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Bang, bang, bang.

Chapter 11 - Hotel Chelsea Nights Pt. 1

I fell like getting rid of all my things

Maybe just disappear into the fog

The traffic roars, my stomach screams

Like a gang of angry dogs

And I'm tired of living here in this hotel

(Ryan Adams – Hotel Chelsea Nights)

Edward Cullen

I stood in front of one of the shabbiest hotels in town. Well, it wasn't exactly in town, but about half an hour outside of it. I thought it might be a good idea to put a little physical distance between myself and the police station. Apart from that, I was pretty sure the people here wouldn't ask for any ID.

I had put a woollen hat over my head and even tried to smooth out the wrinkles in my jacket just for good measure. My eyes felt heavy from the lack of sleep and I was in serious need of a hot shower, or any shower at all. The car was parked a few blocks down to avoid any unneeded attention. Driving around with it had been a risk already and I had to think about some alternatives soon, if I wanted to drive somewhere in the near future. The mistake with my mobile phone had been bad enough already. But for now it had to work. I was lucky the Volvo wasn't that extraordinary in its appearance.

I entered the Hotel Chelsea, which was probably named after the famous one in New York, crossing a worn down red carpet and walked towards the unoccupied reception. I leaned casually against the desk and rang the brazen bell to make my presence known. My motto was simple enough: Be cool, don't attract attention.

A young woman appeared in front of a colourful curtain behind the reception area, her words of greeting slurred with her open-mouthed gum-chewing.

As anticipated she didn't ask for a passport, credit card or any other ID after I requested a room for three nights and shoved a few notes in her direction. She looked a little confused when I told her that I came alone and wanted the room for more than a couple of hours, but she didn't ask any further. In a few short sentences she told me where to find my room, handed me the key and directed me towards the stairs.

Since the hotel wasn't that big, it was easy enough to find the door with the right number on it. I put the lightly rusted key into the lock and rattled on it until the door eventually opened. Crossing the threshold, I did a quick inventory of the small room and let the keys drop onto the only cupboard, which stood across from the queen-sized bed. Of course it was only sparely furnished, dark red curtains tainting the room into dreary light.

The feather bed looked welcoming, but as I sat down on the end of it, it sank down way more than it should, the mattress sagging and wobbling with every movement. I carefully inspected the sheets and they seemed clean enough at least. I couldn't spot any obvious holes either.

I checked the windowless bathroom next and instantly decided that it was just good enough to take a quick shower. The water got warm quickly since showers are an important part of these kind of hotels.

After finishing I dried myself off with one of the impressive fresh towels, put on my former clothes due to lack of alternatives and flopped myself down on the too squashy bed.

It was time to form a mental plan.

Ordered new passport - Check.

Found a place to hide for the next couple of days - Check.

Missing Bella in an already oddly familiar obsession - Check.

Still on the to do list:

Call Esme.

Get some clothes.

Find a new vehicle to drive around.

All of these tasks seemed a little impossible or obnoxious, given the circumstances, but they needed to be done anyway. I stood up to get my new mobile out of my jacket, hoping that this line was not only safe from the police, but also from the criminal guys.

Glad that I had already transferred all my numbers, or at least the important ones, to the new phone, I called Esme and after a few rings she picked up, a stressed note in her voice.

"Edward, is that really you?" she cried after hearing my voice. "This isn't your number. Where are you, when are you coming back?"

Before we could talk properly I had to convince her again and again that I was alright and that she shouldn't worry so much. It physically pained me to be the one who was responsible for her constant anxiety. She had had enough of that in her life already.

I didn't tell her my concrete plans to travel of course. I saw no need to make her an innocent confidant. The fact that police cruisers were apparently patrolling her house, looking for me, was bad enough as it was. Did they consider me stupid enough to visit my mother now? Well, I had to admit, I was at least stupid enough to stay in town and drive around with my own bloody car. Way to go, Edward!

But it was a tricky situation. A new car was out of the question. Cars of friends or family as well. The cops would look after those too, after they eventually discovered my unoccupied car that was parked somewhere in town. I opted to take the bus or a taxi if necessary for the next few days. With sunglasses and a hat hopefully nobody would recognize me. And I wasn't about to go out a lot until Monday anyway.

I firmly told Esme not to call me unless it was something life-threatening and I didn't even consider to give her my new secure number. My goal was to keep her out of this as much as possible. In theory the same applied to Bella, but due to selfishness and stupidity on my part I had visited her and kissed her and made a fool out of myself.

