-Twenty-Five Days-

A Psychonauts Christmas Fanfic by Digitaldreamer

Day Seventeen: Santa Who?

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Yes, I got this up! ...Within thirty minutes of the seventeenth ending, but hey, it's the thought that counts!

Once again, this hasn't been beta read, so I apologize for any mistakes. Right, onward!

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A little while later found the campers all gathered together in a building near Psychonauts Headquarters. When they first started out, many agents couldn't afford housing (or in Raz's case, they were okay with letting him save the world on a regular basis, but they wouldn't let him get an apartment), so the agency had a building set up fairly close by for their quarters. They were mostly decent sized, but cheap apartments, not exactly the perfect place, but better than nothing. A good portion of these apartments were empty, so apparently that would be where the campers would be staying.

And who got stuck trying to get everything ready on such short notice? Why, Raz, Lili, Sasha, and Milla of course!

"Am I...the only one who feels...reluctant to let a bunch of ten-year olds each have their own separate apartments?" Sasha asked as he levitated some cots behind him.

"Hey!" Raz exclaimed. "I do just fine."

"Actually, yes darling, I really don't think letting them all have their own rooms is a good idea, not to mention I don't think we have enough room. It's probably best to just divide them all in pairs or groups of four." Milla said

"And what, have them duke it out over who gets the cot?" Lili snorted. "It's not like the regular beds are much more comfortable..."

"It can't be helped, they'll just have to deal with it." Milla stated, hands on her hips. "Though I am not sure how we can divide everyone..."

"Well...I guess Dogen could room with me if he has to, I'd hate for him to get stuck with Bobby or something..." Raz muttered, scratching his head.

"Alright, that could work...everyone else, I suppose we'll just prepare the rooms and let them choose for themselves." Sasha stated.

Milla nodded. "Alright, let's get started then!" With that, she got to work setting up the rooms, piles and piles of blankets levitating behind her.

"Ah...Milla?"

Milla paused, blinking. "Yes?"

"Do the children...really need all those blankets?" Sasha asked, raising an eyebrow.

The Brazilian blinked. "Why, of course, darling!"

Raz paused from where he was dragging out a spare bed to stare at the pile of blankets in horror. "Milla, they're just spending a few nights at the Agency, not the arctic tundra!"

"But...they might get cold..."

"Milla, the heating here tends to be too warm, I'm sure they'll be fine." Lili drawled.

"But..."

"Milla. Put them back." Sasha said slowly.

Milla sulked and went to put some of the blankets away.

Meanwhile, the campers were all settled in the common area of the agents quarters. Each had been situated with a steaming mug of hot cocoa as they chatted among themselves. Kitty, Franke, and Elka were all seated in front of one of the big screen TVs, watching the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie and squealing over how hot Orlando Bloom/Johnny Depp apparently was. Poor Nils had been stuck with them and looked extremely bored, as the movie was not in fact, rated "Arr". Elton and Milka were curled up in an arm chair together, making out vigorously and ignoring Franke's demands to "Shut up, Jack is speaking!" JT and Chops were playing Go Fish with Maloof and Mikhail, whom were apparently making JT an offer he couldn't refuse. Quentin and Phoebe were practicing one of their songs, trying desperately to play as loudly as they could to drown out Clem's ecstatic cheers for Vernon to continue his dull blabbing. Benny and Bobby were over in the corner, hammering away at their Nintendo DS systems. Or, they were until Benny apparently won, at which point Bobby proceeded to sock his lackey in the jaw.

"Gah! Ow...sorry boss." Benny whimpered, nursing his sore jaw.

"Yeah, yeah...just don't pull that crap again." Bobby growled as he snapped his DS shut and pocketed it. "Anyway, where's Chloe?"

"Chloe?" Benny wrinkled his nose. "Man, what is with you? She's just some stupid space cadet, I don't know why you obsess over her. She's a freak."

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Benny regretted it.

