. Was living really so bad? She paused to remember the good times, like the time when her mother had actually remembered her birthday and had gotten her a kleenex box, and that time the kids in school had locked her in the freezer had been really funny once she had been defrosted! All the cheers she and Clem had done. That one time the kids at camp had actually replied to all of her letters. And all those times Bobby and Benny had beat her and Clem up had clearly only been out of misplaced affection.

She turned to Steve. "O. M. G. You are so right, Mister Angel guy! I don't want to die!" With that, she flung herself at the blond and gave him a hug. "Oh, thank you thank you thank you!"

"Gah! Get off of me!" Steve yelped, shoving her away.

"Oh, thank you so much! You've shown me the light, mister angel guy!" Crystal exclaimed. "Can you send me home? Actually...I need to go shopping, can you believe I didn't get anything for anyone since I thought I was going to kill myself? Gosh, I am so stupid!"

"Uh...alright, I'll drop you off at the nearest Wal Mart, then." Steve shrugged. "Good luck in life." With that, he snapped his fingers and she was gone.

This task done, he groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "There. Damnit, Gaberial better fork over those twenty bucks..."

---

Crystal materialized in the middle of Wal Mart, but the other shoppers were too absorbed in their obligatory gift buying to notice.

A voice came over the intercom. "Attention shoppers. Wal Mart will be closing in fifteen minutes. Please take all your last minute purchases to the check-out line. Thank you, and happy holidays."

Crystal looked up. An over-sized calender could be seen hanging up on one of the displays. It said " 24th December".

Crystal screamed. She kept screaming as she rushed through the department store at top speeds, panicking and buying the nearest thing she thought the other campers might like. She was still screaming as she paid at the checkout, which caused the poor lady working there to check her signature several times. She only stopped screaming when she finally reached the bus stop, much to the relief of everyone else in the bus shelter.

---

"You know," Gaberial drawled as he and Steve munched on popcorn. "Making that little girl think it's Christmas Eve already was a pretty mean trick."

"But funny." Steve pointed out as he sipped his Mountain Dew.

"True enough."

The two sat in silence for a moment.

"This doesn't change the fact that you still owe me twenty bucks." Steve growled.

"What!?" Gaberial sputtered.

"Hey, you lost the bet, you pay up."

"Oh, Goddamnit it all!"

"Hey, stop using my name in vain!"

"Sorry, sir..."

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To Be Continued...