I ended the call with Esme and stood up to slide the curtains to the side to let some light into the bleak room. An inner sadness filled my body. Just early this morning I had watched my Bella standing at her window, looking tired and beautiful. There was this irrational pull again, no holding back of any extent when it came to her. I turned and almost sprinted back to my bed, grabbed my new mobile and pushed the required buttons to get her on the line. It rang instantly and while it did I thought about what I could possibly say to her. Maybe I would just call and hang up as soon as I heard her say something. Or I could be brave and apologise for kissing her, which would be such a lie, because I wasn't sorry at all.

Of course I wasn't brave enough and hung up before she even answered the damn phone.

I more or less collapsed backwards onto the bed and the traffic noise from the street in front of my window roared through the small room. There was nothing left to do for me but wait. Wait for my passport to get finished, wait until I was proven innocent and most of all - wait until I would see Bella again. I had no idea, why she was constantly present in my mind. Not so long ago I made it my goal to not get attached to people this fast and this intense. It is too risky for both sides and you would only get hurt in the end. I have seen it first hand with my mother and my father. But this kiss, this simple kiss, was probably worth all the hurt in the world together. And I only just realised it: this was worth everything and it scared the shit out of me.

The traffic noise was unnerving. The walls were thin, the windows apparently not sound-absorbent in the slightest, but exhaustion got the best of me soon after my little epiphany. I fell in a deep sleep above the sheets in my jeans and shirt without any dreams at all. What was there to dream about anyway? I got it all in real life. The best things and the worst things, all in a couple of days. And that night, there was no one who tucked me under a blanket, which was warm and comfortable and smelled like flowers.

The next morning I felt disgusted with myself. I needed new clothes, there was no way around this. It was too risky to get some from my apartment though. If they were patrolling Esme's house they would definitely watch my apartment as well.

I took another fast shower, towel-dried my hair and put on my old smelly clothes again. Well, they didn't really smell, I guess, but they very well could. I put the woollen hat on my still damp hair, grabbed my new phone, my jacket and the keys and left the room.

As I walked across the hallway to the stairs, the door to the room next to mine sprung open and a couple stumbled out. She was giggling while he was kissing her, having his hands all over her body. They took the stairs before me, completely unaware of my presence and discussed their next 'meeting', which should take place as soon as she was able to sneak out of her husbands house again. Call me old-fashioned or conservative, but this was just disgusting. If I was going to hell, these people and probably all of the occupants of the hotel, would go right with me. Unfortunately this thought didn't make me feel any better.

At the reception the young woman was once again chewing gum open-mouthed and when I asked her for any advice about how I could get into town without a car, she just handed me a bus timetable and the business card of a taxi-company without saying anything at all. What a nice and friendly lady.

I unsuccessfully tried to understand the bus schedule and finally decided it would be way easier to just take a taxi. Calling the number on the card, my eyes fell on the racks beside the reception. It was funny that this hotel sold postcards, but they were there nonetheless. My attention however was held by the rack of sunglasses right next to it. I needed one of those!

The taxi-driver promised to be here in about ten minutes and I approached the nice lady behind the reception again, who was now painting her fingernails. She sold me one of the overpriced sunglasses and I was good to go.

The taxi was just coming to a standstill when I exited the hotel. It was one of those nice and sunny spring days and I was glad my sunglasses wouldn't look too stupid during this kind of weather.

I was tempted to tell the taxi-driver to drive by Bella's apartment before he brought me to town, but decided against it. The police would be waiting around there as well and it probably was a little creepy on my part to even think about it.

I got out of the taxi at the central station and made my way down to the Tyne river, where I knew I could find a few second hand shops and other small clothes-shops. I wasn't a big fan of shopping. My suits where just delivered to my house from time to time. They measured my size once and because my body didn't really change that much over the last few years, they still made my suits in that size and they fit. For other clothes there was Alice. She was really into the fashion thing and Jasper had to be the best dressed guy in town. And since he basically had everything, she bought me stuff as well. It was what made Alice a happy girl and I couldn't bring myself to ruin her fun.

Not really caring for fashion, I went through a few shops unnoticed, grabbed some shirts, a couple of jeans, socks and underwear off the racks and considered myself finally done, when I suddenly saw her exiting a car. All of my movements came to a full stop. My beautiful Bella.