He caught a flash of Bobby's enraged face, followed by an explosion of pain. He stumbled back, clutching at his face, tasting blood. Bobby then reached out to snatch the front of his shirt and pull him closer so they were nose to nose.

"Don't ever talk about Chloe like that ever again." The afro-haired boy snarled, his voice dangerously low as he gave Benny a harsh shake. "Understand? If you ever do, you're dead."

"I-I understand boss! Really, I do! I'm sorry!" Benny stuttered, nodding quickly.

"Good." Bobby released his lackey and glanced around, finally spotting the space cadet sitting all alone in front of the Christmas tree. He shot a final glare at Benny, then lumbered over to her.

"Um...uh...hey...uh...Chloe, what're you doing?" The bully stuttered.

"Hm?" Chloe glanced up, blinking. "Oh, I'm just getting a sample from this dying tree. You earth people certainly have strange customs...what's the point of bringing a tree inside just so it can die in your living room? A Zorcan Firbanator would help it live longer."

Bobby shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Hell if I know...my family doesn't celebrate Christmas much." He muttered. "I think it's for Santa to put your presents under it or something..." He gestured up to the tree.

Chloe's brow furrowed. "San-Ta?" She repeated slowly. "Who is this...San-Ta?"

"You don't know about Santa?" Benny laughed as he walked over, pausing to shield himself from Bobby. Once sure his boss wasn't going to hit him again, the large-eared child cautiously continued. "You know, big fat guy in a red suit, comes down your chimney, eats your milk and cookies, leaves you presents, has magical flying reindeer and a sleigh?"

Chloe's eyes widened in horror. From Benny's description, she was getting the mental image of a big, fat hairy man clad in dirty red long johns and some cheap hat trying to squeeze through peoples chimneys, then going through poor family's fridge and cupboards and taking all of their cookies and milk. He then dumps poorly wrapped presents on the floor and tries to shimmy his fat white ass back up the chimney so he can get to his "flying" reindeer and sleigh on the roof-- only to hit the next roof on the block.

"When does this Santa come!?" She gasped.

"Um...Christmas Eve." Benny blinked.

"We have to be ready! We can't let that...man..." She paused and shuddered. "Do that to this place!"

Bobby blinked in confusion. "You mean leave presents? Chloe, Santa isn't--"

"Silence, large-haired human!" Chloe cried. "I will not be deterred any longer! Perhaps none of you earthlings understand the danger you are in, but I do! I will prepare for the attack of this...Santa..."

Bobby opened his mouth to speak, but Benny cut him off. "So...wait...what're you gonna do?"

"Why, only the proper thing, of course! I will capture this...Santa and give him the earth authorities! I am sure they have been trying to get this man for a very long time, just like the fugitive Gorlog!" Chloe declared.

Bobby blinked. "You're gonna try to catch Santa?"

Chloe nodded.

Bobby blinked again. Then he grinned. "Hm...alright, sounds like fun. I'd definitely like to give 'ol fat boy a piece of my mind..." He said, cracking his knuckles.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan, boss!" Benny grinned.

Chloe frowned suspiciously. "You two...are going to help me?"

"You bet!" Bobby grinned, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "What do you say? Just the two of us, defending earth!"

"Hey, don't forget me!" Benny piped up.

"Shut up, Benny."

Chloe looked thoughtful for a moment. Then she smiled. "Oh, alright...I guess I could use the help. Very well! Bobby, nose human, the two of you will help me save this pathetic planet from this...Santa!" She declared, posing dramatically.

"Yaaaaaaaaaay." Both Bobby and Benny cheered in a less-than enthusiastic manner.

"Right. Come now, we have to start planning immediately!" Chloe declared. With that, she rushed out of the room.

Benny frowned. "Hey, um...boss...you think maybe we should tell her the truth?" He whispered.

Bobby blinked. On one hand, he knew he was lying, and Chloe had been yelling at him not to...on the other, she was actually willingly spending time with him!

"Nah. She'll figure it out eventually."

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To Be Continued...