Alright, here's chapter three, FINALLY... I'm so sorry this took so long, I took on two jobs this summer plus a summer class that I had thought would be a lot easier, so I just haven't had time or energy to write. BUT I have more time off in the next two weeks and I've already got the next chapter laid out, so the next update shouldn't be too far off! As usual, I own none of these characters, but if JK Rowling wouldn't mind lending me Draco or Lucius for a night, I promise to put them to very good use. ;) If you like this chapter and want to see more, please add this to your favourites and/or leave a review! Reviews are the best, they really do inspire me to write more. A big thanks to everyone who's read and alerted this story already!

"...alright Draco, now it's your turn. Will you please explain back to me how to use the telephone to make a phone call?"

Draco rolled his eyes. They'd been at this for nearly two hours. Once the ministry cars had dropped the Malfoys off at their new home, their bossy young prosecutor had showed up. She had taken it upon herself to give them a few basic lessons on how to use things like light switches and the garbage disposal, and was now teaching them how to use a device known as a "phone." Lucius and Draco had initially been resistant to her help, until she had shown them the kitchen and asked if either of them had ever cooked before. Draco could have sworn he'd seen her trying to suppress a smirk when he and his father had sighed and shaken their heads simultaneously.

After the lesson on cell phone use, Hermione showed the two men to the living room. "This," she said, gesturing toward a large, rectangular black thing, "is a television. Most muggles refer to it as a TV or the telly."

"And what precisely is the function of this wonderful invention?" asked the elder Malfoy sorely. While he knew these lessons were invaluable to he and his son, being in this new environment and learning all of this new information had made him very tired, both mentally and physically. His mind began to wander and he wondered if muggle beds were anywhere near as comfortable as his own back home.

"Well, I'll show you." answered Hermione, pulling Lucius out of his thoughts. She took a wand-sized black rectangle off the couch and showed it to the Malfoys. "This is a remote. It controls the television." Lucius groaned inwardly. That thing must have had over thirty buttons! After his lesson on the microwave and the toaster oven, he wasn't sure how many more buttons he could learn.

Hermione pointed the remote at the TV and pressed a button. Suddenly, the big black rectangle was showing images of a group of scantily clad young women gyrating to music that Lucius found rather obnoxious. The father and son stared at the brightly lit screen as the music emitted from the TV was interrupted by a male voice informing them that this band's "hot new single" was now available on a thing called itunes.

Hermione had to work seriously hard not to laugh as Draco Malfoy, his eyes wide with wonder, walked slowly up to the TV screen and tapped on it. He jumped back abruptly as the screen changed to images of a bearded man with a booming voice telling them about stain removers.

"Hey!" exclaimed Draco with a mixture of surprise and disappointment. He appeared to much prefer the girl band to this infomercial. "Bring back the girls!" he shouted at the bearded man, who was now demonstrating his fast-acting new spray. "I don't care about getting stains out of my shirt! I want to see more of those dancing women!" he put his face close to the screen and glared dangerously at the man.

At this, the young witch could hold in her laughter no more. Lucius and Draco glared at her as she laughed uproariously for a minute or two before calming down. Finally, she straightened herself up and wiped the tears from her face. "D-draco," she gasped, still trying to steady her breathing, "Draco, they can't hear you. Televisions don't work both ways; what you're watching is a pre-recorded scene acted out in a studio somewhere and then broadcast out to televisions." she looked at both the mens faces and to little surprise, it seemed that they didn't understand. "Look, those girls are in a band together, and that was an advertisement for their new album. Then after that advertisement was over, a different one came on. On TV, they put advertisements between the shows. In a way, it's kind of like the radio, only you can see the people."

Lucius nodded slowly, beginning to comprehend. "So, what are these shows about?"

"Oh, anything." replied the witch, smiling. "There are shows about cooking. There are shows where they tell you the news, although it's always a bit biased in one direction or another if you ask me. There are educational shows about animals and history and there are shows that just talk gossip about celebrities. Pretty much anything you can imagine is on the television. I highly recommend you watch it. You can learn a lot about how muggles live and what they like from watching television." She held up the remote again. "These buttons change the channels and these buttons make it louder and quieter. And this one turns it off and on. The rest you can figure out yourself."

Hermione checked the clock on her cell phone and pulled a small book from her bag. She handed it to Lucius and gave them both a small smile. "Well, it's time for me to leave you two to explore your new home. I've helped you figure out a few things, and hopefully muggle living won't take too long to adjust to. If you have any questions, consult that book. I bought it at Flourish and Blott's for you, it's called A Wizard's Guide to Basic Muggle Housekeeping. It should come in handy." Hermione paused and looked down. "The Ministry had no intention of helping you two get settled or teaching you how to adapt to muggle life. The entire Wizarding world is having quite the laugh at your circumstances. That being said..." she gestured awkwardly toward the book. "if there's ever an emergency, my phone number is written in the back of that book."

There was an uncomfortable silence as everybody looked at their feet, unsure of what to say. Finally, Lucius took a breath and spoke up. "Thank you, Miss Granger. For keeping us out of Azkaban and for helping us here." Although he still abhorred the idea of life as a muggle, he still preferred it to a cramped cell in Azkaban and knew the witch had done he and his son an enormous favour that they probably had not deserved.

Hermione smiled and gave him a small nod. She put her hand out and shook his, then Draco's. "I'll be back in a week to check on you two. Try not to burn the house down or starve to death, alright?" Draco and Lucius nodded gravely, both knowing that with their knowledge of the muggle world both of these events were actually likely.

Hermione headed towards the front door. "Any last-minute questions?" asked the witch kindly.

"Yes, just one." answered the younger Malfoy.

"Sure, what is it?"

Draco gestured toward the TV, which was playing an american pop song sung by a blonde woman. "What's a disco stick?"

Aaand that's chapter three! Next chapter is all about Lucius and Draco fending for themselves during their first week in the muggle world. What will they eat? Will Draco become a couch potato? Will Lucius' expensive clothes make it through the wash? Please leave a review and let me know what fun things YOU think the Malfoys should learn about during their hellish adjustment period! ;)