I was still in one of the shops, grabbing all the full bags filled with clothes I bought, to bring them outside, when I saw her through the shop-window. My heart ached furiously. I wanted nothing more than to burst through the doors, run over to her and sweep her up into my arms, give her a hug, lavish her with kisses all over her rosy cheeks and her delicate neck, those full and sweet lips and a last one on her forehead to tell her how much she meant to me.

But that probably wasn't something she would've liked. She nervously looked around as if she was afraid of something or someone. A horrible thought crossed my mind.

She was afraid of me.

Maybe I had gained her trust for a short amount of time, but then I kissed her in such an ungentlemanly way and left, like the fucking prick I am. I took advantage of her trust and now she sided with the police and was afraid of me.

I left the little shop and followed her down the street, carrying four bags of clothes, which suddenly didn't seem as necessary anymore. I kept in the shadows on the other side of the road, not sure what to do. The sight of her made me so incredibly happy but at the same time it made me angry at myself. But I couldn't just leave her alone now and even less I could go over and say hello like the good old friend I wasn't. But if I wasn't able to touch her, I could at least watch her for a few more moments from afar.

The sun enlightened her brown hair and I discovered a few natural red strands, which gave it a colourful shade. She fumbled with her bag then, stumbled a little and I was glad she didn't fall, because per reflex I would be about to speed up and try to catch her, if she did. Eventually she got some sunglasses out of her bag and put them gracefully on her nose. And when she turned her head to look nervously around again, I got a better look at her face. A little plaster was on her forehead and I felt my fists clench around the handles of the shopping bags. Who the hell did this to her? She wasn't hurt when I left her the other day. How bad was it? Did she hurt a lot? And why the hell did I feel so protective of her? I tried to get a better look at her, but she turned back around and most of it was hidden behind the overly huge sunglasses anyway.

Eventually she came to a sudden stop and I was too afraid I'd be discovered in my creepy stalking, so I stepped to my right and was instantly blocked from view by a hedge nearly as high as me.

I was so screwed.

Now I was not only hiding from the police, but also from my Bella, who I was simultaneously stalking with a bunch of shopping bags in my hands. It couldn't get any worse.

But it did.

I saw her entering the Café and watched as she sat down on the outdoor-terrace right in my line of sight, when suddenly a small black kitten came bowing and scraping around my legs. It purred and looked up at me with big black eyes and began scratching at my bags.

"Shhh, go away," I whispered, shaking the bags a bit. "There's no food inside."

Of course the cat didn't understand and kept on with it's scratching. I tried to lift the bags far enough and out of reach for the kitten, but it just tried to climb up at me and clutched it's claws into my jeans. More out of surprise then out of pain, I stumbled a bit, dropped two of the bags on the ground and startled by the sudden movements, the kitten jumped, squeaking through the thick hedge onto the terrace. I quickly glanced over to Bella, who was watching the cat through her sunglasses.

The cat, not me, which was good.

I was so ashamed by then for hiding like a stalker behind the bushes that I began to genuinely rethink my decision to not just go over to her, when every alarm in my head went off. James Barth was standing behind Bella. He was just standing there, ogling her like she was a priced possession which he was about to win. I wondered briefly if I was looking at her the same way, but I sure hoped I wasn't. It was time to interfere. I bent down to collect all my belongings, which had fallen out of one of the bags when I had dropped it earlier, and was about to step out onto the street again to enter the Café and save her from the lunatic, when I barely heard her answer to the worst pick-up line I've ever heard in my existence.

"I appreciate that you could make it today," she said and the blood was boiling in my veins. She had a date with him? My Bella was happy to see the stupid accountant guy and possible murderer?

I quickly looked up from my bags on the ground to see their interaction, but the sunglasses on her face didn't allow me to analyse her expression. Was she happy or sad, disgusted or scared? I just couldn't tell. People were so easy to read most of the time, but she was a complete mystery.

They spoke silently after that and I couldn't understand every word they were saying, but at least that lunatic stopped touching her shoulder, when he sat down across from her. His eyes were narrow and calculating all the time, although he obviously tried to keep it light in front of her. Why had I never realised his attitude before?

He was smiling one of his toothy smiles and I could definitely sense Bella's discomfort by then. I interpreted the twitch in the corners of her mouth as a definite sign of annoyance. The waiter approached them and I was still contemplating what to do now. If I went back out onto the street, it was for sure that Bella or at least James would see me and that would be the worst outcome of this whole mess. So I stayed. Hidden behind the bushes, tortured by the scene playing out in front of me.

Bella ordered some sort of pie and despite the weird situation I was happy to find out another little thing about her; as small as it might be. She liked pie.

When she got some notebook out of her bag, my nerves were calmed a little bit. This was an official meeting. Not a date, but an interview of some sorts. Of course, the anger in me didn't go away completely. Why would she agree to meet him? I had told her there was something wrong with him. But then again, she was just being stubborn and about to find that out of her own. This was in public. He wouldn't harm her here, would he? I didn't like the meeting anyway. Not at all. Who knew what was going on in the messed up brain of James?

I was dying to know exactly what they were talking about, but there were only bits and pieces of their dialogue getting through to me. The essence seemed to be that James accused me of pretty much everything. The worst part was when he made me look like a creepy stalker, which was exactly what I was, although he couldn't know that. For a second I was wondering, if he had discovered me behind the hedge, but that couldn't be.

James made me sick.

I made myself sick.

Finally, Bella reached for her wallet and gestured for the waiter to come over. He didn't seem to notice her and I fought the urge to push him in her direction to end this afternoon already. But then James reached over to my Bella, touching her brown curls with his filthy fingers and I felt rage rushing through me. I was just gonna hit him before, but I'm gonna kill him now! Involuntarily I stepped forward, about to lose my mind by the sight in front of me. The cracks of wood woke me from my rage-filled moment. I had already reached for the small branches of the hedge to fight my way through the thick shrubs and accidentally cracked a few of them in my fist without noticing. James made me angrier than I've ever been before in my life. As if his constant ogling wasn't enough.

Her nose wrinkled slightly in disgust and it was palpable how uncomfortable she was. The need to burst onto the terrace and block her from the danger in front of her was nearly overwhelming but I couldn't ruin this. I couldn't risk her noticing me. It would only confirm James' accusations! That was what he wanted and I wouldn't do him that favour!

So I stayed behind the bushes, trying to calm myself.

Bella stood then and rushed out of the Café, leaving a smirking James behind. I couldn't understand why I had never seen how truly creepy James was before. He was gesturing to one of the waitresses and one young girl finally came over to his table to bring the bill. Bella was already out of sight, but I still couldn't leave my hiding place without being exposed to James. Stuck behind the damn hedge I had to witness James flirting with the all too willing waitress. She even gave him her number by the end of their talk and after James got a good look at her back as well, he finally left the Café. I looked around to see if I had gathered all my clothes and was about to leave, when I saw Bella's purse opened wide on one of the chairs at the table she had just sat at.

Bella was gone, James was gone, I was still there. I couldn't just let her purse be there for every possible thief to see, right? All her notes, money, papers and other important things were inside. I stepped out onto the pavement again, trying to look innocent in front of other passers-by. Then I went to the front entrance of the Café and stepped out onto the terrace, heading straight for the table Bella had sat at. Grabbing the open purse, my gaze fell inside immediately.

Keys. Car-keys to be exact. I had just found a solution to one of my problems. Without much thought, I took the keys and closed the bag, laid it back onto the chair, but rearranged it a bit, so that one of the waiters would see it soon enough to pick it up.

I knew it wouldn't take long for her to come back once she realised her keys were missing, so I hurried, bought myself some coffee to-go so no one in the Café would get suspicious and went behind my familiar hedge again, just to wait for her to come back and get her purse and to look out for the bag, so it wouldn't get stolen by someone in between.

The waiter collected the bag after a few minutes and then her flushed face reappeared on the terrace. She looked frantically for her bag until the waiter came to give it to her. She was so relieved when she found it was still there, but I couldn't wait any longer. As soon as she talked to the waiter to thank him and began to look through the things in her bag, I jogged back to where I saw her parking her car through the shop window earlier. It was the rustiest, smallest and overall ugliest car I've ever driven, but who was I to judge. I was getting myself deeper into this shit than I ever thought possible. I faked an ID and now I borrowed a car without the owner knowing. All in two days. And I borrow-stole it from Bella of all people. God, I was such a prick. I drove three blocks down and finally parked somewhere to call a cab for her. That's the least I could do.

After that I dialled her number. I had to stop being such a coward and face the things I had done wrong at last.

chapter end notes:

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